Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
After hexing James's bed to sing every time someone laid down on it, turning all James's clothes invisible, and turning James's hair bright pink, Remus decided they had punished the stag enough. "My hair!" James shouted. He had been forced to sleep in Sirius's bed and was wearing Peter's oversized, yet too short, clothes and now his hair was pink. With a furious blush he was forced to go to class with his ankles and forearms showing, in very a baggy uniform with pink hair.
"And here I was, thinking your hair couldn't get any worse!" Sirius roared with laughter.
"Oh shove it." James growled as he made an attempt to snatch the beanie off Remus's head. Sirius slapped the grabbing hand away.
"Oh Jamsie, you're love is looking this way." Sirius purred before waving at Lilly who was walking towards them. Sirius was draped across Remus's lap and had an arm slung over the wolf's shoulder as they shared a plate of bacon.
"Oh Merlin please don't let her notice me." James groaned as he tried to hide his hair.
"I like the new look Potter." Lilly smiled as she kept walking. James blinked. Had it been a scathing remark to his hair that he hadn't understood? It had seemed almost...friendly?
"Now's your chance to ask her out." Remus urged much to Sirius's frustration. They had been trying to punish James, not hook him up with Evans. "Maybe ask for a date though, rather than your usual marriage proposals." Remus said before pushing James up from the table and towards where Lilly was sitting.
"We're trying to crush him! Not set him up on a date!" Sirius hissed.
"Hush love." Remus said as he focused his attention on James and Lilly. Sirius was sulking as best he could despite the fact that he was sitting on Remus's lap eating bacon and had just been called love. James came tearing over to them with a beam on his face.
"She said yes!" He leapt into the air before tripping on peter's robes and landing on his face, cracking his glasses. Remus chuckled and did a quick repairing charm before noticing the sour look on Sirius's face.
"We'll do better next time." Remus whispered. "And how about I let you top tonight?" Remus kissed Sirius's neck gently.
"Yeah." Sirius nodded soberly, as if accepting terms of surrender, which he kind of had. "And carry me to next class?" Sirius asked.
"No." Remus said flatly.
"But lumpkinz." Sirius moaned dramatically.
"You can either have top for the night or I can carry you to class." Remus said, thinking he knew the answer Sirius would choose.
"Yay! Carry me." Sirius beamed.
"Oh come on!" Remus huffed.
"I like when you top better and this way everyone will see how much you love me!" Sirius whispered.
"Oh fine." Remus grumbled. "Oh my darling boyfriend Sirius Black, you complete me." Remus said loudly and in such a sarcastic monotone that everyone in the great hall laughed. But then Remus stood up, holding Sirius in his arms and a hush fell on the breakfast eaters.
"Carry our bags James." Sirius said as Remus hauled Sirius off to class. James scooped up their bags and trotted off after them. By the end of the day, James's telling of how he got Lilly to go on a date with him was so distorted from the original not even Remus backed his story. Sirius's account of how Remus carried him to class was close enough to the actual happenings, surprisingly enough. Sirius had always been big on embellishments but the real story was cute enough to stay relatively true.
"And after I slew the dragon with the sword of Gryffindor, I sent its head to be mounted in honor of her beauty. Well, after that she was so in love she asked me to go out with her!" James laughed. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"The dragon was probably blinded by your hair and tripped." Sirius said.
"Tripped over Peter's robes." Remus smiled, not looking up from his book.
"And impaled itself on the sword of Gryffindor." Sirius guffawed. James slapped Sirius upside the head.
"And then Evans felt bad for you." Remus said.
"So bad she agreed to go out with you." Sirius ducked this time, avoiding James's swing. "It's a pity date really. Sorry mate but maybe next time we can do your hair gold and red and you can wear my robes." Sirius laughed as he danced out of James's reach just as the stag made to strangle his friend.
"We'd probably have to cast a stretching charm on them; James is a bit bigger than you love." Remus said twirling his wand.
"Why don't you try to wring his neck?" Sirius choked pointing at Remus as James got his hands around Sirius's throat.
"Because he's scared of me." Remus said casually before looking over his book at the two with a piercing glare. "Rightly so."
"Oh Remus." Sirius choked before punching James in the gut and escaping his grasp. "You're so sexy when you get all threatening." Sirius cooed.
"I'll keep that in mind tonight when I punish you." Remus said as he returned his attention to his book.
"I have to go burn my ears now." James mumbled.
"Oh love muffin, stop teasing or we'll really give James a reason to burn his ears." Sirius purred as he sat on the couch next to Remus.
"Kill me." James said dramatically.
"Oh James, you haven't heard anything yet." Sirius laughed.
"Stop teasing darling, you'll damage the poor virgin's sanity." Remus smiled.
"Yep. That's it." James said as he turned to leave. Sirius laughed before cuddling closer to Remus.
"Why are you going to punish me?" Sirius asked as he pulled on Remus until the wolf put his arms around his mutt.
"Lumpkinz." Remus said as he closed his book and turned his attention slowly to Sirius.
"But I thought you liked the pet names sweetheart." Sirius whimpered.
"Good ones. Not lumpkinz." Remus cringed.
"Ok so pumpkin, love muffin and sweetheart are okay. Lumpkinz is a no." Sirius beamed.
"I'm still going to punish you." Remus said kissing Sirius's neck softly. Sirius whimpered loudly.