Chapter 18

Emily

Her eyes opened slowly, taking a moment to realise where she was. She shifted her head slightly on the pillow, seeing the top of Hanna's head poking out from under the covers on the couch at the side of the room. She was at Hanna's.

Oh god.

The events from the night before came rushing back, hitting her hard. She couldn't remember all the details, but she knew that she had kissed Maya. And Paige had witnessed it.

How could she have let this happen? How could she have been so stupid?

She closed her eyes again, wanting to block out the world forever, wishing she could go back in time. If things between her and Paige hadn't already been over, they definitely were now.

She thought she would feel her heart shattering into a million pieces; her ribs crushing her lungs; at least some physical indication that she had just lost the love of her life. But she felt nothing. Only numbness.

She made a move to get out of the bed but stopped suddenly, knowing without a doubt that as soon as she stood up she would throw up.

She opened her mouth to speak, finding her tongue as dry as sandpaper, having to unstick it from the roof of her mouth, swallowing uncomfortably. "Hanna," she croaked. She didn't stir. "Hanna," Emily repeated as loud as her parched throat would allow her.

There was finally movement on the couch, Hanna rolling over onto her side, her bleary eyes blinking open. "I'm going to be sick," Emily said quickly. "Can you grab me a basin or something?"

Hanna stumbled from the couch, her hair sticking up every which way, hastily exiting the room. Two minutes later she returned empty-handed. "Oh my god, Emily. Your mom is downstairs."

"What? Why?" This was the last thing she needed.

Hanna put a hand to her face. "I totally forgot to let her know that you were staying here. God; she looks like she hasn't slept at all."

Emily wrinkled her forehead, already feeling like the day was going to be too much. She would deal with her mom in a minute, but first she really had to throw up. Bracing herself, she shot out of the bed as quickly as possible, clapping a hand over her mouth as she ran for the bathroom.

Her knees landed roughly on the cold hard tiles, just managing to get her head over the toilet before her body rejected the alcohol still in her system.

Once her stomach stopped lurching, she reached blindly to flush the toilet, slumping back against the bathroom cabinet weakly, her head pounding. She saw Hanna entering the bathroom cautiously, holding out a large glass of water and two painkillers towards her.

Emily contorted her face in what she hoped resembled a smile, taking the tablets from Hanna and throwing them to the back of her throat, gulping them down with the water.

Hanna sat down beside her, taking in a breath. "So," she shifted. "Last night was a bit of a mess, huh?" Emily didn't respond, instead just stared blankly at a spot on the bathtub opposite. "Do… you remember what happened? You were kind of out of it."

"I remember," Emily stated with an even tone. "The main parts, anyway. I don't know how I got here though."

"Caleb brought you back while I went to look for Paige." That got Emily's attention. She turned her head to look at Hanna.

"And? Did you find her?" Hanna nodded, Emily's stomach twisting. "Well? How much does she hate me?"

Hanna sighed, putting a hand on her wrist. "She doesn't hate you, Em."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Emily retorted. She knew how Paige felt about Maya; knew how insecure Paige was over Maya having a crush on her.

And Paige had seen Emily kissing her.

"Emily, I know what you did last night was stupid, but she loves you. Do you honestly think this whole situation would have played out the way it has if she didn't?" Hanna's words brought her little comfort. She'd kissed Maya; she'd ruined everything. "You two are so in love it's sickening." Hanna smiled as Emily's chest started to hurt. "And yeah, I won't lie; she was angry, but to be honest I think Paige seeing you with Maya was a good thing."

Emily scrunched up her face, unable to keep up with Hanna's ridiculous line of thought in her hung-over state. "What are you talking about? On what planet is that a good thing?"

"Well, I think she's finally starting to realise that if she doesn't come out then she's going to lose you to someone else. I know you said you'd wait, but come on, you can't literally wait forever. And Paige knows that now. I think seeing you with Maya might have given her the kick she needed."

A small flicker of hope managed to squeeze past all the pain, much to Emily's dismay, but she wasn't going to hold her breath that Paige had suddenly accepted who she was. She'd been hurt and disappointed too many times. Seeing Paige with Troy had killed all remaining faith she'd had in their relationship. "Yeah, well, we'll see," she said in a way that made it perfectly clear she thought Hanna's words were nothing more than wishful thinking.

"Yes, we will," Hanna replied, an air of confidence in her voice. She stood up. "Right, you better try and make yourself look like you didn't attempt to drink every drop of alcohol in sight last night before we go downstairs."

Emily's headache grew worse as her thoughts returned to her mom. Using all her effort, she heaved herself up off the floor, turning to look into the mirror, her eyes widening at her appearance; she looked awful.

