Author's Notes: I love this story, and I will miss it.
Hyne's War: Chapter 37
"I should have your head for this."
"You've said that twice before," Nida pointed out, barely even bothering to turn his gaze from the bottom of the shelves above his bunk.
He really didn't need to do it anyway. Looking at the computer monitor across the room on his desk would only confirm the scowl that he was certain Squall was wearing. Well, maybe not confirm, what with the distance making Squall's expression harder to read, but he knew it would be there. Knew it just as he had known the right hook was coming when Fujin met him on the flight deck of the Rag. Just as he had known he wouldn't find any mercy from Raijin either, not so much as an icepack to deal with the bruise that was already darkening his left eye. Nor did it help that Fujin had immediately demanded the relinquishment of his GFs, because while they had both known it would not keep him from healing the bruise if he worked hard enough to fix a cure spell in his mind, they also both knew that if he did anything to take away the proof of her fury would only earn him something worse. Maybe even a broken leg, which Nida was certain she was capable of considering how banged up he already was. That, he was certain, was the worst part: Fujin hadn't even given him a chance to heal up, or see the ship medic.
So, by the time his computer had made a noise to tell him that Squall was demanding his attention, Nida already had himself secure in his bunk, staring at nothing, and trying not to think about the sharp pain in his chest. To be honest, he hadn't wanted to hear Squall's voice, to listen to his superior chew him out for doing what he had known he had to do. But avoiding Squall wouldn't begin to help the situation, and so he'd pulled his comm from under his pillow, hit a few keys that would tell his computer to turn on and answer the call—he had set it up when he first got back to the room out of boredom—and then pointedly refused to look at the computer screen.
"The threat was empty the last two times. This time..."
"This time it's as empty as the last. At best you'll have my rank like you've threatened before. You're welcome to it. You're welcome to it, my command, my commission, anything you want. Except my cabin in Winhill. Sorry, I'm keeping that. So I can have a place to go to when this is over."
It was the length of his retort, or the content, or the fact that he'd even had the balls to cut Squall off mid-sentence that led to the long, almost grudging silence that filled the air. At last Nida thought he heard something but without Siren to augment his senses he couldn't tell if it was a sigh, Squall mumbling, or just the sound of his computer. Either way, Squall seemed to shift a bit on the screen, maybe shaking his head.
"Just once I would like to come up with a punishment for high level SeeDs that will stick."
Nida actually chuckled at that. "Of course you can't do that. When it comes right down to it we aren't the kind of people who are going to take any punishment seriously, except for maybe Quistis. No, that isn't true. I suppose you could ban Selphie from trains and sugar, or force Zell to spend time with Seifer. By the way, is that why you really paired those two up? Just what did Zell do to piss you off that mu..."
It was an overwhelming sensation that something had changed which brought his wise crack trailing to an end. For a moment he cast around with his senses to find the source, but without Siren there to augment them the effort was for nothing. While he hated it, he had clearly grown dependent upon the enhanced perception that the GF offered him. Even when he wasn't junctioned to her he had come to draw upon her abilities when he could. Still, that didn't mean he couldn't figure it out for himself with some effort. Almost instinctively his hand to the metal wall beside him, and he had only to touch it to know what was wrong. The vibrations had changed, and in knowing that he could hear the difference in the running noises of the Ragnarok. Without thinking he threw himself from the bed and started toward the door, ready to demand an answer from Fujin. It was only as he thought of her that he remembered his situation. So he turned his attention instead to his computer and all but stormed over to it.
"Why are we landing?" he demanded of Squall, and only waited long enough to note the look of confusion and irritation flash through Squall's eyes before pressing on. "Where are we?"
"You're landing?" Squall asked, sounding genuinely confused.
If Squall didn't know than that meant it wasn't at Balamb. In fact, when Nida thought about how long it had been between his return and this moment, the time was no where near enough to reach most major cities. Which really meant only one thing: they were back at Battleship Island.
"Battleship Island. She's come back to try and find Megill's body," he mumbled, more for himself than anyone else's sake. Still, it was loud enough that, being at the computer, Squall could hear him.
"Megill's body? There's more going on here than has been reported," Squall observed, leaving Nida no other option than to stare at his commander in shock.
"You don't know what... I mean, I didn't have time to tell Fujin everything, not with you having a standing order to lock me up in here. But surely Irvine..."
"Irvine has yet to return," Squall pointed out rather calmly. Which, when Nida thought about it, made sense. Balamb was further from Battleship Island and the Deep Sea Research Center than the Ragnarok had been, what with the mobile command center being stationary at the moment. If Fujin hadn't told the Commander—General—much, well, that meant he didn't know much of anything at all.
"Yeah, I can see why that would be," Nida admitted, sighing. Or more like wincing since the very action hurt more than he cared to admit.
"I'll have a full report from you once you've seen a medic."
No, Nida thought to himself, Squall wouldn't. There were some things that were too sensitive to be sent over this kind of communication channel, even if they thought it was secure. Ashura's existence was one of them. Which meant that Squall was going to have to wait. That wasn't going to be something pleasant to tell Squall. He'd have to hope that the medic part came before Squall started to press him on details.
