Title: In Your Eyes

Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?

Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.

Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and Carlykinz for your reviews, enjoy the chapter everyone.

Chapter Twenty-Two.

Dixie sighed to herself, another night of broken sleep had made her feel tired and cranky, her emotions were already frayed due to Jeff's harsh words yesterday. She drank down some of the coffee that Norman had brought her when she arrived, she really was going to need it to get through the day. She had tried to smile when Norman brought her the coffee but it was as if he knew she was anything but all right. He simply put the coffee down, gave her a hug and then left again, the world moved in mysterious ways but she was grateful for Norman's help and support. Dixie was trying to ignore the pain that was coming from her heart, Jeff's words had gone straight there and she was feeling wounded and hurt. How were they going to get through this? It was the thought that keep popping in to her head, every time it appeared she wasn't able to come up with an answer. She couldn't even talk to Jeff without the conversation ending up in an argument. She'd left for work early again, she couldn't face Jeff and another round of arguing.

Jeff sighed to himself as he parked the ambulance in the bay, he hadn't seen Dixie all morning, she'd been gone when he got up. He was still feeling guilty for everything that he'd said to Dixie yesterday, he'd deliberately chosen the words that he knew would hurt her the most and he was angry at himself for doing it. He noticed that nothing in the kitchen had been moved, she'd obviously not eaten before she went to work, guilt hit him again, it was his fault. Jeff thought quickly and he went to Norman. 'Norman, can you do me a favour?'

'What is it?' Jeff handed him some money. 'What's this for?'

'Dixie hasn't had any breakfast, I need you to buy her a bacon butty and take it to her.'

'Why can't you do it?'

'I just can't, not yet, I need time to think about what I'm going to say to her.'

'Okay, on one condition.'

'Which is?'

'That you put your thoughts in order, talk to Dixie and sort this mess out.'

'I will.'

'Good, I'll get this sorted out.'

'Thanks Norman, don't forget the brown sauce.' Jeff watched Norman leave the bay and head off towards the hospital, at least Dixie would have something to eat now.

Norman came back with the sandwich for Dixie, he went to her office and knocked on the door even though it was slightly open. 'Come in.'

'Hey Dix, I thought you could use this.'

'What is it?'

'A bacon sandwich.'

'I'm all right, thanks though.'

'Are you, I've been hearing your stomach growling all morning.' Norman thought that Dixie still looked tired, she'd obviously struggled to sleep and her emotions were in a mess. He felt very sorry for her, she did her best and was a very good boss. 'I'll just leave it here, in case you want it.'

'Thanks Norman,' he heard Dixie say very quietly as he left her office, he hoped that she would eat it, she really needed food if she was going to get through the day.

Jeff saw Norman coming away from Dixie's office and he went over to him right away. 'Did she eat it?'

'I'm not sure, she said she was fine, I think she will though.'

'Thanks mate.'

'Just keep your end of the bargain, get down on your hands and knees and grovel if you have to.' Norman walked off and Jeff just stared after him, the normally mild mannered paramedic had just said something that Jeff thought he would never hear from him. Jeff was surprised, he knew that everyone liked Dixie and they were proving it now, he'd seen the disapproving looks that he'd been getting from those that were working today. Maybe more people had heard the argument he'd had with Dixie yesterday than he thought, Stevie had been cold with him and only talked when he had to. Jeff sighed, he really was going to have to make it up with Dixie before everyone decided that they hated him and he ended up on his own. How was he going to make it up to her, he'd said some very horrible things to Dixie, how was he going to make it better?

Dixie kept looking at the bacon butty that Norman had brought her, she'd been doing that for five minutes when she gave in, unwrapped it and bit into it, she was hungry. She savoured the taste of the bacon, it even had brown sauce on it. She still felt the pain of all the arguing she had been doing with Jeff but she knew they were going to have to talk about it sooner or later. Would they argue again or would they talk it through and apologise to each other? Was she responsible for Sammy Malone and what happened to her? Was Jeff right, was she unprofessional? She was thinking when someone else knocked on her door, Stevie walked in and she looked at him. 'Dixie, I've got a bit of a problem.'

'What is it?'

'My youngest daughter isn't very well, the school has just phoned me and they want me to go and pick her up.'

