Previously: Way back when, which was actually only like a week ago(ish) because this story moves at a glacial pace, Ward killed Garrett in Disney World when he realized he was going crazy and was threatening Skye and others around him.

Simmons finally confronted Ward about how he threw Fitz and her in the ocean before storming off. Coulson then told Ward he had to fix it, because he couldn't have agents emotionally compromised.

Chapter Thirty

"I'm sorry."

Ward said this out loud. To the wall. He hoped no one was watching the cameras in the Cage right now.

He just wasn't used to the word. It tasted funny on his tongue. Sure, he'd said sorry to Skye, but he was in a near desperate state for her approval at that point. And while Simmons was as clever as they come and a good resource, Ward didn't harbor any sort of feelings for her.

Simmons had said he hadn't even tried to apologize. He didn't even know what that meant. Was there a proper way to say it? He really didn't have much experience with the matter. Maybe she just meant neither of the scientists would have accepted it if he did say sorry.

He tried again.

"I'm sorry."

Did that sound sincere? He couldn't tell if the inflection was in the right place. He needed it to sound real. He needed Simmons to be at one hundred percent to help Skye, and based on the way she'd been locked in her bunk the passed few hours, that relied on him getting this goddamn apology out and for it to be said right.

"I'm sorry," he told the wall again. "I'm sorry." He took a breath. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"I apologize."

"I am sorry."

"I'm – damn it!"

Ward threw a punch into the bed and instantly feared he'd ripped straight through the mattress. With a steadying breath, he pulled his hand up to realize the cot was still, thankfully, in tact. Coulson was pretty stingy with damages now that SHIELD was tight on money.

"Jesus Christ," he mumbled, getting pretty fed up with the situation. He was stuck on these two tiny words. Words. The things that had always seemed so insignificant to him. It was actions that made impact.

But of course, that was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place: his action of throwing Fitzsimmons into the ocean.

He hadn't wanted to do it. He'd tried to convince Garrett they didn't need to cross off the science duo, but John had asked him. The way he worded it… "do something for me."

God. That was a sentence worthy of working someone over if Grant had ever heard one.

In reality, the more Ward thought about it, the more a lot of things his SO had said to him had been manipulative.

Ward hadn't been trained when Garrett had picked him up from the jailhouse to take away, but he'd been to the SHIELD academy. He'd been specifically taught to interrogate and use people. How could he miss the signs?

Because you're an idiot. Can't handle yourself. Weak.

Just like Garrett had always told him, when it suited him.

The man had been a father to him for sixteen years, and he trained Ward up like a weapon. His own personal soldier to do his bidding.

But Ward had known this, to an extent. He knew John wasn't a man to take someone under his wing with nothing in it for himself. That would be counter-productive. Still, the agent cared for Grant. The only person to call him son. The only person to ever give a crap about him.

Or was that another part of the act?

"Shit!" he shouted in frustration, slamming down a full-forced punch.

Ward's hand did go through the mattress this time.

"Shit," he repeated, mumbling as he glanced at the ripped fabric.

Coulson wasn't going to be happy.

Garrett would have been furious.

Ward sat down over the part of the cot he'd just ruined, rubbing his hands through his hair.

Weak. That was a sign of weakness. He was weak.

Ward immediately picked himself up. He wouldn't fidget; he'd take out his frustration.

He punched the wall, knuckles bleeding instantly.

Ward glanced momentarily at the red liquid, as his mind spun. He'd killed the only man he truly ever thought of as a father. He'd killed him because he was becoming dangerous. To protect a girl, because he was scared he would lose her.

He'd been weak because he'd been scared. He'd been strong because he made the right choice.

He hit the wall again.

Ward truly did believe it was the right choice.

Another punch.

He just couldn't decide what it meant about himself, and now he had nothing. He had this ridiculous apology. He had a team that hated him. He had the woman he loved despise him. Everything was falling apart. His life was falling apart. How could he do anything? Did he know how to do anything but be a killer? A murderer? A monster?

Two jabs this time.

He couldn't even figure out how to make one goddamn apology!

And his hands attacked the wall in a rhythmic pattern. One, two, three. One two, three. Jab, uppercut, jab. Hit, punch, jab.

He repeated his routine until the wall was as red as his hands. Until he was screaming. Shouting curses to the air. And then he still didn't stop.

"Ward?"

"Jesus!" Ward exclaimed, spinning around startled to see the timid-voiced scientist. That wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to get surprised. He wasn't supposed to flinch.