"I could use one," he agreed. "Or some good time with a GF. But neither is likely to come without Fujin's express orders. Someone told her to put me on lock down, and she intends to obey..."
"I'll have word with her. Focus on resting until the medic arrives."
"Nothing I'd like better. Just make it fast. I'm pretty sure at least one of my ribs is cracked."
The screen went black long before he had the chance to finish, leaving the complaint hanging in the air. Oh well, hopefully there would at least be some progress soon. There was little he could do beyond stretch back out on his bunk. Not that it was really enough for him. Sooner than he would have expected Nida was going for the journal hidden under his mattress. If he was going to be stranded in this room while Fujin did something that was patently fruitless, well, he was going to have to find some way to pass the time.
Sometimes the easiest way to deal with pain is pure and simple sleep. As much as he was certain that this was one of those times, Nida found himself at a loss for that very important and very basic form of healing. There was, he had decided, no point to trying to find sleep while he waited for the medic to arrive and deal with him, and so he spent what felt like hours in the bunk, staring at nothing, and waiting. In the end he had started to nod off just as a gentle rapping at his door told him that the medic had arrived. The male that had followed the knocking was one of the younger medics on this ship, only about two years Nida's junior, and a Trabia Garden cadet that was clearly less experienced than his Galbadian and Esthari counterparts. Apparently he'd done more to piss Fujin off than he'd expected, a fact that the medic hadn't hesitated to point out when he observed that she had denied even him the necessary GF to truly jump start the healing process on his ribs. Yet the medic had orders to get in and out as quickly as reasonable, and so once he'd bound Nida's ribs and given him a cold pack for his eye, the young man had left, leaving Nida in the silence of his room.
By the time another knock had come at his door Nida had decided that when he saw Squall he was going to resign from SeeD, if he wasn't dismissed first. This had never been the life he wanted to live, had it? When he really thought about it he could remember what it had been like when he'd first come to Garden. How he'd cried, as much for the loss of the only woman he'd ever known as his mother but also because he hadn't wanted to become the kind of person that Garden students were supposed to become.
Not that he regretted his time in Balamb Garden. His friendship with Elijah had meant a lot to him before the Sorceress War. The love—and lust—that had developed between them over time was something he didn't want to lose. Where would he have been without Garden, anyway? Would his dreams have manifested in a more sedate life like Winhill had offered him? If they had would it have been Andria who noticed and approached him? Would she have had the kind of hesitation regarding his visions that Elijah had hinted at in his journals, or would she have taken him to Boyce without a second thought? Would he have had more time in Boyce's presence, ultimately letting him be swayed by the power at the Zebalgan leader's command?
Would, even now, Elijah be alive because Nida's visions had saved rather than doomed him? Would Boyce be dead? So many questions, and none of them important in the grand scheme of things. There was no changing the past, only the future, and he had to accept that as something that was set in stone. Anything else could tear him apart. Chasing the past rather than the present or future was a doom in and of itself. One he didn't look for but found himself courting of late.
It was thoughts such as these that the knock finally came, followed almost immediately by the door sliding open. Which meant only one thing: Fujin. Not, by far, the person he wished to see. She'd have questions, ones he wasn't sure he was ready to face, and accusations that he wasn't sure how to answer. It didn't help that she'd clearly not understood the little information he'd intimated if she'd bothered to seek out Boyce's drowned corpse. Then again maybe she'd held out a belief that Boyce had survived. Nida wasn't sure he agreed, not with the injury Boyce already had when he'd jumped. Swimming with an injured arm was difficult enough, and only worse in ocean water. The water was cold and the waves unrelenting, hard for even someone uninjured near the shore. The lack of any nearby beach only furthered his certainty that Boyce wasn't going to be an issue anymore.
And yet... something gnawed at his mind, at his guy, something that said this wasn't even remotely near over.
"Nida..." she started when the door closed behind her. Her voice was the softer, more open tone he knew meant this wasn't going to be a conversation of short exclamations. Yet it was the use of his name over his rank that told him the most. This wasn't going to be a conversation among comrades-in-arms. No, it was going to be more intimate than that, and he wasn't in the mood for it.
"Colonel Venti," he responded, and as predicted she froze almost mid-step. There was a look in her eye that he couldn't read, but her posture told the tale well enough. The minute signs of a defensive stance were all he needed to know his words had hit home.
"Sir," she amended, giving him further confirmation, "We've had word from General Leonhart. I am to debrief you on what has come to pass. Then you are to write a report that is to be submitted via the usual channels."
"No."
That earned him one of the most bewildered looks, quickly covered up by a severe frown. Almost made the exchange worth it by itself. Too bad such an attitude would have to continue if it was to be effective. And it meant burning bridges in a way he was certain to regret.
"This isn't a request. It's an order."
"If memory serves, you have no right to give me orders, Venti."
"What? I have orders from Squall..."
"Show me them."
All she responded with was blinking. But Nida didn't let it rest there. He had to roll forward. There was some things he would not allow to be transmitted. Some things were better reported in person.
