Scene: Lab area. Barry, Curtis and Ethan.

Barry: "Hi, guys. Whatcha been up to?"

Curtis: "The usual. A little lab analysis here, a little demonic possession there..."

Barry: "Back up. Demonic possession? That's a little harsh. I mean, sure, Dr. Hunt can be a little overbearing at times, but that characterization might be a little much..."

Ethan. "Not her. I don't think. A case we were working on."

Barry: "First you have a zombie, now demons. I'll be on the look-out for a vampire or werewolf for your trifecta. Unfortunately, I left my silver bullets in my other coat. I'll just have to improvise."

(picks up a test tube)

"Expecto Patronum!"

Ethan: "Do you really think you can conjure a Patronus with a test tube? I don't think that will protect you from anything."

Barry: "Too bad. I was going to try 'Accio girlfriend' for you and see if anybody showed up. I would be a little more careful about revealing extensive knowledge of wizarding if I were you, though."

Ethan (defensively): "You started it."

Barry: "I can blame it on my kids, which happens to be true. You're just a geek."

Curtis: "I wish you two would quit messing around. I was nervous enough when we had the case to deal with. I don't need you inviting any Satanic forces in here."

Ethan: "Too late. He's already here."

Barry: "Oooh, a zinger for Ethan. Maybe I'll just go see if I can annoy Dr. Hunt."

Curtis: "Pretty sure you can. The question is whether you'll survive it."

(cut to Barry entering Megan's office)

Barry: "Hello, Megan."

Megan: "Hi, Barry."

Barry: "I just wanted to let you know that I was not being a jerk about not calling you after our date. I knew you were busy with a case."

Megan: "Truth is, I didn't notice."

Barry: "Should my feelings be hurt?"

Megan: "If only it were that easy. I have the distinct impression that takes bazookas or better."

Barry: "I have feelings, you know. Why, I loved my wife so much I nearly told her once."

Megan: "Once?"

Barry: "I get emotional at weddings. Especially my own."

Megan: "What a softie. I should have called you in to work on our case. Curtis and Ethan were kind of jumpy."

Barry: "I heard."

Megan: "Honestly, I got a little weirded out myself."

Barry: "Really?"

Megan: "Do you believe in God? Or the devil?"

Barry: "While I respect a belief in something higher than ourselves, I always thought cases of demonic possession were poor PR for the bad guys."

Megan: "Why?"

Barry: "Confirming the existence of evil powers would just serve to wake people up and getting them thinking about the other side. Not usually a win."

Megan: "True. It got me thinking about it. And I've never been a church-goer."

Barry: "You should have called me to comfort you. I'm not qualified as an exorcist, but I have performed many successful faith healings."

Megan: "I think you just want to lay hands on me. Forget it."

Barry: "Well, my successes weren't actually on people..."

Megan: "What, then?"

Barry: "Computer printers."

Megan: "You healed printers?"

Barry: "Sort of. It used to be that occasionally printers would get stuck in some odd mode and spew garbage if you tried to print foreign characters. Fix is to reset them."

Megan: "What does this have to do with faith healing?"

Barry: "Well, you actually have to leave them turned off for a few seconds to properly reset them. People are never that patient. They can't wait ten seconds for the printer, but they can pester me to come and fix it for them."

Megan: "So you reset a printer. Where does the faith healing part come in?"

Barry: "Well, it was boring just standing there counting 'One Mississippi, two Mississippi.' So I amused myself with something a little more dramatic."

Megan: "Do I want to know?"

Barry: "I would make the sign of the cross over them, saying 'In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.' Then I would lay hands on it, and say 'Be healed, praise Jesus!', turn the printer back on, and be on my way."

Megan: "Just what I needed. A vaguely sacrilegious faith healer."

Barry: "It worked. Just because there was a scientific explanation for what I did doesn't mean you can prove I wasn't expelling demons. I have many affidavits from witnesses attesting to the miracles I have performed."

Megan: "Uh huh."

Barry: "I was quite disappointed to find that the Vatican only recognizes miracles performed after the person dies as part of the requirements for sainthood."

Megan: "I'd be happy to arrange the dying part of the requirement..."

Barry: "Gee, thanks. Just so you know, I'm not paying for any dates posthumously."

Megan: "Does that mean you intend to ask me out again?"

Barry: "Does that mean you'd go out with me again?"

Megan: "It wouldn't be totally out of the question."

Barry: "Is there any place in particular you'd like to go? Church, perhaps?"

Megan: "Not for a date. Do they actually let you in the door?"

Barry: "They have really low standards. Peter denied Jesus three times, and he got to be pope. Besides, I've been to confession recently. They have to let me back in. It's policy."

Megan: "You were in confession? That must have really backed up the line. What did you confess to? The Lindbergh kidnapping and everything since?"

Barry (more quietly): "I killed four people in the last year, Megan."

Megan (taken aback somewhat): "Oh. But those were all justified. I don't get it."

Barry: "The technical term is the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, not Confession. However necessary it was to do so, I still took lives. There is a cost to that. This is a way of dealing with that."

Megan: "I'm surprised. I didn't expect this from you."

Barry: "If you were still a surgeon, and you had to perform an operation on terminally ill children that was successful 80% of the time, you would still feel pain for the 20% that didn't make it, wouldn't you? Even though operating was the right call?"

Megan: "Yes."

Barry: "In my life, I have from time to time had to do things I wasn't happy about, even if there was a greater good to be achieved. In order to be effective, I had to find a way to deal with it. How long did it take you to recover from losing a patient?"

Megan: "A long time."

Barry: "There have been occasions where I didn't have that luxury."

Megan: "Does it really help?"

Barry: "Finding forgiveness always helps. Does the good feeling really come from God's grace? I don't know. Not everything is as nice and neat and predictable as your Newtonian physics world view, Megan. Sometimes, we have to live with uncertainty. Heisenberg may have said that."

Megan: "Be that as it may, I'm still pretty certain I don't want to go to church for a date."

Barry: "Really? They have free wine..."

Megan: "Cheapskate."

Barry: "OK, we'll go someplace more secular."

Megan: "Treat me right and just maybe you'll have something more to confess next time you're in church."

Barry: "Maybe I'll start with a bottle of non-sacramental wine."

Megan: "You're learning. We'll talk later. I've got work to do."

Barry: "See you."

(end scene)