Scene: Kate's office. Megan is with her.

Megan: "You have to help me come up with another date for Barry."

Kate: "You didn't learn anything from the fiasco with Diane?"

Megan: "I made one mistake. He's not scarred for life. He got free food out of it. Diane went off about conditions in slaughterhouses, and he kept eating his steak. Didn't even seem to slow him down. If he's emotionally damaged, he was that way already."

Kate: "I would say, 'What has he ever done to you?', but I don't have all day to listen."

Megan: "What's the name of that computer tech who comes around and fixes our computer problems?"

Kate: "Um... Rachel I think."

Megan: "That's right. Rachel. She's attractive, she and Barry have their work in common, it would be a perfect match."

Kate: "I'm not so sure."

Megan: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab. Barry picks up a cell phone.

Barry: "Arthur's Fission Chips. The finest in nuclear materials. I'm right here in the lab, Megan. Yeah, I'll be here a while. See you."

(cut to a little later)

Megan: "Oh, Barry..."

Barry: "What can I do for you, Megan?"

Megan: "I felt badly about the fiasco with Diane. I wanted to make it up to you."

Barry: "Really, no need. I'm fine with it. A good laugh, all expenses paid."

Megan: "Well, I thought you should meet Rachel, one of the building computer techs. You should have a lot in common. Here's a Starbucks gift card. Techs always like coffee. Even you can't screw that up."

Barry: "I don't actually like coffee..."

Megan: "How can you not like coffee?"

Barry: "I'm a super-taster. Certain bitter chemicals most people can't detect are a punch in the mouth to me."

Megan: "I've read about that. I'll keep it in mind if we need a guinea pig to detect something poisonous."

Barry: "Thanks a lot."

Megan: "Anyway, friend Rachel on Facebook or whatever you techs do and take her out for coffee. You can get tea or hot chocolate or something."

Barry (dubious): "I don't know. Sure you haven't reported this card stolen or anything?"

Megan: "Yes. Don't be such a wuss."

(she exits)

Curtis: "You know, the American military thought the French were a bunch of sissies, and they were going to go into Viet Nam and show everybody how to get things done."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab, some time later, at least the next day. Megan enters.

Megan: "Barry! So, how did it go with Rachel? Did you call her for another date?"

Barry: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Megan: "What? What did you do? How could you screw this up?"

Barry: "I didn't do anything. I tried to make pleasant small talk about work stuff. Computers, technology, that sort of thing. I tried to sympathize with the work she has to do keeping all those Windows desktop machines running and virus-free."

Megan: "Sounds OK so far."

Barry: "She started sticking up for Microsoft. I backed off, told her I like using linux because I can see the source code and everything, but I understand people using Windows for the applications they want. Said I wasn't trying to start a religious war or anything."

Megan: "I don't know what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound too bad so far."

Barry: "Except that set her off on a religious war for real."

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Barry: "She comes from a real conservative Christian evangelical background. I spent the next hour listening to a lengthy monologue on her religious views. Creationism, why baptism by immersion is the only valid method, a long discourse on the hidden meanings in Revelations and how we all need to be ready, because Jesus will be returning real soon now..."

Megan: "What did you do?"

Barry: "Nothing. Mostly. I sat there listening to her for an hour. Look, nothing against her, but I already have a religious affiliation. Took the required philosophy and theology courses to get through Notre Dame. I've even taught religious ed classes."

Megan: "You. You've taught Sunday School."

Barry: "Yup."

Megan: "Remind me to pray for the souls of your students."

Barry: "Point being, I am not totally ignorant of theology or church history. But it seemed ill-mannered to argue about it on the first date. So I just sat there and let her talk."

Megan: "I find that highly doubtful."

Barry: "All true. Well, until right at the end."

Megan: "What did you do?"

Barry: "She started getting more and more riled up. She got real excited, telling me how she wanted to save me from hell, that I needed to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. She grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes, and asked me very passionately if I were ready for the Second Coming. It was too much for me to resist. Naturally, I said..."

Megan (raises her hand to stop him): "Never mind. I can guess. Pig."

Barry: "I have the impression that she is reconsidering her previous opinion that no one is beyond salvation."

Megan: "She's not the only one. Did you have to do that?"

Barry: "Megan, Rachel and I will never be a couple. We got to that conclusion a little faster than we might have if I'd kept quiet. At least she isn't going to wonder why I don't call her."

Megan (annoyed): "These are nice women. Why do you have to mess things up?"

Barry: "Why do you feel the need to send me on dates with women who are in no way a match? Just let me have a nice week-end at home to watch ESPN or listen to music."

Megan: "This isn't over. Maybe I can find a farmer's widow. At least she'll be used to dealing with pigs."

Barry: "How about a farmer's daughter? I hear good things about them."

(she glares, stalks out)

Curtis: "You don't need to be ready for the Second Coming. You need to be ready for the monsoon season. You know. In Asia."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)