Weak.

"What are you doing?" asked Simmons, voice still small as she stood in the doorway.

Ward glanced uneasily at the wall, placing himself a few feet away from the bloodied and beaten space. Did it matter? His hands were red as well, and she could easily see both.

"I'm working out some issues," said Ward, slightly winded from the workout. "What are you doing here?"

He sounded harsh, though it wasn't intentional. It was actually incredibly stupid. But there it was.

Simmons grimaced. Or maybe it was a nervous smile. Still, she lifted herself up taller, but only before clutching her arm nervously as her body slouched back down.

"I came to apologize for my behavior," she said.

Ward felt his eyes get large. A disbelieving smile lit up his face and he nearly laughed.

"You're kidding," he said with a cocked eyebrow, still grinning with incredulity. It was ridiculous; he shouldn't be smiling.

"No, of course not," she assured him. "The way I went off on you earlier. It was wrong."

"You were wro-?" And then he did laugh. He couldn't keep it in. The box in his mind was wide open and his wits were escaping with everything else. "You don't have to apologize to me. You will never have to apologize to me. Not after what I've done to you."

"Just because you did something worse doesn't give me a free pass to be horrible to you," said Simmons shyly, as if she weren't entirely comfortable with the thought.

"Yes it does," protested Ward. "That's actually exactly what it should mean. An eye for eye; you have the right."

"No!" said Simmons, gathering up her courage that had most likely been suppressed by the state she'd found him in. "I don't care what you were taught at the Academy of Operations, or probably more accurately, by… John Garrett. That's not how life works. You can't move on if you don't let go."

"Are you saying your apology is just as much for your benefit as it is for mine?" asked Ward, and Simmons took it under consideration.

"Honestly… yes," Simmons admitted.

Ward stared, not actually taking to heart her words. "Then apology accepted, for your sake."

"See, this is your problem Ward!" Simmons shouted, taking steps so that she was finally in the room. "You need to stop chastising yourself! You need to let things go."

Ward scoffed. Like it was that simple. He could put things in a box, sure. But he could never get rid of them. He couldn't forget about Garrett, the man he'd dedicated his entire life to, whom he had made every decision based on. He couldn't forget about Fitzsimmons' faces as he watched them fall into the ocean. He couldn't forget Skye's disgust as she called him a Nazi, a serial killer. A monster.

Weak.

"Ward, I don't know if you realize this even now, but you were terribly worked over," she continued. "Garrett had you in a state of near Stockholm Syndrome. You're not necessarily a weak person, but you were without a doubt incredibly manipulated."

Can't be one without the other, thought Ward.

"Simmons, I've done things. Unforgivable things," Ward told her. "This psychoanalysis crap can't apply to someone like me."

"Yes it can," Simmons insisted as she closed the gap between them even farther. "You've done irreversible things Ward, not unforgivable things."

He stared at her, considering the words. He supposed it depended on the person. What they were willing to forgive.

"I'm going to be honest. I don't know your true intentions. It will be impossible for any of us to know that. The trust you broke is, as it stands now, irreversible, but…" she said pointedly, raising her eyebrows at him.

She was giving him an in. This was his chance.

"It was supposed to float."

Her eyes fell and she sighed with dejection, almost sounding disappointed. "I know..."

"Garrett ordered me to kill you. He expected me to put a bullet in your head," Ward told her, not missing her flinch at the second half of the statement. "I tried to give you a fighting chance. To find a way out like you always do."

"But Fitz didn't," she stated, the heat in her voice rising. "He would have died. If it weren't for the Skrulls taking him, he would have died. They must have found a way to keep him alive so they could make their copy, but he could be dead. He still could be dead…"

Ward watched as the wall of resolve she'd built up before she came into the room started to crumple, the tears forming in her eyes. He did something he maybe shouldn't have.

Grabbing her wrist, he pulled her into his chest.

And he hugged her.

At first he felt her stiffen, but only for a moment before she relaxed in his arms, wrapping her own around him. She buried her head into his chest as she let the tears flow.

They stayed like that, the scientist and the specialist, embracing each other over the lost people they'd rather be in the arms of. He avoided letting his hands rest on her too much. Bloodstains would probably not be helpful in the situation.

"We'll get them back, Simmons," he told her quietly, trying to let himself go. Trying to be sincere for her. She merely balled her fists up in his shirt, crying harder, the promise only upsetting her further.

