Title: In Your Eyes

Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?

Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.

Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, I know, we're evil...

Chapter Twenty-Six.

Dixie sat in the lounge with Little Abs at her feet, he knew something was wrong with her and he wouldn't leave her side; wherever she went he would follow her. There were times when he would look around the room and act as if he was searching for someone that was no longer there. Dixie knew that Little Abs was looking for Jeff and didn't understand why he wasn't there any more. 'I know mate,' she whispered. 'I miss him too.' Dixie looked around at the now different lounge, she had removed all of the pictures of herself and Jeff, she'd put them in a box and then put them in the loft. She'd sat looking at the picture from their wedding day, they'd been happy together at first but it had all gone so very wrong. Eventually she wiped away her tears and had put the picture in the box with the rest of them. Dixie decided that she needed to get rid of everything even remotely related to Jeff from her life, he had taken all of his things with him but there were the things that reminded her of him, they had to go.

Dixie had spent the morning going through the fridge and the cupboards, she had put every item of junk food in a bin bag and then chucked it in the bin. From this moment on Dixie was on a diet and she was going to drop every last little pound that she was overweight. She would be thin and nobody would be able to call her fat or tell her that she needed to lose weight ever again. Dixie had also spent some time researching diets that would make her lose weight quickly and she had found one relatively easily. If she followed it to the letter then she would be able to lose a stone in around three weeks. Dixie was determined to lose weight and she would do whatever she had to so she could achieve that goal.

As the afternoon wore on Dixie moved around the house and made notes on the changes that she wanted to make to the rooms in the house. It was basically the same for every room; new wallpaper, painting the skirting boards and getting new curtains. The carpet in the lounge needed replacing as it had seen better days. Dixie had booked the week off work, she was going to get the house in order and sort everything out, she hoped that it would keep her mind off Jeff and what he was doing. He hadn't phoned or even sent her a little message to say that he arrived safely, he obviously didn't want to speak to her, she wondered again how long it would take for the divorce papers to come through. Dixie shook her head and tried to banish all thoughts of Jeff from her mind, she had work to do.

Dixie went into the bathroom and looked around, she would have to buy a new shower curtain as it was faded and quite old. She looked around the rest of the room and her eyes fell on the shelf that used to hold all of Jeff's things. She'd always complained that there wasn't enough space in the bathroom so Jeff had put up an extra shelf to make her happy and now there wasn't anything on it. Dixie was struck at how sparse and empty the shelf was now that there was no Jeff to use it. Emptiness and loneliness consumed Dixie once more, what was she going to do without Jeff? Her life felt empty and a whole lot colder now that Jeff had gone from it. Dixie sighed, wherever she went there were memories of Jeff and the life that she had shared with him for so long. She wanted to run to London, go to his flat and beg him to come back, but she couldn't, Jeff had gone and he wasn't coming back. Dixie checked her phone again just in case Jeff had phoned and she had missed it, she lived in hope that he would call her and tell her he had made a terrible mistake.

Dixie stood with her hand touching the door of Jeff's old room, the room where all of this had begun. If she hadn't got tipsy then this wouldn't have happened and Jeff would be here with her now. She pushed the handle down, took a deep breath and went inside, she was afraid of her memories, a lot of them were linked to this room. Dixie looked around, all that was left was the wardrobe and the bed, it was as if Jeff had never been in here at all. She had come in here to think about what she was going to do with this room but now she was here she couldn't think of anything. Dixie sat down on Jeff's bed, what was she going to do with it? Maybe she could give it to a charity shop and they could make some use of it.

The scent of Jeff's shower gel reached her nostrils as she lay back in the covers that were still on his bed, it was mixed with something that was unmistakably him. All of her memories came flooding back; waking up next to Jeff, his arms around her and holding her safe as they slept, making love to each other and him telling her that she was beautiful. Tears spilled from her eyes as more memories entered her head, she had thought that making plans for redecorating would keep her occupied and distracted but it hadn't lasted long enough and now she felt the loss of Jeff more keenly than ever. Dixie buried her head in Jeff's pillows and her tears soaked into them, she wrapped her arms around them and tried in vain to take comfort from Jeff's lingering scent. Dixie felt Little Abs jump up on the bed and lie down next to her, she lifted her head from the pillow and looked at the dog that Jeff had bought for her, he was only thing that Jeff had bought for her that she couldn't put away or hide. Dixie patted Little Abs on the head, he wouldn't leave her.

