*All characters except Danica are the intellectual property of the makers of Supernatural. Danica is the intellectual property of me.*
The drive back to the living quarters was a silent one. Sam tried to initiate conversation but I ignored him, turning up the music until I could almost forget he was next to me. My mind was trying to race at a mile a minute, but I kept it focused on the drive, refusing to allow it to wander. Emotions were so much more then I had ever imagined. They most certainly got in the way and made people make terrible decisions. Crowley had been right to beat them out of me from the time I could crawl. I was stronger for it and perhaps even a little thankful. I would never allow something as ridiculous as love allow me to make stupid mistakes. The drive back seemed much shorter and we were there in no time. I took my time bringing in my new belongings and made sure that Sam knew I didn't want his help. I went into my room, closing my door almost all the way, leaving it open a crack so no one could catch me off guard. I quickly got rid of the old simple bedding and replaced it with my new bedding. I was getting ready to fold my clean laundry when there was a hesitant knock on the door.
"Come in." I didn't bother looking up from where I was folding.
"Danny, Dean and I are making a run for food. Do you, um eat?" I looked up and saw my father's cheeks were bright red. I couldn't help but giggle.
"Yes Sam, I eat. I'd love some garlic fingers and make sure to bring back plenty of donair sauce, please and thanks" I turned back to my laundry and waited for him to leave. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity before turning and leaving. I knew he wanted to talk, but words meant nothing to me. If he wanted to apologize he would have to do so with his actions. As soon as I was sure that they had left, I sat down and picked up my drawing pad. I flipped to the first blank page I could find and began to draw. It wasn't anything simple or found on earth; rather it was something that haunted my nightmares. I stared down at the completed drawing that depicted a piece of hell, the part that I had been raised in until I was ten. It displayed the day that Alistair had come to get me to watch him torture my uncle. I quickly slammed it shut, shoving the pad under the mattress. I grabbed the final bag of stuff and went to the kitchen to wash the new items.
I washed the tea pots and cups and put them in a cupboard along with the tea and hot chocolate mix. I decided that since I was here alone I would search the place and see what I could find. I made it to the main foyer before I heard them returning. I decided to stay there and wait for them to bring the food in, but before I saw them I heard my name. Ducking around a corner and I froze to listen.
"Dean, she shoved me away like I was a piece of trash. She is terrifying and distant. What in God's name do you think Crowley did to her?"
"Nothing good Sammy, nothing good. Honestly we are probably lucky that she even got scared enough to call us. Perhaps her heart has been frozen and it will take us, her family, to thaw it." Dean reached over and set his hand on Sam's shoulder. "She will turn around Sam, it just may take time."
I watched Sam as he set the food on the table and turned to face Dean.
"But if she doesn't Dean, I don't want to have to….."
"Don't Sam. She will. She is your daughter and you came around from a blood addiction and being Lucifer's vessel. She will. Now let's eat. DANNY GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Dean sat as he hollered for me and I pretended to come running.
"Food's here?" I took a sniff and almost started drooling it smelled so amazing. I grabbed the box from under Dean's nose and sat down at the opposite end of the table. Opening it, I dug in. Dean and Sam opened their food and began to eat, a lot more slowly than me.
"Woah, slow down there kiddo. It aint going anywhere." Dean began laughing as I continued to inhale the garlic fingers as if they were going to disappear at any second. I stuck my tongue out and finished off the box. It had been five minutes. I threw the box into the trash and began to leave the room.
"Danny?" I swung around to see both Sam and Dean watching me.
"What." I couldn't hide the snarkiness from my voice and grimaced when I saw a look of hurt flash across Sam's face.
"We leave for breakfast at 8. If you wanna eat with us that is." Dean answered for Sam because I knew I was breaking Sam's heart, yet I didn't care.
"Sure. See you then." I turned and left the room before anything could be said to me. I jogged back to my room, slamming the door, locking it behind me. I grabbed my pj's off the bed and climbed into the shower, allowing the hot water to flow over my body. I sighed and turned the water even hotter, praying that the scalding temperatures could clean me of this darkness that clung to every corner of my being.
Suddenly I heard a woosh and then someone clearing their throat.
"Danny I know this is a bad time but I felt it was the only way I could speak to you." Cass's voice was quiet and he seemed to be facing away from me. With a sigh I stepped out of the shower and stood dripping with my arms crossed.
"What Cass." He jumped at the proximity of my voice, turned and his face changed to bright red.
"You're, um, not clothed."
"No shit. Now what do you want." I glared at him and he seemed to have lost his ability to speak. I shook my head and climbed back into the shower. "Come back when you stop being embarrassed by nudity."
"Danny you are Sam's daughter and as a friend of Sam I should not be seeing you naked. This was a bad idea." I knew he was about to leave so I stepped out and grabbed his arm.
"Cass it's okay. What did you want to talk about?" I smiled at him as encouragement.
"To apologize. I should have realized sooner that Crowley's weapon was a person. I heard rumors about a year ago and chose to ignore them. Now I regret that decision and it hurts me that I caused you so much pain." He gestured to my torso and then grimaced and quickly looked away.
"Look Castiel. I am a big girl. Thank you for getting me out but stop caring. Emotions will get you nowhere. Now go or I will call Sam and Dean." I growled the last sentence at him and he was gone. I took a deep breath and turned to the mirror. Wiping the steam away, realty was still as dark as it had always been. I had three gunshot scars, all clustered on my right shoulder. My stomach was all scars from a hellhound and of course the collar bone. I ran my hand over it as I was thrown into the memory.
"Danica!" I heard Crowley scream my name as I swung the sword and decapitated his general for the third time this week. I spat in Crowley's direction and steadied my stance.
"What is it going to take to get through to you that I mean it when I say no more!" Crowley was mad and I knew I had pushed him too far this time.
"I hate him Uncle Crowley! You know that!" I began to use my childish voice hoping to avoid punishment. His eyes darkened and I knew that I would not get off scott free this time.
He raised his hand and my limbs became like lead. The sword dropped to the floor and suddenly my left side was on fire. I clamped my teeth shut, refusing to let the pain get to me, refusing to break. There was a loud crack that echoed through the room then I dropped to the floor. I landed on my hands and knees, unable to put any pressure on my left arm. When I opened my eyes, there was a steady stream of blood flowing into an already large puddle. My collar bone was hanging out of my flesh, barely hanging on.
Banging on my bedroom door brought me out of my memory and I shut off the shower. I threw on my clothes and opened the door. Dean stood there, holding a bag in one hand the other holding a lock pick.
"Seriously?! I was taking a fucking shower!" I glared at him, baring the way so he couldn't enter my room.
"I grabbed you some shampoo and such. Figured you didn't think of it when you were out." I ripped the bag from his grip and began to slam the door in his face. He shoved his foot in the way and stepped inside, forcing the door all the way open. He crossed his arms and stood there looking at me.
"What!" These last few days had been the most that anyone had paid attention to me ever and it was beginning to get on my nerves. Dean suddenly reached out and moved the straps of my tank top exposing the scars that surrounded my shoulder and collar bone. I froze. How could I have been so stupid! He reached out as if to touch them, then suddenly he turned and left. I closed the door behind him, and leaned against it. After I slowed my breathing I turned out the light and climbed into bed. I had no idea what time it was when sleep finally claimed me.