Chapter 5

The sound of the door closing had just faded when Louise turned to Rachel. "He has some nerve!" she exclaimed. "He comes here, looking all innocent, and he even dared to consider taking over my house and sleeping in my bed!"

Rachel sent Lou a look that spoke louder than words. It was clear that the former station mistress did not appreciate her friend's comment, and could not refrain herself from saying, "Please Lou, don't start!"

Sensing that things could get tense between the two women, Allan decided that he did not want to get caught in the crossfire. "Ladies, if you'll excuse me, I better check if my sweet girl is sleeping."

Allan started off for the staircase, and without a word Rachel rose to her feet, picked up the platter with the intact apple pie, and in her other hand she collected the clean dessert plates. Lou also got up and helped clear the table before following her friend into the kitchen.

The blonde woman placed a lid covering the pie when Louise stopped next to her. "What was that before, Rachel?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? I tried to talk to you, and you brushed me off."

Rachel sighed, "Lou, you know you can talk to me about anything. What did you want to tell me?"

"Nothing," Lou replied stiffly.

"Very well then," Rachel said, relieved that Louise did not push the matter any more.

Minutes later both women were washing the dishes in silence. While Rachel lathered the plates, pots, and cutlery, Louise rinsed everything before leaving it to dry. Rachel welcomed the peace and quiet. Dinner had been a very uncomfortable event, and she knew her mouth could not stay on the sidelines while Louise expressed her categorical opinions about Kid. Her relief, though, did not last long because Lou spoke up too soon.

"He must have a little friend on the side."

"Who?" Rachel asked, playing dumb even though she was pretty sure who Louise was referring to.

"Kid. That must be why he was in such a hurry to leave. His lover must have been waiting for him somewhere."

"I really don't know," Rachel replied indifferently, hoping that her friend dropped the matter.

"I do," Lou stated. "Didn't you see him? He looked impeccable, smooth shaven, his clothes spotless and without a single crease. That's because he has a woman. And I ain't really surprised he has lovers, but he has no right to even think about taking that woman into my house and my bed."

"For goodness' sake, Lou!" Rachel exclaimed, unable to turn a deaf ear to her comments. "You make him sound as if he were the biggest womanizer in history. You don't know if that's true."

"Men are too predictable, Rachel."

"I don't really know where you get all those ideas from. I have no idea if there's a woman in his life, but what if there is one? What is it to you? Why do you care?"

Lou left the plate she was rinsing heavily on top of the counter, and turned to Rachel. "Because no matter the circumstances he's still my husband! He should respect the vows we took!"

"Louise, you haven't lived as husband and wife for ten years!"

"That doesn't matter!" Lou retorted in a gradually increasing tone. "The law says I'm his wife, and as long as that remains the same, he owes me respect."

"And do you respect him?" Rachel asked pointedly. "Do you respect those vows you talk so much about? For the better or the worse, Lou. Did you stick by his side when the worse appeared unannounced? I seem to recall you stopped being his wife at that very moment."

"And whose fault was it, Rachel? He abandoned me three months after our wedding when he'd promised we'd stay together forever!"

Rachel had heard the same speech dozens of times, and it had always been impossible for her to reason with Louise in this field. The sensible thing would be to keep quiet, and stay put, but Rachel felt unable to hold her tongue today. "He didn't abandon you. He went to war to defend what he believed in. He didn't run on you, Louise. When are you gonna understand that?"

Rachel's tone and words did not sit well with Lou. Her face hardened and she sent a glare at her friend while folding her arms over her chest. "I see where your heart lies, Rachel. You had me fooled. I'd never thought you'd take his side."

The former station mistress pressed two fingers on her forehead as she started to feel the beginning of a headache. "I ain't taking sides, but I don't understand you. I really don't."

It was true. Rachel did not really comprehend what was in Lou's head and in her heart. Somehow the blonde woman could go as far as feel Louise's disappointment, bitterness, and anger when Kid decided to join the raging conflict dividing the country, but other than that, the way she had acted afterwards was beyond Rachel's grasp.

The blonde woman could remember as if it were yesterday when Lou had received that terrible letter announcing that Kid was missing, and in all probability dead. Lou had almost gone out of her mind with pain, crying and bawling like a small baby for weeks, and the tears had given way to a deeper pain in the following months. She had neglected herself in every way, not caring whether she ate, drank, or slept. She hardly talked, and left her bedroom just enough to go to the telegraph office where she worked at the time or to clean the house. Everybody had been very worried about her, but Lou just wouldn't talk, suffering her pain in solitude.

Eight months later another letter had arrived, bringing the best news. Kid was alive. It turned out that he had been kept captive in a working camp, and the confederate army had freed him thanks to an exchange of prisoners between the north and the south. Kid himself had written that letter, and the day Lou had received it, she had almost ran Rock Creek up and down, to and fro, shouting from the top of her lungs that Kid was alive. Then at the end of the war when he had returned home from the east, against all odds Lou had sent him packing, and her bulletproof determination had been impossible to knock down.

"He made me suffer too much, and took with him all my dreams of love, happiness, and family," Louise muttered in a husky voice.

"I… I know, but if I may be frank, you also brought some of that suffering upon yourself."

Lou could not believe her ears. "What?"

"Things could have been easier, Louise," Rachel added. "If you had given in just a little…"

"A little? How could you say that? You were there; you saw what I went through! How could you not understand?" Lou barked angrily.

"Honey, I love you very much, and if I tell you this, it is for your own good because I don't like what you've been doing to yourself all these years," Rachel said, rubbing her hand over Lou's tense shoulder. "Your problem is that you've always demanded too much from Kid, just as much as you demand from yourself. We all err and make mistakes, even you and Kid, but it's as if you expected him to be perfect, as if he could not fail."

"That ain't true!" Lou exclaimed, tears springing up to her eyes.

"You should admit it, honey," Rachel said as softly as possible, and she noticed Lou's face adopt all kinds of expression as her mind seemed to consider what Rachel had said. Tears poured from her eyes, and trickled down her cheeks. "Louise, I ain't saying you were bad for him. In fact, you made a beautiful couple, and you were great together. It's just a shame you couldn't work out your problems. No problem is too big to overcome if there's love."

Those last words managed to take Lou to the edge. Roughly she swatted Rachel's hand off her shoulder, and after wiping her tears with the back of her sleeve, she barked angrily, "Get this clear, Rachel Dunne Collins. First, I loved Kid very much, more than what everybody can even imagine."

"Lou, I didn't mean…"

Louise did not let the woman speak, and flashing two fingers in a V shape, she continued in the same tone, "And secondly, he ruined our marriage, nobody else, understand?"

"Louise…"

"Leave me alone!" Lou roared, and sprinted out of the kitchen as fast as her legs could. Tears cascaded her eyes, almost blinding her, and she shot up the stairs. Once in the bedroom, she dropped heavily onto the bed, and buried her face on the pillow.

Her tears became sobs, which she tried to muffle, pressing the material of the quilt against her mouth, but she did not try to stop. She needed to cry and let her pain out. She was feeling very miserable, lonely, and totally worthless, and not because Rachel had offended or treated her wrong, but because everything she had said was true.

Her life was a mess, and she had not had the courage to fix it the way she should long ago. Her pride had got in the way, and now her panorama looked like an arid desert, and it was too late. The flowers had died, and her poor water can would not be enough to turn her dry land into the lush fields that they had been once. Everything was lost, but her pride still rebelled against her weak will, and she could not even accept her defeat. Poor, stupid soul.