So… I've managed to take my normal procrastination to a whole other level with this story. (It doesn't help that my keyboard jams because of me constantly eating food over it and getting crumbs under the keys and leaving me to type it on my ipod at night). Anyway, I was supposed to end it last Christmas so at least this will be in the right time frame now.

DISCLAMER : I do not own glee

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"So, Rachel, how can I help you?" The guidance councillor had been quite shocked that the young brunette had requested her help.

"I...um... Quinn said you helped her. She made me promise to talk to you about some stuff." Rachel shifted in the chair. She was fighting the urge to clench her hands and tried rubbing them on her thighs instead.

She had decided on jeans today, with a red shirt. It made her think back to the first time the gleeks had banded together and she felt a part of the team. The family.

Emma blinked in surprise. She had noticed that Quinn had seemed to be closer with the singer- along with Puck and David- but she didn't know they were this close. She could also see that the young girl was very nervous. "Okay, well, you've taken the first step even coming here so whenever your ready Rachel. Unless I believe you're in any danger or breaking the law no one else will know what goes on in here."

"You won't tell Mr Schue either, right? I know you guys are... Close, but when he tries to help it generally doesn't end well for me. Or he will think I'm just being dramatic."

Emma knew that Will could be rather short sighted and promised nothing would reach him. "Is that what you want to talk about?"

"No. Well, yes. I don't know." Rachel sighed, her palms were sweating. "There's a lot of things... I suppose glee is a big part of it."

"Well, why don't we start there then?" Emma smiled encouragingly.

"They only use me for my voice. With everyone else... They all band together. I want to be a part of that, part of the family but they always pick everything I do apart. If I try to be helpful, I'm saying they can't sing. If I try and organise everyone to practice, I'm a control freak. Mr Schue just gives random assignments right up to the competition then rushes us for routines and songs and expects us to win? Everyone is so shocked when we lose, yet I know that every other group runs the routine for months! Any suggestions I make are ignored because I'm not a team player, yet if he or anyone else bothered to look at them they would see how I picked songs suitable for each individual's vocal range. The club is about respecting one another- yet I'm treated like a... A dancing bear. I either do what they want or am beaten down until I do what they want." Rachel panted, feeling her face hit with anger that had built with her words.

Emma pursed her lips. She knew that if Will or one of the other glee kids had heard Rachel, they would have brushed her off. Looking at the teenage girl sitting in front of her, she could see she was falling apart. "Maybe you should leave. If you are a part of something that is only detrimental to your health, then it is your prerogative to put yourself first Rachel."

Rachel licked her lips. "I believe in what Mr Schue is trying to achieve, and I don't want to let my friends down. It just hurts. Everything hurts. It all just gets too much sometimes." She ran a hand over her face, only now realising that she had stopped rubbing them up and down.

"Rachel, I'm not sure how to say this, but-" The councillor started softly, hoping that she wouldn't have to finish the sentence.

"I have hurt myself. A few times. Not with a knife or anything like that... I feel like I'm underwater and everything is blurry, so I need something to pull me out and keep me afloat. I... I dug my nails into my hands." Rachel showed her the still healing cuts.

Emma stared at the crescent shaped indents. Of all the kids in glee she could honestly say that she never actually thought Rachel would be someone who would come to her for help. She would often observe the kids to see if any of them appeared to be struggling but Rachel was clearly a better actress than everyone thought, or gave her credit for.

"I'm grateful that you're being honest about this Rachel. It's not an easy thing to admit that you need some help, it takes a lot of strength."

Rachel nodded, "Quinn said you helped her with stuff, and she's the strongest person I know... I felt as though I owed it to her to, at the very least, give these sessions a go. It isn't easy, I know people say I talk a lot but I don't like talking about private things. It's called 'private' for a reason. I am finding it helpful to unload. I don't get to do this kind of thing often."

"Well, you already did the hardest part. The key steps are to identify what triggers the need to…um…" Emma trailed off, uncertain as to how to phrase it.

"Cut myself?" Rachel asked using a questioning tone. She wouldn't really classify what she did as that, but… this talking thing was hard.

"Right. So you've done that too, it mainly being glee, and then you find different ways to cope with it For example, with anger it's good to do something physical. Intense exercise, rip paper up, hit a cushion, things like that; with intense emotions listen to music that reflects what you feel, scribble or paint, anything to express your feelings; if you feel numb, then a cold shower or eat something with a strong taste; and if you need to feel calm then a hot shower, massage or wrapping yourself in a blanket can help."

Rachel nodded, she could vividly recall how good that massage with Quinn made her feel, then she felt heat flood to her face.

"Uh, can I ask you about something else? Not directly related to this." Rachel started rubbing her hands together.

"Of course." Emma sat forward in her chair, surprised at the small singer's evasiveness as she started looking all around the room.

"Say you like someone, a lot, and you um… want to make a move but- urgh, this is not coming out well." Rachel snorted, "I made a pun."

Emma's eyes widened.

"I'm just going to say this..." Rachel blew out a breath and then focus straight on the ginger councillor I have a crush on Quinn and I don't know if I should wait until I'm better or just tell her now."

Emma coughed, "Oh. Right, um, well… I guess all I can say is this…"

-/-

Rachel was still mulling over what Miss Pillsbury had said when she got home.

"Hey! How was your day, my twin gay?" Rachel immediately cackles with laughter at the sight of Blaine strutting up the hall.