Mascara was smeared down her face from the tears she must have cried last night, but she didn't really remember that part. Her eyes look tired and unfocused, her lips dry and chapped. She suddenly leaned in closer to the mirror to examine marks along her jaw. "Hanna, what the hell happened to my face?" There were several small cuts on her skin.

Hanna stepped closer to get a better look. "Oh, that must have happened when I couldn't carry you and you couldn't walk, ergo your face met the pavement."

Emily shook her head. "I'm so sorry about last night. I must have been a nightmare. I can't believe I don't remember all this happening." She began to wonder what else she might have said or done but she was scared to ask Hanna for more information.

"Don't worry about it. Once you and Paige are back together, it'll all be worth it." Emily sighed, no longer believing that was ever going to happen but not wanting to crush Hanna's spirits after all she had done for the both of them.

After running a wipe over her face and a brush through her hair, she put on her shoes that she found at the end of Hanna's bed, making a feeble attempt to smooth out the wrinkles in her shirt that she had slept in. Figuring that her mom was going to scream at her no matter how bad she looked, she gave up, sighing heavily.

Just before they left Hanna's room, Emily asked the question that had been nagging at the back of her brain. "Did she kiss him?"

Hanna turned around. "What?"

"Paige," Emily clarified. "Did she kiss Troy?" The thought made her feel ill. She had the brief recollection of seeing Paige leaving to go outside with him which, she assumed, had triggered the whole Maya debacle.

Hanna gave a shrug. "I don't know, Em. You'll need to ask her." Emily's stomach sank. She didn't think Paige would be up for having a discussion with her anytime soon.

They made their way to the kitchen. Both of their moms were sitting at the table, their conversation stopping when Emily and Hanna entered the room. "Well," her mom started, her eyes looking Emily up and down, frowning. "Thank you, Ashley. And again, sorry for phoning so late last night. I didn't know what else to do." Emily felt a pang of guilt. She might have been angry with her mom, but she knew she must have been worried sick when she didn't come home.

"It's not a problem. I'll be having a word with Hanna." Hanna's mom gave them a stern look, making Emily feel even guiltier. She didn't want Hanna getting into trouble for something that wasn't her fault.

"Please go easy on Hanna, Mrs Marin," she stated. "I was a bit of a mess last night and it's thanks to her that I got home at all, so thank you." She turned to Hanna, giving her a smile before saying goodbye and heading to the door, her mom following.

She felt tense as she got into the passenger seat of the car, anticipating the yelling to start as soon as her mom got in beside her.

But it didn't; instead, her mom just drove off, saying nothing, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

The journey was short but uncomfortable, Emily ready to run up to her room as soon as she stepped through the door. "Emily, sit." Emily looked over her shoulder to see her mom glaring at her, moving over to the couch. She sighed, having only managed to get up two stairs. She wasn't in the mood for whatever lecture was about to begin.

Emily sat on the couch as her mom paced back and forth on the floor in front of her, her eyes feeling heavy. She just wanted to sleep. "Do you have any idea what you put me through last night?" Emily stared down at her lap. "I phoned you at least a dozen times. Why didn't you answer?"

Emily had completely forgotten about her phone. She ran a hand over the pocket of her jeans, surprised to find it still there. "Sorry, the party was… loud."

"It was around half two in the morning when I finally discovered you were at Hanna's. I was worried out of my mind, Emily. Anything could have happened-" Her voice cracked.

"I'm sorry, Mom. It won't happen again." After a beat of silence, she added, "Can I go now?" She glanced up at her mom, seeing her frowning and moving to sit beside her.

"What's gotten into you? Getting so drunk that you can't even come home? That's not the Emily I know. Why are you acting like this?"

Emily gave a bitter laugh. "You honestly have to ask? You really don't know what's going on with me?" Her mom didn't know about the whole Paige situation, but surely she had to know how much she had hurt her by the way she had blatantly being ignoring the fact that Emily was gay, refusing to apologise for what she'd said the only time they had talked about it. "I guess I just turned out wrong." Emily looked away, blinking back tears. Although she'd tried to brush off her mom's comment at the time, that one word had stuck with her.

After a moment, she felt her mom's hand on her back. "I still don't understand," she said quietly. "But I shouldn't have said what I did." Emily turned to meet her eyes, seeing that she was almost crying. "I'm so sorry," she said, her expression pained.

That was enough to set her off; Emily let her mom wrap her in a tight hug as she broke down completely.

Paige

I'm gay.

I'm gay.

"I'm gay."

She released a breath as she looked at herself in the mirror, the words feeling strange on her tongue. There was a flicker of a smile on her lips; she'd finally said it. She'd finally said the words out loud. They were terrifying, but she'd realised that they weren't as terrifying as the alternative option.

