Chapter 6

Emily

She was peering through the curtains in the living room, watching Paige pacing back and forth outside her house. She thought she looked agitated, which in turn caused her to feel agitated. She was nervous that things were still going to be off between them, even though Paige had finally apologised to her yesterday afternoon.

Emily hoped that her proposal not to mention her love life around Paige would ease the pressure off of the situation between them and give Paige time to adjust to her being gay, but she couldn't stop thinking about that moment in her room when Paige had pulled back from hugging her. She definitely hadn't imagined Paige staring at her lips.

Or had she?

She was extremely confused. She wished that she could read Paige's mind and find out what she was really thinking; or even better, she wished that Paige would just tell her. She was definitely holding something back; Emily was sure of it.

There was a fleeting thought in her mind that maybe Paige wanted to kiss her again; that she liked her. She squashed it down quickly; there was no point setting herself up for even more heartache by dwelling on that idea.

She realised she was still watching Paige from the window like some sort of creepy stalker. She cleared her throat, tightening her ponytail as she walked to the door; she stepped out, Paige almost getting whiplash at the speed her head spun to face her. Yeah, something's definitely up.

"Hey. Hi," said Paige, shifting from one foot to the other as Emily walked down the path.

"Morning," Emily replied, a hesitant smile on her face. "Are you okay? You seem like you've overdosed on caffeine."

Paige gave a shaky laugh, only looking her in the eye for milliseconds at a time. "What? Oh no, I'm just ready to run. Missing training yesterday has left me with a lot of energy."

Emily could see that; she was practically bouncing in front of her. "Okay..." Emily laughed, still bemused. "Let's go then." As soon as the words left her mouth, Paige shot off, Emily having to sprint to catch up with her.

Paige didn't show any signs that she was going to slow down any time soon, Emily having to use every ounce of effort to keep up with her. She thought about saying something, but her competitive side wouldn't let her; she wanted to prove to herself that she could keep up with Paige. That wasn't to say though that she wasn't desperate to reach their halfway point and have a brief walking break.

Paige started to pull ahead of her, Emily no longer able to match her pace. What on earth was she on this morning? Emily was irritated that she was losing the race that had developed, but that was until she saw the benefits of running behind Paige, allowing her eyes to roam over her body, taking in her perfect form.

She mentally berated herself; she was meant to be making Paige comfortable around her again. What would happen if Paige turned her head to see Emily blatantly perving on her?

They were approaching the halfway point; Emily started to slow down, breathing hard, her feet heavy. "Paige!" she gasped, noticing Paige still seemed intent on sprinting. "Wait!" Emily was embarrassed by how out of breath she was, crouching down on the ground, her leg muscles burning.

She heard Paige walking back towards her, panting heavily. Emily looked up at her, seeing she looked a bit faint, swaying on the spot.

"Whoa, are you okay?" She stood up, her legs shaky underneath her, putting a hand on Paige's shoulder and guiding her over to a nearby bench. They both slumped onto it, Emily making sure to leave a gap between them. Paige's elbows rested on her knees, her head parallel to the ground.

"Yeah," Paige wheezed, speaking to her feet. "Think I just overdone it a little."

Emily almost reached out to put her hand on Paige's back, but then remembered the decision she had made to let Paige determine their boundaries for now. She had to be patient while the balance of their friendship restored.

"No kidding," Emily snorted. "I can't move my legs."

Paige smiled, looking up at her. "Sorry, I assumed you'd be able to keep up."

Emily's jaw dropped, feigning offense. "Uh, excuse me; you're the one who looks ready to pass out."

Paige just laughed, causing Emily to do the same. "Okay, fair enough," Paige replied, grinning. For one glorious, fleeting moment Emily managed to forget about their current situation, forget about the weirdness between them, but then Paige's smile slipped, looking away again.

The laughter subsided, their breathing gradually returning to normal. Emily found herself wracking her brain for something to say, the silence between them loud and uncomfortable. She hated this; she and Paige had always been able to sit for ages not needing to say anything, able to just enjoy each other's company; she tried not to let it show how much the awkward tension was upsetting her.

"You ready to go?" she asked, incapable of sitting there a minute longer. Paige nodded, standing up slowly. "Let's take it easy, yeah? Some of us still have to go to practice later." She forced a smile, Paige giving her a brief one in return.

They started off walking slowly before settling on a light jog, Emily so distracted that she was surprised when they ended up back at her house, having no recollection of getting there. "So, do you want me to pick you up in about half an hour?" she asked, determined to stick to their usual routine.

"Actually, Sean offered to take me today," Paige answered, not meeting her eyes.

Emily's heart sank. "Oh, okay." There was another moment of silence, Emily observing Paige kicking at a pebble with her shoe. "See you at school then?"