"If it isn't my favourite little warbler! It was... Thought provoking. What about you? I get why David suddenly fell ill in time for football practice." She said with a smirk, before getting pulled into a hug.

The pair had become fast friends with their similar taste in fashion and diminished height in comparison to their peers. Rachel, secretly, had a thing for bow ties and normal ties, but had never had much cause to wear them aside from their Somebody To Love number. She wondered if Quinn thought they were attractive...

"I had a wonderful time making sweet music with your housemate."

Rachel's eyes widened, before her face screwed up in disgust. "Ew! I just touched you!"

"Singing you little pervert." The diva flushed as the gel addict slapped her arm in amusement. "You really need to get a girlfriend... Or a rabbit."

Rachel's blush deepened, then she frowned as wondered why she would want to acquire a furry mammal with the ability to eject pellet shaped poop.

Then she gasped and her face went bright red again, "You've been spending time with Noah, haven't you?"

Blaine just laughed as he walked away, Rachel hot on his heels like a collie herding sheep.

At least she wasn't biting him...

Yet.

-/-

"So, what are you plans for Christmas?" Rachel asked.

Quinn had joined them after Cheerios practice, Rachel had stayed at school to finish homework at the library whilst Puck was at football practice, then drove home before it was let out. Noah had arrived an hour before Quinn, who was exhausted from the brutal three hour rehearsal for regionals.

That was something that they would need to do for glee if they wanted to win a national title. Actually, prepare.

She wondered why Sue hated Mr Schue and if she would consider taking control of the club. She seemed like someone who would get things done, and not tolerate any crap. She gave the best gymnast the things they were good at and pushed them to improve at what they weren't- she didn't discriminate.

She thought everyone was equally as pathetic and Rachel found it refreshing.

Maybe her approach was a little... Abrasive, but she never played favourites. She simply protected her own. William Schuester simply protected Finn. Even when he was wrong.

Rachel had decided that she was going to withdraw from Glee Club and would approach Coach Sylvester about starting a rival one. Maybe Noah, Quinn and Dave would join and then only those that wanted to succeed and could treat her with common respect could follow.

Quinn lifted her head from Rachel's shoulder, where she lay it, immediately after dropping onto the couch.

Noah and Dave were one the floor with controllers in hand (ignoring the free seats placed in order to achieve equal and optimum visibly of the screen) whilst Blaine sat off to the side noisily munching on Doritos.

"Dinner with my mom, she always cooks amazing food this time of year. It'll be even better with my dad gone, we won't have to worry about what time the nice guy with get drowned in whiskey. What about you? What do you normally do?" Quinn asked, her hazel eyes slowly traced the shape of the face in front of her, admiring the soft jawline close to her face.

"Probably order in as usual." Rachel smiled. She felt pretty content as she and Quinn were practically cuddling. The Cheerio was pressed close to her side with Rachel's arm around her back.

The cheerleader didn't like the sound of that, "What about Puck?"

"Dinner with Sarah and Hannah."

"Dave?"

"Going to have dinner with Blaine's family- he's terrified but I think it'll be okay." The brunette nodded, David would have a whale if a time. He hadn't wanted to go since it would be his first Christmas living with her but Rachel didn't really care much for the holiday anyway. (Although, she did like presents). She essentially ordered him to go and enjoy himself, these types of things didn't come along very often and he would only kick himself for passing on it later, she would not have him missing out on a special occasional with his first boyfriend on her account.

Quinn was appalled, "You can't be alone for Christmas!" She hissed.

Rachel blinked in surprise at her friend's broken-hearted expression. "I-it's fine Quinn. It's not the first time, I'm Jewish anyway."

"You aren't having take out in an empty house at a time meant for family. You are coming round to my house for dinner."

Rachel could see the determined glint in those hazel eyes, but she couldn't very well impose upon Quinn and her mother like that. "I can't possibly do that Quinn! Firstly, your mother has no knowledge of this and would need to make extra food which will cost more, and secondly, you said it yourself. It's a time for family."

Quinn grabbed the small hand that was resting on Rachel's thigh. "My mom wouldn't hear of you being alone, she had told me to offer before anyway but I hadn't because I thought you would be spending the day with David. Now that you aren't, you can come stay with me from the eve of Christmas to boxing day. You are nearly the same thing as family to me anyway. And my mom."

Rachel's lips quirked upwards at that. However, she was unsure as to how Quinn saw her, was it more of a sisterly thing she felt with her? That would be a bit if a downer. "Thank you, I guess I'd be a fool to try and disagree?"

"Absolutely. In-Finn-itely stupid." Quinn chuckled softly, curling back into the smaller teenager's body. She could feel herself dozing again.

Rachel snorted, "So... Nearly the same as family? Do I need to dye my hair blonde?"

Quinn blushed and shook her head weakly, even as her eyelids drooped shut, "To my mom, your probably her daughter-in-law."

Rachel's eyes widened and she looked down at the HBIC who was quietly snoring.

Well... JACKPOT!

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Read and review.

Also, I know some people are probably wondering what Boxing Day is. It's the day after Christmas over here in the UK. Why? I have not the foggiest notion.

Hopefully won't be so long before my next update, and I apologise again for how long I kept you waiting.

I'm going to try and wrap this up soon. I want to try and do justice to all those still following and favouriting this story (thank you so much!).

I really don't think I've done this story much justice. I didn't think through a plot and lost my motivation, it's honestly just seeing the amount of feedback that it has gotten that has made me persevere to at least give this an ending.

Thanks again, and keep reviewing!