There was a knock on the bathroom door that made her jump a foot in the air. "Paige?"

"What?" she replied, sounding snappier than she intended. Okay, so maybe she was still on edge when it came to her parents knowing, but logically she knew that was normal. She had been fighting against this for so long that she knew that it could take some time before she finally had the courage to tell them. She just hoped that she could find the strength soon; she needed Emily back.

"Mom and I are going out for lunch. Do you want to come?"

Paige watched her forehead as it creased in the mirror. "Uh, no thanks, Dad. I have studying to do."

"Okay, we shouldn't be gone long, bye."

Ever since Coach Fulton had spoken to her dad, he seemed to be going out of his way to be nicer to her; it was weird. He wouldn't have usually asked her to join them for lunch. She wasn't complaining though; she much preferred this side of her dad compared to the angry, over-bearing one.

But she really wanted to know what Coach Fulton had said. He hadn't even mentioned the fact she had messed up in front of the UConn scout since his outburst at the meet, and had even congratulated her on her performance in the relay when she had gotten home. It was obvious that Coach had at least told him to say that, but it still lightened the weight on Paige's shoulders slightly.

It worried her that things would probably be worse than ever between them when she told him that she was gay; she had no idea how badly he would react. She just had to hope that he wouldn't go the worse possible route and disown her, throw her out of the house.

She breathed in deeply, exiting the bathroom and making her way back to bed.

Her mom was another matter. Paige's couldn't gauge how she would react at all. She wasn't as homophobic as her dad, but that didn't mean she would support her in any way either.

She crawled under the covers, suddenly feeling deflated, her spike of confidence at finally saying 'I'm gay' seeping away.

She reached for her phone, desperate to hear Emily's voice, but realised that they were in too weird a place right now for Paige just to be phoning her up for a chat. She knew that they would have to talk about what had happened, but she really didn't want to.

Visions of Emily and Maya came into her head for the millionth time; she wanted to scream; wanted to scrape the image from her brain so that she would never have to see it again.

Anger still burned within her, but she knew that she didn't really have the right to be mad. She had kissed Troy, after all. She knew that Emily wouldn't be too happy about that when she inevitably told her.

They had both hurt each other, but Paige still believed in them. She admitted that her hope had slipped for a moment there, hence the ridiculous attempt at moving on with Troy (honestly, what had she been thinking?), but it had returned in full force after her talk with Hanna. Emily had been waiting on her; she'd had no plans to move on with someone else like Paige had feared.

She found herself looking through the photos on her phone, absent-mindedly searching for the one that Emily had snapped of the two of them cuddled up on Emily's couch a few months ago. Paige had protested, but Emily had pressed her lips against Paige's cheek while laughing, causing Paige to laugh too. The picture was cute; Emily's nose squished against her face, one of Paige's eyes squeezed closed at the contact. They had looked so happy that she couldn't bring herself to delete it, even at the risk that someone could see it.

She smiled as she looked at it now, longing for that happiness again.

Paige and Emily; Emily and Paige. They were meant to be together, and Paige refused to believe otherwise.

She would fight for her. She would fight herself for her.

Emily

She felt as though people were staring at her as she walked down the school hallway on Monday morning.

And they probably were, but she wasn't sure why. Was it because she had completely embarrassed herself on Saturday night by being so drunk or was it because they now knew that she was gay? Probably both. She bowed her head, trying not to let it get to her. What had happened had happened and she couldn't do anything to change it now; she'd accepted that. There was no point dwelling on it.

She was too concerned about seeing Paige, anyway. She didn't know what to say to her, if she should say anything.

She was at her locker when she sensed someone standing next to her. She turned to see Noel Kahn, a huge grin on his face. "What?" She could only assume that this was about the party, that he had seen her kissing Maya. Noel leaned against the lockers beside her, looking her up and down, leering at her.

"So, that was quite a show you gave us the other night." Emily sighed, turning away from him, beginning to wonder just how many people had caught the 'show'. "I didn't know you liked the ladies?" If he was asking for confirmation, Emily wasn't going to give it. Not to him, at least. She glanced back at him to tell him where to go when she saw Paige walking down the hallway past his shoulder.

Their eyes met briefly, Emily unable to read Paige's expression. Paige looked away first, heading to her locker, Emily's gaze locked on to her as she went.

"So," Noel said, trying to get her attention again. "Just want you to know that you have an open invitation to any party that I hold in the future." Emily's head snapped back to him, rolling her eyes.

"Go away, Noel. I'm not interested." She couldn't stop her eyes quickly looking back at Paige, seeing she had her back to her, pulling books out of her locker. Emily turned back to face her own locker with a heavy heart.