"Okay, see you." Emily watched as Paige began to walk away in the direction of her own house without another glance, trying her hardest to stop the tears forming in her eyes.

It was only day one, she reminded herself. It was only day one.

Paige

She could see the hurt in Emily's eyes at declining her offer of a lift to school; she felt guilty lying to her about Sean taking her, but she couldn't face a whole car journey alone with Emily.

She was still stunned and embarrassed at what she had done last night, a flush rising in her face at the memory. It had taken every effort to look Emily in the eye this morning, and even then she felt like she could only manage to do it for seconds at a time.

She walked slowly back to her house, lost in thought. She was cringing at how awkward she had been during their run. She had been so nervous about seeing Emily, her body so pumped up on adrenaline, that she had ran much faster than she had intended to.

At least she hadn't fainted when they had stopped; now that would have been humiliating. She almost laughed at herself as she walked, feeling calmer and a little tired now that the nerves had subsided.

She reached her house just as her dad was leaving. "Hey."

"Hey, good run?" he smiled.

She contemplated her answer. "Yeah, actually." Her body had needed the exercise; she was thankful that she could still run since she would be out of the pool for the week.

"Good; remember and take it easy though, okay?" He squeezed her shoulder.

"Okay, Dad. I know." It was strange for him to be telling her to take it easy; he was usually the one pushing and pushing her. But she had to admit, she liked seeing this caring side of him. He walked past her to the car, Paige entering the house. She made her way upstairs, deciding to go for a quick body shower before school.

Whilst she stood under the warm stream of water, she mulled over the complicated situation that had developed with Emily. She didn't have a clue what to do about it, but she realised there was definitely one thing she could sort today.

She wrapped a towel around her body, making her way back into her room and picking up her phone. She quickly typed out a message to Sean, asking him if she could come over after school to talk.

She had no idea what the outcome would be; all she knew was that things couldn't stay the way they were.

Emily

"Spence! Wait up," Emily shouted, Spencer looking around the busy school hallway trying to locate who had said her name. She smiled when she saw Emily approaching. "Hey."

"Em, hey. You feeling better?" Emily was briefly confused before she remembered she was meant to have been ill.

"Yeah; better than yesterday anyway, thanks," she smiled. "So, I hear things are going well with you and Toby?" She grinned excitedly.

"Yes! Thank you so much for that by the way, I don't know if we would have even talked on Friday if it weren't for you," Spencer gushed, giving her a one-armed hug as they walked.

"Glad to have helped." Emily looked ahead, seeing Toby waiting at the end of the hall. "Speaking of," she pointed, giving him a quick wave.

Spencer's whole face lit up at the sight of him. "Speak later?" Emily nodded as Spencer practically floated towards Toby. She was really happy for them; she was, but at the same time she felt a twinge of loneliness. She wanted that; well, maybe not the PDA part just yet she thought, as Spencer and Toby started making out there and then, but she wanted the excitement a relationship brought; she wanted to be able to catch someone's eye from across the hallway and share a shy smile; she wanted to swap subtle touches that no one noticed but them; and most of all, she wanted that person to be Paige.

She walked to her locker, suddenly feeling depressed.

Emily sat down at their lunch table, Spencer and Hanna already there. She slumped into the chair, massaging her temples. "Who knew that missing one day of school could mean missing so much work?" They looked at her in sympathy.

"Tell me about it," said Hanna. "Our workload is crazy. Caleb and I now actually have to study during our study dates." Emily rolled her eyes playfully.

"I'm here to help if you need me," Spencer offered.

"Thanks," Emily smiled. She looked past Hanna and Spencer to see Paige and Aria entering the cafeteria, Paige bowing her head when their eyes met. Emily became overly interested in the salad she had in front of her as they took a seat at the table, Emily surprised to see Paige choosing to sit next to her rather than Spencer.

They flashed each other a small smile in greeting before Emily turned back to her lunch.

"Aww, so you guys made up then?" Hanna asked opposite her. Emily sensed Paige stiffen, Emily giving Hanna a swift kick to the leg. "Ouch," Hanna glared.

"You had a fight?" Aria asked, leaning forward in curiosity, Spencer's eyebrows rising in interest.

"Yeah, but we're fine now. It was nothing," Emily said hastily, unable to stop herself from taking Paige's hand under the table, stroking her thumb over the thin bandage she was wearing, trying to convey that she was never going to tell their friends what Paige had called her.

After a second, Emily felt Paige relax again; she was about to let go when Paige laced their fingers together, resting their hands on Paige's thigh. Emily risked a quick glance at her, seeing she was eating her lunch with her left hand, determinedly not looking at her.

