Title: In Your Eyes

Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?

Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.

Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews. Enjoy the chapter

Chapter Thirty-Four.

Jeff sat by Dixie's bedside, he refused to move for any reason, he hadn't been there for her while she had been going through all of this by herself but he was determined to be there for her now. He held her hand and stroked the finger where her wedding and engagement ring used to be. What had she done with them? Had she taken them off the minute that he left? Jeff's heart felt as if it was going to break in two every time he looked at Dixie, she was still and quiet, totally unlike her. He just wanted her to wake up. 'They say that you should talk to people when they're unconscious, that they can hear you. I wonder if it is true, can you hear me, do you know that I'm here? My Dixie, I know that I don't have any right to call you that, not after what I said to you. What did you do with your rings princess? I remember the day that I gave your rings to you in the park not far from here, who knew that we'd end up in this situation. I don't know if you can hear me but I'm sorry, I never meant anything that I said, I never meant to hurt you. Please wake up princess, please.' Jeff buried his head into Dixie's neck and sobbed, he knew from the monitors that she was improving but she was still ill and he was feeling guilty, he had caused this, he was the reason Dixie was here and lying in a hospital bed.

Jeff wished that Dixie would wake up, she could shout at him, get angry and tell him to leave if only she would wake up. He wiped his eyes and slowly lifted his head from her neck. Jeff noticed the thin gold chain around Dixie's neck, he must have missed it before because he was so upset. He lifted the chain out from under Dixie's gown and the rings that were missing from her fingers slipped out and settled on her chest. Jeff was happy that Dixie hadn't got rid of her rings, the fact that they were around her neck proved to Jeff that they still meant something to Dixie. 'Princess, that day in the park means so much to me. You mean so much to me. I'm going to be here for you from now on if you want me to be. I won't leave you again, I promise.' Jeff felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Tess stood behind him. 'Jeff, Dixie is improving, her latest blood test has shown her potassium level is back to normal and she should wake up soon.'

'Thanks for letting me know.' Jeff felt Dixie's fingers move beneath his own and he took a deep breath. 'What if she wakes up and tells me to get out? I won't be able to handle that Tess. I know that I deserve it but it scares me that she will tell me to leave.'

'Why don't you let me talk to Dixie, I can see how she feels and then bring her to the park you keep talking about to meet you.'

'Okay.' Jeff kissed Dixie on the head and stood up. 'Look after her for me Tess.'

'Of course I will.' Jeff gave Tess directions to the park, he left the HDC and stood outside the door, he looked at Dixie one more time and walked out of the hospital, he just hoped that Dixie still wanted him in her life.

Jeff went around to the ambulance station, he had something to do before he went to the park. He kept his eyes down to avoid the gaze of the people that he used to work with. Jeff didn't have to see them to know that they hated him. He felt the weight of their gaze and their hatred towards him, no doubt they all knew that Dixie was in hospital and that it was his fault. Jeff found Norman sat in the front seat of an ambulance. 'Norman, can we talk?'

'You came back then did you?'

'Yeah, Tess told me that you found Dixie and brought her into the E.D.'

'I did, she was outside, I'm not sure how long for.'

'I just wanted to say thank you.'

'It didn't have to come to this Jeff. I told you to talk to Dixie.'

'I know, I wish that I had done.'

'You're here now, make the most of it, don't mess it up.' Norman got out of the ambulance and walked off, Jeff was certain that the conversation was over and he wasn't to follow Norman to wherever he was going. Jeff sensed that Norman was angry with him, he had every right to be, making it up to everyone was going to be hard.

Tess kept a very close eye on Dixie, the last of the potassium had been administered and Tess saw her move every so often. Dixie's eyelids fluttered and her eyes slowly opened, Tess stroked the back of Dixie's hand as she woke fully. 'Dixie, it's Tess.'

'Tess?'

'Yes, you're in the HDC.'

'Why?'

'You collapsed behind the ambulance station and Norman brought you in.' Dixie blinked a few times and she looked as if she was struggling to remember what happened. 'Your potassium levels dropped dangerously low and we had to help you.'

'How long have I been here?'

'About seven hours. You'll be pleased to know that your potassium levels have stabilised and once Dylan has checked you over then you can leave.'

'Oh, okay.'

'I'll just let Dylan know that you're awake, I'll be back shortly.' Tess smiled at Dixie and went to find Dylan.

Jeff sat down on the bench in the clearing where he had given Dixie her rings, he sighed, everything was such a mess. Norman was right, he should have talked to Dixie, he should have called her and begged her to forgive him. If he had called Dixie then she wouldn't have ended up in hospital. If he hadn't said all of those horrible things to Dixie then she wouldn't have been upset, she wouldn't have lost all of that weight. Jeff felt terribly guilty, he had crossed the line when he insulted Dixie's weight and look what had happened. Jeff didn't know if Dixie was going to forgive him or not, he couldn't blame her if she didn't. He was nervous, seeing Dixie while she was unconscious was one thing, seeing her while she was awake was going to be another thing entirely. It was going to hurt, Jeff knew that she was going to be quiet and quite unlike the Dixie that he used to know. A lot of horrible things had been said and they weren't going to go away easily. The question that had been plaguing him in the hospital came back; could they make it through this?

Dixie lay back in the bed that she had been given in HDC, she was feeling a bit tired, weary, was the word that came to mind. Miserable too, she was ill and from what Tess had said she had been very unwell when Norman first brought her in. Norman, she was going to have to thank him for his help, without him she would have still been outside and possibly beyond help. Dixie sighed, had anyone told Jeff? If they had, did he care that she was ill? Was he on his way here? Did she want to see him? It was strange, while she was unconscious she could have sworn that she heard Jeff talking to her and felt him burying his head into her body. She also thought that she smelled his scent near her and felt him stroking her hand. Tears slipped down her face, she must have been mistaken, everything that she felt must have been a hallucination caused by being unconscious.

