Chapter 5
Paige
She rolled over, burying her face deep into her pillow. Her body slowly started to wake; she could hear her parents talking and moving around in the kitchen downstairs.
She groaned, not ready to get up, trying to fall back asleep but something was stopping her. She became aware of the throbbing sensation in her hand, becoming conscious of the fact she was fully dressed; she even still had her boots on.
She forced her eyes open, immediately seeing her hand lying on top of the bedcover and the state it was in. It was swollen and her knuckles were crusted over with dried blood. She tried to move it and hissed in pain.
The memories from last night came flooding back. She squeezed her eyes shut again as a wave of anxiety washed over her, her stomach knotting.
Emily.
A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, running over the bridge of her nose and dripping onto the pillow.
How could she have been so stupid? Her deepest fear had arisen to the surface last night, and her drunken mind had chosen to take it out on Emily in the worst possible way; she hated herself for it. Emily's hurt expression was burned behind her eyelids, an ache spreading inside her chest.
She slowly sat up, her head pounding; she was a hung-over mess. She looked around for her phone, not finding it in her pocket, finally spotting it on the floor when she leaned over the side of the bed.
She scooted off the mattress, picked up her phone and began pacing around her room. It was past 10am; she was surprised she had slept so late. Her heart leapt into her throat when she noticed she had two text messages. She went into her inbox, disappointment flaring when she saw that they were from Sean and Hanna.
She felt ridiculous; of course Emily wouldn't have text her. She wouldn't be surprised if she never text her again.
She opened the one from Sean. Hey babe, just checking that everything's ok? Do you want to do something tonight and we can talk? x
The guilt that she already felt multiplied as she read the message. She felt her headache getting worse; she couldn't cope with this right now.
She moved on to Hanna's text. Are you ok? Caleb said you were upset last night. Call me when you get this.
Damn it, Caleb. She sighed; she knew she couldn't be angry with him since he had obviously been concerned about her behaviour last night and he was just trying to let Hanna know that she might need her, but it was still an added complication that Paige could do without.
It suddenly crossed her mind what Emily might have told Caleb when he picked her up last night; she wouldn't have told him what happened, right?
Annoyance spread through her body at her own cowardice; what Emily may or may not have told Caleb was irrelevant right now; what mattered was Emily and Emily alone.
She sat on the edge of her bed, scrolling through her contacts and hovering over Emily's name. She stared at her phone for what must have been five minutes, trying to build up the courage to call her; the problem was, she had no idea what to say. What could she say? How could she explain to Emily why she had said - that word - without actually explaining it? She couldn't even bring herself to truly think about why she had said it.
She shook her head, deciding that she would call Emily later when she had worked out what to tell her.
She gingerly changed into sweats and a t-shirt, taking care not to move her hand too much. She wasn't sure if she had imagined it or not, but she swore that the t-shirt she had been wearing smelt like Emily. She pressed it against her face, breathing in deeply, realising what she was doing and quickly throwing it into a corner of her room.
She walked down the hall to the bathroom, turning on the tap and running her hand under the warm water. She flinched in pain as she began to wipe the dried blood away, gritting her teeth at the sting; this was just physical proof of her stupidity last night.
She dried her hand tentatively on a nearby towel, grimacing when she saw that her hand didn't look much better. Shit. What was she going to tell her dad? He was going to be angry about it, that much she was sure. She couldn't swim with her hand like this, and their first swim meet of the season was only a couple of weeks away; she couldn't afford to have time off training. She almost started to cry again at the thought.
She managed to slowly flex her fingers; although it was painful, she was confident nothing was broken. Maybe she could sneak downstairs and put some ice on it, and hope the swelling and pain stopped by Monday.
She took in deep breaths, bracing herself against the sink and looking up at her reflection in the mirror. She looked like hell; there were dark circles under her reddened eyes; her eye make-up smudged; her skin pale. Her face felt stiff from all the dried tears. Her eyes focussed in on her lips, scenes from the night before starting to replay in her head.