'Okay, you should go, your little girl needs you.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'No problem Stevie.' Stevie went out again and Dixie sighed, it wasn't Stevie's fault that his little girl was ill but now she was going to have to work with Jeff or they'd be a crew down. Were they ready to work together? Dixie wasn't certain, it might be a long time before she was ready to face Jeff again but she had no choice, her work must come before her personal feelings right now.

Jeff sat in the ambulance, he was trying to work out how he was going to make it up with Dixie and in truth he was drawing a blank. He looked up and saw Stevie coming towards him dressed in his own clothes. 'Stevie, where are you going?'

'To pick up my little girl.'

'Oh.' Stevie carried on walking, Jeff wondered who he would be working with now that Stevie had left. It was at that moment his radio went off with an incoming shout. 'Holby control to 3006.' He wasn't sure if he should pick up the call or not, what was he going to do without a partner? '3006 receiving.' Dixie answered the call from just behind him, obviously she was working with him now, she got into the driver's seat as control filled her in on the shout. 'Male with stab wound to the abdomen after being attacked, police are already on scene, Rockfield Terrace, Farmead Estate.'

'All received and mobile.' Jeff got into the ambulance and fastened the seat belt across his middle, Dixie hadn't even looked at him or spoke to him once since she'd answered the call from control.

Jeff took the time to look at Dixie as she drove, she looked tired, her complexion was pale and her eyes were dull, there was no sign of their usual sparkle. He felt so very guilty for doing this to her, she was coping but only just. Jeff had heard the strain in Dixie's voice when she'd been talking to control, she was having a bad day and he knew it was all his fault. Dixie pulled up and she jumped out of the ambulance without a word, she picked up the kit and ran over to where the police were waiting for them. 'What have got?'

'Some of his mates told us that there'd been an argument with a rival gang and they stabbed him before running off.'

'Okay, thanks, what's his name?'

'Danny.'

'Cheers.' Jeff just stood by as Dixie looked at the patient. 'Danny, Danny can you hear me?' There was no answer from him, she checked his pulse. 'Very weak, we need to get him in. Jeffrey get the trolley.'

'Right.' He thought it best to just do as she asked and went to the ambulance to get the trolley out of the back.

Dixie turned to the young police officer by her side. 'When I tell you I want to take the towel off his wound. Ready?'

'Yes.'

'Okay now.' Dixie quickly replaced the towel with a wound dressing, Danny's injuries were bad and Dixie wasn't sure he would survive. Whoever it was that stabbed him knew what they were doing an had gone for the area that would do the most damage. She would do her best for him no matter what. Dixie quickly lifted Danny onto the trolley and got him into the ambulance, she went in the back with him and carried on working, putting a line in and linking him up to the monitor in the back, she was barely aware of Jeff starting the engine and driving towards the hospital, she had become instantly focused on her patient, he was the only one that mattered right now. She kept on working on him right until they reached the hospital, his heart had stopped and she was giving him compressions.

The team was waiting for them and she started the handover as they were rushing through the corridors. 'This is Danny Williams, twenty-two, stabbed in the lower right abdomen, GCS of five to begin with which dropped to three on route, he's had two litres of saline and five of morphine. Danny went into cardiac arrest two minutes ago.'

'Thanks Dixie,' Sam said and started giving orders to the team around her, they transferred him to the bed and Tess took over the compressions. Dixie started wheeling the trolley back out to the ambulance and she put it inside, putting the breaks on. She was aware of Jeff sat in the passenger seat and the increasingly uncomfortable silence that was filling the small space. Dixie started the engine and drove the ambulance back to the station, she parked it neatly in the space and turned off the engine. Dixie put the keys on the dashboard and then unclipped her seatbelt. 'Restock the ambulance Jeffrey, there are a few things we need more of. Don't forget to lock the drugs cabinet.'

'But Dixie...'

'Just do it, I am in no mood for arguing with you right now.' Dixie left before Jeff could say anything else, she hoped that he would do as she asked.

