Chapter 13
Emily
She could feel Paige's breath slow and steady against her neck; they had barely moved at all throughout the night. Wow, we must have been really exhausted.
She propped herself up on her elbow, looking over at the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table. It was just before 9am. She smiled, glad that Paige's dad's meeting probably hadn't even started yet. She looked down at Paige, admiring the way the winter sunlight illuminated her face as it poured through a gap in the curtains; it made the breath catch in Emily's throat.
She ran the pads of her fingers down Paige's arm from her shoulder to her elbow and back again, leaning forward to run the tip of her nose along her forehead, a kiss landing on her eyebrow. Paige stirred slightly in her sleep, her lips twitching.
Emily thought about the night before, unable to comprehend how amazing it had been. It had been everything she had imagined and more. She'd surprised herself with some of things she had said; she flushed, vividly remembering stating that she wanted to taste Paige. She couldn't imagine being that open with anyone else. Paige hadn't seemed to mind Emily's forwardness though, the look on her face making the embarrassment of Emily saying those words worth it. And the act itself, of course; Emily blushed again.
Emily brought her hand up to run her thumb over the small scar on Paige's forehead, more noticeable than usual in this light. Her mind suddenly flashed back to when it had happened; they had been thirteen years old, swimming at the local pool. Paige had been shouting to her in the water, ready to jump off the springboard that had been fitted at the side of the pool. Emily didn't know how it had happened, but one minute Paige had been smiling at her, the next she had slipped and hit her head off the edge of the board. Emily had been so scared when she saw the blood running down Paige's face; the lifeguard had immediately phoned an ambulance, guiding Paige to sit on a bench at the side of the pool, pressing gauze to her head to slow the bleeding.
Emily had held Paige's hand the entire time they waited for the paramedics to arrive, refusing to let go when they took Paige to the ambulance. Emily knew how much Paige hated hospitals ever since her grandpa had passed away in one and knew she wouldn't want to be alone. The woman had eventually given in and allowed Emily to come with them; she clearly remembered Paige giving her a watery smile and holding her hand just that bit tighter.
Luckily the cut had looked worse than it was; Paige had only needed a couple of stitches before her parents could take her home, dropping Emily off at her own house on the way and thanking her for staying with Paige.
Emily removed her thumb, placing a kiss to the scar. Paige's forehead wrinkled. "What're you doing?" she mumbled, her eyes still closed but a smile appearing on her face.
Emily laughed lightly into her hair. "Waiting for you to wake up." She lay her head back down onto the pillow, Paige slowly opening her eyes.
Emily loved Paige's eyes; she could look into them for a whole day and never get bored. They were always so expressive and filled with such warmth. She leaned in, cupping Paige's cheek as she kissed her softly. She pulled back, smiling. "Morning."
"Morning," Paige grinned, running her hand gently up the back of Emily's bare thigh. Emily enjoyed the feeling of their warm skin pressing together under the covers; this had to be heaven. She couldn't help but laugh. "What's so funny?" Paige asked, capturing her lips again.
"Nothing," Emily smiled. After a moment, she added, "I can't believe you actually booty called me last night."
Paige's jaw dropped in faux shock. "I did not!"
"You totally did!"
They both laughed, Paige running her hand up Emily's back. "Okay, maybe," she admitted. "Why? Are you not happy I did?"
Emily curled her hand up into Paige's hair, resting their foreheads together. "I've never been happier," she assured her.
Paige's palm spread out across Emily's back, pulling her towards her, kissing her slowly. What started out soft and lazy turned heated pretty quickly, Emily running her hand over Paige's backside as Paige's hand moved to her front, cupping a breast and thumbing her nipple.
Emily drew her thigh up to Paige's hip, pushing Paige onto her back as she rolled on top, not breaking their kiss. She felt the bedcovers slipping down to the middle of her back as she braced herself with one hand and snaked the other down in between Paige's legs, Paige sighing against her mouth at the contact. Emily dipped her fingers down to gather wetness to smear over Paige's clit, gasping when Paige's hand made contact with her own centre.
Emily looked down at Paige as she touched her, knowing what she was doing felt good when her eyes flickered closed and she bit her lip. It took every ounce of her concentration not to become too distracted by what Paige was doing with her own fingers.
She rolled her hips into Paige with a groan, rubbing her clit faster. Paige matched her pace, gripping Emily's hip tightly as her other hand worked against her. Emily could feel her stomach beginning to tighten; she was breathing shakily against Paige's face, trying to hold off her orgasm so they could come together.
