Title: In Your Eyes

Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?

Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.

Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, another chapter for you.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Jeff sat alone in the Rec room replaying the last argument in his head once more. He didn't feel like sitting on the sofa or chairs, instead he was sat on the floor in the corner right up against the wall. His anger and temper always seemed to land him into trouble; it had done in the past. He thought about all the other times he had lost his patience with people when he was having a bad day and how Dixie was always there to get him back on track. He needed her after the college shootings, after the divorce from Lucy and during the custody battle for his children. She had been there for him throughout it all, holding him when he cried and making him laugh. Where had it all gone wrong? Jeff knew the answer to this – Tamzin. Bloody Tamzin he thought to himself.

Jeff knew he shouldn't have said what he did to Dixie, he knew how self-conscious she was about her body, the body he had told her was perfect, the body he loved so much. He also knew that throwing comments about Cyd and Sammy Malone at her was unforgivable like so many other things he had done over the last two days. Jeff stared at his right hand, the right hand he raised to her face yesterday, the right hand that came millimetres from causing her physical pain. He still couldn't believe he had done that, not to her. Jeff closed his eyes but all he could see was Dixie's scared face as his hand nearly touched it, he knew he was angry, but, why had it taken such a dramatic turn? How had it ended up in him nearly beating his best friend, his wife, his lover?

One thing kept on coming back to him through all this, Dixie didn't believe him. Why doesn't she believe me, he thought to himself. Jeff knew his track record spoke volumes, but, with Dixie it was different, he hadn't even considered anyone else but her. Dixie's mistrusting of him, her not believing him hurt Jeff more than anything, more than the harsh words he had thrown at her. Will we ever get through this?

Jeff stared at the wedding ring on his left hand, this marriage meant so much to him, he had never realised it at the time, but, as the years went on, this marriage meant everything and more to him. Jeff reflected on when he asked Dixie to be his wife for real, he remembered the day well, she was feeling embarrassed over night of drunken passion, but, he wasn't. Jeff felt fresh tears form in his own eyes as he remembered what he had said to her, what he had promised her. Jeff had told Dixie that by them entering into a real relationship, it would not affect or break what they had. He promised her they would be fine and he wouldn't let it happen. It had happened. It was happening.

For the first time in his life Jeff was scared, terrified at losing Dixie, terrified of what was going to happen next. He knew he shouldn't have said all those hurtful things to her, he would have to apologise for that, but, if she didn't trust him, didn't believe him, what did the future hold for the pair of them? 'We have a shout.' Dixie said coldly as she walked through the rec room picking up their jackets heading off to their ambulance. Jeff quickly wiped his face and followed her out. The drive was short but silent, you could cut the atmosphere in the ambulance with a knife ten times over and it wouldn't have helped. Dixie pulled up on the side of the park getting out taking a look. 'Bet it's a hoax.' She said as she scanned the play area.
'Where did they say the patient was?' Jeff asked quietly as he moved to stand by her side.
'Over by the play equipment.'
'You wait here then; I will go and have a look.'
'If you must Jeffrey.' Dixie replied turning on her heel to stand at the back of the ambulance.
Jeff glanced over at his wife, he could see she was really struggling to hold it together, as was he, but, they had a job to do. Not wanting another argument, Jeff jogged off in the direction of the swings to check it out.

Dixie heard his footsteps on the grass turning to see him move swiftly across the park. She was still hurting wanting more than anything for them to make up, but, she couldn't shake his comments, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't. 'Hello there Girlfriend.'
Dixie spun around to see a group of 5 or 6 young men surrounding her.
'I always did fancy a bird in uniform.' One of them said as he moved closer to Dixie. Under any normal circumstances she would have told them to do one by now, but, she just didn't have the energy to fight, she had used it all up hurting over Jeff. 'Oh I don't know about this one mate, she ain't no looker is she?' Another one piped up to a chorus of giggles.
'Yeah mate, she is well fat and old. Who will have her? Bet she lives on her own.' Dixie could feel herself shaking; she felt her eyes watering as they jeered at her. She wanted to be rescued, wanted to leave, but they had her surrounded and she knew it.

'OI, DO ONE YOU LOT.' Jeff roared as he ran across the park. He had turned around after not finding any casualties to see Dixie being approached by the gang. He saw her back away towards the back of the ambulance looking absolutely terrified. Jeff ran as fast as he could across the park, they may have argued, but, he couldn't stand to see her in any danger. 'Easy mate, we were just having a little chat. Keep your lack of hair on.' One said to choruses of jeering from the rest of them as they walked away. Jeff turned to Dixie, 'Princess, are you OK.' Dixie didn't respond but opened the back of the ambulance climbing in closing the doors behind her.
Jeff drove them back to the station, Dixie had chosen to sit in the back, she was in the chair behind him so he couldn't see her face. It was killing him inside, all he wanted to do was hold her tight, but she had rejected him. Jeff's heart continued to break as he heard her sniffling from behind him, whatever they said to her must have hurt, and that coupled with his harsh words earlier would not have helped at all.