"Aw, come on. You could bring Maya; we could have fun."

Emily gritted her teeth, embarrassed that Paige could most likely hear what he was saying. "Back off; I'm not interested," she stated again.

He smirked. "You're disappointing me, Emily. I got my hopes up for a threesome-" Emily might have hit him if he hadn't been jerked out of her sight. It took her a moment to realise what had happened.

Paige.

Paige had yanked him backwards by the bag on his shoulders, the unexpected move sending him sprawling backwards onto the floor. "Fuck!" he shouted, scrambling to his feet, angrily holding his elbow which he had hit off of the hard ground. "What the hell?"

"You heard her; back off, creep." There was a blaze in Paige's eyes that made Emily's stomach flip. Paige turned back to her locker, Noel walking away after muttering, "Bitch", under his breath.

Emily could only stand there in shock, unable to believe that Paige had just done that. People nearby were staring at her, some with smirks on their faces, some with just looks of surprise. Emily shook her head, quickly closing her locker and heading towards Paige.

She touched her arm, withdrawing her hand hastily when she realised that Paige might not like that. "Hey, you didn't have to do that," she said gently, willing Paige to look at her. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but that didn't mean that her heart hadn't sped up at the sight of Paige being protective over her, even after what Emily had done.

Paige shrugged, saying, "I know." She finally turned to look at her, adding, "It felt good though." And then to Emily's utter amazement, Paige quirked her eyebrow, giving her a small smile.

Even through her confusion, Emily couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. What was going on? Why was Paige being nice to her?

Paige's expression turned soft, Emily gulping. "Em-"

"Hey," Spencer said, appearing out of nowhere. Paige looked away from her, her shoulders slumping slightly, Emily ready to strangle Spencer for interrupting.

"Hey," she said, forcing a smile.

"You recovered from Adam's party then?" Spencer smiled. "I didn't see it, but I heard about you and Maya." Spencer nudged her, raising her eyebrows. Emily saw Paige tense, wanting to clap her hands over Paige's ears while she told Spencer to shut up.

"Uh, Spence, can we not talk about that? Like, ever again? I was so drunk that I didn't really know what I was doing and I just want to forget the whole thing ever happened, okay?"

Spencer's face fell. "Oh, okay." There was a moment of awkward silence before Spencer turned on Paige. "So, how was your date with Troy?"

Paige shifted, obviously uncomfortable. "It was awful," she said to the inside of her locker. "Don't think I'll be seeing him again."

"What happened?" Emily was glad that Spencer had asked the question since she couldn't. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Paige stated, closing her locker and turning to face them. "Just turns out that he really isn't my type." She gave a quick smile, her eyes flicking to Emily before she walked off down the hall.

Emily actually had to stop her jaw from dropping. She couldn't believe Paige had just said that. Only Emily understood the double meaning, but saying that in front of Spencer was bold by Paige's standards.

Spencer frowned slightly as Emily tried not to smile. Maybe Hanna was right; maybe Paige really was starting to come around.

Paige

It was the next day. The weather was finally letting up, the sun was shining, the air warmer; Paige decided to study outside during her free period. She made her way to one of the lunch tables, about to sit down when she noticed Aria sitting staring into space a few tables over.

"Hey," she said, walking over. "Aren't you meant to be in class?"

It took Aria a moment to realise she was there. "Oh, yeah, I skipped." Paige frowned, sitting down beside her.

"Why? Everything alright?"

"Keeping secrets eats away at you and ends up destroying your relationship," she said suddenly, taking Paige completely off-guard. "And it sucks."

Paige cleared her throat, swallowing. "What do you mean?" She felt silly asking the question, since Aria couldn't have described the situation between her and Emily more perfectly even if she had tried, but she didn't get why Aria was saying that; as if she had experienced it first-hand, somehow.

Aria sighed. "Paige, I need to tell you something." She looked anxious, like she had been holding onto whatever this was for some time.

"What is it?" Paige asked, shifting closer to her in concern.

Paige gave her a minute to think, Aria seeming to be struggling to get the words out. Finally, she took in a deep breath, saying, "I've been seeing someone." Well, Hanna was right then. She hadn't brought it up in a while, but Paige remembered her being convinced that Aria was hiding the fact that she was seeing someone from them.

Paige raised her eyebrows in a silent question, asking who this person was. It was kind of funny that she and Aria seemed have been sharing a similar problem all of these months- dating someone that you couldn't tell people about.

"It's Ezra Fitz." Aria screwed up her face in anticipation of her reaction. Paige was confused. Was she meant to know who that was? The only person she knew with that second name was…

"Wait, Ezra Fitz as in Mr Fitz?" Paige was sure she was mistaken as she said the words, but then Aria gave a slight nod. Paige could only sit there in shock, trying to digest the information. "Wait, what?"

