Scene: Lab. Curtis and Ethan are there. Barry and Megan enter, talking.

Barry: "I think installing spyware on your own child's computer is going overboard."

Megan: "But I keep reading about all these online predators that take advantage of kids."

Barry: "Teach her how to be careful about what information she puts online. Not to post vacation plans, or what school she attends, or what neighborhood she lives in. It amazes me that people will post directions to their house on Facebook, tweet they'll be away on vacation, and then be angry when their house gets broken into. Have you talked to her about anything like that?"

Megan: "No, it hadn't occurred to me."

Barry: "You assume you can spot a child predator better than she can just because you're her mother, but you do nothing to prevent her from posting that she often stays with her divorced mom. Two women by themselves."

Megan: "Hey, women are not totally defenseless, you know."

Barry: "Yeah, I'm sure you, with your paresthesia, would do very well at defending yourself against a rapist the size of me or Bud."

Megan: "You, I'd be happy to shoot. The bullet doesn't care how big you are."

Barry: "Or they just want to steal your stuff. Lacey ever complain in a chat group about you fighting over expensive clothes or jewelry? No burglar has ever been clever enough to Google for that."

Megan: "I never thought of any of that..."

Barry: "People don't think of the consequences of social media. You have to be vigilant, keep your guard up all the time."

(Barry reaches over on his desk, grabs his open can of Mountain Dew, takes a swig, then spits into a trash can. Makes a face.)

Barry: "Yuck! Somebody's trying to poison me!"

Megan (sternly and a bit smugly): "Speaking of keeping your guard up all the time, you shouldn't leave open food and beverage containers sitting around the lab."

Barry: "And the answer is to poison me?"

Megan: "I'm sure no one is trying to poison you. Give me that."

(she pours some of the contents into a beaker.)

Megan: "Looks OK. Still carbonated, so it hasn't been out long. Same sickly green color that makes it look as though it was made from the juice of freshly squeezed tennis balls. (uses her hand to waft air toward her nose) Smells OK. No almond odor, so I guess it isn't cyanide. Too bad."

(she walks over to a sink, takes a small sip, spits it into the sink)

Megan: "Tastes like the same citrusy sugary over-caffeinated junk you always drink. I don't detect anything unusual. What made you think someone was trying to poison you?"

Barry: "It tasted really, really bitter. It's awful. How can you not taste that?"

Megan: "Maybe there's just nothing to taste."

Barry: "No, something has definitely been added to my drink."

Megan: "Don't leave open containers around the lab where they might contaminate a sample or be contaminated themselves, you pig."

Barry: "I want to run this through the mass spec and see what's in here. It might help you determine a COD after I'm gone."

Megan: "Don't be so dramatic. Nobody is trying to poison you."

Barry: "Curtis! Ethan! Who was in the lab in the last twenty minutes?"

Ethan: ""Nobody, really."

Curtis: "Just us lab rats, doing our jobs."

Barry: "Well, I'm still alive so far. Am I going to start sprouting extra toes or something?"

Ethan: "We don't have anything that would do that..."

Barry: "But you do have plenty of other stuff. Wait. Do we have any propylthiouracil around here?"

Curtis: "We have lots of things in the chemical supply cabinet. Check it yourself."

Barry (to Megan): "I told you that I'm a supertaster. You had them dose my drink. Why?"

Megan: "Don't get huffy with me. You know you're not supposed to leave open containers..."

Barry: "Couldn't you have just sent a memo? Or warned me sternly?"

Megan: "I warned you about this several times."

Barry: "I don't remember that."

Megan (smugly): "Now you will. The PROP won't hurt you. If you get thirsty, get a resealable water bottle and fill it with filtered water from the break room like everybody else. Don't leave your crap laying around our lab."

Barry: "OK, OK. Point made. You win this one. Men are pigs, we never clean up after ourselves, women are the civilized sex."

Megan: "At least you can be taught. That might put you one rung higher on the evolutionary ladder than my ex. Next stop: slime mold."

Barry: "Slime mold?"

Megan: "Maybe. If you develop a fashion sense. Something for you to aspire to."

(she turns, and leaves the lab)

(Barry starts eyeing Curtis and Ethan. Ethan starts fidgeting.)

Ethan: "She made me do it."

Barry: "Uh-huh. Good to know which side you're on in the battle of the sexes, little girl. Maybe tomorrow you can bring in your 'Hello, Kitty' lunchbox."

Ethan: "How did you know about that? That was one time in fourth grade when my mother accidentally put the wrong lunch in my backpack..."

Barry (incredulous): "You brought a 'Hello, Kitty' lunchbox to school?"

Ethan: "My sister's. Just the once. By accident."

Barry: "No wonder you're on the girl's team. Instead of asking them for dates, you should just go shoe shopping with them."

Ethan (trying for a haughty comeback): "At least I'm not sleeping with the boss."

Barry: "What?"

Curtis: "You should've stopped at the 'Hello, Kitty' story."

Ethan (trying to show resolve): "You heard me."

Curtis: "Everybody knows about you going out with Dr. Murphy. Rumors ran rampant. You know how rumors are. Rampant is the only way they ever run."

Barry: "What's the gossip?"

Curtis: "Everything. Maybe you got work here in the first place because you've been dating Dr. Murphy all along. She dropped Todd for you. The most popular version was that you used your CIA connections to find a way to blackmail her. Maybe she worked her way through medical school pole dancing and your spy buddies have records. That kind of thing."

Barry: "Listen: I am not blackmailing Kate. Anything I make here is on top of a federal pension. I can work real cheap because I'm double-dipping. That's why she was willing to give me a shot. Her budget goes further that way. I had never met her before she gave me an interview, and I did not have any secret information from the CIA about her working a strip joint, you perves."

Curtis: "What about Homeland Security?"

Barry: "No secret information of any kind. Any info I have about Dr. Murphy, she has given me herself. I went on one date, arranged by Dr. Hunt. I took Kate to a Little League baseball game, brought her back to her place and dropped her off. In the middle of the afternoon. That's it."

Curtis: "Little League baseball game? Cheapskate."

Ethan: "Did you kiss her?"

Barry: "One good-bye kiss on the cheek. Half of what you get greeting the Soviet Premier. I was a perfect gentleman."

Ethan: "Are you going to ask her out again?"

Barry: "I might. I haven't yet, nor has she asked me. She is a nice person when she isn't worrying about her incompetent staff. Good company."

Curtis: "Ethan, his love life is more boring than yours. I liked the rumors better. Had more of a James Bond edge to them."

Ethan: "Yeah, I don't think we should ask him about any dates with Dr. Murphy. We'll just fall asleep. You know - like his dates."

Barry: "Not funny."

Ethan: "I wonder if we could get Dr. Hunt to make the arrangements again? That was much more fun!"

Barry: "You two are pathetic. Go hang out online with your World of Warcraft buddies or something."

Ethan: "That is such a cool game. Do you play?"

Barry: "No."

Ethan: "Why not?"

Barry: "Games are just not as exciting to me as cyber attacking actual defense installations."

Ethan: "You did that?"

Barry: "See you guys later. I'm going to the break room to get myself some water. I still have a bad taste from the stuff you put in my drink."

(he exits)

Ethan: "Do you think he actually did anything like that?"

Curtis: "I think I don't want to know. A man could disappear asking questions like that."

Ethan: "Whoa."

(end scene)