Paige was struggling to keep her eyes open; she was starting to breathe heavily through her nose. Emily increased her speed and pressure further as she ground down into Paige's hand.
Her body tensed and her hips jerked as she came, doing her best to keep her fingers moving against Paige's clit as she rode out her orgasm, forcing her eyes open to watch Paige shudder beneath her.
She removed her hand, flopping down on top of Paige and placing a kiss into her neck, Paige removing her hand out from in between their bodies to pull the bedcovers back over them, wrapping her arms around Emily. She felt Paige placing a kiss into her hair.
Emily had to reel in the three words that wanted to escape her mouth. She hadn't been able to stop them last night when Paige had fallen asleep, but she certainly couldn't let them out now; Paige would definitely hear her and she couldn't predict how she would react.
When she could manage it, she shifted off Paige so that she was only half-lying on top of her, turning her head up to kiss Paige before lying her head on her chest. Her eyes closed at the sound of Paige's steady heartbeat against her ear, Paige stroking her thigh that was still lying across her body.
Emily must have fallen back asleep, because the next she knew Paige was cursing under her breath, Emily opening her eyes quickly to see Paige on her phone. Emily lifted her head, her cheek peeling off of Paige's skin. She was concerned that something had happened until she heard the faint sound of Angry Birds coming from the phone. "Oh my god," Emily snorted. "You are not playing that stupid game right now."
Paige laughed, her eyes flitting to her before back to the screen. "What? I couldn't exactly go anywhere, you trapped me." Paige emphasised her point by trying to shift her left arm out from under her, her hips caught under Emily's leg. "I didn't want to wake you; you looked so peaceful."
Emily's chest swelled as she smiled, pressing a kiss to Paige's lips. "You're a giant dork, you know that?"
"You love it," Paige fired back quickly, visibly freezing as she realised what she had said.
Emily didn't let the situation become awkward, leaning in again to kiss Paige, murmuring, "You're right, I do." She bumped her nose affectionately against Paige's before sitting up, her gaze travelling to the mess of clothes all over the floor. She could spot Paige's t-shirt and boxers, her own bra and jeans. She leaned over Paige's side of the bed, spotting her shirt. "Paige?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you know where my underwear is?" she asked shyly.
"Uh…" She looked around the room as if they were going to magically appear in her line of vision, "Nope, how about mine?"
Emily clutched the sheet around her as she swung her legs out of the bed, hooking Paige's boxers with her toes and flicking them towards her. She caught them, throwing them to Paige.
Paige stood up, obviously having no qualms about being naked around her, which Emily realised was perfectly rational after what they had done last night and this morning. Emily couldn't help but stare as Paige bent over to slide the boxers up her legs, before straightening and catching Emily staring. Paige smirked, raising an eyebrow. Emily smiled bashfully before taking a breath and standing up to help Paige look for her missing underwear.
After five minutes, Paige finally found them crammed down the side of the mattress at the bottom of the bed. "Here," she said, throwing them at Emily. She slipped them on quickly, flushing at the way Paige was looking at her. "You know, I never told you this last night, but you look really good in those."
Emily smiled. "Well, I'm glad you think so because they were for you." She had bought the panties and matching bra a few weeks back; it had been a spur of the moment thing. She had been walking past a store and seen them advertised in the window, deciding to buy them for when she finally went all the way with Paige. And looking at Paige's roaming eyes, she was thankful she had.
Emily walked over to Paige to kiss her, both of them breaking apart when Paige's stomach growled. "Breakfast?" Emily nodded, turning to go change into something more comfortable rather than her clothes from last night before she realised her bag was still sitting downstairs. Paige had already thrown her clothes back on and was about to leave the room.
"Paige? Can you get my bag from downstairs please?" she asked. "I don't feel like wearing jeans right now."
Paige bounced on the spot quickly. "Em, I really need to pee. You can just grab something out of my dresser for now if you want?"
"Okay," Emily said shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she went in search for something to wear. She pulled on a pair of sweats and a hoodie, only realising it was Paige's old favourite faded Rosewood Sharks hoodie after she was already wearing it. Paige used to wear it all the time; she pulled the sleeves down over her hands and hugged her arms to her chest, reveling in being surrounded by Paige.
She padded out into the hall, waiting to use the bathroom after Paige. After a minute, Paige opened the door, her face lighting up when she saw her. "Is this okay?" Emily asked to double check that Paige didn't mind her wearing the hoodie.
"Of course," she smiled, running her hands down Emily's arms and kissing her. "I'll get you downstairs."