She was holding Emily in her arms, their bodies close, their lips moving against each other, their tongues touching - Paige's stomach flipped, snapping her out of the reverie.
She quickly grabbed a face wipe from the bathroom cabinet, scrubbing her face aggressively. Once she looked presentable enough, she began to make her way downstairs. Her parents were sitting in the living room on opposite ends of the couch, her dad watching the sports channel and her mom reading the morning paper.
"Morning," she said, surprised at how hoarse her voice sounded. They looked over at her; she made sure to keep her hand out of sight.
"Morning," her mom smiled. "You slept late today; you must have been tired. Did you have a good time last night?"
Paige averted her eyes. "Yeah, it was okay. I'm going to get some water." She made her way into the kitchen, taking a bottle of water from the fridge and tucking it under her arm as she rooted around the freezer for an ice pack. She couldn't find one, deciding instead that a bag of frozen peas would do.
She heard her dad saying, "Back soon," followed by the sound of the front door closing. She was just about to sneak back upstairs when her mom entered the kitchen. There was no way she could have hid her hand or the bag of peas unless she literally put her hands behind her back, and she thought her mom might notice that too.
"Paige, what are you- your hand! What happened?" Her mom gently took her hand in hers, looking concerned.
"I fell," she replied lamely; it was blatantly obvious she'd punched something.
Her mom gave her a stern look. "Were you drinking last night?"
Paige was about to lie before she realised it would be pointless. "Yes," she sighed.
She shook her head. "Paige," she chastised. "Can you move your fingers?" With a bit of effort Paige managed to show her mom that she could indeed move her fingers.
"Good, I think you've just sprained it. Sit there," she said, pointing to the kitchen table. "I'm going to go get the first aid kit."
"Mom, it's really not that bad." Paige just wanted to go back to her room and crawl into bed.
"Sit." She huffed, taking a seat at the table.
Thankfully her mom didn't take long, returning with the first aid kit and a bottle of Advil. She opened Paige's water for her and gave her a tablet. "Here. You'll need to take this regularly 'til the swelling goes down." Paige swallowed the tablet down with water obediently as her mom began to clean the cuts on her hand properly.
"Do you think I'll be okay to swim on Monday?" Paige asked hesitantly. Her mom just gave her a doubtful look. "Can you tell Dad then? I can't face him shouting at me today." Tears sprang to her eyes; she was far too emotionally fragile right now.
"Hey, come here." Her mom pulled her into a hug, running a soothing hand up and down her back. Paige broke down once again, struggling to take gasps of air in between her sobs.
"I'm scared," she whimpered into her mom's shoulder.
"It's okay. You and your health come before swimming; your dad knows that." Paige hadn't been talking about that, but she didn't correct her. "Go on upstairs and get some rest. I think you could do with more sleep." Her mom pulled back, looking at her with worry and pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'll tell Dad, don't fret."
Paige managed a watery smile and a quiet "Thanks" before taking the bag of frozen peas off the table and making her way back upstairs to bed.
Emily
She was sitting at her window seat, where she had been sitting for the whole morning, her head resting against the cold glass of the window. She'd had a fitful sleep; tossing and turning the whole night.
Last night had started out like a wonderful dream; she had kissed Paige. It had been amazing; better than she ever could have imagined.
And then it had turned into a living nightmare.
Her suspicions about the way Paige had acted around Maya had been right; she did have a problem with her being gay. So much so, that she'd heard Paige use a word that she'd never heard leave her mouth before.
Yes, they had kissed and Paige was obviously freaked out, but she still could have been nicer about it. Last night had been flat out rejection, Paige's homophobic language cutting deeper than she thought possible.
There was one thing she didn't understand though; Paige had definitely kissed her back, and it hadn't just been for a second- Paige had had her pushed against that tree for at least two minutes.
She grew angry at the thought. It wasn't fair for Paige to put this all on her. They had both been part of the alcohol-fuelled mistake that happened last night, and Paige would need to accept that.