"I know, I know," Aria said. "It's a lot to take in."

Holy shit. "You could say that. How long have you been seeing him?"

"Since before senior year started. I met him in this bar, and obviously I had no idea he was gonna be our teacher." She sighed. "We tried to call it off but it didn't work. Please don't give me that face."

Paige shook her head, not even realising that she'd been making a face. "Sorry, I'm just… processing." Aria was dating their English teacher. Aria was dating their English teacher. Suddenly Paige's own secret didn't seem as huge as she'd once thought.

"I'm in love with him, Paige. But I'm scared that people are going to find out about us and he'll lose his job. Hanna already knows; she caught us kissing in his car."

Paige didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Hanna knows?" Aria nodded, Paige giving a wry smile.

"What is it?" Aria asked.

Paige's heart began to beat rapidly in her chest, adrenaline coursing through her body. "It's funny, 'cause Hanna's been keeping a secret of mine as well."

"Really? What?" Aria's attention was completely on her now.

Come on, you can do this. Aria's dating a teacher for god's sake.

She gripped the edge of the table, bracing herself. "I'm-" She inhaled a breath. "I'm gay." Aria's eyes widened slightly, but then she gave her a brief smile, pulling her into a hug. Paige sighed, her body relaxing. She grinned into Aria's shoulder. This felt surreal. She couldn't believe she had actually just managed to tell someone.

Aria pulled back, squeezing her shoulder. "I'm glad you told me."

"Me too," Paige smiled, feeling so happy that she could burst. I did it!

"Wait." Aria looked confused. "So what was going out with Troy all about then?"

Paige snorted. "God, I don't even know. A mistake, for sure." She cringed a little more each time she thought about it.

Aria gave her a sympathetic look. "So, Hanna knows?" Paige nodded. Aria's brow wrinkled in a frown. "Emily doesn't? I thought she'd be the first person you'd tell?"

Paige glanced down at the table. "Oh, she knows alright. But the weird thing is that I've never actually told her; not directly." Aria's frown deepened, not understanding.

"Well then how does she know?" Paige pursed her lips in a tight smile, waiting for the penny to drop. It took Aria a moment to read her expression, finally putting two and two together. "Oh. Oh." A surprised smile spread across her face as Paige laughed. "Wow, that's awesome. I'm happy for you guys."

Paige's grin faltered. "I wouldn't be too happy. We're kind of not on great terms right now."

"What happened?" Aria asked, her face falling.

"It's a long story." Aria must have sensed that she didn't want to talk about it, since she just squeezed her hand in comfort. Yesterday had been much better than anticipated between them, all things considered. She guessed that was due to her incapability to stand by as Noel harassed Emily at her locker. Before she'd realised what she'd done, she'd thrown Noel across the floor. It'd had an unexpected upturn though; it had gotten the two of them talking, if only briefly. They both seemed to be trying to forget that Saturday night had ever happened, which was fine with Paige for now. She had to focus on coming out.

"But I'm trying to make things better," Paige continued. "Can we keep this just between us for now?" She wanted to do this right. She wanted to have no fear or anxiety left when she finally spoke to Emily, and that meant she had to tell her parents first.

"Sure," Aria replied. "Whatever you want."

She knew that telling Aria was a great start. She'd thought that telling anyone other than Emily would be impossible, yet here she was. She felt her confidence increasing.

I really can do this. She smiled.

"So, tell me more about Mr Fitz- sorry, Ezra."

Emily

"Paige!"

Paige turned to face her just as she was about to exit the locker room. "Yeah?" She walked back to Emily, raising her eyebrows.

"I was just wondering if you wanted a lift home?" She could tell that the question took Paige by surprise. To be honest, Emily hadn't even expected herself to be asking it. She just really wanted to have a proper conversation with Paige about what had happened, and to do that, they would need to have some time alone together.

"Uh, my bike's outside. But thanks for the offer." She smiled, looking like she wanted to say more but then turned to leave again.

"Paige, wait." Emily moved closer to her. "Can we talk, please? We can't keep pretending like the weekend never happened. I know you saw-" She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, looking down at the floor between them, seeing Paige shifting her weight onto her other foot.

"I need to get home." Emily's heart sank. Paige didn't want to know; didn't want to hear her apology.

"Okay," she said quietly, turning away. She felt Paige standing there for a minute before finally hearing her retreating footsteps. Emily sat down on the bench beside her locker heavily, staring at the empty doorway that Paige had just disappeared through.

As she drove up to her house, she spotted Maya leaving her own. She hadn't seen her since Saturday, and seeing her now, she realised that Paige might not have been the only one she had hurt that night.

