Chapter 13

Everything was in silence. It had been hours since Kid and Louise had found shelter in his hotel room, and the voices of people and the neighing of horses outside the window had diminished to nothing long ago. It was about three o'clock in the morning, and the only sound breaking the silence was Kid's deep voice.

"When I was released from the hospital and returned to my unit, I could really tell very notable changes had taken place in that almost year and a half. Before I was made a prisoner, we all believed that the south would easily win the war. Yet, after years of fighting, we were resigned to lose. People were tired, disappointed, and totally embittered. I could tell nobody cared who the victors or the losers would be. In a way, every side, north and south, had already lost too much, and the victory would mean little. The men just wanted all this to finish and go home."

"How long ago was this before the end?" Lou asked.

"Five or six months," Kid replied. "A few months that felt like years. Sometimes I thought the war would never end. I then remembered something I learned at school, the Hundred Years' War. A hundred years fighting! Imagining that long perspective made me wish to die. Every day I replayed in my head all our terrible fights before I left. You always said I'd be ruining our chance to a real life, to a family… Those words kept torturing me every day. You had been so right, and I thought that if the war lasted dozens of years, our dreams would be destroyed. I even had nightmares about it, but fortunately, the war did finish in the end."

"Kid, I also had a part in ruining our chances," Lou remarked bitterly.

"Not everything is ruined," Kid replied, taking her hand and squeezing it between his. "It ain't too late. We have our whole life ahead of us. This morning when I went to see that lawyer, I remembered your words again, and how they had become a reality. I also realized that despite the years apart, I still cared for and missed you. I hated going to that lawyer, and standing before him to say I wanted to break my ties to you. And now…" Kid paused as his smile grew bigger and his eyes stared at her as if he could not believe what he was seeing. "Now you're here, and I feel like the luckiest man on earth."

Louise smiled shyly. "I made us waste so much time," she muttered.

"What matters is what we will do from now on," Kid replied.

Lou nodded. They would also have to talk about what steps they were ready to take after tonight, but first she needed to listen to the rest of Kid's story. "What happened after I made you leave Rock Creek?" she asked sadly.

"I can't lie to you, Lou. I was very hurt because I had dreamed so much about seeing you again, and even though I felt I didn't deserve you, I really hoped you still loved me and would be glad I had returned to you," Kid said. "Maybe you're right, and I gave in too easily. Maybe I should have resisted your coldness, and fought for you more."

"Don't blame yourself because it was just 'my' fault," Lou replied, voicing her acceptance of her responsibility in their problems for the first time.

"The truth is I shared some of your feelings too, Lou. I believed I had sinned against our love, our marriage, and this was my punishment. I felt you were right to kick me out of your life."

"Don't think like that, because that ain't true," Lou reassured him.

Kid nodded slowly. "I wasn't sure where to head for when I left Rock Creek. I was not well in here," he said, placing a hand over his heart. "I'd lost what I loved most in the world, and a life without you made little, if any, sense."

"I know it's hard to believe, but it didn't make sense for me either," Lou whispered.

Kid stared at her, expecting to hear more about what she had felt in those days, but when she did not elaborate, the Southerner continued, "Anyway, I ended up in Fort Kearney." Louise nodded, already in the know where he lived. "I really considered returning to Virginia, but there was nothing there for me, and naively I also thought I couldn't go too far from you. I foolishly hoped that maybe you qould change your mind about us, or I might feel brave enough to try my luck again at some point. The months that passed without a word from you proved me wrong, and I just didn't have the courage to face another refusal. I settled in Fort Kearney, and I guessed this town was as good or bad as any other."

"I… I should have followed my heart," Lou muttered, her cheeks tinted by shame and mortification. "When I learned you were gone, my heart pushed me to go after you, but my stupid pride wouldn't let me. I lived miserably because of my damn pride!"

"We both did," Kid said in a soft voice. "I tried to live without you… I really tried, and I suppose I survived in some way. When I reached Fort Kearney, I started looking for a job, but it wasn't easy. There was a latent hostility everywhere against anything that was even remotely linked to the defeated side in the war. My accent always gave me away, and as soon as I opened my mouth, I was asked if I had fought for the south, and I couldn't lie. So naturally, I kept being turned down at every door."

Lou shook her head morosely. "That wasn't fair… I can't really talk because I didn't treat you much better, and I was your wife, the woman who swore to love you forever."