What is happening?

Aria and Spencer looked like they still wanted to know more. "Basically I was a drunken idiot," Paige clarified through a mouthful of food.

"Ahh, understood," nodded Spencer, starting to tell a story about the time she had said awful things to Melissa one night when she was drunk, but Emily couldn't focus on what she was saying.

She couldn't keep up with Paige; one minute they were acting horrendously awkward with each other, and the next, they were holding hands. "Sorry, what?" Emily asked, as she realised Hanna was speaking to her.

"I said, why are you smiling?" She felt four pairs of eyes on her, cursing her inability to hide her emotions when it came to Paige, a heat creeping up her neck and into her cheeks.

"No reason; just thinking of something," she mumbled back.

"Oh, I know," Hanna said, grinning as she looked around the cafeteria. "Where is she?"

"Where's who?" Emily replied, confused.

"Maya," Hanna stated as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Emily felt Paige releasing her hand from under the table.

Emily loved Hanna, she really did, but right now she felt like strangling her. "How should I know?" she snapped, unable to conceal her annoyance. "I didn't see her."

"Sorry, my bad," Hanna said, obviously taken aback by her tone, Emily feeling instantly guilty.

Emily sighed, keeping her voice low so as not to be heard by anyone passing their table. "Look, I appreciate that you're just trying to help, but even though I'm out to you guys, I'm not ready to be out to the whole school yet. Not like Maya."

Maya had only been at Rosewood High for just over a week, and already everyone seemed to know she was bi. Emily didn't know how she did it; did she wear a post-it on her head saying 'bisexual' on it or something?

"And I already told you, I'm not sure I like Maya in that way," she added, feeling like she was saying that to Paige more than anyone else at the table, even though she was looking directly at Hanna.

"Okay, message received, Em," Hanna said, seeming to forgive Emily for being irritable with her. "But if you ever need my help, just say," she winked.

Emily shook her head with a smile, which vanished as she became aware of how empty her hand now felt without Paige's fingers interlocked with her own.

The bell signalling the end of lunch rang shortly afterwards, Emily making her way to Biology on autopilot. She tapped her fingers nervously on her phone, feeling some weird compulsion to text Paige.

I don't really know why I'm telling you this, but I really didn't see Maya in the cafeteria.

She re-read the message at least five times, trying to analyse in her head how her it might come across and how Paige might respond. She hit 'send' quickly before she could change her mind, her heart racing as she watched the message disappearing into cyberspace.

She looked at her phone, growing anxious when Paige didn't respond within ten seconds. She breathed out slowly, trying to calm down, praying she hadn't just made a huge mistake.

She took her seat next to Toby at their desk, trying to pay attention to what he was saying. Like Spencer earlier that day, he was thanking her for her part in getting them together.

"Don't mention it, Toby. I knew you two were perfect for each other; you're the only two people I know who take Scrabble that seriously," she laughed, trying to stop herself from staring at her phone.

Toby grinned, starting to look over the worksheets that had been put out in front of them. Emily tried to do the same, but her brain wasn't processing what she was reading.

Her phone lit up in her hand; she had never read a text so fast in her life. She stared at the word on the screen.

Okay.

Emily's brow scrunched together; what did that mean? Did Paige mean 'Okay, why would I care?' or did she mean 'Okay, I understand what you're saying' or did it mean something else altogether?

She had no idea what was going on, but even through the confusion, Emily couldn't stop the nervous excitement building inside her, the butterflies in her stomach in overdrive. What if-? Could Paige-?

She put her phone away in her pocket, biting her lip to stop the smile spreading across her face.

Paige

Had Emily just implied what she thought she had?

She was sitting in Chemistry, staring out the window in thought. What other way was there to take it?

Her heart was telling her that Emily may have just indirectly told her she liked her, but her brain was telling her that there was some other interpretation of the message that she was totally missing.

Emily, according to Hanna, had been smiling for no apparent reason at lunch; Paige had instinctively removed her hand at the mention of Maya, feeling a pang of hurt at the fact that Emily was smiling about Maya while holding her hand. But then it had become clear that Maya hadn't even been in the cafeteria, so it was safe to assume that Emily could be smiling about holding her hand, right?

She kept going back and forth, being totally convinced Emily must like her, and then feeling like she was being ridiculous and that was absolutely not the case. She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. She didn't know what was more terrifying; Emily having a crush on her or Emily not having a crush on her.

One thing was starting to become evident though; kissing Emily had awakened something in her that she felt powerless to stop. She had thought a lot about it last night after she-

She grew uncomfortably warm, once again embarrassed.

