Chapter 11

Kid unlocked the door to his hotel room and opened it wide for Lou. Shy Louise stepped inside, and stopped just before the bed while her eyes studied everything around. Kid came behind her, placed his hands on her shoulders, and caressed them softly. As his lips found their way to her neck, she felt ticklish and, giggling, she ran to the other end of the bedroom.

Looking at him flirtatiously out of the corner of her eye, Lou unclasped the button on her waistband and the skirt slid down, pooling at her feet. She picked it up, and carefully placed it on a chair. Then sitting on the edge of the bed, she started undoing all her buttons at the front of her blouse, and soon it came to rest next to the skirt. Clad in just her chemise and bloomers, she felt a shiver run her body. Without turning her head, she could feel Kid's warmth on her back. He had his knees on the bed, and leaning over, he placed a soft kiss on the bare flesh of her right shoulder. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, his lips so close that his warm breath caressed her ear.

Lou turned her face round, and gave him a shy smile. Kid was already in his long johns, and shifting his body in the bed, he laid down. "Get under the bedding," he said, tapping the empty place next to him.

Louise slid into bed, and without a word, her arms eagerly claimed him. The couple embraced, clinging to each other almost desperately. The realization that she was in Kid's arms and all that had happened in the last ten years was enough to pull at her heart again. Tears blurred her eyes, and even though she tried to control them, her body shook while she wept silently. "Lou, please," Kid said softly as he pulled away just enough to see her tear-streaked face. "Don't start again. I don't want to have you crying all the time. I'd rather you stay mad at me. If it helps, just give me a punch to the jaw. Don't hesitate, let all that energy out and punch me," he said, pointing at his own face. "I'd even settle for a powerful one as long as you look after me afterwards."

Among tears Lou could not help but giggle, and instead of the punch he requested, she kissed him softly on the lips. They remained close together and staring into each other's eyes. "It feels so good to be here with you," Kid breathed, caressing her cheek. Lou smiled, and kissed his fingers as they brushed against her lips.

"Kid…" Lou called after a few silent but emotion-laden moments. "I want… I want you to talk to me." Kid nodded. That was what they had agreed on when they decided to come here, and if he did not start straightaway, he might easily forget his promise not to touch her until they had got reacquainted for real.

"I want you to tell me everything since you left. I need to know."

Kid nodded again, and his face shadowed. Knowing he was about to embark on a journey he would rather not go on. Breathing in, he got ready to speak up. "Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done, and now that the reasons that were so plausible back then don't make sense, I feel you should have shot me before I could walk out on you."

"Yes, I should," Louise muttered. What was happening between them now did not mean her feelings about that particular moment had diminished or changed. It still hurt too much.

Kid bobbed his head up and down, accepting her vague rebuke. Over the years he had chastised and almost tortured himself over his mistake, and nobody could make him feel worse than he already felt. In truth, he did not regret following his heart and ideals; he loved the land that had seen him born and grow up, but he had learned in this odyssey that there were more important things, and his priority should have been his wife above anything else.

"I still remember the night I left," Kid continued. "After those previous horrible days, that morning topped anything else."

Lou knew what he meant. Since Kid had announced his intention to join the war, fights and long silences had been the norm in their home that week. Louise had even refused to sleep in the same bed as him, and had gone to spend her nights in Theresa's bedroom. Then the day Kid had left, she had locked herself at home, and had not bothered to join the others who came to see Kid off.

"I… I just couldn't say goodbye," Lou whispered. "I saw you ride away from the window of our bedroom… I wanted to go after you, and hold you, but I just couldn't. Seeing you go broke my heart. I cried for weeks."

Kid cupped her face with his right hand, and stroked her cheekbones softly with his thumb. "I'm so sorry," he said, feeling her anguish in his heart. "During the whole ride I kept thinking about you, and how much I missed you already. I even thought of forgetting about the war and riding back to you every five minutes."

Lou refrained herself from saying the obvious 'I wish you had', and instead she asked, "What did you do when you got to Virginia?"

"I went straight to the recruitment office, and enlisted," Kid replied. "The officer in charge there told me I would have to report back in a week. Seven days for myself and my thoughts. That time in my own company turned out to be a hard journey to my past."

"What do you mean?"

"I decided to visit all those places that had been part of my childhood, you know, like the house I was raised in," Kid explained. "The run-down, weak cottage didn't exist anymore, and in its place a comfortable house loomed in our old field. Some folks had bought the property after we lost it to the bank. You can't imagine what it was like when I was a child. These folks had really made the place bloom the way my father the drunkard never could."