She wondered if things between them could ever be the same again. She would need to live with the fact that she and Paige would never be more than friends; that much was clear. But the thought of losing Paige as a friend altogether was too much to bear. She would have to explain when they inevitably spoke that she didn't see Paige that way, and that it had just been the alcohol that had caused the kiss. If Paige found out that she actually had a crush on her, Emily couldn't even predict what that would do to their friendship. She wasn't sure Paige could handle that information; it would most likely mark the end of their closeness.
She sniffed as tears rolled down her cheeks. She kept looking desperately at her phone, wishing Paige would phone and make everything okay again and have some magical explanation as to why she had acted like that. She wanted to give Paige the benefit of the doubt and although it didn't hurt any less, she couldn't help but think that Paige hadn't really meant what she'd said.
When Caleb had drove up alongside her while she was walking home last night and offered her a lift, not taking no for an answer, thankfully he hadn't bombarded her with questions; instead, he had hesitantly started talking about Paige, telling her that she seemed really upset.
Emily knew Caleb must have figured out that they'd had an argument, but mercifully he didn't seem to know why, and she was going to keep it that way. No one else needed to hear about what had happened.
Emily crawled into bed for the night. The whole day had passed and she hadn't received one message or phone call from Paige; she didn't know whether she was more upset or more angry.
Emily considered sending the first text, but she realised that would send the wrong message; what Paige had said to her was wrong, and the ball was now in her court in regards to their friendship.
She sighed, closing her eyes, feeling like tonight was going to be another restless one.
Paige
It was Monday morning, and Paige was ashamed of herself; she still hadn't contacted Emily. She kept putting it off and off, deciding mid-Sunday that she would just wait and speak to Emily at school.
She'd considered going a run before class to help clear her head, but in the end it didn't feel right to do without Emily.
They didn't share a class until third period, so Paige spent the whole morning unable to focus on her work, her leg shaking up and down under the desk in anxiety.
Paige made her way towards English, growing more and more nervous as she approached the door to the classroom. She entered, her eyes instantly going to Emily's seat. She wasn't there; disappointment settled in her stomach along with a little relief.
She took her seat next to Emily's empty desk. Emily usually always got to English before she did; maybe she was just running late today. She distractedly started pulling out her notebook and books she needed for the class, glancing back at the door every few seconds, willing Emily to walk through it.
Hanna was the last to enter the class; she spotted Paige, looking like she was coming over to speak to her, but Mr Fitz closed the door and was ready to start the lesson. Hanna looked disappointed as she took her seat a few rows down.
Do you know where Emily is?
She sent the text to Hanna discreetly under the table, watching as Hanna's fingers typed back a quick response.
We need to talk after class.
Paige grew even more apprehensive at her words. She had no idea what Hanna was going to say.
Hanna waited outside the classroom for her when the bell rang. "Hey," Paige said, trying not to sound like there was a panic attack happening inside her head.
"Hey," Hanna replied. They began to walk towards their lockers. "So, I know you and Em have been fighting." Paige didn't think Hanna sounded angry; Emily must not have completely told her what had happened. "I have no idea what about though," she continued, confirming Paige's assumption. "Emily wouldn't say, and you wouldn't reply to any of my messages." Hanna shot her an irritated look.
"Sorry," Paige said honestly. "I've had a lot on my mind."
"You and Em don't even know that Spencer and Toby totally made out on Friday." Hanna clapped her hands together in excitement as they reached her locker.
Paige allowed herself a moment of happiness for Spencer, the first genuine smile she had given all weekend crossing her face. "Wow, really? That's great. So, are they like dating now?"
"Yeah, they really like each other. And I'm pretty sure Aria's seeing someone, but she won't tell me who which is pretty annoying." Hanna seemed to be momentarily distracted, eyebrows scrunching together. She gave a quick shake of her head. "Anyway, once we get Emily hooked up with Maya, we'll all be dating someone! I don't think that's ever happened before, has it?"