Emily quickly used the bathroom before making her way to join Paige in the kitchen where she could already smell the scent of toast being made. She dug her phone out of her bag in the hall, seeing she had two texts from Hanna and a missed call from her mom.
She opened Hanna's messages. The first had been sent last night. Ok random question but what was the name of that kid that flashed us in 4th grade? I'm telling Caleb about it and I can't remember!
She shook her head in amusement as she looked at the second message, seeing it had been sent a few hours later. Thanks for replying, I'm going to have to go to sleep now with this nagging at me. Are you with your mystery hottie? If you are I'll let you off.
Emily smiled before she felt a pang of guilt reminding her that she was lying to Paige. She tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing; it was pointless to worry Paige about it when Hanna didn't even know it was her she was seeing.
"Em?" Paige shouted from the kitchen, making Emily jump.
"Just coming," she shouted, walking towards the kitchen and pushing thoughts of Hanna to the back of her mind. "My mom called," she told Paige, her brow furrowing as she sat down at the table. Emily called her back, listening to the phone ring out as Paige placed a plate of toast and glass of orange juice in front of her. Emily smiled up at her in thanks.
"Hey, Mom. What is it?"
"Hey, honey. Just wanted to let you know I want you home for one. Your dad's taking us out for lunch; it'll probably be the last quality time we'll have before he has to leave for Texas."
Emily instantly felt disappointed that she wouldn't be able to spend the day with Paige but then realised that she also wanted to spend time with her dad before he left; she didn't know when she would next see him. "Okay, I'll be home for then." They said their goodbyes, Emily looking across at Paige as she sat opposite her. "I've to be home for one to go to lunch with my parents," she explained.
Paige nodded, sighing. "I wish you could stay all day but it's probably better this way; wouldn't want my parents coming home early." Emily's stomach dropped at her words.
"Paige, you do know that it's perfectly reasonable for me to be here in your house, right? I'm one of your best friends." Paige looked up from her plate, catching on to her hurt tone. "Your parents wouldn't suspect a thing." It hadn't escaped Emily's notice that this was the first time she had been in Paige's house ever since they had kissed.
Paige seemed to process Emily's words, before saying, "I know, it's just…" She sighed again. "I'm sorry." Paige held her hand out towards her across the table. Emily just looked sadly at it, disappointed that Paige was still surrounded by this level of paranoia.
She still hadn't gotten around to talking to Paige about her being gay or about her parents and the pressure they put on her. She could never find the right time, not wanting to upset Paige when they were having a good time, and not wanting to upset Paige further when she was already feeling down, like that day after Paige's parents had said something homophobic in front her. She feared though that if she didn't say something, Paige would happily live in the land of denial forever.
She had thought that maybe now they had slept together, Paige might be more willing to accept that this wasn't something that she could just ignore if they only kept it to themselves; whether it was a secret or not, she was essentially Paige's girlfriend. She considered telling Paige that fact before realising it would probably just ruin their morning.
Emily finally took Paige's hand, deciding not to bring it up today but vowing to do it soon. She offered her a quick but not entirely genuine smile before taking a bite of her toast.
The rest of the morning was spent with them cuddling on the couch watching TV before Emily had to go for a shower, hating that she had to decline Paige's offer to join her. She knew that she would never make lunch on time otherwise.
Once she had showered and dressed, she picked up her clothes that were still on Paige's bedroom floor, throwing them into her bag. She placed the sweats and hoodie onto Paige's bed, running a finger over the fading logo fondly.
"You should keep it." Emily spun around to see Paige standing at the door, nodding at the hoodie on the bed.
"But this is your favourite hoodie," Emily said incredulously.
"I know," she nodded, smiling.
"But…" Emily smiled through her confusion. "Why?"
Paige shrugged, looking at the floor shyly. "I just want you to have it."
Butterflies fluttered in Emily's stomach; was this Paige's way of acknowledging their relationship? Emily walked over to Paige, her hands going around her neck, her thumbs stroking Paige's cheeks. "Well, I'll keep it safe for you; how about that?"
Paige kissed her slowly, her hands sliding up her forearms to rest on her wrists. "Deal," Paige smiled.
Paige
They were on the bus on their way to the meet in Philly. Paige was trying to stay calm and not let the pressure of the scouts being there get to her, but that didn't stop her from wringing her hands in her lap, shifting uncomfortably every two seconds.
Suddenly a jacket was being thrown over her legs, Emily's hand slipping under it to smooth over her thigh. "Stop stressing; you'll be great."
