Chapter 15

A bright smile shone in Louise's beaming face as she held onto Kid's arm proudly. The sun climbed high in the sky, weakly warming the earth below, and a cool breeze impregnated the town with its freshness. Arm in arm, Kid and Lou walked along the main street, looking as if they were newlyweds.

After their passionate and intense night together, they had slept in and even had a repeat of their love making before they had left the room. In the almost empty restaurant they had a late, relaxing breakfast. Later Louise had helped Kid pack his few things, and they had briefly stopped at the reception to pay for the room and leave the key.

Kid carried his saddlebags and bedroll in his left arm as he proudly boasted of his beautiful wife to the world. Lou lifted her bright eyes to him again, and looking at his baggage, she said, "I see you still travel light just like when we worked for the Express."

"I don't need much," Kid replied non-chalantly. "And right now I could even get by with less. I have you back, and that's all I care about."

Louise grinned coyly. "Are you sure you have the key then?" she asked as they directed their steps to the line of buildings at the end of the street.

"Yes, I'm sure, woman of little faith," Kid said, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. Lou giggled, and as they reached their destination, Kid dropped his bedroll on the wooden porch, and rummaged inside his saddlebags. When he finally found the key, he flaunted it before Lou's eyes. "See?" he asked before bending over and inserting it into the lock.

It was sheer luck he had brought the key along. After the war when he returned to Rock Creek, Rachel had handed him his belongings, which Lou had previously packed. Kid never understood why Louise had included the extra key for the house they had bought to build their home. Back then she still lived with her siblings there, and he had never learned why she had given him the key. Before coming to Rock Creek, Kid had taken the key with him because he had thought to give it back to Lou if he happened to see her during this visit. Naturally never had he thought he would be using the key to reenter his so-longed-for home with his wife. Actually, he was still in disbelief, and had to pinch himself from time to time and make sure he was not dreaming.

Kid unlocked and opened the door, and stepped aside. "After you, Ma'am," he said, stretching his arm pompously to the door.

Lou smiled, and hardly had she taken a step when she felt her body be lifted in the air by strong arms. "Kid!" she shrieked startled.

"Honey, we need to do this right," he said, securing his hold around her waist and under her legs. "You know the tradition. The groom carries the bride over the threshold of their home. I know it's been too long since we were newlyweds, but for me this is our fresh chance, a new beginning, and I feel as if we had just got married."

Louise grinned, and hooked her arms around his neck as he carried her into the dark interior of the house. Once inside wrapped in the shadows, they kissed more longingly and passionately than on their wedding night. When the extended kiss ended, their mouths remained together as they kept whispering sweet nothings and words of love like a mantra.

When Lou finally slid out of his hold, she quickly started opening the windows and shutters to let some light and air in. The living room looked like a drawing that had frozen in time. All the furniture was covered and protected by sheets, which gave the place a rather spooky appearance.

Louise removed the fabric from the sofa, and sank down onto it. "Rachel said that she had given the house a good cleaning, and I think we should do something later to get rid of this stuffy smell."

Kid had picked up his saddlebags and bedroll he had left outside, and came to sit down next to her. "Lou, why didn't you want to collect your things from Rachel's? I hope you don't plan to leave me here all alone tonight."

A goofy smile lit up her features, and scooting closer to him, Louise took his hand and intertwined her slender fingers between his. "I'm never gonna leave you alone. Never again. You're stuck with me now, cowboy," Lou said, and Kid's expression clearly showed he liked what he was hearing. "We'll have to go to Rachel's later anyway, but now I want to spend some quality time with my husband, and you know I'm not in the mood to answer all the questions we are likely to be bombarded with. We can't avoid them, but at least we can put that off for a while."

"You've always been very clever," Kid said, touching the tip of her nose with the index finger of his free hand.

Louise giggled and her eyes lowered to settle on their joined hands. Kid's gold wedding band shone brightly on his finger, and she shifted her eyes gloomily to gaze at her free, bare hand. "Kid?" she called hesitantly.

"Yes, honey?"

Before answering, Louise reached for her reticule, and disengaging herself from him, she started rummaging inside. Her fingers found a small embroidered pouch she kept her money in, and fished her smaller ring out of it, and showed it to Kid. "Will… will you put it back on me?"

Kid nodded. Taking the ring from her, he slid it onto her delicate finger, and brought it against his mouth, kissing it. Louise grinned happily, but her expression froze when he asked, "When did you take it off, Lou?"

"That doesn't matter, does it?"

"I just want to know. That's all. You know everything that happened to me in all these years, and I'd like to hear something from you," Kid replied.

"You haven't told me everything," Lou said, and as Kid frowned, she added, "How about that new scar I found?"