She exited the car, shouting after her. Maya seemed reluctant to stop when she saw her, but thankfully she did. Emily walked up to her. "Hey."

Maya shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. "Hey," was all she said. An awkward silence filled the air, Emily unsure how to start the conversation. In the end, all she could say was, "I'm sorry."

Maya gave her a smile that didn't exactly feel genuine. "Don't be."

"Look, Maya, I really am. I was so drunk and had no idea what I was doing-" Emily cut herself off, realising that what she was saying wasn't helping. How exactly was she meant to apologise for exploiting Maya's feelings for her; using them as some sort of twisted revenge against Paige for going to the party with Troy, revenge that she hadn't even wanted Paige to know about. It didn't make sense.

"It's okay, Emily. I was drunk too." Emily knew that Maya couldn't have possibly been as drunk as she had been, but she didn't say anything. "So, I don't suppose there's any chance you would want to go out with me some time? Alcohol free, I promise." She smiled.

Emily didn't even have to consider her answer. Although things with Paige might be well and truly over, her heart was still with her; would always be with her. "Maya, I'm in love with someone else. I'm sorry."

Maya didn't look like she had been expecting any other answer, somehow sensing that that would be Emily's reply. "Well, whoever she is, she's a lucky girl."

Emily smiled at the indirect compliment. "Hey, you'll find someone of your own soon. I know it."

Maya arched an eyebrow. "You psychic now?" Emily laughed, feeling relieved that Maya didn't seem to be taking it too hard. "See you around."

"Wait," Emily said quickly, stopping her from leaving. She had wanted to ask Maya a certain question for a while now. "How did you know? I mean, that night you came over for dinner. You seemed to know that I was gay. How?"

Maya smirked. "I saw the way you looked at her." Emily frowned, not knowing what Maya was talking about. "The photo of you and Paige beside your bed; I saw the way you looked at her."

"Oh."

"Bye, Emily."

Emily could only mutter a goodbye after Maya, feeling shocked at the answer. Had she really been that obvious? She eventually managed to make her way into her house, a small but sad smile on her face.

Paige

Every time there was a stretch of silence in the room she started readying herself to tell them, but then her mom or dad would say something and she would feel like she had missed her moment, the courage she had built up in the still atmosphere disappearing, anxiety overtaking her.

She was in a constant state of stress for the next week, growing more and more frustrated by the day. She wished that she could just say it already. She'd even gone to the effort of looking up things online to say in case she needed them, which she figured she probably would.

It got to the point where she actually had this big speech planned out in her head that she wanted to tell them, which only added to the pressure. She wanted to get it right.

As it turned out though, it had all been for nothing.

It was Wednesday. She'd just come home from practice to find her parents on the couch, eagerly sitting on the edge of their seats when she entered the living room.

"What?" she asked curiously. Her dad picked a letter up off the coffee table, handing it to her as she walked over to him. Her stomach dropped when she saw the logo in the corner of the envelope.

University of Pittsburgh.

She looked back at her parents, a nervous smile forming on her lips. "Well, open it then," her dad said impatiently, nodding his head at the letter.

She ripped open the envelope, pulling out the paper inside hastily, her eyes scanning over the writing. Relief washed over her, her shoulders slumping. "I got in. Full scholarship."

Her parents smiled, both of them pulling her into a hug, a small weight being lifted from her. Although her focus had been directed elsewhere the past month, occasionally she would allow herself to think about college and her future, wondering if and when she would hear from any of the scouts that had been at the swim meets, and according to Coach, some of their practices too (although she hadn't told any of the team that in case of stressing them out).

"Well done, Paige. We're really proud of you," her mom beamed, pulling back, her dad following.

"Congratulations," he smiled. "That's great."

"Thanks," she grinned, immediately wanting to phone Emily to tell her the news but feeling like she couldn't.

Half an hour later, they moved into the kitchen to have dinner, sitting down at the table in high spirits. It was short-lived however.

About five minutes in, her dad said, "They must really want you; they sent that letter out pretty early." Paige smiled again, happy that a school with a great swimming programme actually wanted to recruit her. "Have you heard anything back from Penn State yet?"

Paige shook her head, putting a forkful of salad into her mouth. Pittsburgh and Penn State were the main colleges that she was considering on going to. She knew that her dad had wanted her to have as many options as possible, but she would happily go to Pittsburgh if they were the only one to offer her anything.

"Well I hope you hear back from them too. We definitely can't be expecting anything from UConn, anyway, and you want to have more offers." He gave a quick shake of his head, looking down at his plate.

