A/N Some mature content.
"Your book? You've written a book! Is that what you have been doing, while you were locked up in Logan's room every day? I was getting so worried. I thought you were grieving and you didn't want me to see it," Owen said, slapping his forehead. "I am so relieved."
"Well, I was grieving but I decided to channel it into something positive. I put all of my angst into this book. It isn't what I usually write but it is more about a mother and daughter relationship. A fictionalized account of my mother and me. We did have a contentious relationship during the latter part of high school and all through college. But things changed when Marcus died and then, Logan was born. She was there for me, all of the way," she said.
"So it must have been very cathartic for you," Owen said, flipping through the pages. "I guess you want me to read this."
"Yes," she said. "I want you to be brutally honest with me. Tell me if it is no good before I go hawk it around to publishers. I want you to tell me whether it would be worth it."
"Yes, I will read it and I promise to give you honest feedback," he said. "Thanks," she said and turned to go.
"Cristina," he said. "Don't go, there is something I want to say to you." She turned back. "Okay, what's up?"
"You have been rather distant, lately and I couldn't tell whether it was the right time to discuss this," he said. She went and sat down. "Okay, Owen, I am all ears. I am in a good place now that I have finished my book. I am sorry that I have been distant but I needed to take the time to process my mother's death and the best way for me to do so was to put my thoughts down on the computer. You have been a strong support for Logan and me and I am thankful that you have been there for us."
"That's what you do for the people you care about," Owen said. He was trying to ease his way into the whole "I love you" conversation. "I was very happy to be here for you and Logan." He was nervous. He didn't know why. Yes, scratch that, he certainly knew why. It would be the first time in his life that he actually told a woman that he loved her. He had dated many women but he had never fallen in love with any of them, so he never had reason to tell any of them the "l" word.
"Well, we care about you, too, Owen," Cristina said. He shook his head. "It's more than that, Cristina. Yes, I do care about you. I, um, also love you," he said. The words sounded weird coming out of his mouth.
"Oh," she said. That was not the reaction he had expected from her. He felt like he had been slapped on the face with a cold fish. Now, he understood why people were wary of saying "I love you". There was always the chance the other person would not reciprocate. He felt embarrassed. There was an awkward silence. He couldn't stand it anymore when he said, "Well, I better get started on reading this." Cristina recognized that he wanted to be left alone, so she quietly left.
She closed the door and started to breathe again. She couldn't believe it. He actually said that he loved her. She was so surprised by his declaration, that all she could say was "oh." What a stupid girl you are, Cristina thought to herself. "You just made a whole mess of things. You know you love him. Why didn't you say something?" she said, aloud to herself, as she headed up to her bedroom. She was tired. Completing the book was really exhausting. She lay on the bed and hugged Owen's pillow. It smelled just like him. She buried her nose in the pillow to savor it. It was such a turn-on, she had to admit. She closed her eyes and enveloped herself with his scent, imagining him next to her.
Back in his study, Owen could feel his face was burning. He was so embarrassed. He had put his heart out there and she did not say anything. Maybe she didn't feel the same way about him. Maybe it was too early to say these things. After all, they only started really being a couple at Thanksgiving and that was a couple of months ago. Hell, he had wanted to say it to her on New Year's Day, except the crash happened and those plans were put on the back burner. He needed to get his mind on other things, so he started reading Cristina's book. After he read the first few pages, he realized how much she had improved from the first set of writing she had showed him over the summer. She did not indulge too much in the over-flowery, superfluous language that had peppered her previous work. The angst from her mother's death had definitely worked. She was able to articulate what she wanted to say in a stronger voice. It was good reading. Nope, it was great reading. He found himself totally engrossed in it and found himself full of anticipation for the next page. He made notes here and there but mostly, he just read.
In the bedroom, Cristina's eyes fluttered open. She just had an intense sexual fantasy about Owen. She felt so aroused. She wanted him now. She ran down the stairs and into the study, where Owen was still reading her book. "Hey," he said. She ran to him, took the paper out of his hand and straddled him, while showering kisses on him. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and he quickly responded, as he wrapped arms around her. It was clear that she wanted some loving and he really didn't mind. He picked her up and placed her on his desk, still kissing, as he slipped off her underwear from underneath her dress. She made quick work of unbuttoning his jeans and stroking him to hardness. He could tell that she wanted him, now and desperately. He looked into her eyes and he entered her. She gasped as he forced her legs further apart, so he could penetrate her even more deeply. When they climaxed, she moaned loudly. The release was amazing, she thought. As their breathing became more normal, she whispered into his ear, "I love you, too."
He pulled back and gazed intently at her. "Why didn't you say that to me earlier when I told you that I loved you? I kinda felt like I was an idiot. I was putting it out there and all you could say was 'oh.' "
"Sorry about that," she said. "I was just kinda shocked."
