Scene: Lab. Barry is by himself. Dani comes in.

Dani: "Barry?"

Barry: "Yes, Dani?"

Dani: "I never got a chance to apologize for your date with Ariel."

Barry: "And if you notice, I have been giving you the silent treatment ever since out of spite."

Dani: "That's not fair. It wasn't really my fault. Dr. Hunt didn't tell me what kind of concert it was..."

Barry: "Dani."

Dani: "What?"

Barry: "Chill. I didn't come in to the office while they investigated the shooting. I wasn't talking to anybody because they told me not to. Not because I'm mad at you. Don't tell Megan, but the result was kind of funny."

Dani: "Oh, well, we're cool then?"

Barry: "Like Miles Davis jazz."

Dani: "What?"

Barry: "We're cool. But I expect better than this from my padawan."

Dani: "Got it."

(end scene)

Scene: Kate's office. Kate and Megan.

Megan: "So I've been trying to figure out who I can get Barry to go out with."

Kate: "Just leave the poor man alone."

Megan: "I need to know how he is sabotaging my efforts. Nobody could have three dates in a row that were that bad without it being at least a little on purpose."

Kate: "You're the one who has set these up. I think a lot of it falls on you."

Megan: "Oh, come on, those were nice women. He must be doing something wrong."

Kate: "Maybe you just aren't cut out to be a matchmaker. You were an outstanding surgeon, you are an equally fine M.E., just let it go."

Megan: "Oh, get real. A man can't fend for himself. He probably has nothing but beer and frozen pizzas in his refrigerator."

Kate: "Your concern is touching."

Megan: "I just need a way to find out what he is doing wrong."

Kate: "So send him on a date with video surveillance."

Megan: "That's not a bad idea. But you said he has some sort of intelligence background. He might spot it."

Kate: "Then you're back to plan A."

Megan: "Plan A?"

Kate: "The one where you leave him alone."

Megan: "Then he wins. I can't let that happen. What I really need is a spy. Somebody to go in undercover."

Kate: "Who are you going to get to do that?"

Megan (suddenly looking devious, and pleased with herself): "I know just the person."

Kate: "What are you going to do, re-animate the next female who comes across your table? Bride of Frankenstein?"

Megan: "I was thinking of somebody still alive."

Kate: "Who is this unfortunate soul?"

Megan: "You."

Kate: "Me? No way. No chance. I am not getting mixed up in this."

Megan: "Come on. It's just one date. How bad could it be?"

Kate: "Judging by the last three..."

Megan: "That's not fair. Look, I just need a normal person to take him out and find out what's been going on. So that I know he can't blame her. You'd be perfect. If he blames you, he's still the bad guy in the department."

Kate: "No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Not doing it."

Megan: "I think you owe me for going out with my ex. Do this for me and we're square."

Kate: "There is zero chance that I am going out on a blind date with Barry. Even if you set it up, it's kind of blindsiding him to do that, so you still don't have a valid sample for your little social experiment. A blind date that turns out to be your boss really should be a disaster."

Megan: "So you'd consider a regular date, just not a blind date?"

Kate: "What? That's not what I meant. And anyway, you'd still have to convince him to ask me out. This whole thing is not happening."

Megan: "If I can get him to ask you out, would you go?"

Kate: "Still a terrible idea on too many levels."

Megan: "Come on. He's the department hero of the month for that cell phone shot thing. Got all four of you out of a jam. Doesn't that make him a little bit dashing or something? You'd say no after that?"

Kate: "I would be perfectly gracious and turn him down as gently as possible."

Megan: "One date. If it's really that bad, I'll take you shopping with Lacey and me afterward. She misses you a little."

Kate: "You're really not going to let go of this, are you?"

Megan: "Do I ever?"

Kate (sighing): "All right, one date. One. Uno. If you can get him to ask me out."

Megan: "I'll manage."

Kate: "That's what I'm afraid of. If I need to bail, you need to kill somebody and get us all called in to the office."

Megan: "Deal. Todd's pretty disposable by this point. He can take one for the team."

(End scene)

Scene: Lab. Megan enters.

Megan: "Oh, Barry."

Barry: "Uh-oh. What now? Buying me a Russian bride off the internet?"

Megan: "Nothing like that at all. I just wanted to talk to you about someone I know."

Barry: "Female?"

Megan: "Yes."

Barry: "No."

Megan: "Please. It would be sort of like helping a damsel in distress."

Barry: "Her visa is expiring and she needs to marry an American to stay in the country?"

Megan: "Nothing like that. She's very nice, but went through a break-up a little while ago and I think she has been kind of lonely since."

Barry: "Really. How many cats does she own?"

Megan: "I think none."

Barry: "Is she a suspect? Is she in witness relocation? Will there be criminals shooting at me?"

Megan: "No, no, and I can't promise the last one, after all you'll be there. She just won't make it any more likely."

Barry: "Fair enough. Fifth grade drop-out who only bathes every other month? Meth addict? Do I have to pay her at the end of the evening?"

Megan: "She's presentable, has more education than you, not a meth addict and I very strongly recommend that you do not bring up the subject of paying her at the end of the evening."