Paige made herself relax back into the seat, closing her eyes and focusing on Emily's thumb stroking back and forth over the fabric of her pants. "How aren't you nervous?" she asked.
"I am," Emily stated. "I'm just trying not to think about it until we get there."
Paige couldn't help but notice that Emily had been relatively quiet the majority of the day. Paige turned her head, seeing her staring blankly out of the window. Paige knew she was feeling down about her dad leaving for Texas yesterday. She snaked her hand under the jacket to cover Emily's hand on her thigh, silently letting Emily know she was there for her.
Emily looked around at her, giving her a small smile, Paige wishing she could wrap an arm around her and hold her close in comfort.
Paige pulled her goggles up, seeing they had been beaten by what could only have been milliseconds, placing them second overall in the meet. She was disappointed, but at least Coach assured her that she had performed well. Even though it would have been great if they had won, the main thing was that she hadn't let herself down in front of the scouts.
Coach had told her that two of them had come to the meet; one from Pennsylvania State and the other from Pittsburgh, both of which had good swimming programmes. They even came up to her after the meet to shake her hand, giving her their cards, both saying that they hoped she would consider applying there.
Paige found Emily, learning that the scouts had also spoken to her. They grinned, excited that colleges were actually showing interest in them.
They chatted animatedly all the way back onto the bus, discussing the different programmes and considering where they would want to go. Paige wasn't sure how it was going to work; she thought it was unlikely that one college would offer two students from the same high school a scholarship. Paige figured that her parents probably could afford to send her to college even without a scholarship -they were pretty well off- but that had never really been discussed. Being offered a scholarship meant that she was the best of the best and therefore that was the number one option in her dad's eyes. She would love to go to the same college as Emily, but she wasn't sure that was a possibility. At the very least, she hoped that wherever they went they wouldn't be too far from each other.
The conversation died down, the events of the day taking their toll. The sky started to darken as the bus drove on, Paige's eyes beginning to feel heavy. She looked to her side, seeing Emily's head had dropped onto her chest and she was swaying forward out of her seat. Paige smiled, tugging her so that her head fell onto her shoulder so that she didn't hurt her neck or injure herself by hitting her head against the window of the bus.
They may have been at the back of the bus, surrounded by the creeping darkness and out of sight of anyone, but Paige felt a small spike of pride at the gesture. She'd had a similar feeling on Saturday when her parents had come home and she had willingly told them that Emily had been over. To anyone else, it might have seemed like a petty thing to be proud of but to Paige it felt like a big deal.
She rested her cheek on the top of Emily's head, closing her eyes and smiling.
The next few weeks passed quickly, midterms becoming her main priority. She couldn't wait to finish up for Christmas break, her brain feeling like it was going to explode with all the information it was trying to retain.
The day following their last exam and therefore last day of school for the term, they all decided to go to the local Christmas movie marathon to get into the holiday spirit. Paige was looking forward to relaxing with her friends, and more specifically, Emily.
They were in need of some quality time together, having placed a self-imposed ban on themselves to cut down the amount of time they were spending with each other; they had to do well on their exams and couldn't become distracted. It was imperative they got the best grades they could.
Although they would be in the company of others, it was going to be nice just to be close to Emily for the day. Paige had missed her.
They all met outside the movie theatre, Paige noticing Emily's smile growing bigger when she saw her; she was amazed that Emily could still make her heart race just from that simple action. The girls (accompanied by Caleb, who didn't actually seem like he wanted to be at a Christmas movie marathon but was enduring it for Hanna's sake) made their way inside, buying plenty of food and drinks to last them hours.
They entered the cinema, seeing that it was surprisingly busy. For some reason when Paige went to the movies it was always dead. They located a row with enough seats for all of them, Paige hesitating when they had formed a line behind her to shuffle in. Paige glanced over her shoulder, seeing that Emily wasn't behind her. Hanna was, followed by Caleb, followed by Aria, and then Emily, with Spencer bringing up the end.
Paige took a seat, unable to sit beside Emily without it looking weird. She sighed, massaging her forehead in frustration. She tried to look over at Emily to see her reaction to this situation, but if it wasn't Hanna's head in the way, it was Caleb's.
She finally caught sight of Emily as she stood up briefly to remove her jacket; she didn't even shoot her a glance, setting off warning bells in Paige's head. Was Emily annoyed with her? She faced the front of the room as the first movie started to play, trying to figure out why Emily would think this was her fault.