It wasn't until that moment he realized it, but he did care. He didn't have to act sincere. He cared for this person in front of him. He wasn't attracted to her. In fact he was sometimes incredibly annoyed by her, but he cared.

"I'm sorry Fitz is gone. I'm sorry he's there because of me," Ward finally told her. He couldn't even say it to her face as she nuzzled her head into his chest harder, the attempt to mask her distress all too clear. "It's my fault. And I'm sorry for what I did to you, even if Garrett ordered me to. That doesn't matter and I take full responsibility." He sighed, letting the weight of his apology fall off his chest. "And it's completely understandable if you can't forgive me."

A few more sniffles later and she finally lifted her head so that he could see her eyes, red puffy messes that they were. She studied him.

He wondered if laying it out like that provoked her, reminding her it really was his fault. That he was unforgivable and she was letting a monster that had ripped her friend away touch her; comfort her.

Then she smiled. It was small, probably difficult to get out. Still, it was there.

"But I do," she told him. "I forgive you, Ward."

The words had Ward feeling more release than he expected they would. He felt tension leave his shoulders along with a knot that was tied tightly in his stomach. He was still tense, as current situations wouldn't allow him to be anything less, though somehow a burden had been lifted away. It was just as Simmons said, but it was such a sentimental thought to have something so fickle actually affect him physically, or have such an impact mentally. The happening was bizarre and definitely not one Ward had been expecting, despite the warning he'd gotten from the scientists.

He was supposed to be apologizing for Simmons, to get her back on track for Skye. But there was no doubt that it helped him, too.

As the girl set her head against him again, there was no trace of the forced smile. She just stared at the wall.

"We have to get them back," she stated drearily.

And Ward found that, as much as he wanted to find Skye, she wasn't the only reason he was going to do this. Fitz was important too. He was important to the girl in front of him, and when he had been on the team, the engineer was actually an enjoyable acquaintance to have around. It wasn't just about making up for his actions. Grant cared about both of them.

Ward backed up, bringing his hands to rest on Simmons' shoulders so he could meet her eyes. Her head was down, though. He began making it obvious he was trying to search for her eyes, until her gaze near reluctantly glanced up. Her face was still geared towards the ground, and the position made the girl appear fairly vulnerable.

He intended to giver her more words of comfort. Try to build the resolve she'd had when she'd come into the room, build it back up with a renewed sense of hope.

But as his own mouth opened, she was the one to fill the room with sound. A gasp. Surprisingly, a ghost of a smile crept up her mouth as well.

It was certainly a random happening for a girl he thought felt lost at the moment.

But something had definitely clicked in her mind. He wasn't sure what had caused it or reminded her enough to kick her brain into gear again, but Ward definitely felt a slight relief at not having to try to console her anymore. Still, he would have.

Her eyes wide with excitement, she stated, "I know what we can do!"

Forty-eight.

That was the amount of times Coulson had called Fury in the last twelve hours. It may have been ridiculous, it may have been unwarranted, but the man had said he'd be available.

Not only did Coulson need resources, but he also had information on Graviton for his old SO. Wasn't that what Fury was doing, searching for Graviton? Maybe he'd gotten sidetracked. Either way, Coulson had reasons he needed to reach the man and it was becoming infuriating that he never seemed available when Phil most needed him.

"Any luck, sir?" Triplett asked from the doorway.

"Not with Fury," said Coulson, unsurprised to see the field agent back so soon. "But I've been able to call in a couple friends. Well, more like friends of friends. Agent Hartley is an old time contact and recommended them. They'll be here shortly."

"Nice. We could use some extra hands."

"Speaking of extra hands, where's our Asgardian pair?" asked Coulson.

"She had to head back to her place."

"You two have any luck?"

"Lukewarm. Her alien tech was able to give us that there was other alien tech, Skrull stuff, in the city. And that it's still around. But it's scrambled and cloaked. She mentioned a proper engineer being able to do something about it, but I'm not sure if she was talking in Asgardian terms or if there's something we can do too…"

"We'll try it," Coulson assured him.

"Sir!" said Simmon's voice coming from the hall, and soon the owner came with it. She was looking particularly inspired. This was an interesting sight, as her companion next to her was someone that had been at the mercy of her yelling fit just a few hours earlier.

"Ward and I would like to request permission to use the Golden Retrievers around Rome for a bit. We can calibrate them using something of Fitz or Skye's, and they would be able to track it rather like a hound dog would track a squirrel. It's a somewhat unorthodox method as the chances of finding a trail fresh enough and within a vicinity that they could pick it up is unlikely, but since we know about the Colosseum, I thought it may be a good place to start!"