Barry: "That was more Curtis' idea. I'm running low on objections."

Megan: "Good. I have two tickets..."

Barry: "No. I will take her out some place of my choosing. I'm done with your brilliant disasters."

Megan: "All right, fly solo on this one. Here's her number. Give her a call."

(she hands him a slip of paper, turns to walk out. Barry looks at the paper, frowns, then lights up.)

Barry: "Hold it right there!"

Megan: "What?"

Barry: "I know this number! This is Kate!"

Megan: "Because that is who I want you to call."

Barry: "That's not fair! You can't set me up with Kate!"

Megan: "Sure I can. What's wrong with Kate?"

Barry: "Nothing is wrong with Kate. Just a bad idea. Isn't there some department policy about dating an underling?"

Megan: "Technically, it doesn't apply to you, since you are a contract employee, not regular full-time staff."

Barry: "Still a bad idea. Is your circle of friends really this small?"

Megan: "You already agreed to ask out my friend. If you back out now it will hurt Kate's feelings. That would be worse than a date."

Barry: "Why are you doing this? You are an evil person."

Megan: "Call her. I'll check back later."

(she exits)

Barry: "Quick, somebody throw water on her. I want to see if she'll melt."

Curtis: "I thought it was just going to be a land war in Asia. This opens up a whole new front. Another continent entirely. You're going to need multiple skills. Maybe learn to eat pizza with chopsticks."

Ethan: "Maybe a whole new planet. I have to say, this is intriguing. Kind of reminds me of Star Wars, episodes two and three."

Barry: "Those sucked, and so does this."

Ethan: "As I see it, the real problem is that Dr. Hunt is part of the law enforcement community. Normally, I'd say witness relocation was the way to go, but she'd just track you down."

Curtis: "Ethan's right. You do need another planet. I hear Mars is nice this time of year."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)

Scened: Kate's office. Barry stops by.

Barry: "Dr. Murphy? Could I speak with you for a moment?"

Kate: "Certainly, Barry. Come on in. Everything going OK?"

(Barry comes in, sits down. He looks most uncomfortable.)

Barry: "This, ah, this isn't exactly work-related."

Kate: "What is it? Would you like to talk to the police department counselor? You needn't be embarrassed. I stopped in there for a couple of sessions myself, just to help me cope with the stress."

Barry: "It's more stressful than that. Megan sort of maneuvered me into agreeing to ask you out."

Kate: "Oh. That. She was working on me about that, too."

Barry: "She got me to agree to ask out a friend of hers before she told me who it was..."

Kate: "Please don't feel obligated..."

Barry: "At this point, I'm not sure we have all that much choice in the matter. I like doing battle with her, but I think my retreat has been cut off. It's forward into the Valley of Death or nothing."

Kate: "Valley of Death? You really know how to charm a girl. Maybe Megan was right that it has been your fault all along."

Barry: "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Kate: "Well?"

Barry: "Well, what?"

Kate: "Are you going to ask me out? What sort of evening does Megan have planned for us?"

Barry: "I didn't let her stage the event this time. Are you busy Saturday, early afternoon?"

Kate: "Nothing on the schedule. What did you have in mind?"

Barry: "Something casual. Dress for outdoors. Lunch included."

Kate: "OK. You have my address."

(end scene)

Scene: Barry's mini-van. On the way to the "date".

Kate: "So what are we going to do for our date? A picnic?"

Barry: "No. It's a sports venue."

Kate: "Guys always think everybody is into sports. News flash: Most women could care less."

Barry: "Good thing I didn't spend $500 a pop for 50-yard-line seats."

Kate: "Even I know that the 50-yard-line is football, and this is spring."

Barry: "You're right, I would've been cheated big-time. Here we are."

Kate: "What is this?"

Barry: "Little League. I thought we could watch some kids play."

Kate: "This is your idea of a date?"

Barry: "I thought you might need a low-stress afternoon for once. First rule, turn off your cell."

Kate: "But..."

Barry: "If it's important, they'll leave a message. What do you want to eat? Hot dog? Walking taco?"

Kate: "This concession stand looks like a health department nightmare. What's a walking taco?"

Barry: "You need to eat some crappy food once in a while. A walking taco is chili dumped on a bag of corn chips."

Kate: "Sounds disgusting."

Barry: "So order something else."

Kate: "I didn't say I wouldn't try it. Get me one of those, an apple and a Diet Coke."

Barry: "OK."

(they get their food, head to the stands, eat.)

Kate: "That food would horrify some chefs I know. I loved it."

Barry: "See? You're too tense around the office. Here."

(He moves up behind her.)

Barry: "Close your eyes. Lean your head back. (He cradles her head) Just let your arms drop to your sides. Let all the tension run out of you. Consciously relax muscle groups, starting with your face and working your way down. Now how do you feel?"

Kate: "Not bad."

Barry: "Open your eyes again."

(Barry moves back beside her.)

Barry: "Now we're going to kick back and watch a bunch of little kids play baseball. No multi-millionaires, just kids playing for fun. I got a copy of the line-ups, I'll show you how to keep a score card."