Louise slid her hands from his shoulders to his chest. She could feel his body tense under her touch, which did not surprise her. Talking about his father had always upset Kid, and things had not changed. She still remembered the first time he had shared his troubled past with her, and it was then that she had truly understood what kind of person he was, and why he was always so wary in his relationships with others, much like herself.

"The new owners let me have a look around when I told them it had belonged to my parents years ago. The property really felt like a real home now, with the Hales' children laughing and playing around happily, without cares. I thought about my mother and how she would have loved it. I thought about you too." Louise cast a questioning look, and Kid added, "I thought to myself, 'this looks like the home I'd want to create with Lou and where we could raise our family'. Actually, apart from the children my ranch has quite a lot of what I saw because that was what I knew you loved."

Louise smiled, and even though they had not even voiced their love for each other in words yet, she dared to say, "I'm sure I'll love it."

Her comment hid the hope of a promise, which lit up his features for a few seconds, but when he resumed talking, his face darkened once again. "That wasn't the only bleak memory I had to relive that week. I felt very strongly I had the moral obligation to visit Garth's and Doritha's families. I kept putting it off for a few days, but I finally mustered the courage and went through with it."

"How… how did it go?" Louise asked cautiously.

Kid made a grim face that answered her questions, but he still elaborated. "You know I sent them a letter when they died, but even though some time had passed, they hadn't recovered from the blow of losing their children. Mrs. Simmons looked twice her age since I last saw her. The poor woman had lost her husband and daughter in just a few years, and it was obvious that after living high off the hog, she wasn't coping with her new financial situation very well. Talking to her, though, wasn't as bad as dealing with Garth's parents. Mr. Maxwell wanted to know in detail how his son had met his death, and… Lou, I had to lie!" Kid exclaimed, his anguished eyes searching for his wife's. "How could I tell the Maxwell's that Garth had become a crook, a criminal, and his greed had been the cause of his death? I couldn't, and I just told them Gath had been shot dead when he had surprised a couple of rustlers trying to steal his horses."

"You did the right thing, Kid," Lou whispered, rubbing his shoulders encouragingly. "The truth wouldn't have given them their son back. Garth might have been a rogue, but that wasn't anybody's fault, and his parents didn't deserve that pain and shame."

"That's what I thought," Kid muttered.

As Kid kept quiet after his last comment and did not seem eager to talk, Lou urged him once again, "And what happened then, Kid?"

"At the end of the week I returned to the recruitment office. I was assigned to the 42nd battalion Virginia Cavalry…"

"Seventh unit, company C," Lou finished for him, and at Kid's curious stare, she added, "I read your letter… all your letters."

"I thought you'd burned them, or in the very least, torn them off."

Lou shook her head. "They're still in one of my drawers at home, and if they're worn out, it's because of all the times I've read them. I think I could say every sentence and word by heart."

"You're really full of surprises," Kid remarked half-heartedly. "That's not what I imagined you'd do after I got that fierce telegram of yours. But I wrote to you anyway."

Lou blushed awkwardly as he mentioned the telegram in which she told him she did not want him to come back to her. "I… I was angry, upset, and…"

"You wanted to punish me," Kid finished for her this time. "You already told me, and congratulations on that. You did succeed for sure."

"I… I'm sorry," Lou muttered sincerely, lowering her eyes as she realized what her blind anger had pushed her to do. She imagined Kid receiving her spite, her words of scorn, all alone, and thousands of miles away from his dear ones. And she had removed her love like a brat throwing a tantrum. Now as she thought of him, feeling lonely and turned down by the woman who swore to love him for as long as she lived, Lou felt like crying.

Kid put a finger under her chin, and lifted her eyes to him. "Don't apologize or feel bad, honey. That's in the past, and will remain there. We both made mistakes, and I think we've learned from them a lot."

Louise nodded, and smiled sheepishly. The few letters that she got from Kid and still kept told her about his days in the battalion, the training, the other men, and his undying for her. Yet, there was something she longed to ask him, but the mere idea scared her. Yet, her desire to know was stronger, and she finally questioned, "Kid, what happened that day… the day you went missing?"

Kid stared at her bright eyes in the dark for a few seconds, and taking a deep breath, he then said, "Let me start from the beginning."