Paige cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Is that what you wanted to talk about?"
"Oh no, sorry. I wanted to ask why you and Em were fighting?" Damn; that subject change had definitely backfired.
Paige just shook her head, muttering, "It's complicated," as she opened her locker. "Where is Emily anyway?"
Hanna sighed in obvious annoyance at not knowing what was going on. "She said she's not well." Paige didn't think it was possible to feel even worse, but she did. Emily had stayed off school to avoid her; that was bad. Really bad. "But I don't buy it. She seemed really down when I spoke to her. Whatever it is, Paige, surely it can't be that bad."
"Oh, trust me. It's bad," Paige said, looking at her feet in despair.
"Well, fix it then!"
"It's not that easy, okay? She probably hates me."
Hanna put a hand on her arm. "Hey." She sounded stern. Paige looked up at her, Hanna continuing, "Don't be ridiculous. Emily could never hate you, and if I know her well enough, she's already forgiven you and is just waiting on you to say sorry. Just get your head out of your ass and go see her."
Against all odds, Hanna's words actually comforted her slightly. She took in a deep breath. "You're right. I'll go apologise after school."
"Good," Hanna said, giving a small smile. "I expect things to be back to normal by tomorrow," she pointed, in a mock threat. Paige wasn't sure she would go that far, but she indulged Hanna and returned the hug she gave her.
Paige left school after her last class, her dad having called Coach Fulton to say she would probably be out for the week while her hand healed completely. Against her protests, he had driven her down to the emergency room to double check her hand wasn't broken or fractured; thankfully, it was just a bit bruised.
Her dad surprisingly hadn't gone through the roof after hearing about her injury, but she thought that might have had something to do with her mom telling him how worked up she was over it. Either way, it was one less thing to stress over.
She had just started off for Emily's when she heard someone shouting her name. She turned, seeing Sean making his way towards her. She closed her eyes briefly at his bad timing, guilt flaring up again. She had neglected Sean once more, barely speaking to him over the weekend.
He reached her. "Hey, I think we need to talk." He seemed serious.
She decided to play dumb. "What about?"
"You know what about, Paige," he sighed. "Why have you been ignoring me all weekend? In fact; no, you've basically been ignoring me the past couple of weeks. You keep shutting me out; what's going on?"
"Look, Sean. Can we talk about this later, I'm-"
He cut her off, sounding frustrated. "No, we can talk about this now. This is important."
"I know, and I want to talk, I really do, but I need to go see Emily."
Sean rolled his eyes. "Would it kill you to put me first? You know, just for once?"
Paige felt awful. He was a great guy and he didn't deserve to be treated like this. She didn't know how to reply, opening and closing her mouth stupidly. He shook his head, beginning to walk away. "I'll speak to you later," she said quietly after him.
"Don't bother," he muttered, marching across the parking lot away from her.
Paige wondered how many more people she could hurt in this mess.
She walked up the path to Emily's house, her stomach churning, biting her lip nervously. She took a few deep breaths as she stood on the porch to steady herself, finally knocking the door.
She heard footsteps approaching from the other side, the door opening to reveal Emily's mom. "Hey, Mrs Fields, is Emily home?"
"Paige," she smiled. "Nice to see you, come in." She gave her a quick hug, handing her a bottle of water.
Paige looked at it with confusion, before Pam clarified. "Emily's not feeling well and asked me to bring her water, but since you're here you can take it up to her." She made her way to the sofa in the living room. "I hope you can cheer her up, she's been in an awful mood all weekend."
Paige nodded her head awkwardly, making her way upstairs to Emily's room. Her bedroom door was closed; she knocked lightly. After about ten seconds of silence, she opened it slightly, poking her head in.
Emily was lying in her bed, facing away from her. "Emily," she said. No reply.
She sighed, entering the room and closing the door behind her. She walked to the edge of the bed. "Emily," she repeated. Still no answer. She put her bag on the floor and moved around to the other side.