The Southerner sighed and heavily let his head drop against the sofa backrest. "I was in a war, Lou. It's almost impossible to get out of it alive without even a scratch." He turned his head back to her, and took her hand again. "What matters now is that I'm alive and here with you. And now, beautiful, it's your turn."

"My turn?" Lou echoed.

"Tell me when you took the ring off," Kid insisted stubbornly.

Louise finally relented. "I… I was so upset when you left, Kid. I was livid, and I even felt my heart was about to break into a million pieces. Then I saw your ring on my finger, almost burning my skin. I furiously snatched it off, and tossed it away. The following weeks were like a strange, bad dream. All I remember is that I spent night after night crying my eyes out, and feeling so lonely and miserable." Kid reached out to caress her cheek, and Louise gave him a sad smile. "One night I had a horrible nightmare… terrifying. I woke up with suffocating anguish pressing my chest, and automatically my hand itched to touch your ring, but when I noticed my finger bare, I… I don't know. I totally panicked. It was three or so in the morning, and I got up from bed, and I started looking for it… checking every single corner of this very room where I faintly remembered I had been in when I shoved it away. I couldn't find it, and the next morning I moved all the furniture, but again my search was barren. I did the same in every single room."

"Where was it, Lou?"

She shook her head. "Nowhere," she answered. "I knew it should be someplace. This matter was driving me crazy, and I think Rachel, Teaspoon, and my siblings believed I was… especially when I hired Barry Willow."

"Hold on. I ain't sure I'm following you. What does the local carpenter have anything to do with this?"

"I… I wanted to tear up the whole floor and I even asked him to remove the skirting boards," Lou explained sheepishly. "I knew the ring was here, and I had to find it."

Kid looked down to notice for the first time that indeed the wooden floor looked smoother and less worn out than when they first bought the house. "And you did find it."

Louise nodded. "It had slipped through a small crack on one of the boards, and it was just under the floor. When it was back in my hands, I felt such relief you can hardly imagine. I started crying and kissed the ring, dusty or not, over and over again and I didn't care if Barry was standing before me. All I cared was that I had found my connection to you. Yet, absurd or not, I felt unable to wear it on my finger again. I don't know why. The touch of it left a burning sensation on my skin, but I always had to have it close by." Lou paused, and looking sheepishly at her husband, she asked, "Does it sound crazy to you?"

Kid shook his head. "I just think you took all that trouble because it was something important for us," he said. "Nobody can argue that all that effort made you worthy of that ring more than anybody." Kid shifted his gaze back to the floor again, and rubbed his right sole up and down the soft surface. "Changing this must have cost you dear."

"It took me a couple of years to pay Barry all his money," Lou replied. "That's when I found the job at the telegraph office. I realized I needed the money, and not just to pay Barry. Miah and Tessie depended on me, and I couldn't let them starve to death."

Kid stared at his wife as if a ton of bricks had fallen over him. "Lou, I left you enough money to get by for quite a while. You know that after paying for this house, we still were left with a good nest egg."

"But I didn't want that money. It's still in the bank."

"Why?" Kid asked in a serious tone, and when his wife kept quiet, he insisted, "Lou?"

"Don't you understand I was too angry with you?" Lou exclaimed. "I didn't want anything from you, not a single cent, even if part of that money was mine too. I… I thought you were just trying to ease your conscience."

"That ain't true," Kid replied, feeling deeply hurt by her words. "That money meant you could live comfortably. I wanted to make sure you were fine because I cared for you."

"I know that," Lou said softly, lowering her eyes. "I was too blind then, but to be honest, working again helped me in a way… I couldn't remain in the house all day long, brooding over your absence and my misery. I had to distract my mind somehow. Yet, working in that office day by day soared my anguish too."

"Why?"

"We got notifications from the army every week… telegrams and letters to communicate to families about the loss of their dear ones in battle. It was so hard to see those poor mothers, wives, and sisters completely shattered. I kept praying 'Please spare me of that pain. Keep Kid alive'. But the good Lord didn't spare me, or at least, He had the worst punishment for my pride and wrath on the way."

"I'm really sorry."

"When I got that letter, that horrible letter," Lou continued in a broken voice. "Oh God… you can't even start imagining what that did to me. It was as if all of a sudden everything around me had been destroyed… as if the world had gone eerily quiet, and all I could hear was silence and my pain… the horrible voice of pain. Then that silence filled with noise… so much noise that I thought I'd go crazy. People and everything else continued moving, breathing… living as if nothing had changed. I hated everybody and everything, especially myself. I couldn't stop thinking about the way we parted … the cold way you had to leave without a word, a kiss or even a look. I tried to remember the last time we kissed, and I couldn't… I… I couldn't remember when my husband last wanted me." The final part of her speech came out as a sob, and Kid instantly reached for her and circled his arms around her shaking body.

