I hadn't seen or heard from Jacob in two weeks and I think the pain of his rejection was far less painful than not seeing him again. I 'd asked around for him Embry said he was off visting family in the Makah Res but I knew that wasn't true he was somewhere else and not so far off from La Push, strange How I felt that he was close but in my heart I knew. I'd fianlly made the decision that I would try to forget him but that was far more difficult than remembering us together on the beach in school and our first date at the movies. I missed his laughter and his relaxing manner yet I felt angery that this would happen to me, I'd lost enough and this whole situationwas wither a bad nightmare or just a stupid trick on me and my own patheltic excistance.

My dreams no longer existed they now dull drepressing nightmares of him and how being told to leave by him was so painful like a knife twisted and turned in my stomach. I hadn't slept right in the last two weeks waking up shouting and then being woken up by Caleb or my dad, sometimes falling asleep in their arms until I was rested again. Then me screaming would happen all again, why couldn't I be normal for a change like normal girls who'd been dumped. But no I wasn't normal and so my depression continued.

Caleb sat at the bottom of my bed looking serious the only time I'd seen him this serious was when my mom had died and he'd been the one to tell me.

Caleb: This has stop, you can't go on like this. ( His voice stern)

Me: I'm fine ( I sit up and look at him)

Caleb:You haven't been sleeping, your skin so pale you look like death . What hell did he do to you? ( His eyes expressed everything concern and anger)

Me: He didn't do nothing!, for once in your life can you just stay out of my business. ( I stood up ) I'm not a little kid anymore who needs protecting from you

Caleb: You know what.. I'm not going to let this go by long shot ( He continued sitting looking hurt)

Me: Why should you care? ( I shake my head trying stop the anger building up ) you where gone for a year and now you suddenly care about me...

Caleb: I had to leave for school

Me: You left because you couldn't deal with it all, dad wasn't the same person after mom died and you where fed up with having to look after me

Caleb: You know that's not true.....your my little sis you've always came first

Caleb stood up to hug me but I moved away from him.

Me: Yea well it doesn't look like it. you left me here with him , you knew he wouldn' t pay attention to me. You know how hard it is to deal with living in a house where your own father won't even look at you because it hurts him too much

Caleb: I didn't know you felt that way, I would've came back ( He leaned forward his eyes looking sad and hurt)

Me: Yeah well that's life, it's fucked up Big time! ( tears poured down my face, I felt bad on Caleb yet I'd kept this all in for so long)

I'd done it, I'd managed to make the one person in my life who was able to stand me. Caleb had given up a normal teenage life to look after me and I'd thrown it back in his face with no care in the world. I hated myself for that and for what I'd said.

Caleb: I'm heading to Big Als for a while...ah...if you need me I'll be there ( His voice broke and the tears swelled in his eyes).

Me: Caleb... ( My voice low )

Caleb: I'm fine just ...I'll be back later on ( He pretended he was fine but he was far from it)

When he had left I slumped myself against my bed on the floor, I ruined whatever hope of being normal down a whole. My face was soaked from my own salted tears, I couldn't and when I tried I more came. I would have to apologise to CALEB and then try and get my life back together.