About halfway through the film, Paige saw Emily getting up out of the corner of her eye; she assumed she was going to the bathroom. After a moment, Paige got up to go after her, Caleb slipping money into her hand on her way past. "Can you grab me more Skittles? I'm out," he said, shaking the empty bag for emphasis.
Paige shook her head in amusement that he had eaten the large bag so fast. Boys.
She made her way to the bathroom, which was thankfully almost empty, seeing only one stall in use. "Em?" she asked hesitantly, unsure if it was her in there. "Emily?"
Just as she was about to leave again to look for her elsewhere, she finally heard a quiet, "What?" Okay, something was definitely up.
"Are you mad at me?" Paige asked through the door, confused. When she was met with another silence, she sighed, knocking on the cubicle. "Open up." Paige eventually heard the lock sliding in the door, pushing it open slightly to see Emily looking sad and angry. "This isn't my fault, Emily. What did you expect me to do? Refuse to sit down until you were beside me?"
Emily huffed, crossing her arms and looking at her feet. "Yeah, okay, that would have looked weird, but if our friends knew about us this wouldn't have happened in the first place."
"Emily, you know I can't," Paige said awkwardly.
"We can just start small," Emily suggested, perking up slightly. "We could even just tell one of them for now so that it's-"
"I said I can't," Paige snapped, wishing that Emily would just drop the subject.
Emily took her hand. "Paige, I know you're scared but would you at least think about it? As much as I love sneaking around with you, when I can't even sit beside my girlfriend at the movies I think we have a problem." Paige balked at the word 'girlfriend'; hearing it was a shock to her system. Emily pulled her hand back, shaking her head with a sigh and looking defeated. "Forget it." She pushed past Paige, heading back to the foyer.
"Emily, wait," Paige said weakly, not having a clue what she would say if Emily did indeed stop to listen. But she didn't; Paige watched hopelessly as the door thudded closed, leaving her all alone in the bathroom and feeling like shit for disappointing Emily.
She ran a hand over her face; this wasn't how today was supposed to go.
Emily
She slumped back into her seat between Spencer and Aria, trying not to let her frustration seep out into the air around her. She attempted to focus all her attention on the screen in front of her, but the effort was short-lived, her mind back to thinking about Paige when she shuffled past her to get back to her seat, only to quickly retreat again after Caleb whispered loudly, "Hey, where's my Skittles?"
Emily was at a loss about what to do. In the weeks they had been together, Paige hadn't made much further progress since admitting she had feelings for her. Emily was starting to worry that she had severely underestimated how hard it would be to get Paige to even consider coming out of the closet. The level of denial going on in her head had to be extremely high; Paige's face when she had said 'girlfriend' out loud; it was as if Paige had never even thought of the word before. And she had reacted that way even though it had only been the two of them in the room, showing Emily that Paige was nowhere near the stage of telling anyone else about them, not even the girls. Not knowing how much longer they would have to operate in complete secrecy stressed her out. She was ready to move forward in her life; she was ready to tell the world who she really was now that she was secure in herself.
She just had no idea where that would leave her and Paige.
"So, what you're saying is she's Narnia gay?" Hanna said simply.
It was Sunday afternoon and Hanna had initially swung by to drop off the math books she had borrowed weeks ago but had ended up staying for lunch after her mom had offered.
They were now lying top-to-tail on Emily's bed, staring at the ceiling. Emily hadn't meant to, but before she knew it she had spouted out all her worries over her relationship with Paige, needing to talk to someone about it. They had barely spoken since the movie marathon and Emily didn't know how to fix it.
"What?" Emily snorted, wondering if she had actually heard Hanna just use the term 'Narnia gay'.
"You know, so far in the closet that she's in Narnia?"
Emily couldn't help but laugh; where did Hanna get this stuff from? "I guess you could say that." Emily groaned, becoming serious again. "Hanna, what am I supposed to do?"
Hanna sat up with a sigh. "Honestly Em, maybe you should just call it off and find someone who isn't afraid to be with you, if that's what you're ready for."
Emily only had to consider the words for a second before her heart was already breaking just at the thought of ending things with Paige. Emily wondered if Hanna would be so quick to suggest that idea if she knew it was Paige she was seeing. "I can't do that."
"You might have to," she stated simply. "Maybe that way she'll realise what she's losing out on and come out."
"That sounds a bit like blackmail, Hanna," she sighed, exasperated. "I don't want to force her out just to be with me; if she's not ready, she's not ready. There's not much I can do." Emily sat up slowly. "But… I love her; I really do." Hanna seemed taken aback at her words.