She was ready to say Emily's name again when she noticed that her eyes were closed; she was sound asleep, her body rising slowly up and down underneath the duvet, her hand clutching her phone tightly.
Paige allowed herself to watch her for a moment. Emily would have looked completely at peace if it weren't for the slight crease of her brow that Paige desperately wanted to smooth over with her thumb.
Okay, she shouldn't be staring like this.
"Emily," she said, the volume of her voice increasing. God, she had no idea Emily was such a heavy sleeper. She shook Emily's bare shoulder gently, saying her name again.
Emily's eyes opened slowly, seeing Paige hovering over her and smiling slightly before seeming to properly come to. She sat up abruptly, the duvet slipping to her waist as Paige's hand fell away from her shoulder.
Paige stepped back, placing the bottle of water on the bedside table and taking a seat at Emily's desk. "Hey," she said hesitantly. Emily didn't reply, instead frowned and wrapped her arms around herself. Paige noticed she was wearing a tank top; a very tight-fitting tank top. She averted her eyes to the floor, waiting patiently for Emily to respond.
"What are you doing here, Paige?" Emily finally asked, her tone angry.
Paige swallowed. "I'm here to apologise for- for what I said."
"Yeah, well you're about two days too late." Emily pursed her lips together, looking away from her.
"Look, I know I should have contacted you earlier, but I didn't know what to say." She wrung her hands together, trying to find the words to explain. "I still don't know what to say." She stood up, walking to Emily's bed and perching on it uncertainly. "What I said - it was wrong. I didn't mean it, and I'll regret it for rest of my life." She paused, letting the words ring through the silence of the room. "I'm sorry, Emily."
Emily was now looking at her, tears shining in her eyes. Paige stared intensely back at her, trying to convey to Emily that she genuinely meant what she said.
Emily blinked, clearly thinking over Paige's words. "I forgive you," she said quietly. The relief that Paige felt was almost dizzying. "But," Emily continued. "I think we need to look at why you said- that word, in the first place." Paige looked down at the bedspread, waiting on Emily continuing. "I think you have issues with me being gay."
Paige's head shot up at that. "What? No-"
"Paige. It's okay. Some people take longer to adjust to the fact that their friend, daughter, son, whatever, is gay. And I don't mean to generalize, but you're dad's a deacon at the church; I know church can be a bit difficult when it comes to this. I understand why it might be hard for you."
Paige wanted to tell Emily she had got it all wrong. Paige didn't care Emily was gay; well actually, that wasn't true. Paige did care, but not for the reasons Emily thought. She wanted to correct her so badly, but she couldn't bring herself to.
"And it would definitely explain your irrational dislike for Maya." Emily looked at her, giving her a flicker of a smile, sighing. "So, I think it's best if I give you time to adjust. I won't mention Maya or any girl around you for the time-being, okay? Not 'til you get your head around it, at least."
Paige hated the idea. She hated that Emily thought she had to hide a part of herself from her. However, she just nodded her head at Emily's words; she would find a way to show Emily that she could be herself with her. She just didn't know how yet.
"And about the kiss-" Emily said, looking down, a blush covering her cheeks. "I'm sorry. That won't happen again. We were drunk and stupid; let's just forget it ever happened."
Emily's words stung; Paige tried not to let it show. Paige could never forget that kiss, even if she wanted to. Also, she had no idea why Emily was apologising as if she were the only participant. Paige wasn't even entirely sure who had initiated the kiss, it had happened so quickly, but she knew she hadn't been a victim in the matter.
"No more alcohol for us," she joked, trying to make light of the situation. Emily gave a small smile, lifting her hand out towards Paige before quickly retracting it.
This was Paige's fault; she had made Emily feel awkward to touch her. She quickly scooted forward on the bed, leaning in and wrapping Emily in a tight hug which Emily returned immediately. Paige turned her head into Emily's hair, inhaling deeply. It had only been two days, but Paige had missed her so much, and the possibility that she might never hug Emily close again had been painful.