"I am your superior officer still, right? The 'sir' would imply it. Even on suspension I am your boss, and you can't just order me to do something. Written orders are the only way you'll get what you claim to need from me. Get me those written orders or you get nothing from me."
"This is foolish, Nida," Fujin warned him still holding herself defensively. She wasn't sure what to do and it showed.
"This is foolish, 'sir.' And I didn't give you permission to speak freely, in case you were curious. In fact, let's make it official. I don't need or want your opinion."
The look on her face wasn't something easily read, but there was a fuming below the surface that even a blind man could have seen. Good. Right? Well, he wasn't sure but he had committed to it and wasn't backing down. So time to give her the chance she needed. Slowly, lazily, he swung his legs over the side of the bunk and hauled himself to his feet. Two short strides and he was in range.
"Tell Squall if he has an issue with that, he can do something about it. Until then, get out of my room, Colonel."
There was a force behind the slap that could only have come from the augmented strength created through junctioning. It was a blow that turned his head to the side so fast he was sure he'd have to see the medic to check for whiplash later. As it was he could already feel his black-eye stinging from the slap The new bruise would certainly accent the old ones well. Elijah had always said purple suited him. It wasn't true by a long-shot, but that was just that.
No, the blow was something else, something more. As he stood there, letting his head stay where it had come to rest, Fujin turned on heel and strode from the room. A voice in his head that wasn't his own or that of a GF mocked him for achieving his ends. Easier to quite, to resign, to walk away from all of this if he severed his ties first. Better to start here and now, burn the bridges fast and bright.
It was the only way he could let them go later.
It takes another three refusals, one in the face of actual written orders from Squall that he cooperate, before his refusal really seems to register. By that point, almost six hours after his return to the Rag, the whispered story on board about Fujin confining him to his quarters became clear. The young medic as returned to his room to deal with his injuries with a GF this time, and as he worked he whispered the rumors of the ship. Some people said Fujin was a Zebalgan or staging a mutiny. Others said Nida was being reprimanded for his disappearance. Others said he was under arrest for whatever he'd left the Rag for, while still others suggested there had been another assassination attempt and that this was for safety. A few said something closer to the truth, suggesting that he was hurt in a fight with a Zebalgan leader or on a special mission. Nida had sent him on his way with instructions to trust and obey Fujin, and to claim he was too badly hurt to wander around, especially in light of previous assassination attempts and whatever he'd been doing. It was a vague enough answer to answer nothing, yet enough from a resource who could believably let something slip on accident and still comfort the crew in his shame for letting anything drop.
Was it weird that even as he was thinking about getting away from this life and yet still looking out for crew moral?
So it came to six hours and three refusals before any real sign of progress came, and when it did it was in the form of Raijin holding a carefully sealed and excessively fat envelope. Clearly this was to be Squall's latest attempt at getting Nida to obey. Not that the clearly formalized orders were likely to do that.
"Marching orders, ya know?" Raijin said as he lay the packet on Nida's desk. "You've got two hours to pack before Fujin throws your ass off her ship."
"My ship," he corrected, more out of hand than serious about it. Raijin's words were the sign he'd been waiting for. Already he'd noted the Ragnarok had taken back off, which meant they had given up a clearly fruitless search. They would be bound for Balamb now, though he was less than confident they'd make it there in two hours. Still, he rose and made his way for the order packet.
As justified and expected as Fujin's slap had been, the left hook Raijin dealt him was truly unexpected. It was more training than real thought that let him catch his weight on his side when he fell. Still, he could feel a sharp pain in an ankle that he was sure meant that it had at least been twisted in the fall. Wonderful. Was this insult to injury or injury to insult? Did it matter? Either way it was frustrating and yet well earned.
"Stay down."
Slowly, careful of his tender ankle, Nida made his way to his feet. Raijin growled and he barely had time to make his feet before another punch, this time a fist to his gut, knocked him to the floor. Again the growled threat, again Nida stood, and again he was felled, this time with an elbow to the side of his face. Two more times this happened, until at least Raijin didn't threaten. He pleaded.
"Man, just don't get up. Can't you see this ain't ending until you..."
"Does Fujin really need you to protect her?" he asked, spitting blood from his mouth. The last punch had cut his cheek open on a tooth. Just what he needed. "Strikes me that she'd be furious that you even tried to do this for her. She's strong enough to handle her personal issues on her own."
"Being in the posse means ya ain't got to do on ya own no more."
"This is between her and me, not us. So either back off or keep trying to pound my skull in. We'll see whose resolve fairs worse."
After a moment Raijin took a step back, raising his hands to show he meant no more harm. That said, Nida carefully rose, preparing himself for another hit. When none came he finally relaxed, closing his eyes and focusing himself onward to reach out for his magic. Before he hadn't been willing to risk the blind healing of a cure spell on wounds like his, but the new pains were enough to find him latching on to the deeply buried magic and pulling a cure to the forefront of his mind. Even the briefest touch of the magic would be something.
Except the wave of healing that flowed over him wasn't the brief and gentle touch of a simple cure. No, there was more force, more relief, than he could have hoped for. The only answer for how was the large man behind him that had been the source of these recent hurts.
"Thanks," he said, even as he made his way for a towel in his dresser to clean the blood from his formerly split lip.
