The rest of the day passed as awkwardly as the morning had, with several exceptions. First of all, Thorin found out what had happened and now raised his eyebrows at both Kili and myself whenever he passed us by.
Secondly, several of the dwarves had taken to strewing flower petals along the ground in front of me, asking me questions like, 'Do I hear wedding bells in your future?' or, 'When will you need to start looking for baby names?' The second one came from Fili, whose eyes still were dark with anger, and I had chased him around the house, yelling at the top of my lungs like the mature two hundred year old elf princess that I was. Even though I knew he had said it in jest, the fact that he would dare suggest that I had lost my honor to someone who was not my husband was something neither my people nor I took lightly. Once Gandalf had found and shielded Fili from my wrath, he sat him down and explained all this to him while a concerned Beorn dragged me from the room.
The final ripple, which was the one that made me the saddest, was that Kili and I were avoiding one another. This made me incredibly sad because, although I was indescribably embarrassed by what had taken place that morning, he remained my dearest friend, whom I did not wish to lose.
"Aeyera, we need to talk," Beorn's deep voice reached my ears, and I looked up, surprised. I was sitting on a bench by the fountain, thinking, and unconsciously keeping the heel of my hand pressed against the place I had been stabbed so long ago. "You are quiet," he said, sitting next to me with a grunt. "And much too solemn for a wood elf. Why?"
"Why do you think, my friend?" I asked softly, rubbing my side to ease the discomfort I felt.
"I think that the sea is calling you home," he finally answered. "And you do not know how to answer its call." I nodded, silent, and we sat together, taking comfort in each other's presence, neither saying a word as the sun set over the mountains to the West.
As the stars began to appear, Beorn spoke again. "Be careful, Princess," he said, rising to his feet. "The same darkness that corrupts the Greenwood lives in you. Do not allow yourself to be overcome by it, or all will be lost."
I nodded, a lump in my throat, as he turned and strode away to make plans with Gandalf before changing and guarding us from the orcs that still stalked the Company.
"Princess?"
I looked over my shoulder and scowled at Fili, who was now standing behind me. "What?" I growled. "Have you come to give suggestions for baby names?"
A faint smile appeared on his lips as he sat down next to me. "No," he chuckled softly, "Although I do have a few in mind." I looked away, pulling my knees up to my chest as he continued. "I came to apologize to you for my behavior." I huffed, resting my chin on my knees, and he laughed sadly. "I should not have asked such a thing from you," he said, "and I should not have responded so angrily when you did not do as I asked. I don't know what came over me."
"Nothing happened, you know," I told him in a small voice, watching my mother's constellation appear. "He didn't see anything."
He sighed. "I know. I just felt that you were deliberately trying to spite me because of what I asked of you, and for that I am sorry. I know that neither you nor my brother would dishonor yourselves in such a way, and I am sorry for assuming as much."
I nodded and glanced over at him. "I forgive you," I murmured. "But… why would you be so furious at the thought of your brother and I being together?"
He was silent for a moment, and I waited and listened as the crickets around us began to chirp. "I suppose… I suppose that it's because I don't want either of you to be hurt when this is all over. You are dying, and I don't know what happens when an elf dies, but it doesn't sound good. Kili, if we survive this, will be a prince, and if Thorin and I do not make it, the king. Whatever happens, there will be heartbreak at the end of this journey. I only wished to spare you both from it."
"I thank you," I said, looking up into his eyes, "but I would rather have you as a friend than as an advisor."
He smiled. "I agree, princess. Come on," he said after a moment. "We should get some rest; we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
I shuddered and followed him in, barely limping. Ehiela bounded over to me, yipping happily, and I rubbed her head before going inside to join the others. I sat down next to Kili, who blushed, and ignored the smirks and winks from the rest of the company.
"So, princess," Thorin began, sounding grave.
I groaned, slamming my hand down on the table as I stood, pushing back my chair. "For the final time," I said, forcing my voice to stay at a normal pitch, "nothing happened. I swear, I will feed the next dwarf who asks me a question about what happened this morning to Beorn!"
Saying this, I turned and left the house, coming to a stop outside by the fountain, which had been my sanctuary most of the day. "Aeyera!" I looked over my shoulder to see an irritated Thorin making his way over to me. "Why did you storm off?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I did not wish to face any more mocking speech, courtesy of the company," I admitted bitterly. I glanced up to see a slight smile on the king's face, and I turned aside. "Traitor," I muttered.
He laughed softly. "You remind me so much of my sister," he said wistfully. "She was much like you when she was young, before the death of her husband." I looked at him questioningly. "Her name is Dís," he explained, "and she is incredibly stubborn, even by the standards of dwarves. She has a pure heart, though," he said. By now we had walked out of view of the doorway and were making our way across the garden towards the wooded area from earlier. "When she found her One," he said, "Kiri, she was teased by my brother and I as well. Of course," he added hastily, "I was barely of age… quite immature at the time."