"Wow, Em," she said, putting a hand on her ankle. "I had no idea how serious you were about this girl. Things are moving pretty fast, huh?" Emily stared hard at a spot on the bed, trying not to let the tears in her eyes spill over, wishing that she could just tell Hanna it wasn't just some girl; this was Paige. "Hey, have you told her that? That you love her?"
"Only when she was asleep," Emily muttered sadly. "I don't want to scare her off completely."
They sat in silence for a moment; Emily could practically hear the cogs turning in Hanna's head. "So, let me get this right; she's told you that she has feelings for you and you've slept together several times, but she still doesn't know she's gay?"
Emily ran a hand through her hair, trying to be patient with Hanna. "Oh, I'm sure she knows. Maybe it's deep, deep down, but she knows. She's nowhere near to accepting it though."
"But how is it possible for her to be in a relationship with you and not accept it?" Hanna's forehead wrinkled.
"It just is," Emily borderline snapped, before feeling guilty because it did sound a bit silly. Maybe it was only something you could truly understand if you had been through it yourself.
"Have you talked to her about it?"
"I've tried, but every time I mention about telling other people she gets upset and angry and we end up not discussing anything." She sighed. "I want her to come to terms with it for me and for us, but most importantly, for her. It's not healthy to be living in that level of denial. I think I used to only be in like half that amount and it was bad enough. It's fine that she's not ready to come out just yet; yeah, it's frustrating at times, but I can deal. If only she would give me some indication that it'll happen in the future… give me some reassurance that we won't be hiding forever. Hiding forever is definitely the easier option where she's concerned; I'm just worried that she thinks that's a viable option." Emily felt like she would wait forever for Paige if she had to, but she hoped that wouldn't be the case.
"Do you know why it's such a big deal to her?" Hanna asked. "I mean, there must be a reason why she's so scared."
Emily couldn't exactly explain that her dad was a deacon at the church and that he put a ridiculous amount of pressure on her to be the perfect child without giving Paige away, so all she could do was shrug her shoulders.
Hanna flopped back down onto the bed. "She'll come around eventually," she said with such surety that Emily willed the words to be true. "She has to. Right?"
"Right," Emily echoed, desperately believing that things would work out between them.
Paige
She walked up to Emily's house, nervously toying with the wrapped box in her jacket pocket. She hoped that whatever this was between them (she wasn't sure whether to call it a fight or not) would be resolved before she had to leave to go visit her grandparents in North Carolina for Christmas.
She knocked the door, waiting with bated breath; she hoped that Emily was in.
Just as she turned to leave with a heavy heart, the door opened. She looked around, seeing Emily standing there. The knot that had been in her stomach since the movie marathon loosened as Emily offered her a smile, looking glad to see her. "Hey."
"Hi," she smiled, walking back to the door. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," Emily said, stepping back to let her move past her. Paige glanced around the quiet room.
"Is your mom out?"
Emily nodded. "She's out for the day with a friend. She's been keeping herself busy so she's not focusing on the fact my dad's not here."
"That's good," Paige said, standing awkwardly with her hands still in her jacket pockets.
Unable to stay away from her any longer, Paige finally moved towards Emily, wrapping her arms around her back, hugging her tightly. Emily mirrored her actions, both of them standing in the hallway just holding each other. "I'm sorry about the other day," Paige mumbled into Emily's hair.
"Me too," Emily replied, her words muffled against Paige's shoulder. "It was just one of those things; I shouldn't have put the blame on you."
Paige smoothed her hands down Emily's back, wanting to tell her that she was sorry for the frustration she'd caused and that she would think about telling their friends, but at the same time she couldn't actually imagine telling them; she didn't want to feel like she was lying to Emily.
Emily moved her lips over to hers, Paige feeling like she could finally breathe again as she kissed her. Emily pulled back, running her fingers over the collar of her leather jacket. Emily cleared her throat, speaking her next words slowly. "Paige, I'm your girlfriend. Yes or no?" Emily's hands cupped around her neck so that she couldn't pull away, waiting patiently for her answer. "Remember it's just me here, no one else," she said gently in encouragement.
"Yes," Paige whispered, finally admitting out loud that she was in a relationship with Emily. She had been throwing the word around her head the past few days, coming to the realisation that that's what Emily was to her now; her girlfriend.
Emily kissed her again, soft and slowly before looking like she was going to ask another question. "You're gay. Yes or no?" Paige suppressed the urge to flinch at the word. She closed her eyes, desperately wanting to pull away but also desperately wanting to be honest with Emily. And herself.