"Life's easier when the guy that hits ya heals ya."
True enough. The punches got out the aggression and anger. The healing meant that there really were no hard feelings. It wasn't a way of living available to most people, but sometimes it was what soldiers and mercenaries needed to get past tensions and just work. Through the beating Raijin had made his feelings over hurting Fujin known. In the healing he'd declared the matter behind him. Which meant that when Nida turned and saw Raijin's arms open for a hug, there was no real way for him to turn it down.
"Just be gentle with me. The medic said I've got a broken rib."
"Cracked," Raijin corrected, but the way he chuckled meant he understood.
The hug was brief, if painful, and when it was done Raijin dumped him, almost bodily, into a chair. There was a look of pity on his face, but it was tinged with annoyance. For a moment Nida wasn't sure why. Then it hit him like a load of bricks. It wasn't that he'd gone off to face Boyce or that he wasn't explaining himself or even that he'd hurt Fujin. No, it was that they had been left behind. He hadn't warned them, hadn't explained himself, hadn't even apologized, he was supposed to be a part of the posse, and he'd abandoned them. They were meant to have his back, ordered to two times over, and he'd denied them that right. It didn't matter that he'd needed them to handle the Rag, or that he hadn't wanted to risk them, or that they hadn't been in his visions of the future. He had left them behind with no explanations and they held that against him.
"I'm sorry," he found himself saying, for all that he hadn't intended to do so. Raijin deserved it, more than Nida had been willing to admit. "I didn't think. About any of this. I promise that it wasn't anything more than absolute ignorance on my part."
"Which hurts in its own way, but I get you, ya know? Ain't like we ain't seen things like this from Seifer. Just, you're supposed to be smarter, ya know?"
"Supposed to be and are happen to be very different things."
"Ain't I know that. Well, you owe Fujin several different kinds of apologizes, but there ain't no time for that right now. You've got..." Riajin glanced around for a clock and shook his head when he found one, "an hour and a half to get ready."
"Ready for what?" Nida asked. He gestured to the stuffed packet and frowned. "I imagine those are fully formal and would take most of that time to read and process."
"You were asking for it," Raijin pointed out. "Consider those Squall's first punishment because he refuses to see you until you've read them all. Anyway, they basically are your transfer orders. Squall's recalling you for some special assignment and handing command over to Fuu. That Esthari captain guy is being given a field rank to assist in the matters that only you really knew how to handle. We'll take care of things here, but honestly Fuu would do better if you weren't here, ya know?"
He did. He understood it all, had been after it in truth. Didn't mean it was any easier.
"How am I going? Surely not the Rag..."
"Naw, we've been redeployed as well. Zell's having trouble with a ground fight outside of Deling. Apparently they found a few tanks, ya know? Need air support."
"Then how..."
"You're being given a pilot and one of the fliers that can't drop bombs. Squall doesn't trust you flying back on your own."
"I deserve that."
"Ya do."
"I really didn't need you to agree."
"What else is a posse for? Anyway, I offered to help you pack up. So we best get to it."
"He won't kill you."
Those were the words that greeted Nida when the flier landed in Balamb. Were it not for the deadly serious look on Irvine's face as Nida tossed his bag from his lap and into Irvine's hands, Nida might have thought his cousin was joking. As it was when he looked at Irvine he could read between the lines and see what he meant. Squall wouldn't kill him, but he might come close or make Nida wish he was dead. Just what he needed. A new reason to feel like shit.
"He's threatened to have my head," Nida responded, almost conversationally. It was hard to admit how much it strained him to maintain that tone. "Of course he's done that a few times and so far as I can tell my neck is still intact."
"Nida..."
"We did what had to be done," was his response as he climbed from the cockpit. Even as he reached for the storage hatch Irvine cleared his throat. So Squall wasn't going to accept any delay then. The bags would be taken whenever Squall wanted them to go. Which made him thankful that Elijah's journal was in his pocket. He didn't need to give Squall more ammo. Holding what would be seen as vital intel privately for so long would see him worse than decommissioned. Squall would find something between court martial and firing squad to threaten him with. "Careers have benefited from that."
"Men have been ruined by that," Irvine countered, and the way he said it made Nida think of Seifer. The point was too true to be denied. Well, hadn't he expected as much?
"I imagine I'm to see him directly..."
"Actually, word has reached Kadowaki about your injuries. She refused to allow you to be brought anywhere other than her when you got here."
"Now you hand me over to a fate worse than death. Last time I saw the Doc I promised not to get seriously hurt for at least three months. I kind of failed in that." Disappointing the Doc was never a wise way to get ahead in life. Even if she was tacitly offering sanctuary.
"She wanted to check up on your arm, by the way. And the leg. And your head because you seem to be clinically stupid," Irvine laughed, even as he gestured for Nida to proceed him.
"And if I don't want to see her?"
He could hear Irvine freeze behind him and try to process what was just said. Honestly, in Irvine's position, he might have had the same reaction. As it was he waited patiently for Irvine to come to whatever conclusions he needed.
"Seriously?"
"Do I sound like I'm kidding?"
"He won't be expecting you..."
Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. If he wanted to go to Kadowaki he could easily buy himself time to prepare himself for Squall. Yet the battle Squall would have to go through to get access to Nida once he entered the infirmary would more than just frustrate him, earning Nida no sympathy. Not that going to Squall while clearly in pain would win him anything anyway. Squall would see through that easily enough. Yet in the end a less frustrated Squall would be preferable to deal with.
"Take me to him."
There was a sigh, and then Irvine was passing him, clearly intending to lead him to wherever Squall was. They went in silence, but only until they were relatively alone. Then, instead of leading, Irvine dropped back to half a step behind Nida, as if to respect their differences in rank. The truth was that it was ideal for Irvine to whisper frantically to Nida. There wasn't time for much, but he made time for an overview of what he'd told Squall in his own debriefing since his relatively recent return. It didn't tell him anywhere near everything, much less what had happened between Irvine and Boyce before he'd arrived, but it was something.
And more importantly, it told him that Irvine hadn't spoken about what tidbits the GFS had offered them. Nida would have to think quickly about what pieces of that he was willing to share. The answer, more likely than not, would be all of it. What was gained by holding it back, especially if the GFs could communicate with each other? Still, he was almost shocked that Irvine hadn't spoken on the topic, through there was a chance it was because he was appeasing the voices in his own head. Voices Nida almost felt lost without.
They were silent by the time Irvine summoned the elevator, keeping others interested in using the elevator away with a glare that Squall would have approved of. It wasn't until they were in and Irvine had hit the button for the third floor that Nida turned to look at him in shock.
"Not one of the secure rooms in the sublevels?"
"Squall was certain you'd hide with Doc K, and was going to steal some sleep in his office while he waited for you or word from Fujin and Sell. He'll only have had an hour or so, so don't be surprised if he's grouchy. You know... For Squall."
It was almost enough for Nida to turn back, but enough people had seen him and Irvine coming here for that to really be an option. So he steeled himself and stared at the elevator doors.
"Talking to them?" Irvine asked, clearly mistaking the look and the silence.
"No. Fujin had me hand them over when I got back to Rag. Orders from Squall I think."
"Really? I hadn't known. We're still running under the illusion that I'm Squall's second here. In truth that white SeeD, Reis, has been brought in for the sake of the Sorceresses, and has been filling my role since my return. Squall isn't exactly happy with us."
"But he let you keep your GFs?"
"A good sniper may need to deploy on a moment's notice. Squall has been making use of me in that capacity and won't risk my preparedness like that. I assumed..."
"Fuu and Raijin know how to work with GFs and may need the heightened reactions and senses that Salamander and Siren would offer them. They've proved invaluable in our encounters as my reports have noted. That assumes, of course, that they will talk to those two. But since Fuu is adept with wind magic, Siren may take to her, despite her previous catishness about her."
Irvine must have read something into what he said, because he could see the way Irvine was staring at him in the highly reflective metal of the elevator door. Nida just did his best to ignore the curious look and prayed the door would open soon.
Sure enough even as he thought it the doors slid open and he stepped into the almost oppressively quiet third floor hallway. In a moment Irvine was moving past him, giving the smallest of gestures to indicate where they were heading. Nothing resembling neutral ground was to be found up here, and the indication of Squall's personal office only made it clear where all the power would be in this encounter. Why couldn't Squall have at least been on the bridge where Nida was more comfortable? No, that was a ridiculous thought. Nida knew better than anyone that there was no place approaching comfortable up there for even the most tired of men to sleep. He'd tried.
Irvine's first knock at Squall's door was quiet to the point of nearly being inaudible. Yet before he could pull his knuckles back to knock again there was a double beep as the door slid open. Apparently Squall hadn't achieved sleep after all.
"Irvine," Squall acknowledged through the opening door. "You got here quickly. I assume Nida..."
"He is with me now, sir. Refused to see the doctor."
Squall must have reacted, but with Irvine mostly filling the doorway there was nothing he could see. In fact, it wasn't until Irvine stepped aside that he saw much of anything, and what he did see left him certain of the truth in Irvine's words in the elevator. After all, his eyes were almost immediately drawn to a spot of startlingly bright white in front of Squall's desk. There was no mistaking the uniform of a white SeeD, nor was Nida left wondering as to who it was as Reis Anders stood and turned to face him. Yet there was a sharp gesture from Squall, and Reis froze part way into shifting into the proper stance for a salute. That was a less than heartening sign. Yet it was more than enough of an opening for Nida to snap off a salute of his own. He was sure it looked impressive in his full dress uniform, but he almost immediately ruined the look as his arm snapped into attention position too hard against his cracked rib and he winced.
"Reporting as ordered, sir," he gasped out, wishing he could have spoken without the clear indication of pain.
"I believe the orders included very strongly worded requests from Kadowaki..."
"Which, with all due respect, sir, I have opted to bypass due to the importance of my report."
"A report which," Squall pointed out with a sigh, "you have refused to give several times over the past hours. Am I truly to believe that you have suddenly had a change of heart?"
"Sir?"