Once back, Jeff followed Dixie into her office shutting the door gently behind them as she removed her jacket hanging it up on the stand. She hadn't spoken to Jeff but went over to the window looking out. If she didn't show any emotion, he would leave her alone wouldn't he? No. 'Dix, look at me, please babe.' Jeff asked softly placing his hand on her shoulder.
'I am fine Jeffrey.' Dixie tried to keep her composure, but, feeling Jeff so close behind her, having his warm touch on her shoulder was making it hard for her. 'No you are not Dix I know you. Please look at me Princess.' Jeff continued to ask softly.

Dixie felt new tears fall down her face as she turned to look into Jeff's eyes. What could she see in them? 'Oh babe come here.' Jeff pulled her close to his body holding her tightly as she wept into his chest. He whispered words of comfort into her head as he held her close to him resting his own head on top of hers kissing the top of it.

The couple seemed to be standing there for quite some time holding each other tightly. Jeff was the first to break the silence. 'I am sorry Dix. I shouldn't have said what I did to you, it was uncalled for.' Dixie didn't reply, she didn't know how to, she knew she needed to say sorry for what she had done, but, she couldn't shake the image of Tamzin and him hugging and kissing. 'Is this how you held her?'
'Aye?'
'Is this how you held her?'
'Dix, what do you mean?'
'When she was upset after the shout, you held her close.'
'Princess please, I didn't kiss her, I pushed her away, I spent the whole bloody day trying to get away from her.'
'It didn't look like it from where I was standing.'
'Why won't you believe me Dix?'
Dixie pulled away from Jeff's tight embrace before she spoke.
'Do you really want me to answer that?'
'Yes I do.'
'Your track record speaks for itself Jeffrey doesn't it? You cheated on Lucy and now you are cheating on me. You haven't yet given me a straight answer to make me think any different. Instead you spent the whole time hurling insults at me. Why did I ever marry you?'
'Hang on a minute, you asked me to marry you. Do you remember? Do you remember how you lied to your father and married me to make him think you were normal? You are in no position to talk to me about telling the truth when you didn't even manage it yourself.'
'Everything I have said to you over the last few months has been the truth Jeff, absolutely everything. I told you time and time again that I love you, how much you mean to me, how happy I am with you and you throw it all back in my face.'
'HOW MANY MORE FUCKING TIMES, I DIDN'T KISS HER.' Jeff was getting angry now.
'I DON'T BLOODY BELIEVE YOU.'
'FOR CHRISTS SAKE KATHLEEN, AFTER EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH, ALL THE NIGHTS WE SPENT TALKING, HOLDING EACH OTHER WHEN THINGS WERE TOUGH, WHY WONT YOU BELIEVE ME?'
'BECAUSE ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A FUCKING CHEAT.' Her words hung above his head before descending onto him, had she really just said that? 'AS MUCH AS THIS IS HURTING ME KATHLEEN, IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME OR BELIEVE ME, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS.' And with that, Jeff stormed off slamming the door shut.

Dixie stood shaking, had she really just had another argument with her Jeffrey? Was this now the beginning of the end for them? What did he mean by separate? Dixie's head was spinning; her whole office was spinning around in front of her as she tried to steady herself against the window ledge. Slowly she moved over to the sofa lying down on her back, clutching a cushion as she let her own tears fall turning her body so she was facing away from the door, away from everyone.

Jeff was no longer thinking straight himself, he really thought they were on the road to getting back to how they were and she had to bring up Tamzin again, Jeff could not understand why Dixie didn't believe him, he never lied to her. Anger consumed him, if she didn't trust him or believe him, what was the point? He had given up so much for her, he had stopped seeing his children, stopped seeing his family and friends to put Dixie first and she goes and says this? Signing the form off he got up and headed once more in the direction of her office.

When he got to the door, he didn't bother knocking, it didn't really concern him that she was laying on her sofa with her back to him, anger had well and truly taken over, his heart was well and truly broken with little chance of repair. 'Can you sign this?' Jeff said coldly
'What is it?'
'Transfer request.'
'Put it on my desk, I will sign it later.'
'It needs to be signed now.'
'Fine.' Dixie turned over and stood up walking over to Jeff snatching the form out of his hands. Jeff stood there seething as he watched Dixie sign off his transfer request before storming over to the fax machine. He watched her type in the number and feed it through, a few seconds later the confirmation came through. 'There you go, all done.' She said just as coldly as she handed him the copy and the confirmation. 'Now if there is nothing else, I have nothing more to say to you.'
'I have something else to say to you.'
'Really? What else are you going to throw at me then Mr Collier?' Dixie replied trying to keep her voice calm and professional without making any attempt to hide her anger. 'I want a divorce.'