Kid did not like the way she kept whipping herself at every chance, and something told him Louise had been torturing herself about the same for longer than he might have thought. This did not sound like a first time thing. Feeling he had already reiterated his understanding and forgiveness too many times already, Kid simply took her hand and brought it against his lips to kiss it. "You've always been a true woman, too true to betray your own feelings. But this war also defeated you… defeated us, but I hope, we can rebel against it now."

Lou managed to stretch her lips into a sad smile. "What did you do in Fort Kearney? That man you were talking about the other night at Rachel's… Did he hire you?"

"Mr. Granger… yes," Kid replied. "He owned a huge horse ranch, but he also raised cattle, and other farm animals. I heard he was hiring, and I hoped I could have a chance. It turned out he wanted someone to work with his herd of pigs. The job mainly involved cleaning the sties, feeding the hogs, and looking after them. Pigs are tough animals, and dealing with all these animals wasn't a piece of cake, not like with horses. I ended up every day totally exhausted. The pay wasn't too good, but at least it was enough for me to get by."

"I'm sorry, Kid."

"I'm not, Lou," he contradicted her. "It was a decent job, and at the end of every day I really felt useful. For the first time in too many years I felt I was doing something good, and I needed it so much." Kid paused for a second. "I did that for a few months until one day Mr. Granger happened to see me around the horses once. I sometimes snuck to the stables at night to just admire and see the beautiful animals my boss owned."

"Like you did with Katy," Lou remarked. Kid nodded slowly, and Louise added, "You know, Katy's in Seneca."

The expression of surprise Kid gave her was priceless, and she almost laughed. "Wh… what?" he exclaimed, and before Lou could say anything, he added, "When I returned to Rock Creek for Rachel's wedding, and I didn't see her at the stables, I thought the worst… I didn't even dare to ask."

"I didn't mean to take her. She's yours, and belongs to you. Yet, when I was getting ready to move from Rock Creek, you know, loading the wagon, and hitching up the horse, she seemed to feel we were abandoning her. She got agitated, kicking the stall door over and over, and even though I tried to calm her down, it was useless. She even broke the door, and we had to leave her in another stall. And when I was finally driving away with my siblings, I could hear her desperate neighing from the distance. Call me silly, but I kept thinking it wasn't right we both abandoned her. Tessie and Miah looked at me as if I was committing a horrible crime. So I pulled the reins, and drove back for her."

Kid smiled. "I don't think you're silly. I'm glad she's with you… my favorite girls together."

"I don't understand why you didn't take her with you, Kid."

The Southerner shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I just wanted to punish myself."

Lou shook her head. "Fool," she scolded lightly, tapping him on the head. Kid smiled, accepting her criticism. "So what happened with Mr. Granger?"

"That night we had a conversation, and as he asked me about my interest in horses, I told him all about my time at the Pony Express. Mr. Granger didn't believe me at first. He thought I was lying, so he wanted to prove me wrong. 'Let's see what you can do on a horse.' So under the starry night I rode one of his stallions, and showed him what I've learned from Teaspoon and from my own experiences back then. The expression of Mr. Granger's face reminded me of Teaspoon and all of us when on that very first day you jumped on Lightning and proved what a skilled rider you were… you are."

Lou smiled at the memory. "So you impressed him?"

"I guess I did. He then offered me to join his team of men who worked with his beautiful horses. You can imagine I was thrilled, but then the whole thing started quite awkwardly."

"Why?" Lou asked. "You're great around horses. I can't think of anyone better than you."

"Well, it wasn't that, actually. The other men… they didn't welcome me too gladly. You know, I was just the hog fella, and they never accepted me as one of them. They were all a bunch of arrogant, envious men I never got along with. When I got this new job, I moved from the humble hut where I lodged with a couple of shepherds, and I went to share a bunkhouse with my new fellows. I first hoped it could be similar to those times we enjoyed during the Pony Express, but it was nothing alike. I hated sharing that space with them."

"Nothing can compare to what we shared back then. That was a one-time thing."

Kid nodded. "All of them treated me as if I was less than them, especially Hank. He was the foreman, and he just couldn't stand the idea that Mr. Granger sometimes sought my company for a chat. In fact, my boss was the only person I felt comfortable talking to, and he was really interested in my views and opinions. He is a bit like Teaspoon, who seems to know a lot about everything."