"No," Squall snapped, rising from his desk. "You will be silent and listen. You've been giving me the run around for hours, Nomura. The intel you could have provided, the chance you had to be open and, dare I say obedient, is all but useless and past. I have had to give a powerful military asset over to someone comparatively unfamiliar with her charge when I most need its effective use. I have been forced to deal with repeated insubordination that has nearly killed you twice. I begin to wonder where your loyalties truly lie."
"Sir, I have to protest," Irvine cut in, only to earn Squall whirling on him.
"No, Irvine, you must not. You are no more innocent in this than he is. Your allowing this organization, this war effort to labor on under the false assumption that everything rested on Nida's shoulders was irresponsible at best and destructive at worst. So I will hear nothing form you at this time. In fact, you are dismissed. Anders, escort him to his quarters. If anyone asks you're discussing the possibility of transporting Matron into Esthar for the time being."
"Yes sir," Reis said, but he sounded reluctant. At least Nida wasn't the only one who found Squall's outburst unnerving. Unfortunately he was the only one who had to face it now.
There was little Nida could do but stand there silently as Reis followed Irvine out of the office and the door closed behind them. At first Squall said nothing. Then, with a sigh, he sat back down at his desk. The way he ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes spoke volumes, but not in a language that Nida knew. He'd have to ask Seifer about that later. Surely he knew the little signs that rendered Squall an open book. Not that it was his place to know. It was just something he'd wanted to be able to do for a while. It came from an odd mixture of respect, a healthy dose of fear, and an unhealthy measure of appreciation for Squall's looks. The last part was only unhealthy because he would never want to act on it out of respect and an ingrained awareness that few men appreciated such attention from other men.
"Sit," Squall ordered at last, sounding both annoyed and tired. "You, Irvine and Seifer are such headaches. In fact, lately you have been more of a pain than either of them. You've really come far from the potential A level I sent to Winhill before this all started."
"I'm not the man I was then," Nida pointed out. "Things have changed pretty seriously since then. Everything has changed."
"You think I hadn't noticed?"
Nida didn't look up from where his eyes had fallen, namely to a messy stack of paper on the desk. It must be bad if Squall wasn't finding the time to keep the office as tidy as he used to.
"For one thing you're more confident than you were then. While I cannot approve of all it has resulted in, it is a good change. Having confident SeeDs who can think on their feet and lead are vital. But you've also proven less reliable than I need. It is hard to rely on someone who you cannot predict. I can't have someone driven by prophecy running off like you have these several times, and as Irvine has. Fate or not, people cannot depend on you as they once did, Nida. So what am I supposed to do with you now?"
"I honestly couldn't tell you, sir."
Again Squall sighed, running his hand through his hair once more. "I suppose we can start with explanations. Report, and don't leave anything out. I let Irvine get away with it for now, but I expect more from you."
"Where should I begin?"
"Wherever feels like the beginning."
The look Squall gave him when he started back at the encounter with Vernon was almost priceless. Yet he stayed quiet as Nida spoke, cutting in only briefly when he had a question or wanted elaboration. Vernon's reference to Nida's family clearly gained Squall's interest, in part because it had been left out of Nida's previous reports. Yet there was little that could be done to learn more now. The village his family had supposedly lived in was nothing more than a memory and if only Zebalgans really lived there then he wasn't likely to find out more. So when Squall let the questions drop, Nida had pressed on, talking about his dreams. All of them. Everything from the dreams of killing Elijah to the paired dreams of running through the Deep Sea Research Center. He admitted he hadn't shared the dreams because he hadn't understood them. He spoke of the growing certainty that he had to act or give up, and how action had been the final choice.
As he spoke he found himself admitting things that he hadn't realized before. The told Squall about the brief relationship with Fujin resulting in him not telling her about his intentions. The combination of their relationship and the expectations of being in Seifer's posse might have meant they would have followed him regardless of the Rag. Squall had seemed disapproving of the whole thing, though whether it was over the situation with Fujin or the place he had in the posse, Nida wasn't sure. He barreled on to his justifications of fate and dreams and his infiltration training. There, at last, Squall had nodded and admitted that Nida would have been one of his choices to send if he'd actually known about it all. It was with the departure from the Rag that he came to a stop. The only reason he didn't continue was because a frantic beeping from Squall's console had drawn Squall's attention away from him. At last Squall had dismissed him to his room, even as he sent out a summon for Irvine and Reis to join him. Still, Nida had refused to leave until Squall assured him that the Ragnarok and all its hands were safe. Then, and only then, did Nida rise from the seat, salute, and make his way out of the office with a brief comment that he'd be in the infirmary.
Kadowaki was, by no stretch of the imagination, happy with his late arrival. The first five minutes he was in the room were spent being lectured on obedience to medial professionals. Likely she would have gone on longer had she not gone to poke him in the stomach and he found himself dodging to the side. The the wrong side at that. Bending even a bit to his right hurt despite his ribs being bound, and the wince did not escape Kadowaki's notice. She had him seated on the edge of a bed with his shirt off fast enough to embarrass anyone and was berating him for the latest in a line of injuries with a spirit. Far too soon she was dragging him off for an x-ray of his ribs and a GF powered scan of his healing arm. The arm she pronounced to be adequate, but she spent time tsking over his rib, which had proven to be broken in truth, though still in place by some great deal of luck. While she rebound his ribs and threatened him with a full physical, Kadowaki asked how the injury had happened.