Kate: "I don't know anything about that."

Barry: "I'll teach you. It will force you to focus on the game, instead of spending all your time thinking about work while you pretend to watch. Down at the bottom is a diagram of the fielding positions: one, pitcher; two, catcher..."

(He starts showing her how keep score. Cut to different shots at various times through-out the game.)

Kate: "Wait!"

Barry: "They don't wait for you to catch up. That was a fielder's choice, out at second, the runner on third scored. Mark the run here, the out here."

(He points to places on her scorecard.)

Kate: "How do you keep up?"

Barry: "Practice. I can run the scoreboard, keep a score sheet, and announce the names all by myself."

(Another shot. Sound of baseball being hit.)

Barry (looking up): "Another thing."

Kate (trying to fix her score card): "What?"

(Barry reaches out and snags a foul ball, less than a foot from her head)

Kate: "Ack!" (she belatedly reacts)

Barry: "Always keep an eye on the ball when you are at a ball park."

(He tosses the ball back)

Kate: "Thanks."

(end scene at ball park)

Scene: Back at Kate's.

Kate: "If you had asked me to accompany you to a Little League game, I would have probably turned you down."

Barry: "That's why I didn't tell you ahead of time."

Kate: "You were right, though; it was a nice relaxing way to spend a few hours. Thanks. I had a good time."

Barry: "You're welcome. I saw the pictures on your office shelf of boys in uniforms. Nephews?"

(she nods)

Barry: "Well, now you will not only be the cool aunt who cuts open bodies, but can keep a baseball scorecard as well. Ought to be worth a few points."

Kate: "That it should. Care to come in?"

Barry: "I think I'll quit while I'm ahead. Not like it was ever a real date, anyway."

Kate: "What?"

Barry: "I'm not an idiot. I know a 'check ride' when I see one. Megan can't believe I wasn't responsible for the previous disasters, and she needed you to spy for her."

Kate: "Well, it backfired. I was happy and nothing went wrong. I have nothing bad to report back to headquarters."

Barry: "I think a lot of the credit is due to the higher caliber of woman on this outing compared to the previous ones. (he kisses her on the cheek.) See you back at the office, Kate."

Kate: "See you, Barry."

(end scene)

Scene: Kate's office, Monday.

Megan: "So? How was the big date? What blew up this time?"

Kate: "Nothing went wrong. It was the most relaxing afternoon I've had in quite a while. I enjoyed it."

Megan: "Where did he take you? A gallery opening? A movie?"

Kate: "A Little League game."

Megan: "A Little League game? I thought you said you enjoyed it. That sounds really dull."

Kate: "I'd have thought so. He taught me how to keep a scorecard, and explained all this stuff about baseball. I am going to be way better prepared the next time I watch my nephews play, and Barry was right. It forced me to focus on the game. I didn't think about anything work-related for nearly three hours. Better than a day at the spa."

Megan: "You do seem in a pretty good mood today. So Barry took you on a cheap date to a Little League game, and you had fun and there were no disasters."

Kate: "Sorry to disappoint. Barry did fine. Kind of looking like he's not the problem."

(Barry stops in)

Megan: "Barry! Did you call my friend after your date?"

Barry: "I'm never sure with you. Was this a real date?"

Megan: "Of course it was a real date. What else would it be?"

Barry: "Undercover ops."

(Kate starts hiding a laugh with her hand)

Megan: "Why would you say that?"

Barry: "Because it's true. I suppose I should have called her so as not to blow her cover. I'll fix that right now."

(he takes out his phone, Kate's starts ringing)

Megan: "She's right here, you idiot."

Barry: "Would it be better if I stepped out of the office?"

Kate: "Hello?"

Barry: "Hi, Kate. Barry."

Kate: "Oh, hello. I was hoping you'd call."

Barry: "I just wanted to let you know that I had a fine time on our date the other day, and that I find you a charming and delightful person when we can pry you loose of work responsibilities. Oh, and tell Megan she can go suck it."

Kate: "I had a good time myself, Barry. Megan, Barry says to go suck it."

Megan (making the best retreat she can, leaving the office): "I don't know why you think I can't be a matchmaker. You two deserve each other. I just can't decide if this is better or worse than him going out with my mother."

Kate: "Now, Megan, we're all adults here..."

(Megan flees, Barry and Kate hang up their cell phones.)

Kate: "So, are you going to ask me for a second date?"

Barry (surprised): "I might. I wasn't really expecting the first one. I meant what I said, though, about you being quite pleasant when we can get you out of the office. Bonus that it would annoy Megan. Not ready to pick out china patterns yet, but a low-pressure, occasional date might be nice."

Kate: "Agreed. But you have to make goo-goo eyes at me whenever Megan is around."

Barry: "I'll go practice my goo-goo eyes. Whatever that is."

(he walks out, manipulating his eyelids with his fingers)

Barry: "Hey, what would you say to a Photoshopped picture of a threesome with Joan? I can arrange to send it to Megan's phone. Totally untraceable."

Kate: "In your dreams."

Barry: "But Megan's nightmares."

(end scene)