Jeff restocked the ambulance on autopilot, his thoughts were of Dixie and how she'd barely spoken to him all day. Two sentences, that was all, usually they didn't stop talking. He put everything back as it should be and then put the keys to the ambulance in his pocket. Jeff went to the rec room and got himself a drink, he sat at one of the tables and drank it slowly. He was still drinking it when Dixie came into the room. 'Jeffrey, come with me.' Jeff looked at Dixie and then followed her out of the rec room and to the ambulance. She stopped at the back doors and looked inside. 'What did I specifically ask you to do?'

'Restock the ambulance.'

'And?'

'Lock the drugs cabinet.'

'Does that cabinet look locked to you Jeffrey?'

'No.'

'Right.' Dixie walked off towards her office and Jeff followed her, he had a feeling that he was for the high jump.

Dixie closed the door behind Jeff and sat in her chair. 'Why can't you do the simplest task that I ask you to do? I asked you to make sure that the drugs cabinet was locked, anyone could have got into it and taken the morphine out of there.'

'We're in the station if you had forgotten, who is going to steal it?'

'In the station or not, that cabinet has to be locked, you know as well as I do that there are plenty of drug addicts around here that would take the risk just to get their fix. I could have you disciplined.'

'Really, why would that be Kathleen?' Dixie flinched at the use of her first name.

'For not securing drugs properly.'

'No, what's the real reason?'

'That is the real reason.'

'Is it, or is the reason that you're pissed off with me, that you're angry at me and disciplining me will make you feel better. If that is what you want then go ahead, report me.'

'I am pissed off with you because you can't do your job properly.'

'Why don't you tell me why you're really angry, what is it that has really got you so wound up?'

'I am sick to death of covering you, of picking up the pieces when you fuck up.'

'I fuck up do I? You're not without your own faults Kathleen Collier or had you forgotten?'

'No, I haven't forgotten because you threw it in my face yesterday.' Dixie fought to keep her composure, she hated arguing but it was happening again.

Jeff felt himself getting angry, Dixie was completely overreacting to the situation. 'You're being pathetic Kathleen, we all know this is because you're just jealous that someone else finds me attractive, someone that isn't you.'

'I am not jealous.'

'Really, you've been acting like a schoolgirl with a little crush and then crying because someone else happens to fancy the guy that you do.'

'Fuck you Jeff, I gave you everything and this is how you repay me, you go and kiss someone else and then raise your hand to me. Do I mean nothing to you?' Jeff stayed silent, he was trying to keep his anger under control. 'I see, at least I know how you really feel about me.'

'You are turning it around to suit yourself, just like you always do. It is hard to care for you when you're acting like this.'

'Acting like what?'

'Pathetic and immature.'

'Pathetic?'

'Right now, yes you are.'

'I would say it was pathetic snogging a younger woman.'

'So we're back to that again are we?'

'Do you honestly think that she would have stayed with you when you got older, let's face it, you're already going bald and have some extra weight around your middle.'

'Really? You're not exactly a looker yourself, are you Kathleen? I think you're with me because nobody else will have you, nobody wants a woman that is over the hill and could stand to lose a few pounds because she eats far too much chocolate and junk food.' Jeff saw the tears start to pour down Dixie's cheeks and he knew he'd gone too far.

'Get out.'

'Dixie...'

'I said get out.'

'Come on Dixie...'

'Get the fuck out before I throw you out.' Half of Dixie words were masked by her tears, she looked heartbroken. Jeff decided to leave, he was only making things worse by being there, he heard the door to Dixie's office slam shut behind him and he curled his hands into fists, what had he been thinking of insulting Dixie's weight like that? He knew she was sensitive about her weight and looks, he had made her believe she was beautiful and now he had destroyed that with one thoughtless comment, Jeff hung his head in shame, he was feeling even worse now.

Dixie rested her head against her desk, Jeff had once told her she was beautiful, she knew now that it had all been a lie. Was it a lie he told her just to get her into bed? She felt her heart crumble and break just a little bit more. Jeff's words about her appearance ran through her mind, they were all she could think about. He'd called her fat and old and he was right, she was past it and nobody wanted her now, not even the man she used to call her best friend. Dixie felt more tears running down her face, she had never felt as unloved as she did now. She wished that she'd never agreed to start being a proper married couple with Jeff, it had ruined everything. Dixie wanted to turn back time to the night they had first slept together, if she hadn't got tipsy and lost control of herself then they would be still be friends, this was all her fault.