Coulson heard her request. Paid attention to the whole thing. But he was still hung up on the first part of it.

"You and Ward? Alone?" asked Coulson.

"Yes sir. I think it would be a two person job."

"I agree. But… Ward? Last I saw you two you weren't on the best of terms."

He glanced at the specialist, well aware that he was talking about the man right in front of him as though he weren't there. If it fazed him, he didn't show it.

"Well… we've come to a sort of mutual understanding," said Simmons. "…in Laymen's terms."

"Alright then," said Coulson uncertainly. He gave Ward a rather impressed look. He'd certainly fixed the problem. "Triplett has just informed me that Sif does believe that the Skrulls remained in the city, so it could definitely be worth a shot."

"Perfect!" exclaimed Simmons, her emotions had done a complete one-eighty from the last time he'd seen her. Perhaps the Golden Retrievers idea had given her a renewed sense of hope. "Ward, if you could I'd like to have an extra set of hands setting up the calibrations on the Retrievers. We haven't used them in quite some time so it could take a bit to get them going as I'm not sure what state they're in."

"Whatever's needed. Not sure how much I can help."

"Oh, don't worry I just need your hands. Even a child could do it," she said simply.

"Agent Simmons, I need to speak with Ward a moment," said Coulson, wanting to catch them before Simmons started to get into another science ramble. "You can get started on that if you like, though."

"Of course sir!" she said, beaming and muttering to herself as she began to go down to the lab to begin her plan. Coulson cocked an eyebrow at Ward.

"Must have been a hell of an apology," said Coulson.

Ward half-smiled, reminding Coulson of when he trusted the agent completely. Or perhaps rather, of his character he'd played. But the longer he was here, the more the lines between the two people became blurred.

"It was a fairly mutually beneficial experience, sir," said Ward, serious in tone, sounding more sincere than anything else he'd said since he'd been back that didn't revolve around Skye.

"Glad to hear it. But if you're going out in the field with her, you can't just be concerned with Skye. You'll be Simmons'-"

"I'll take care of her, sir," Ward assured him. The loyalty to the team appeared abrupt to the leader, but somehow at the same time, it seemed organic.

"Good. Then you'd better go help her out, and we can get you two on the road soon enough."

Ward nodded, walking out of the room to follow in Simmons' footsteps.

"Looks like Simmons has a temporary lab partner," admonished Trip.

"Better be temporary," said Coulson. "Ward and the lab? Seems like a dangerous combination. And surprisingly, I'm not really referring to the whole Hydra thing."

Coulson wasn't so worried about the technology the Hydra man could access. He was more concerned with how clueless he'd been with the gadgets, as had Coulson himself. Still, he probably wouldn't be getting into the more complex ones at the moment.

A shrill beeping suddenly erupted from a phone on Coulson's desk. The older agent walked over, looked at the screen, and pressed a button to deactivate it.

"What was that sir?" asked Triplett.

"The cavalry's arrived," Coulson informed him lightly. "Not like "The Cavalry" calvary, but our backup. Agent May is here too, though."

Coulson walked down to the cargo hold, feeling Trip on his heels as he went. When they got there the ramp was opening. In came a fair amount of sunlight, and three figures stood at the doorway.

"I have been to one of other remaining SHIELD bases and let me tell you, it is much more cleaned up than this dump. What the hell happened to your cargo hold, mate?" said a man in a leather jacket, English accent.

"Looks pretty nice to me," said the other person, a larger man with some of the biggest biceps Coulson had ever seen. He must have been the mechanic.

May walked passed both of the new recruits as they appraised the place, walking from the Cargo hold doorway and straight up to Coulson.

"How was the ride?" he asked her.

She looked at him somewhat coldly, and then sent her glare back to the Brit.

"I don't like that one."

As she finished her sentence she walked on, going up the stairs and into the BUS. Trip came up just next to Coulson and took her place.

"So, new meat?" he prompted.

"Yep. Agent Triplett, meet Lance Hunter and Alphonso Mackenzie."

A/n: Finals are coming and I'm working on Agents of SHIELD fanvids (more my expertise than writing anyhow haha) lately sooooooo updates may be slow. Sorry! Gonna try to keep up though. Thanks for reading!

Oh yeah, PS: One paragraph of Ward's dialogue is straight from the show when he's talking to Fitz.

AND thank you for Shadow375 for betaing most of this chapter!