Paige bristled. "Well, I got into Pittsburgh, on a full scholarship, so it doesn't really matter if I don't get offers from anywhere else, does it?"

"But you want to have more than one offer, Paige; don't settle."

Paige sighed, putting down her fork. "It's not settling if I actually want to go there."

"Still, it doesn't hurt to have options, you know that."

Paige felt the anger building. Not matter what she did, it was never enough. He always wanted more from her.

"Nick, let's just be happy that she got into Pittsburgh for now, please?" Her mom reached across the table, putting a hand on her forearm. "We're very proud of you for getting into Pittsburgh; that's a huge achievement."

Paige calmed slightly at her mom's reassurance, but then her dad kept going. "I'm just saying, maybe if you had been more focused at that last meet you could have secured at least another offer from UConn, and-"

"Shut up," Paige muttered under her breath.

His eyes went wide. "What did you just say?"

"I said shut up," Paige stated firmly, her gaze holding his. She was fed up; fed up of letting him put her down.

"You watch your mouth," he growled, his mouth forming in a tight line, jaw twitching.

"Nick, Paige, please," her mom pleaded, obviously trying to stop the inevitable argument from taking off, but Paige needed to get this off her chest.

"No," she started. "No matter what I do, it'll never be enough for you, will it? They'll always be something else, someone else, that I need to beat. I've worked hard for this, and it paid off; I got into Pittsburgh. Sorry if that's not good enough for you, but I'm happy with it and that's all that matters. I'm only just realising that now." Tears spilled down her cheeks. She took in a breath. "And while we're at it, here's another thing that'll disappoint you; I'm gay."

And just like that, the words were out there, filling the room. She'd said them in the heat of the moment, her planned speech long forgotten, but that was it. She'd said them and she couldn't take them back.

A heavy silence followed, her parents sitting rigid in their chairs, shocked expressions on their faces. Then her dad leaned against the table, putting his head in his hands, a sob escaping her mom before she clapped a hand over her mouth, looking at Paige like she didn't even know her.

It was too much.

"I'm sorry," was all she could manage before standing up, her chair scraping loudly against the floor, leaving the kitchen and walking down the hall.

"Paige!" her dad shouted after her. She could hear him standing up. "Paige! Get back here!"

She was too scared to hear what he was going to say. She continued down the hall, heading for the front door, running as soon as she got outside.

"Paige!" she heard her dad shouting after her from the front door, but she kept going, not looking back.

Emily

"Emily!"

Emily pulled out her earbuds so that she could hear what her mom was shouting from downstairs. "Yeah?"

"Can you come here a moment?" Emily sighed, putting down her pen on top of her notebook, rolling off of her bed and padding into the hall.

"What is it?" she asked from the top of the stairs, looking down at her mom, noticing that she looked concerned.

At first she thought it was going to be about her dad, but then she said, "That was Nick McCullers on the phone wanting to know if Paige was here."

Emily frowned, moving down the stairs. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he said that they got into some sort of argument, and Paige left a couple of hours ago. They have no idea where she went; she didn't even take her phone. He sounded worried."

Emily swallowed, a sick feeling settling in her stomach. "Well, did he try phoning Hanna's? Or Spencer's? Or-" Her mom put a hand on her arm as she reached the bottom of the stairs, trying to calm the obvious panic that was starting to fill her.

"He phoned here first; he says he's going to try phoning around and that he'll let us know when he finds her." Emily bit her lip in worry. "Honey, I'm sure she's fine. Don't worry."

Emily wished it were as easy as that. How could she not worry? "Did he say what the argument was about?" It must have been bad if Paige had left the house ages ago and not come back.

Her mom shook her head sadly. Emily walked into the living room, looking through the curtains to see the darkening sky, the odd fleck of rain hitting the window. Where are you, Paige?

"Why don't I make us a cup of tea while we wait for Nick to phone back?"

Emily smiled gratefully at her mom over her shoulder. "Thanks." Her mom headed into the kitchen as Emily turned to stare back out of the window, willing Paige to appear safe and sound.

It was almost an hour later and there was still no sign of Paige. Emily kept reaching for her phone to call her before she remembered that Paige didn't even have her phone with her. That didn't stop her from checking in with Hanna, Spencer and Aria every five minutes though; they were just as worried as she was.

There was a flash of light, Emily looking up from her phone to see if her mom had noticed it or if it had just been her imagination, but sure enough, a few seconds later she heard a loud rumble of thunder that made her jump.

"Great," Emily whined, kneeling up on the couch as she looked out of the window again. "Paige is out there somewhere and there's a storm coming in."

"Emily, she might have found somewhere to stay-"

"No, Mom, you don't understand. She's not with any of us, or Caleb… I mean, I even checked with Sean; she's not there either." Emily couldn't think of anywhere else she would go. She had to be out there somewhere.