Paige felt calmer than she had since Friday night. There was something about being held by Emily that made her feel content. The hug was starting to go on a little longer than a hug should, so she pulled back, a slight smile on her lips.
Emily was wearing a similar expression, Paige taking in her deep brown eyes, her gaze moving down to the subtle upturn of Emily's mouth. She suddenly found herself in a sort of trance, not moving back from Emily like she should be. She looked back up at Emily's eyes to find them searching her own with a hint of confusion.
She was just about to lean in when her phone buzzed, interrupting the moment. She backed away quickly, seeing she had a text from Hanna. She didn't know whether to curse her or thank her. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "So, I should probably get going."
"Yeah," Emily fidgeted, still sitting in her bed. She looked at Paige a moment, not saying anything. Paige wanted to run from the room but managed to reel the instinct in. She noticed Emily's eyes move down, focussing on her hand which was wrapped in a bandage. Her hand had felt a lot better today, but the hospital had recommended she still wore the support bandage. "By the way, what happened?" Emily pointed for emphasis.
"I punched a tree," Paige shrugged.
As she lay in bed that night, Paige couldn't sleep. She was still processing the conversation she'd had with Emily earlier that day, and what had almost happened. Again.
Now that things were semi-patched up between them, she was finding herself thinking about Emily's part in all of this. Deep down, she knew why she had kissed Emily, but she wasn't really sure why Emily had kissed her. Was it really just the alcohol? Or was there more to it?
Because Paige could swear that Emily had been with her there in the moment that occurred this afternoon in Emily's bedroom. Paige hadn't backed away from Emily, but Emily hadn't backed away from her either.
Could Emily like her?
No. That was ridiculous. She was being stupid.
But then again, that could explain why she wouldn't tell any of them who she had a crush on…
Paige felt her brain explode slightly at the idea that Emily could like her as more than a friend, her heart skipping a beat. She shook her head; this was too much to think about at this time of night.
She rolled onto her side, shutting her eyes with a sigh, only to open them a few minutes later in frustration; her mind just wouldn't shut off. She turned onto her back again, wide-awake. She glanced at the time, seeing it was just after midnight. After another few moments of restlessness, she decided she would just do what she usually did when she couldn't sleep.
She lifted her t-shirt halfway up her stomach, trailing a cool hand over her abdomen, trying to clear her mind. Closing her eyes again, she began to think of Sean; of kissing Sean; his hands were on her body, his lips on her neck.
She moved her hand upwards, squeezing her breast gently, her other hand sliding past the waistband of her pyjama pants, her fingers slipping into her underwear. She brushed over her clit, still imagining that Sean was peppering kisses over her throat; that it was his hand rubbing over her breast.
She circled her clit, but after a few minutes, she grew frustrated again; she was having trouble getting wet. She was about to give up when Emily suddenly flashed into her mind. Before she could stop it, Emily had replaced Sean, and it was now Emily's hand that was in between her legs; it was Emily's hand that was pinching her nipple.
She dipped a finger down, feeling wetness beginning to gather there. She knew she shouldn't let the fantasy continue, but in the darkness of her bedroom she allowed her mind to go where it wanted to go, just this once.
Emily's tongue licked at her neck, her head moving down. Emily took Paige's nipple into her mouth, sucking gently, Paige moaning quietly. Emily's fingers spread the wetness over Paige's clit, stroking slowly and steadily.
Emily moved further down her body; kissing in between her breasts; soft lips on her torso. Emily's mouth was on her hip, then kissing the inside of her thigh, then-
Paige came hard with a gasp, her hips straining up off the bed as she continued to rub, bringing herself down gently. She lay there, her breathing shaky and uneven, her body twitching with the aftershocks of her orgasm.
Well, fuck.
A/N: The response to this story so far has been amazing, thank you all so much for reading :)