"I can imagine what kind of man Hank was. Your friendship with Mr. Granger must've annoyed him," Lou remarked.

"Very," Kid replied. "And to make matters worse, there was Mr. Granger's daughter."

At the mention of a woman Lou's attention perked up. "His daughter?" she echoed in a voice that clearly denoted that her interest was more than curiosity.

Kid sighed, realizing he had been talking without thinking. Running his fingers through his hair a few times nervously, he added, "Uh… it's difficult to talk about these things to your wife. Uh… Gloria… that is, Mr. Granger's daughter normally came to the stables every day to pick up a horse for her daily ride. She was a good rider… not like you, or course, because you're out of the ordinary." Lou did not budge at his flattery as her heart was speeding and her cheeks flamed, fearing the worst. Her mind kept crying wordlessly, begging in silence he didn't tell her what she dreaded most.

"We sometimes talked about unimportant things," Kid continued. "She was a nice girl, but after a while little by little I noticed things… I realized that she…"

"She liked you," Lou finished for him in a dead serious tone, feeling her eyes sting with the tears she stubbornly chocked back. "And did you?"

"No!" he almost cried. "No, I swear I didn't, Lou. Gloria was a good woman, but I couldn't think of her as anything else but a friend. I was already married to you, and despite everything, I couldn't betray you even more." Kid paused for a second. "Lou, I never took off my wedding band," he added, showing his hand and the ring glowing on his finger. "But I never mentioned you because… it hurt too much. So people thought I was a widower."

Louise nodded, understanding what he was saying, but despite his assurances, her fear did not diminish. "What happened between you and Gloria?"

"Nothing, Lou. I swear," Kid replied. "I tried to avoid her, but she always found me somehow. You know, it ain't easy to shun your boss's daughter without being blatantly rude. I felt quite uncomfortable with the situation, and her hints got more and more obvious." Kid paused for a second. Telling Lou that one day Gloria had suddenly kissed him was not a good idea. And he could not say either that he had been too tempted to forget he was married. He was a man after all, and feeling lonely all these years had made him yearn for some loving. That would just cause Lou useless suffering, because nothing had happened between him and Gloria, nothing at all. He had said no, but he had realized he had to handle the matter delicately. "I decided to talk to her father."

"Her father? Why?"

"Lou, I'm not very knowledgeable about women, but I do know you ladies don't take refusals right because it ain't very gentlemanlike to say no to a woman. I didn't want to humiliate Gloria," Kid explained. He still remembered the time Doritha had appeared in Rock Creek and made passes at him. Her strong reaction to his refusal still stung his pride whenever he replayed the memory in his mind. "Naturally my intention was not to complain to Mr. Granger about his daughter's attitude. I just wanted to clear the air. So one night when I was talking to him, I casually dropped that I was married, and I told him about my situation with you. His face told me he was disappointed at learning about my truth, so I guessed he was aware of his daughter's feelings in all this matter. Mr. Granger even hinted that if you and I were already separated, we should make it permanent and get a divorce."

"And what did you say?" Louise asked eagerly.

Kid smiled, and stroked her cheek. "I told him I still believed we could sort out our problems one day." Louise did not know whether to smile or cry, but he saved her from the dilemma as he continued. "My conversation with Mr. Granger worked, and Gloria changed, and her hints stopped. Yet, I'm afraid all this had very nasty consequences."

"You mean for you?"

Kid shook his head morosely. "For Gloria," he muttered. "I didn't know at the time, but Hank was sweet on her, but all his attempts to approach her were always turned down. Hank hated my guts, so you can imagine how he must have felt when he noticed Gloria paid me special attention."

"I can share the feeling," Lou said truthfully. Even though she did not know Gloria, and nothing had happened between her and her husband, Louise could not help but being stirred by deep jealousy.

"I don't think so, Lou," Kid contradicted. "Hank was a bitter, mean man. He only thought about himself, nobody else. Please don't ever compare yourself to him."

Louise was struck by the seriousness in his words. "What ain't you telling me?"

Kid inhaled deeply. "One night Hank returned to the ranch after spending all his pay on booze. He must have been blind drunk when he ran into Gloria at the stables. And then he… he attacked her."

Lou's hand flew to her mouth in total shock. "Oh my God!"