Dixie wiped away her tears when Tess came back with Dylan, she didn't want them to know that she had been crying. 'Mrs Collier, we ran some tests while you were unconscious. Your blood test has shown that your potassium levels are back to normal. We ran an ECG and I am satisfied that the hypokalemia hasn't damaged your heart in any way. You will need to take it easy for a few days at home, it might be wise to take some time off work. If you start vomiting, have diarrhoea, a rapid irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, chest pain, muscle spasms or paralysis at any time then you must come back in. I shouldn't have to say this but you need to eat properly too.'

'Okay.'

'You are fit enough to be discharged, you may leave any time that you wish.'

'Thanks Dylan.' Dylan nodded and left Dixie with Tess in the HDC. 'Tess, could you get my clothes from my locker in the station please. I don't want to go home in my uniform.'

'Of course I will.'

'Thank you.' Dixie lay back against the pillow, she didn't really want to go home at all, going home meant that she would be alone.

Tess came back with Dixie's clothes and waited with her while she got dressed, she had also brought her a sandwich and made sure that she ate it. 'Thanks Tess.'

'You're welcome.'

'I suppose I should go home.'

'Dixie, I was hoping that I could convince you to come with me.'

'Why?'

'I think you need someone to talk to, you've been struggling alone and that isn't good for anyone.'

'It hurts to talk.'

'I know, I think that it needs to be done though. Come for a walk with me Dixie.'

'Okay.' Dixie sighed, Tess wasn't going to give up, she may as well give in and get the talking over with. There was a part of her that desperately needed to talk to someone about Jeff and the whole situation, Dixie sighed again, she missed him so much. It hurt that he hadn't come to her when she needed him the most.

Dixie walked next to Tess, she recognised the park, it was the one where Jeff had given her the rings that had been on her finger until they became in danger of falling off. She played with the necklace that held her rings, why had Tess brought her here, didn't she know that it held bad memories? 'Dixie, I think we both know why you ended up in hospital today.'

'Yeah, I wasn't eating properly.'

'I think it is more than that. Dixie, you've been struggling since Jeff left, we've all seen it. You haven't been yourself, Norman and myself have been worried about you for some time. We've seen the changes that have happened to you and we think that they aren't good ones.'

'I suppose not. It just hurts, I feel like my heart is in pieces, like it isn't working properly. I always used to think people were making it up when they said that a person was their other half. I thought they were being silly, until all of this started with Jeff. I understood what they meant, Jeff completes me. I know what happened between us was awful and we said a lot of horrible, nasty things to each other that we didn't mean. I don't know how it happened, I thought Jeff had betrayed me, I thought he kissed Tamzin and was lying to me when he said that she kissed him. He kept telling me over and over that he didn't do it but I didn't believe him.' Dixie took a deep breath, what if Jeff had been telling her the truth? What if he wasn't lying to her?

Jeff was hiding far enough away from the clearing so that Dixie wouldn't see him, it was all part of the plan that Tess had come up with. His nerves were getting the better of him, what if Dixie wasn't ready for this? She had been through a rough time today and what if by seeing him something happened to put her back in hospital. Jeff thought that he had done enough damage, every time he closed his eyes he saw Dixie lying in that hospital bed, unconscious, with the IV line going into her and machines monitoring her. It was his fault, he didn't need to know her weight to know that she had lost a lot, maybe more than she should have. Guilt moved through Jeff again, he knew without a doubt that it had been his comments that made her do this to herself. Jeff's dream was still fresh in his mind, Dixie could have died and it would have been his fault. He was going to make all of this up to Dixie, no matter what it took.

Tess didn't interrupt Dixie while she was talking, she needed to talk all of this through for however long it took. 'I always thought that nothing would come between us and in the end all it took was one agency paramedic. It hurt to see them kissing, I never thought that I would end up with a broken heart over a man.' Tess guided Dixie in the direction of the bench in the clearing, she hoped that Jeff had cleared off as they planned for him to. Tess wanted to find out what Dixie's feelings were for Jeff before he revealed himself to her.

'Dixie, I know this might be a hard question for you to answer, but, how do you feel about Jeff?' Tess saw Dixie swallow and then take a deep breath.

'I love him, I can't stop, I tried but it didn't work. I still think about him all of the time; where is he, what is he doing, is he safe, does he think of me, does he still love me? I can't stop loving him Tess and I miss him so much.' Tess put her arms around Dixie and hugged her, she really needed someone to hold her right now.

Dixie cried into Tess' shoulder, admitting how she felt about Jeff to someone had caused her tears to flow free. 'It hurts so much Tess, I miss Jeff, I am not myself without him. He's my other half and I need him back. I've tried so many times to call him and every time I lose my courage, I can't do it. Jeff has obviously forgotten me, I assume you called him when I was in the E.D as he's still my next of kin. The fact that he didn't come to see me obviously proves that he wants nothing to do with me now.'

'That's not true Dixie, Jeff still cares for you.'

'Does he? He's not here, if he cared then he would be here.'

'That's not true either, turn around Dixie.' Dixie turned to see Jeff stood at the entrance to the clearing, she just stared at him and waited for the moment when she would wake up, she had seen this so many times in her dreams and every time she had been disappointed when she woke up and found herself alone. Dixie wiped her eyes and Jeff didn't disappear, did that mean he was really here and back in Holby?