"Are you sure that you were not just saying that because you got mind-blowing sex? I don't want that 'I love you' to be just a post-coital reaction. It happens, you know," he said. "People say these things after sex."
"No," she reassured him. "I really do love you and it wasn't because of the sex, as superb as it was." He kissed her on her nose. "Good," he said. "I was just making sure." As they fixed their clothes, she noticed that he had read quite a bit of her book.
"So?" she asked. "What do you think?" Her voice shook as she said it. She felt a bit anxious about what he thought.
"Well, it has been going quite well, actually," he said. "I have made some notes but I am enjoying it. You and your mom really had some major fights."
"Yes," she said. "I am putting it all out there. From the outside, our façade was perfect but we were like two combatants behind closed doors. We never aired our dirty laundry in public and here I am, doing it right now. My mother would be horrified, if she knew."
"I can't wait to read the rest," he said. "So I will leave you to it," Cristina said. "I am going to freshen up a bit and then, go pick up Logan at school." She gave him a kiss on the lips and left the room. He picked up the page that he was reading before he was interrupted by the woman he loved. "She loves me," he said. "She loves me." It was the greatest feeling in the world.
He was happy, truly happy, as he watched Cristina and Logan chatter away across from him at the dinner table. It had been such a good day. He was almost through reading Cristina's book. It was full of twists and turns but at the heart of it was the relationship between the mother and the daughter. It was a tremendous effort, he thought. He was ecstatic about the book but mainly about the fact that they had both finally said that they loved each other. It was the first step in paving the way to a future together. So they could be a family.
"So Cristina, I thought we could go away for Easter," he said. "Um, sorry, Owen, I was thinking of going back to New York," she replied. "Besides, we have imposed on you long enough. Logan and I need to be able to stand on our own two feet."
"What? Why?" he asked, alarmed. What was she talking about?
"I have to do something about mom's house," she said. "It is still generating bills and I need to get a job so I can pay them. So I think Logan and I will be going back to New York. I will probably have to commute into the city."
Owen's idyllic fantasy of life together as a family suddenly faded in his mind. She was actually talking about moving out.
"You're going to move out?" he said in an incredulous tone.
"Yes," she said. "We can't stay here forever. It's not like I can get a job out here to pay the bills and maintenance of the house. So back to New York we go."
Owen's whole day had turned from great to bad.
It was the Easter weekend. Cristina and Logan were both packed and waiting for the taxi to come pick them up to take them to the airport. Owen had offered to take them but she declined, saying that he wouldn't have to make the long trip back home if they took a taxi.
He had been a little down, since she told him that they were going to move back to New York. He understood why she was going but it didn't make it any easier. When the taxi came, she kissed him and told him that she would call him as soon as they got home. He remembered the last time what had happened when she and Logan got on a plane. He banished the horrid thoughts out of his mind. Plane crashes were rare, he knew, but it didn't help that his life had been altered by two such crashes.
In the taxi, Cristina's hands shook. The reason why she had asked Owen not to take her to the airport was that she didn't want him to see her as she tried to get on the plane. She was terrified about it but she knew she would eventually have to get on a plane some time in her life. Since the crash, she had not been on a plane. Owen had driven five and a half hours from Westchester to Maine, when he brought them to stay at his house.
She got to the airport and wanted a drink but she couldn't take a three year old into a bar. Her heart was beating faster. She checked them in on the terminal. They didn't have much luggage, just two carry-ons. She might as well just go to the gate and get past the security line, she thought. She and Logan stood there watching the security line. People kept passing them and getting into the line.
"Mommy?" Logan enquired. "Are we going?"
"Yes, Logan, just now," she said. She could feel her body tensing up. Her breath began getting short. She was starting to cold-sweat. She could not be having an anxiety attack now. Not now. She screamed inwardly.
"Are you getting in the line or not?" she heard a man's voice say.
"You can go ahead," she found herself saying. "No, I can't," the man said. "I am going with you." It was then the recognition hit her. "Owen?" She turned around, swiftly. Logan was up in Owen's arms. Owen chuckled.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought I could go down to New York, too," he said. "After all, I am going to help you get your book published."
"You are?" she said. "Yes," he said. "I have lots of contacts, much more than you. I will definitely help you get your foot in the door."
"You will?" she asked. "So this is rather sudden – you coming with us."
"Well, yes, as soon as you left, I realized I wanted us to be together. So I went online and bought a ticket, called a taxi and here I am," he said. He took her hand into his. "I just want us to be together. So, are you ready?"
She took a deep breath and they joined the security line. Somehow, his presence made everything alright. He made her feel safe.
A/N Please leave your thoughts and comments. I do appreciate when you take the time to leave your reviews.