There were few people Nida had learned never to hide things from, people he should never lie to. Kadowaki topped that list. So, as much as he didn't want to, he admitted to the fact that he'd fought and bested a sorceress, though not without being badly hurt and forced to rely on a Hero Drink. Of course he pointed out that Squall may not have been briefed on that fact yet, and so she should keep the knowledge private. That earned him a smack upside the head for thinking she would be anything but discrete before setting up another series of tests to make sure that there was no leftover ill from the magical energy of the sorceress. At the same time she sent a message off to Squall that he should speak to Nida as soon as possible. As if he wasn't already aware of that. Then again, Kadowaki saying he should see a patient rather than leave him alone would likely grab Squall's attention and likely have him running as soon as he was free. No guarantee, though, that it would happen any time soon.
The fact that Squall showed up in the infirmary not ten minutes after Doc K sent her messenger was almost shocking. No, it was flat out shocking. He knew that the feeling was clear on his face from the way the Doc shook her head at him before moving to greet Squall. The two whispered together for a time before the doctor finally gestured toward Nida's bed and proclaimed, in a surprisingly loud voice, that she was done with him for now but would expect his return in the morning for further examination. The way Squall agreed made it seem more like he really wasn't playing attention, but Nida could hardly blame him. It all felt more than just a little surreal to be cast out of the infirmary so easily when he was clearly injured. This had to actually be a first for all of his life in Garden.
Without a word Squall led him from the infirmary, but not toward the elevator and thus office, but rather toward the dormitory wing. While Nida wasn't protesting, he was more than slightly confused by what was happening. Had it really been only an hour or so since he'd arrived? It felt like days. Time seemed to flow differently when a person felt like they had to be on the defensive. His nerves only grew as the turns through the dorm corridors led towards a place he'd only been once before, and then under different circumstances far less stressful than these. Amazing that he now considered Ruth's attack on Balamb Garden to be less stressful. It was almost ridiculous, he mused as Squall brought them to a stop before the door of his private quarters. How long ago had that attack been? Nida could hardly remember any more. It felt like a lifetime. Back then Kadowaki had left Seifer with orders to make sure Squall rested after being shot by Xu. A shot that, looking back, had been an assassination attempt. Had there really been a time before they had become suspicious about Xu's loyalties.
"Sir, if I may ask..." Nida started as Squall reached for the number pad by the door.
"The doctor says we both look like we could use a meal and rest, but you need debriefed and I need to be able to get news quickly. The only way to balance the priorities is to use my quarters. Zell oversaw putting in a secure mainframe line for me, we regularly sweep for electronic and magical surveillance, the access code changes gaily, and it has a bed, a couch, and plenty of coffee. If you have a better suggestion..."
He didn't, and when he failed to offer one Squall punched the access code in and proceeded Nida through the open door. With a sigh he followed Squall, not having much of a choice in the matter. The door promptly slid shut behind him and he was left to linger in the living room alone. IT was only when he heard movement in the kitchen—he envied Squall that kitchen, few dorms had them—that he realized where Squall had gone.
"Coffee?" Squall called as Nida entered the room. "It isn't the best, but it's better than what they serve in the cafeteria."
"Which makes it better than any I've ever had before."
"Black?"
"Sugar. I can't handle the bitter taste well."
If he was dealing with Seifer he was certain he would have had to deal with some sex joke. As it was Squall merely nodded in agreement and gestured to a small container on the counter, which Nida retrieved. They were silent until the coffee was ready and they were seated in the living room waiting for the meal Kadowaki had ordered for them and Squall called down to have sent his room when he made the coffee. They had both finished a second cup by the time the food arrived, and Squall had been forced to answer an 'urgent' message from Rinoa regarding the suggestion that the sorceresses be moved to Esthar. Needless to say Squall came to the meal frustrated, and without needing to be prompted Nida resumed his telling of the tale of the last day. Questions grew less frequent as Squall thew himself at the food with a will—the rumors around Garden that said he survived on fear and duels obviously came from people who had never seen Squall eat—but Nida was certain that they would come later from the way Squall would tilt his head when something that caught his interest was said.
The parts that really caught his attention were when Nida covered everything they learned from the GFs. In fact, Squall stopped the meal and recounting altogether to fetch a pen and paper so he could take rapid notes on the interactions. Those notes would invariably end up in Veringas's hands after Squall tried to pry some information from his own GFs, though whether they would be willing to cooperate or not was up in the air. While Nida couldn't decipher half of the short hand—SeeDs were encouraged to develop their own unique variations on standard Garden style that could only be translated by the creator or with the use of hand-made primers locked in the SeeD commanders office—he couldn't help but note a rather lengthy aside in the garbled writing when he mentioned the names the GFs used for them. Another lengthy notation came with the reaction of the GFs to the energy of the place. The notes stopped altogether when Nida spoke of entering the room where Ashura stood waiting for them.
"Irvine didn't say much about her," Squall admitted with a frown.