I laughed, wondering why he seemed to be comparing mine and Kili's teasing to that of Dís and Kiri. "Of course," I murmured.
"She and her betrothed had to put up with much of this before they were married, and while they both hated it, it made their relationship stronger. In fact," he recalled, smirking, "I recall a similar incident to yours, when Kiri accidentally walked in on Dís one day. Thankfully, he saw nothing, otherwise my nephews would not have been born." He spoke lightly, but I detected a protective note in his voice directed towards his sister.
Upon hearing it, I felt a pang of regret, which I quickly squelched. My brother and I could have been this close, if I had stayed. He could have watched me grow up; laughed and supported me when I found my One, and been there for me whatever happened. I shook my head, closing my eyes. That future is gone.
"Princess?" Thorin sounded concerned, and I opened my eyes, surprised to find that tears had wound their way down my cheeks. "Are you alright?"
I sniffed, giving him a watery smile as I wiped the tears from my face. "I'm fine, Thorin," I said softly. "It's just…" I trailed off, not wanting to waste my time telling him something he did not wish to hear.
"What is it?" he asked, frowning.
"I had a brother, once," I said, walking forward again. Thorin followed, listening closely. "I still do, I suppose, but I haven't seen him in nearly two hundred years. He is all but gone," I said sadly, "and there is little to no chance of our paths crossing again on this earth."
"Just because one has not seen someone they love in a long time does not mean they still are not a part of you," Thorin said wisely. I wondered if he spoke from experience, whether he lost a brother or his wife or child.
"Whom did you lose?" I asked, looking over at him. His features were softer in the moonlight than they were in the sun, and his shoulders sagged with weariness.
"I have lost many whom I loved," he said, his voice ragged with sorrow. "I lost my grandfather and father, as well as my brother. My One, Nadaí … she took ill and passed on nearly fifty years ago, taking our unborn child with her."
I stared at him, frozen in grief. The same thought that stuck me the night before came to me again. 'We are the same, he and I. Both have lost what we loved most to darkness. We both are alone.' At the same time, though, we weren't alone. He had his nephews, whom he loved most dearly. I, although I had yet to cross paths with him again, had my brother. There still was light ahead of us, although darkness had tried to overcome us. "I am sorry," I said, touching his arm gently. "I did not know."
He shook his head and sat down on a rock at the edge of the glade, and I sat beside him, my hand on his shoulder as he wept. I could not believe that Thorin, the dwarf king who was so strong in daylight, who was leading his kin to fight against a dragon for his home, could be so weak and broken under the light of the stars.
"I lost my mother when I was very young," I told him, my voice soft and sad. "She fell protecting my brother and I from a company of orcs who attacked us while my father was away. She fought bravely, but…" I stopped, feeling the weight of my sorrow land heavily on my shoulders. "After that, my father hated me," I whispered. "He scolded everything I did, whether we were alone or in the company of others. You saw a glimpse of this when we visited you in Erebor," I told him. "My brother shielded my from it as best he could, once we grew to trust and rely on one another again. My father ignored the pleas of your people, going so far as to lead the army of my kin to your doorstep before turning and leaving for the forests. Some stayed," I told him. "Several companies of elves stayed and fought for you, saving many lives. They were exiled as well; I do not know where they are now."
"What do you mean, 'they were exiled as well'?" he asked, turning to me. His weeping had ceased, and I was surprised that he had been listening to me; I had expected him to have ignored what I was saying.
"My father exiled me from the Greenwood," I said softly. "I assumed that it was the case when first I left, but I knew for sure when the company of rangers I travelled with passed too close to the forest's borders. Several elves appeared and warned the rangers not to come closer. When they were questioned as to why they would make such a demand, they pointed to me, saying that the king—my father—had exiled me from those lands long ago, and that to return would cost me my freedom, if not my life… for returning would be committing treason, in my father's eyes. This is why I did not wish to return to the Greenwood. If I do, it is unlikely I will ever leave."
Thorin and I sat, saying nothing, for a long while. 'Quite the pair we make,' I thought. 'An elf and a dwarf, both broken, and both searching for a home. The difference is that he has a chance of finding happiness there, while nothing but sorrow and pain awaits me in the East.'
"We should go back," he said, rising and offering me his hand, pulling me to my feet. "I need to tell the others of the journey ahead of us. We must cross through the Mirkwood, and for that I am sorry," he apologized, looking regretful, "but I will not allow any harm to come to you. You have my word," he promised.
"Thank you," I said, sincere. "But do not make a promise you can not hope to keep."
"You should take your own advice as well, Princess," Thorin said, looking over at me. "Did you not promise the wizard to protect my kin and I from harm?"
I froze, closing my eyes. "I did," I finally said, "and I have yet to break the promise."