Yes, she finally admitted. I'm gay. She mulled the words over in her head; they sounded foreign and familiar all at once. And scary. And permanent.
She opened her mouth to speak but her throat closed up. A few more seconds of struggling and she answered the only way she could. She pressed her lips against Emily's.
Emily took a moment to respond before opening her mouth, allowing Paige's tongue entry as she unzipped her jacket, her cool hands smoothing over Paige's stomach. Paige didn't know how Emily could ignite her skin on fire in 0.2 seconds, but she managed it time and time again.
Emily tugged on Paige's ponytail, her head angled to the side as Emily began kissing frantically down her neck, Paige slipping her hands inside the back of Emily's jeans. "Upstairs," Emily gasped, pulling away and hurrying towards her bedroom.
Paige pulled her jacket off as she followed, the heat getting too much for her. She hung it on the end of Emily's bed, not failing to notice the hoodie she had given to Emily laying across the railing. She smiled, figuring Emily must have worn it to bed the night before. She kicked off her shoes before lying down beside Emily, their heated kissing resuming instantly. Paige rolled them over so that she was straddling Emily's legs, her hands pulling Emily's arms up above her head and pinning her wrists.
Paige teased Emily's lips with her own as she reached a hand down to smooth over Emily's stomach, pushing her t-shirt up quickly, not stopping when she reached her bra, her fingers slipping under the material and pushing it upwards. The action seemed to take Emily by surprise, her gasp ending in a moan as Paige rubbed a palm over her nipples, before kissing her way down and taking one into her mouth, sucking hard.
Emily's whole back arched into her as she cried out, Paige's hand reaching down to cup her through her jeans, pressing the heel of her hand into Emily's clit. "Fuck, Paige," Emily inhaled sharply, Paige smiling against her breast; she liked making Emily swear.
She released Emily's wrists that she still had pinned above her head, kissing down her stomach until she reached her jeans. She quickly unbuttoned them, shuffling back and pulling them off along with Emily's underwear. Paige ran her hands over Emily's thighs as she leaned down to place soft kisses on her lower abdomen, her fingers tickling over Emily's hips.
Weirdly, she didn't even feel nervous at what was about to happen; she was excited. Overly excited, she thought as her stomach flipped and wetness began to form between her legs. She felt Emily moving, propping herself up onto her elbows to look down at Paige.
Paige looked at Emily, her t-shirt slipping back down slightly over her bunched up bra, running a hand through her hair as she bit her lip. God, you are so hot.
She smirked as she began to kiss lower, looking forward to Emily finding out how good this felt. Emily had done this to her twice now and she felt it was time to return the favour. She could hear Emily's deep and shallow breathing as she shuffled back on the bed and got into a more comfortable position. Emily's legs widened at the slight touch of Paige's fingers on the inside of her knee, opening herself up to her.
Paige stroked her thumb over Emily's clit as she kissed up the soft inside of her thigh, Emily's hips jerking upwards. She nipped Emily's skin before soothing it over with her tongue, slowly moving closer and closer to Emily's centre, the smell of her intoxicating.
She finally removed her thumb, replacing it with her mouth, groaning as she flicked her tongue out to taste her; it was indescribable. She tasted like nothing Paige had ever experienced, deciding she could only refer to it as Emily. She had to reach an arm up to lay across Emily's stomach, pushing her hips back down onto the mattress from where they had risen, breathy moans meeting her ears as she explored Emily with her tongue.
She opened her mouth wide, taking in as much of Emily as she could, the hand that wasn't holding Emily down gripping the back of her thigh, pulling her as close to her mouth as possible. She could still feel Emily's eyes on her; she pulled back slightly, making a show of sticking her tongue out and running it lightly over Emily's clit. She smirked as she heard a loud moan above her. She was beginning to learn that Emily really loved watching what she did to her. That wasn't to say that Paige didn't like to see what Emily did to her too, but Emily especially seemed to get turned on by it.
Paige brought her lips around her clit, sucking lightly. The sensation was obviously too much for Emily; she fell back onto the bed with a strange high pitched noise, squirming under Paige, her breath getting caught in the back of her throat.
"Paige," she pleaded, cupping the back of her head. Not wanting to tease Emily to the point of frustration, Paige focused her tongue on Emily's sensitive spot, bringing her hand up from the back of Emily's thigh to slip a finger inside of her, adding a second not long after.
Paige soon felt Emily's legs starting to shake at the side of her head. She increased the speed of her tongue and her fingers, moaning against Emily to let her know that she was enjoying this as much as Emily was. Emily stilled; Paige sucked on her clit, one final brush of her tongue causing Emily to gasp and tremble beneath her, clenching around Paige's fingers.