"He wasn't around to do so. I rushed him along to find Boyce. Figured that if Boyce was there, it would be Irvine who was meant to face him."
"Did it not occur to you both that it would be better not to take on a sorceress solo?"
"Of course, and if you had a thorough report from Irvine you already know he said as much and I overrode him. The goal was Boyce. There was no guarantee that we could take her down together. A distraction was needed in the hop[es that with a threat to Boyce's life, Ashura could be made to stand down. Whether it was through her own will or the force of Boyce's power didn't matter. It was a judgment call, and mine to make, so I made it. Such was my prerogative."
With a sigh Squall waved Nida on, pen once again poised to take notes. At first Nida tried to skim over the fight but it didn't take long for a dark look from Squall to have him giving something akin to a play-by-play on the fight. Squall's attention was likely on trying to find new ways to deal with experienced sorceresses should it become relevant in the future. Yet the notes only became truly frantic when Nida discussed what happened with being unable to summon Siren, how frustrated Siren was over that, and the corruption of the Sorceress controlled GF. The look in his eyes was the most surprised that Nida had ever seen him, and only grew moreso as Nida detailed what happened on the defeat of Ashura and the explanations Siren gave about it all. When he was done Nida helped himself to the remains of Squall's sandwich when he saw a familiar, far away look in Squall's eyes that could only mean he was conversing with Shiva or his other GF. They would be, hopefully, arguing over what Nida said long enough for him to get some real food in his stomach before he had to resume the telling. Unfortunately Squall snapped back to reality faster than he could have hoped for, and all it took was a simple glare for Nida to put down the remains of the sandwich.
"This brings us to Boyce?" Squall asked as he pulled the sandwich back towards himself.
"Not exactly. There were quite a few steps and you know how those can be when stressed and injured."
It felt like it was far too soon after that when Nida found himself admitting to how useless he'd been in the encounter with Boyce. How his body refused to obey him. How as hard as he struggled it was only the intervention of Salamander that kept him from ruining everything. How even then when they made it back to the surface he hadn't been able to resist the voice again. Without hesitation he took the blame for Boyce's escape, for his jump, for his death and their inability to recover the body. He waited for Squall to confirm it, to say anything, but when he didn't Nida pressed on to his return. Carefully he explained the actions Squall had been on the receiving end of. More than once Squall nodded in agreement of his actions, understanding finally when the rationale was laid out for him. The look of annoyance when Nida explained what happened with Fujin was clear, but Squall said nothing at all, even as Nida came to the end and his decision to see Squall immediately rather than going to the infirmary.
There was nothing to do then. He was out of coffee, there was no food left, and he could hardly leave without being dismissed. So Nida just waited for something, anything, to free him.
At last Squall looked up at him, an unreadable expression on his face.
"You want out." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.
"Yes. I don't think I can do this anymore, Squall. I want to resign when this is over."
"Alright."
"What?" Nida asked, utterly confused. "You're..."
"I'm what? Not supposed to accept? No, that isn't how it works. A SeeD, a soldier, who is unwilling to continue his duties to the best of his ability is useless. An unwilling leader is a poor leader."
"Says the guy who never wanted to lead."
Squall shook his head at that. "I wasn't unwilling. I was unprepared. Have you seen me back away from this duty since I came into it? No. It only took looking at the other options to know where I was needed. From there it only occurred to me that there was no where else I belonged."
"What about with your father/"
Squall laughed, honest to Hyne laughed at that question.
"Here's a secret, Nida: growing up in Garden is a bond that is hard to break. This is the only life I've known. Blood can only do so much in the face of that. Blood is strong, but blood willingly spilled for another is hard to match."
Nida looked down at his hands, hating how much Squall's words rang true in his head.
"I will accept your resignation on two stipulations. One, it cannot be accepted until we reach such a point where you can be safely spared form our war efforts. Two, you will be retained for an additional month long period for the sake of working with Veringas to see what further information you can gain from the GFs. At the completion of that month you can resubmit your resignation and I will accept it. Garden will, of course, welcome you at any time for an instruction position in piloting, or as a mechanic maintaining the fliers, Rag, and Garden. You can, of course, refuse these if you desire. But give yourself a chance to think about this first."
"Squall, I'm serious about this..."
"So am I. I will continue to hold out hope that you will retain your position and then take my offer to travel to Galbadia Garden to help standardize the SeeD programs, especially in light of our decreasing number of sufficiently trained personnel."
"I'm not going to change my mind. I want out of this. I can't do this anymore. I... want to live something like a normal life. It's hard enough to do as a SeeD. It's harder as someone who is apparently cursed to dream the future. It's impossible with both. Maybe if I return home and live quietly I can be free of this."
"There are some things we can't be free of, Nida. Eventually you'll learn that. When you do, Garden will have a place for you. It will always have a place for you. For tonight, though, that place is this couch. Get some sleep. There will be follow up questions about your unauthorized mission in the morning, before we turn you over to Kadowaki for a full physical examination. Expect Veringas to badger you through both."
There was little Nida could do when Squall brought him a pillow and blanket except lay down and try to get comfortable. And pray he wouldn't dream.