With that, the two of us walked back to Beorn's house in respectful silence, and I listened from a corner as he relayed his plan to the others: travel with great haste through the Mirkwood, gather supplies in Esgaroth, and then march on to the mountain. He did not, however, mention how he planned on defeating the dragon, and I didn't bring it up.
Once the meeting was over, I stood and made my way outside; I needed no sleep, and the snoring of the dwarves would only distract me from my thoughts. As the night wore on, the moon and stars shone down upon me as I sat, head bowed, praying to Eru that no harm would come to the company as we passed through my homeland.
-O-
At noon the next day, the company and I stood at the threshold of the Mirkwood, peering into the forest. Beorn had stayed behind in his bear form to give us time to escape, but we only had until night, when the orcs would continue their hunt once more.
"The Elven gate," Gandalf said, standing at the border of the wood. He turned to face the rest of us, solemn. "Here lies our path through Mirkwood," he said, ignoring the way my face turned white with fear and apprehension. Thorin glanced at me as if checking on my wellbeing, and I nodded. Now was not the time to display weakness.
"No sign of the orcs…" Dwalin said, shifting restlessly on his pony. "We have luck on our side," he grunted, dismounting. The wizard looked doubtful but said nothing, looking instead up to the mountain a ways away where the form of Beorn could be seen. I could see the wildness in his eyes from this distance, and I suppressed a shudder.
"Set the ponies loose," Gandalf commanded, looking back at us. "Let them return to their master."
"This forest feels… sick," Bilbo said, frowning as he walked over to Gandalf. I stood a few feet away, unwilling to get within a certain distance of the forest unless I had to. "As if a disease lies upon it. Is there no way around?" he asked grimly.
"Not unless we go two hundred miles North," the wizard replied, "or twice that distance… South."
The hobbit looked about as disappointed as I felt, and I followed him back to the ponies and horses as Gandalf continued going inside. I had nothing to unload from my horse, since I rode bareback, so I sent him on ahead of the others; I had a feeling that he liked the Mirkwood even less than I did.
Gandalf had ventured a ways inside, but I held back, afraid that my father would appear out of the trees and damn me the instant I stepped foot inside. I blinked and leaned against a pony, feeling suddenly faint as if the darkness inside me was killing me.
"Are you alright?" Ori asked, looking up at me with wide eyes.
I waved him off. "Fine," I mumbled as a pressure built up in my head. I crouched down and grit my teeth as a ringing sounded in my ears. "I'm fine." I shook my head as the darkness inside me leapt up as if in joy, and I pressed a hand to my forehead, shutting my eyes tightly against the feeling as the image of a great eye, wreathed in fire, flashed before my eyes before vanishing without a trace.
"The High Fells," Gandalf said quietly. I tilted my head in confusion; he seemed to be speaking to himself. "So be it. Not my horse!" Gandalf suddenly cried as the dwarves sent the ponies cantering back to Beorn. "I need it!" I opened my eyes as the feeling passed to see the wizard striding towards the confused dwarves, who until then had been unloading the ponies without a problem. Gandalf's horse was the only beast that still remained with us.
The dwarves all began muttering confusedly to each other, asking the wizard why he was leaving, many of them asking 'what?' as if they had heard him wrong.
"You're not leaving us?" Bilbo asked darkly, sounding uncharacteristically angry and betrayed.
"I would not do this unless I had to," the wizard replied as a shadow crossed Thorin's face.
The wizard peered down at him, frowning. "You've changed, Bilbo Baggins," he said gravely. "You're not the same hobbit as the one who left the Shire."
"I was going to tell you—" Bilbo blurted suddenly. Gandalf raised an eyebrow as he peered down at the hobbit. "I… found something in the goblin tunnels," he said.
"Found what?" the wizard frowned as Bilbo shifted uncomfortably under his scrutinizing gaze. "What did you find?"
Bilbo stayed silent for a moment. "My courage," he gasped, removing his hand from his pocket. I frowned; obviously this was not what he was going to say.
"Good… well, that's good!" Gandalf said, straightening. Bilbo smiled proudly. "You'll need it."
Gandalf proceeded to warn Thorin about staying on the path, and also commanded him not to enter Erebor without him. Right before he left, I ran up and grabbed the horse's reins. "Gandalf, you can't leave," I said. I was in a state of panic; I didn't know where it came from.
He frowned down at me. "My young elf, I must go. Lead the company along your path and all will be well so long as you don't stray from it." He reached over and took ahold of my wrist to loosen my grip, and as he did, my vision from two nights before flashed back through my mind, the force of it knocking me back to the ground. Gandalf's face had gone white, and I knew that he had seen what plagued my mind. He looked down at me, and I knew that his mission had become even graver than before. "Keep it secret," he said quietly, referring to my vision. "Keep it safe."
Without another word, he urged his mount into a gallop, and I was left without a guide at the edge of the Greenwood. "Come on," I said, my mouth dry. "We travel only with the light." With that, we entered Mirkwood, where every step led the company and me closer to imprisonment.