"It was a nasty business. The worst was that Mr. Granger walked in on them. That beast was abusing his daughter. Can you imagine what that can do to a man? I can put myself in his shoes, and I understand why he did what he did. I imagine he was totally blind with rage, and no wonder he drew out his gun and …"

"Killed him," Lou whispered, guessing the end of her husband's account.

Kid nodded. "There was an inquiry, naturally, and Mr. Granger was cleared. Since then things changed for the worse. Gloria became a prisoner in her own home. She stopped riding, or much anything else… she never went out, and became almost a hermit. Mr. Granger suffered almost as much, or even more."

"What do you mean?"

"This whole thing devastated him. I can rightly imagine that seeing what that animal had done to his vibrant daughter day by day is more than what a man can handle." Kid explained. "Gloria is his only family. His wife died years ago. After this happened, he lost the sense in life. So he started neglecting his business. With Hank gone, Mr. Granger decided I should take that place, and I tried to do my best, and I think the whole thing would've gone to rack and ruin much earlier if we, his workers, hadn't tried so hard. But however much we did to help, he was the boss and the owner. In two years he customers decreased to half, and months later he was bankrupt."

"Didn't Gloria get over her… her attack in all that time?" Lou asked. "I know it never goes completely, but time helps, especially if you have the right people by your side."

Louise gave him a small, sad smile, as a shiver coursed all throughout her body. Memories of her most terrible moment popped in her mind but those images now appeared linked to more gentle ones, when she had confessed her dark secrets to her now husband.

Kid placed a soft kiss on her cheek, and squeezed her hand encouragingly. "Last time I saw her she seemed to be doing much better, but her father didn't cope with his own demons so well. You women are way stronger than us men."

"We're just prouder. We just can't let ourselves be ruined by those despicable beasts that call themselves men. We need to win over them, or otherwise, we'll be defeated forever," Lou stated firmly.

"It was Mr. Granger himself who talked me into trying my luck in the business. I was reluctant… I was unsure if I could pull it off, and, you know, this was something we said we'd do together. But Mr. Granger spoke with such conviction that he finally persuaded me. He helped me find a nice piece of land, and I didn't stop to think too much even though I was still wary. It was quite a lot of money, and I had to get a mortgage. So right now the bank owns most of my property, but one day hopefully it'll be mine… it'll be ours."

Lou smiled as he corrected himself. "I know it will. I have no doubts in your capability and value."

"Things are going slow at the moment, but it's doing good," Kid replied.

"I'm really glad. You deserve it," Lou said with a big smile.

"And that's my story. Last month I got Rachel's letter. I hesitated for weeks. I didn't know if you'd be here as well, and if you actually were, I asked myself if I wanted to see you. I even wondered what I felt for you after all these years. I believed we needed to talk things through, and sort out our messy marriage. That was what made my mind up in the end."

"And what do you feel for me, Kid? Do you know now?"

Kid smiled, cupped her face in his right hand and looked into her eyes. This would be the first time in years he would voice his deep feelings, and he wanted to do it right. "I love you, Lou," he whispered, praying she could read the truth in his simple words.

"And I love you too. I never stopped… I swear I…"

"Shh," Kid gently shushed her flood of words by placing a finger on her lips. He smiled again, and soon his own lips replaced his finger. They kissed softly but intensely for a few minutes. When they pulled away, they remained locked in each other's arms. Louise pressed her face against his chest, closing her eyes as she relished the wonderful feeling overwhelming her. "So Lou, now that you know everything, would you take me back? Will you be my wife again?"

Without moving from her position or even opening her eyes, she said, "I've always been your wife, Kid."

"Lou, you know what I mean."

Louise nodded against his chest. "I'll be your wife… forever… until I die, that is, if you still want me."

"Honey, you know I've wanted you almost since the beginning," Kid said, staring blankly at an unspecific point in the dark. "I don't quite remember what my life was like before I met you. Even without your physical presence all these years, you have always been with me. Maybe I should've gotten used to your absence, but I never could. Does that answer your question?" Kid kept quiet, waiting for her answer, but when she did not answer, he insisted, "Lou?"

Looking down at her, he noticed her deep intakes of air, and he realized she had fallen asleep. A smile lit up his face as he hugged her even closer. Tonight the demons had gone out of the window. His angel had restored his faith in love and life, and he knew for sure that tonight he would sleep better than he had done in the last ten years.