Anyway, she had surprised herself at her confidence in keeping Emily's hand in hers when Emily had reached out to her at lunch. She hadn't overthought it; she had just let her hand do what it had wanted to do. She had also been amazed at how natural it had felt, their hands fitting together perfectly.

She gulped, a wave of anxiety washing over her at what that could mean.

'Okay' had been the only answer she could think of to reply to Emily that would show her that she thought she had understood her message, while at the same time being incredibly vague, just in case; she didn't want their friendship to become even more strained by another misunderstanding.

She sighed, wishing that life wasn't so damn hard.

Emily

She was on her way to practice when she caught sight of Paige at her locker. She stopped in the middle of the hallway, debating with herself whether to go straight to the natatorium or go speak to Paige first. She didn't even know what she would say; she just wanted to talk to her.

She took in a breath, about to walk towards her when Sean came up behind Paige, putting his arm around her shoulders. Emily watched as Paige turned to look up at him, a smile crossing her face. Paige shut her locker, beginning to make her way with Sean towards the exit of the school, jealousy burning through Emily's veins as Sean took Paige's hand.

She closed her eyes, feeling incredibly stupid. Paige had a boyfriend; Paige was straight. And the sooner she got that into her head and accepted that her dreams of being with Paige were only ever going to be fantasy, the better.

Paige

Sean seemed in an overly good mood today. He wasn't being short-tempered with her like he had been yesterday afternoon; she guessed it had something to do with her asking to talk after school. He seemed to be under the impression that they were going to patch things up, which was kind of awkward since Paige was planning on letting him go.

She knew he would be upset; they had been dating for over a year. But she had to remind herself that she was doing this for him; he didn't deserve to deal with her bullshit while she tried to figure out what was going on in her head.

Maybe one day they could be together aga- she didn't even bother finishing the thought.

She wanted to pull her hand from his as they made their way across the lot to his car, but she decided just to go with it; it would probably be the last time they held hands, after all.

Sean drove them to his house, his parents thankfully out; Paige didn't feel like talking to Reverend Ackard today. "You want a drink?" he asked as they entered the kitchen.

"Sure," she said, taking a seat at the table, beginning to feel uncomfortable in anticipation of what she was about to do. He gave her a bottle of orange juice from the fridge, sitting in the chair beside her.

"So, I'm glad you finally want to talk," Sean smiled, resting his hand on her thigh. "I feel like you've not been letting me in recently." He stared at her hopefully, as if she was going to explain everything away. When she didn't say anything, he tapped her lightly on the head. "Come on, what's going on inside that McCullers brain?"

This was worse than she thought it was going to be. He was too close to her; she didn't want to be able to see every inch of pain cross his face as she broke his heart. She stood up, his hand falling away from her leg, his face becoming serious at her sombre expression. She began pacing around the kitchen as she tried to find the words to say.

"Paige?" He sounded worried.

"Look, I have a lot of things going on right now," she started. "Things are...confusing."

"So, talk to me," Sean said, sounding exasperated. "I can't help if you shut me out."

Paige looked at her hands, twisting her fingers together. "That's the problem; I'm not sure you can help." She glanced at him without lifting her head, her brow creasing. It was starting to register with Sean where this was going.

"What are you trying to say?" he said, standing up.

"I'm sorry, Sean." She couldn't stop the tears forming in her eyes at the look on his face. "But I think we should break up."

He stared at her, momentarily shocked, finally looking away, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tightly. "Why?" he managed to say.

"I need to figure stuff out, and it's not fair for me to mess you around while I do that." She walked over to him, placing her hand on his arm in comfort. "I'm sorry." And she genuinely was.

He looked at her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He leaned in, pressing his lips against her own, kissing her gently; she allowed him to.

She scrunched her face up as her tears started to fall freely, realising that she had never felt that spark kissing Sean that she had felt when she had kissed Emily. She was slowly starting to acknowledge a part of herself that had always been there, just been buried.

She pulled away, stepping back from him. She sniffed as she looked at her feet.

"So that's it then? After all this time, you're just ending it? And with that crappy reasoning?" Anger was starting to creep into his voice through the hurt. Paige didn't blame him; from his perspective, this was probably completely out of the blue.

She could only nod sadly, seeing Sean's jaw twitch as he clenched his teeth. "Fine," he stated. He sat back down at the table, pointedly not looking at her.

"Goodbye," she said in an almost whisper, and with that, she walked down the hall and out the front door. She sobbed as she made her way home, the streets thankfully quiet.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and although she was upset, she felt oddly free; she realised that she hadn't just done that for Sean's benefit, but also her own. She took in deep breaths, trying to regain control of her breathing. Finally, she had done something right.

A/N: Thank you for the follows/favs/reviews, I appreciate every one of you. It really means a lot to me, and the extra motivation you guys give always helps :)