Another flash of lightning illuminated the street outside, another clap of thunder putting her on edge. After a moment, the sky opened up, rain crashing down hard, bouncing off of the pavement.

"Emily, come away from the window. It's not doing you any good." Emily let the curtain fall back into place, slumping down onto the couch, almost close to tears. It was starting to get late. Where was she? Her mom hugged her into her side, Emily closing her eyes, trying not to let the anxiety eat a hole through her stomach. She's fine, she's fine, she chanted to herself.

It was twenty minutes later when she heard a knock on the front door. She shot up from the couch, running to the door and opening it. She sighed, the relief almost dizzying at seeing Paige standing on her porch.

She had her arms wrapped around herself, the t-shirt she was wearing completely soaked through, raindrops dripping down her face. Emily stepped out onto the porch, pulling Paige into a tight hug, feeling Paige's arms wrap around her back after a moment.

She could feel the water from Paige's t-shirt seeping into her own, but she didn't care. All that mattered was that Paige was here and that she was okay- physically, anyway.

She finally pulled back, running a thumb over Paige's cheek as she looked into her eyes. There was a sadness in them, but also a spark of something that Emily couldn't pinpoint.

She heard her mom clearing her throat behind her. She removed her hand from Paige's neck, turning to face her. "Emily, I need to phone Nick back."

"Can Paige stay here tonight?" She glanced back at Paige. She was staring at her feet, looking small and broken. Her mom looked like she was about to say no. "Please, Mom," she pleaded. Wasn't it obvious that Paige needed her?

Eventually she sighed. "Okay, as long as it's okay with Paige's parents." She walked back into the house, Emily turning back to Paige, seeing her shiver.

"Hey, come on," she said, gently taking her hand. Paige's fingers grasped her own tightly, letting Emily lead her up to her bedroom.

Paige stood still as Emily got a towel and wrung out the ends of her hair with it, ruffling the hair at the top of her head in an attempt to try and dry it slightly. She moved to her dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and pyjama pants for Paige to change into.

"Here," she said, laying the clothes on the bed. "Dry off properly and put these on; I'll put your clothes in the dryer." Paige seemed to be on autopilot, moving towards the bed, peeling her t-shirt over her head.

Emily eyes roamed over the exposed skin before she could stop herself, having to drag her gaze away. This is definitely not the time, Emily. "I'll be back in a minute." She left Paige in her room, hurrying downstairs to grab her phone, quickly sending a mass text to let everyone know that Paige was okay.

"Nick says that's fine." Her mom walked into the living room, frowning slightly. "He also said to tell Paige that he and Karen love her, and she shouldn't be scared to come home. Emily, what is this about?"

The air left Emily's lungs as she started to piece things together. Had Paige-? Did Paige-? "I don't know," she said quickly, making her way towards the stairs. She threw a 'thanks' over her shoulder, running up to her room.

She entered it carefully, seeing that Paige had crawled into her bed, her wet clothes thrown over the back of her chair. Forgetting about putting them in the dryer, Emily walked around to the other side of the bed (her side of the bed), sliding in beside Paige.

She turned on her side to face her, running a hand up her arm. "Paige, what happened?" She had to know.

Paige just stared at her for a moment before her face crumpled, her eyes closing as she started to cry. Emily shuffled in closer, Paige burying her nose into her neck and clinging onto her t-shirt, Emily's hand running soothingly up and down her back, letting Paige get it all out. Her heart was breaking more and more with every one of Paige's sobs.

She must have done it. She must have. It was the only thing that Emily could think of that would cause a reaction like this.

"Paige," she murmured after the sobs had quietened. "Your dad spoke to my mom on the phone, and he told her to tell you that both he and your mom love you and that you shouldn't be scared to go home. What does that mean?"

She scooted down on the bed so that she could see Paige's face properly. Her eyes were puffy, her nose red, but after a few seconds she sniffed, smiling slightly through her tears. "What? He said that?" Emily nodded, raking her fingers through Paige's hair still damp from the rain, desperate for her to tell her what had happened.

Paige's whole demeanour suddenly changed, giving a light laugh. Her hand ran up Emily's arm, coming to rest on her wrist that was against Paige's cheek. "I did it, Em," she smiled. "I came out."

A/N: I'm aware that this is a shitty place to finish the chapter, but it's the only way I could update today (which I was feeling pressurized to do so lol). So sorry for the semi-cliffhanger.

As you can probably tell, this story is ready to wrap soon. Only a couple of chapters left (or maybe three, depends how long I take to get to the end), just to give you a heads up.

Thanks for all the reviews, it really is amazing to hear feedback :)