Scene: Kate's office. Megan is with her.

Kate: "...I'll need you to schedule a court appearance for next week in the Wilson case."

Megan (distantly): "Yeah, fine."

Kate: "Paging Dr. Hunt."

Megan (shakes her head): "Hm? Sorry. I'll be ready for court whenever they need me."

Kate: "Everything OK at home? Lacey all right? You seem distracted today."

Megan: "Lacey's fine. It's my mother."

Kate: "Is she OK?"

Megan: "Don't know yet. She and Barry went out for drinks."

Kate (snorts, chokes down a laugh, tries to make it into a cough): "Sorry. I know it can be traumatic for a child when a parent is dating."

Megan: "I don't care if my mother dates some guy. I am terrified that she might date Barry. An unholy alliance if there ever was one."

Kate: "I guess that might be... upsetting."

Megan: "First you and Todd, now my mother and Barry."

Kate: "At least Lacey isn't seeing anyone right now."

Megan: "Don't even think it. And if one more person tries to pacify me with that 'We're all adults here' malarkey, I'm going to rip his face off."

Kate: "Did Barry say that?"

Megan: "Yes. I was not amused."

Kate: "Unfortunately, I don't see that there is much we can do about a relationship between your mother and Barry. Keep an eye on his relationship status on Facebook and write rude comments, maybe. Other than that, if a couple of lonely people want to pass the time, you don't have much say."

Megan: "Do you think you could help me out and create work emergencies for him any time he is going to out with her? Please?"

Kate: "Don't drag me into something like that. I don't think I can come up with enough emergencies, anyway. You'll have to think of some other way to occupy him."

Megan: "Hmmm. If he's lonely, maybe we could set him up on dates with people we know. If I can get him interested in someone else, maybe he'll leave my mother alone."

Kate: "You're going to be his matchmaking service?"

Megan: "Why not? We know plenty of eligible, attractive, interesting women. There must be dozens who work in this building alone. This will work out great."

(she leaves the office)

(end scene)

Scene: Lab. Megan walks up to Barry.

Megan (sweetly): "Oh, Barry."

Barry: "Uh-oh."

Megan: "Why uh-oh?"

Barry: "You called me Barry. It means you want something. I haven't even talked to your mother in a week, I swear."

Megan: "You have a deeply suspicious nature."

Barry: "I haven't heard you tell me I'm wrong yet."

Megan: "Never mind. There's a woman I know, divorced, feeling a little blue. I was wondering if I could sweet-talk you into asking her out."

Barry: "Don't know why yet, but I'm sure this is a terrible idea."

Megan: "Oh, please. As a favor to me. It doesn't have to be a real heavy date, you know, just a meet and greet over dinner or something. I even have a gift card to a restaurant that someone gave me. You can have it."

Barry: "Well..."

Megan: "Oh, come on, you big jerk. Free food and a nice girl. What's not to like?"

Barry: "I'll regret this in the morning, but OK."

Megan: "Great! Here's her name and number. Call her. If you take Curtis and Ethan out to eat instead, you're a dead man."

(Megan exits, Curtis and Ethan just look at Barry)

Barry: "What? One blind date that I don't even have to pay for."

Curtis: "You are making a big mistake. Why don't you try something smaller and more manageable, like starting a land war in Asia?"

Barry: "It can't be that bad."

Curtis: "Oh, yes it can. She's up to something, and you can bet it's not because she has your best interest at heart."

Ethan: "Yeah, see if you can get a DNA sample before you go out. We'll run it through CODIS for you."

Barry: "Whatever is going on, I'm sure I can handle it. Just drop it."

Curtis: "Land war in Asia. Man needs to watch the History Channel."

(end scene)

Scene: Several days later, same group in the lab. Megan comes up to Barry again.

Megan: "So?"

Barry: "So what?"

Megan: "So, how did it go with Diane? Did you call her the next day?"

Barry: "Was I really supposed to?"

Megan (punches him in the arm): "Yes, you were supposed to, you clod. It's what a gentleman does after a date. He calls the next day."

Barry: "You mean that was a real date?"

Megan: "Of course it was a real date. Man, woman, go out to a nice restaurant, have dinner together. You call her."

Barry: "I'm sorry, I didn't think it was a real date, so I didn't call her."

Megan: "What did you think it was if it not a real date?"

Barry: "Candid Camera."

Megan: "How did you ruin this date? What did you do?"

Barry: "I didn't do anything. You gave me a gift card to a very nice steak house."

Megan: "Yes, the food there is very good."

Barry: "I thought so. On the other hand, my date was vegan. Apparently the president of the local chapter of PETA or something. Really big into animal rights. I got a long speech about how badly cattle are mistreated, including a vivid description of what goes on in slaughterhouses, all while I'm eating a sirloin."

Megan: "Oops."

Barry: "Uh-huh. Almost made me wish I'd ordered a smaller steak. Not quite, but almost."

Megan: "Apparently nothing puts you off your feed."

Barry: "Not for lack of trying. So she eyes me eating my food and says haughtily, "I would never allow meat in in my body." So, obviously, I said..."

Megan (holds up her hand): "I can guess your response to that. Pig."

Barry: "Oh, if only you had called me that in front of Diane. She is wa-ayy more concerned about the plight of farm animals than people. She might have actually liked me if you had referred to me as one."

Megan: "OK, I get it. The date did not go well."

Barry: "I figured you were just paying me back for something."

Megan: "No, I just slipped up a little. I'm sorry your first date with Diane didn't go better. It won't happen again."

(she exits)

Barry: "That ought to keep her from pestering me for a while."

Curtis: "Oh, no, you are in a world of hurt, and you don't even know it. This is just the start."

Barry: "What do you mean, just the start?"

Curtis: "I'm telling you, land war in Asia. This is just the first skirmish. The war ain't over. Dr. Hunt is going back to her office right now to draft more troops."

Ethan: "Dr. Hunt never admits defeat at anything. It's why she is so great at her job. This isn't over until she's set you up with every single woman in Philadelphia county. If necessary, the Eastern seaboard."

Barry: "Oh, God."

Curtis: "You want something that's over in a week-end, invade Grenada."

Barry: "What do I do?"

Curtis: "Get married."

Ethan: "Or at least find a local actress to pretend to be your wife."

Barry: "This is not sounding good."

Curtis: "I'm telling you. Get a wife. At least a fiancee. That's the only way Dr. Hunt is going to leave you alone."

Barry: "Great."

Curtis (puttering around, talking mostly to himself): "Man needs to watch more History Channel. Korea, Viet Nam. They're nothing compared to Dr. Hunt."

(end scene)