Dixie eventually got up off the bed, she straightened the covers and closed the curtains as it was starting to get dark. She couldn't change Jeff's bedroom, it was his and it would stay the way that he'd left it for as long as she lived in this house. She didn't have the courage to change anything in his room, if she did that then it would be like admitting that Jeff had gone and he was never coming back. If she kept it the same then she keep hold of the hope that one day he might come back and use it again. Dixie needed hope, she was desperately holding onto it with all the strength that she had left in her.

Time passed slowly for Dixie as she stared at the television screen, she wasn't even watching it, she'd only put it on as a way to drown out the silence that followed her from room to room. She was lost in her own memories and thoughts about Jeff. How was he getting on at his new station? Who was his new partner? Did he miss her? Did he still love her? She had checked her phone several times, each time getting more and more downhearted when she saw that she didn't have any calls or any messages from Jeff. Maybe he had forgotten her already. Dixie lay on the cushions that were on the sofa, tears ran down her cheeks, she missed Jeff, she wanted him back.

Dixie jumped when someone knocked on the door and she hastily wiped her tears away. Who was at her door? She wasn't expecting anyone. Dixie wiped her face again and then opened the door, she had hoped to see Jeff stood there but she tried to hide her disappointment when she saw that it was Norman. 'Dixie, forgive me for calling on you at home.'
'It's all right.' Dixie fake smiled at Norman. 'Is anything wrong?'
'No, I just wanted to come and see how you were.'
'I'm fine, really, do you want to come in?'
'I just want to give you this.' Dixie took the box that Norman held out to her. 'I made some lasagne but there is too much for me to eat by myself and I do not want it to go to waste.'
'Thanks Norman, that's sweet of you but I've just eaten.' The lie slipped off her tongue very easily, in truth, she didn't feel like eating. Her grief over losing Jeff filled her up so much that it left no room for hunger. 'I am sure you can have it another night.'
'I will, thank you for coming.'
'You're welcome, I'll leave you now, goodnight Dixie.'
'Goodnight Norman.' Dixie closed the door and put the lasagne Norman had brought her into the fridge, it was sweet of him. Norman might be full of endless facts and figures but he was a talented paramedic and quite a brilliant man. Dixie sighed to herself and sat back down on the sofa, she needed time alone with her memories.

Norman left Dixie's house, he was troubled, it was obvious that Dixie wasn't coping without Jeff, he saw the redness around her eyes and the smile that was obviously faked. He wanted to help Dixie, she really was suffering, he knew that she wouldn't admit it but she was still in love with Jeff and he was still in love with her. Norman wished he could bang their heads together and lock them in a room somewhere until they talked and sorted this whole mess out. It saddened him to see two people that were obviously in love so sad and hurting. He was worried about Dixie, should he phone Jeff and tell him that Dixie missed him and wanted him back? Should he tell Dixie that Jeff still loved her and she should go to London and ask him to come back? Norman didn't know what to do for the best, he knew that he wanted to help his friends but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

Dixie got herself ready for bed, she didn't have to be up in the morning but she didn't want to stay up watching television and thinking about Jeff and what he was up to. She'd cleaned her teeth and brushed her hair, got changed into her pyjamas and then climbed into her bed, she switched off the light and pulled the quilt over herself. She lay on her side and looked at the empty space that would have usually had Jeff in it, by now he would be holding her close and hugging her. Dixie felt tears running down her face, she just wanted Jeff back in her life again, she was lonely without him by her side. Dixie lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, she was finding it hard to sleep. Dixie tried to get comfortable but something was underneath her and bunched up under her back, she pulled it out, it was Jeff's t-shirt. Dixie remembered holding onto it when she had been upset and using it to comfort herself, she held the t-shirt to her face and cried into it. It still smelled of Jeff even though it had been in her bed for quite some time. Dixie held the t-shirt close to her and lay down on her pillow, she turned back to the side that Jeff would have slept on and cried quietly, she wished that he was here to kiss her and hold her in his arms. 'Goodnight my Jeffrey, I love you.' Dixie lay awake hugging Jeff's t-shirt close to her until she couldn't keep her eyes open any more.