"Lou, none of that matters now," he cooed softly. "I'm here, and I can kiss you any time, that is, if you let me. Please don't cry. I thought we had an agreement, and you promised there wouldn't be more tears."

Lou calmed down, and lifted her liquid eyes to him. "You're right," she croaked.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that predicament and suffer unnecessarily," Kid replied. "When we got married, I swore to myself I'd make you happy, but…"

Louise placed her hand on his forearm to stop his flow of words. "Sometimes we can't choose, Kid. Life often doesn't let us," she said, and he nodded morosely. "But we also have a chance to turn the bad into something better, and I did just the opposite. I've had time to reflect upon those times lately. I admit I was too selfish. Yes, I was sad, shattered, devastated… I had a reason to be that way, and all I could think of was me and my pain."

"That's natural, Lou. When we hurt, we can't do much else," Kid tried to soothe her sense of self-hatred.

"I got sick," Louise blurted out, and as Kid's surprised eyes stared at her, she added, "I started feeling heartburn and dull pains in my stomach. I didn't pay them any mind. I hardly had any appetite, and ate even less, so I thought it was the lack of food that made me feel that way. But then the pains increased in frequency and intensity. I felt sick to my stomach most of the time and very weak. I even had to take to my bed eventually, but I refused to go to the doctor because… because… I didn't want to live, and I prayed with all my heart to be let to die."

"Lou…"

"Yes, I know. I was so selfish, totally selfish. One night Tessie came to my room, crying her eyes out, and begging me to let myself be helped. I still remember her exact words as if it had happened yesterday. It's strange. I don't really have any recollections from that time, but I do remember that. At twelve Theresa was still a little girl, but then she acted like an adult more than me. She was scared of being alone and without a family again if I died. I realized then what I was doing. My brother and sister counted on me, depended on me, and I hadn't given them a single thought since… since you left. Of course, needless to say, my little sister persuaded me to go to the doctor's. It turned out to be a stomach ulcer, and I survived. My stomach still bothers me from time to time, but I'm fine."

"Remind me to thank your sister when I see her," Kid remarked.

Louise gave him a sad smile, and kept quiet, deep in thought. "Kid," she called apprehensively after a while. "I … I want to show you something."

"All right."

Louise took his hand, and rising to her feet, she led the way towards the staircase. They climbed the stairs to the top floor. The corridor was in darkness, barely toned down by the reflection of the light coming from downstairs. All the doors were shut, and as Kid followed his wife's lead, holding onto her hand, he strongly suspected where they were heading. His suspicions proved to be right. Louise stopped before the door of what used to be their bedroom, and opened it. The inside was almost pitch dark, and letting go of her husband's hand, Lou walked in and opened the window and shutters. Light rushed in, and Kid's eyes squinted against the sudden brightness, and as they gradually got accustomed to the generous luminosity, the Southerner eagerly scanned everything around him.

Apart from the logical emptiness of an unlived-in room, everything was almost the same as he remembered. The white quilt that had been Emma's wedding present beautifully embellished their bed now. Kid felt a surge of melancholy shake his soul as he brought back to mind all the times he and Lou had shared this space. He could even hear in his head the sonorous ring of her laughter and even her emotional voice calling his name when they made love.

Kid forced himself to look away as the memories stirred too strong sensations in his body, and he directed his eyes to Lou. She had removed the sheet covering the beautiful dresser Kid had made for her just after their wedding. Louise started opening and closing drawers, clearly trying to find something, and the Southerner grew curious. "What are you looking for?"

Louise ignored his question. "I know I left it here," she said instead as she kept rummaging in a drawer that strangely was not empty. "Oh… here it is!" she exclaimed.

Lou turned around, and Kid noticed she had an envelope in her hand. Stopping in front of him, Louise held it high for him to see. "I told you I'd written a letter to you, and this is it. When I left Rock Creek, I took everything I kept from you… your letters, a few photos, your presents, but I left behind what reminded me of my regrets and mistakes… like this letter," she explained in a soft voice.

"Lou…"

"I want you to read it," she said straightaway. "Please. I want you to see who your wife was back then."

"I already know."

"Read it," Lou almost ordered, cutting him off.

"All right. As you wish," Kid replied. He took the envelope from her, and sat down on the bed. His eyes studied the envelope in his hands. Time had left its mark on it, and the whiteness of the paper had faded into a yellowish shade, which intensified on the edges. Kid then ripped the envelope open, and took out the sheet of paper from inside. As he unfolded it, he smiled when he recognized Lou's handwriting. The ink had also faded, and two folding marks marred the smoothness of the paper from one end to the other. Kid rested his elbows on his knees and held the letter before his eyes, and as he finally dared to start reading, his heart began thumbing in his chest. There was nothing to worry about, and he knew as much, but then why could an old letter pose such a threat to his peace of mind?