She removed her mouth when she felt Emily tugging at her hair, Emily not even giving her time to wipe her mouth before she was kissing her. Their legs tangled together, Paige leaning on her elbow as she looked down at Emily, smiling. "So, that felt good, huh?"
Emily grinned, wiping her thumb across Paige's chin. "You could say that." Paige kissed her again, happy that Emily had enjoyed it. "How do you still have all your clothes on?" Emily mused, pulling at her t-shirt. Paige shrugged, realising that she hadn't really given Emily much opportunity to take anything off of her.
She glanced at the clock on Emily's bedside table, sighing. "I should really get back. I told my dad I wouldn't be long. I was just meant to pop 'round with your Christmas present… which I've just realised I haven't even given you," she laughed, getting up to get the box from her jacket pocket, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the wetness between her legs. Emily slipped her underwear back on and pulled her bra back down before padding over to her dresser, pulling a small box from inside the top drawer.
They both sat back on the bed, Paige feeling nervous all of a sudden, hoping that Emily liked what she had bought her. "So, want to just open them now?" she asked. Christmas was still a few days away but she wanted to see Emily's face.
"Okay," Emily said, tucking her hair behind her ear as they swapped boxes. "You first." She nodded at the box in Paige's hands.
Paige began to unwrap it, her fingers fumbling slightly. She removed the paper to find a small black velvet box which could only indicate jewellery of some kind. She opened it to find a silver ring with a thickish band, a repeating pattern etched onto to metal.
"Do you like it?" Emily asked unsurely. "I remember you saying you wanted a new thumb ring a while back and-" Paige cut her off with a kiss, smiling.
"I love it, thank you." She lifted the ring from the box, slipping it onto her right thumb. It was the perfect fit. Paige looked up at Emily, seeing her looking genuinely excited that she liked it. "Your turn," she said, feeling anxious again.
Emily shifted her attention from Paige's hand to the box, unwrapping it quickly. Paige held her breath as she opened it, watching Emily's face carefully, trying to gauge her reaction.
Emily lifted the simple silver bracelet from the box, turning it over in her fingers, stopping when she must have spotted the engraved letters on the inside band. Paige had debated it over in her head before just deciding to ask the person at the store to engrave E&P on it. Seeing Emily's face now, she was pleased she had.
"Paige, it's beautiful," she said, looking up at her, tears brimming in her eyes; but they were happy tears.
Paige sighed, no longer feeling stressed about anything at that moment in time. She watched as Emily put on the bracelet, helping her when she struggled with the clasp. They both smiled into a kiss, Paige pulling back regretfully. "I really should go," she said, stroking Emily's arm. She was about to stand when Emily grabbed her wrist.
"But," she started, blushing. "You didn't even get to… come."
"Oh, don't worry about it," Paige smiled, kissing her again and moving off of the bed. She was sure she could finish herself off quickly as soon as she got home before she had to leave.
"I'll be quick?" Emily said, smirking and raising her eyebrows. "You're going to be away for a week…"
Paige groaned. "Emily… you're making this really hard to resist." Emily kneeled on the bed, reaching out to tug at Paige's belt loops to bring her back to her, her fingers undoing her jeans swiftly. "Fine," she huffed, pretending it was a chore to have Emily touch her, moaning when Emily's hand slipped into her underwear.
She was sitting in the backseat of the car as her dad drove them to her grandparents. She couldn't stop fiddling with the ring on her thumb, smiling subtly every time she looked at it.
She had definitely come away from Emily's house with much more than she had bargained for.
I'm gay, she told herself again, trying to get the words to sound normal in her head. She was relieved that she had finally admitted it to herself, and to Emily (kind of - although she hadn't said the words to her directly, what she had done in Emily's bedroom could only really be interpreted one way).
I'm gay. The words still made her feel uneasy, but the more she said it, the less jarring they became.
A brick from the wall in her head had come loose today, and although she wasn't sure if that wall could ever come down, for the first time in her life she found herself thinking about that possibility.
A/N: Thanks to everyone still reading this story, and especially those who take the time to leave a review. I appreciate the feedback greatly :)
Just to fill you in on how long this fic will be - I think the story is at least halfway done now (maybe a little over half) and I hope to have it completed by the time S4 starts, but I'm confident in saying that I will definitely finish it which isn't something I could have said when I first started writing this; so, a huge thank you for that because without the support I would probably still be stuck on like chapter 5.
Thanks again. Until next time...