Chapter 11

Amy woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. Two bottles of wine between Bernadette and her had been more than enough. She got up and went to the kitchen to drink some water. As she drank the cool refreshing liquid went down her throat, she started feeling better; the fog in her head started to lift. She was happy that she had made up with Bernadette. She had missed her, and it was nice knowing that things were going to be ok between them again. Her thoughts started to drift to Penny and the events of last night.

Amy thought about the Facebook post that she had made from Bernadette's phone the previous night. She started to feel something that she was not used to feeling that often. Guilt. Why had she done that? That was not like her. The sole purpose of the post was to stir up trouble in Penny and Leonard's relationship. Why would she do that? Was she that angry and callous to try to hurt her friend? And Leonard? Poor Leonard didn't do anything at all, and she was dragging him into her argument. Why did she drag Alex into this also? She started feeling extremely embarrassed and guilty.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Was she no better than the girls that used to bully her and make fun of her? When she got the upper hand, was she so quick to jump into that mean girl role and try to put Penny down. She sighed, feeling so disappointed in herself. No, she was not that type of person, and she wasn't going to let herself be that type of person. She needed to rectify the situation. Amy sat down at her computer and sighed. She knew that she wasn't ready to talk to Penny yet. Her feelings were still too raw, and she knew that she would be oversensitive. She needed to talk to Leonard and Alex though, to apologize for her stupid post. She decided that she needed to head to the physics building today to try to make amends.

From looking at the Facebook pictures of Penny and hearing about her behaviour the past few days, she knew that something deeper was going on with Penny. She was unhappy about something, and she didn't know what. Was she that unhappy being friends with her or was it something else? She seemed like she was spiraling out of control.

Amy looked at her computer, and saw that she had some new emails. She opened her mail program, and saw that there was a message from Sheldon. Every day she was so happy when she saw a new email come in from Sheldon. She missed talking to him so much. She was limiting their communication, but at the same time was craving contact with him. Amy eagerly clicked open the email.

Dear Amy,

I can't say that I am very fond of our arrangement of only communicating by email, but I trust that there is a method to your madness. I will do my best to try communicate with you by this method only, but please remember that written word doesn't always convey tone, and I may not be able to pick up your subtle hints of sarcasm in your emails.

I have been working my new schedule, to try to make some progress in my dark matter research. It has not been going as well as expected. I find myself not being able to concentrate during my allotted work hours, and then also not being able to rest during my two hour sleep periods. If we were still doing our anxiety experiment, then I would definitely be in the "zone" all the time now. I am getting more and more angry that I am expected to make a major scientific discovery in a very SHORT defined time period. This of course, may be Gablehauser's intention, so that I return to string theory research. He shouldn't underestimate Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.

I have spoken to my sister Missy quite a bit over the past few days. This may surprise you, as I have not mentioned her very much to you over the years. Missy and I have always been close, but I admit, I have confided more in Penny in the past few years. I am not on the best terms with Penny at the moment, due to her recent behaviour, so I decided to speak with Missy. It was actually very good to speak with her, because, she understands me in a way that Penny never quite will. She was by my side every minute of my life when I was child. We went through many shared experiences together. She understands why I am the way I am.

This is very difficult for me to talk about, but she made it very clear to me that I may lose you if I do not change. So this is hard, but I am going to tell you exactly what I am thinking, and hope that it gives you a bit of understanding. I am very resistant to change, as you have seen by last summer's events. I do things a certain way for a reason. It was born out of the chaos and fear that I grew up in. When things go not according to plan, I feel distressed and panicked. When I thought about my life, I had a laid out plan, but in that plan, there was no spot for a girlfriend. I met you, and while I enjoyed spending time with you, I never intended to deviate from my life's plan. As we spent more time together, I found myself growing more and more fond of you. I needed to know what you thought of things, my own opinion was no longer enough. This concept bothered me, because I do not want to be dependent on another person.

As we continued on our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I began to develop romantic feelings for you. I have never been in a romantic relationship before, or even desired such relationship. It fills me with worry for a few reasons. One, I feel that the relationship will distract me from my ultimate goal of winning a Nobel Prize in Physics. I am beginning to question whether you really distract me from this goal or not. Stephen Hawking is married, and is still a brilliant physicist. I am still sorting that issue out in my head. Two, I am scared I will end up like my parents. I have not seen very many successful romantic relationships in my life. I would hate for our relationship to turn into one of hate and mistrust. My sister pointed out that I have seen a good romantic relationship in MeeMaw and PopPop. That is true, but I don't know if I am the type of man PopPop was. This brings me to my third worry, I know that I am a selfish person. I know that in a relationship, you need to stop putting your own needs first all the time. I know that I have not been doing that with you. You never complain, and you are always so accommodating, I have taken advantage of the situation. I have been pushing you away because I am scared of my worries, and you have not known why.

Amy, I am sorry for making you feel that I didn't love you or desire you. I have, for a while now, but I have been so scared, that it was easier to keep you at arm's length than deal with my fears. So where does that leave us? I don't know, I'm still scared, and I still don't know what I am doing. I know that I hate being apart from you. I know that my life has become so much better now that you are in it. I know that I feel completely and utterly lost without you. I am still scared, but I do know that I want to try and not push you away. You have become a part of my heart and my soul.

I love you,

Sheldon.

Amy stared at the screen, trying to blink away the tears. He did love her, he did desire her. He was just so scared to act on his feelings. But what about all their problems? His dismissiveness, how he left her without a word, they still needed to work through so many things. He acknowledged that he understood his problems, but what was he willing to do about it? Nevertheless, her heart filled with joy as she re-read his email. He loved her. He truly, unequivocally loved her. She needed to see him. She needed to talk to him in person. She knew that she couldn't wait the remaining week and a half, she needed to talk to him now.

Amy quickly showered, and then walked towards her closet. Bernadette said that she just needed to wear less layers and show off her body a bit. She was not used to that, she loved her protective layers. It protected her from feeling so exposed. It was not just her body she was covering up, she was protecting her herself from the outside world and their cruel taunts. It had been easier for her to fade into the background, than have people notice her and be cruel.

Today was a different day. She was going to be more confident in herself. Her friends thought she was beautiful. Her boyfriend thought she was beautiful. Why did she not think she was? She rifled through her closet, and found a pretty light lilac dress. The dress hugged her figure more than most of her dresses did. She usually covered up this dress with one of her heavier cardigans. She pulled out a sheer white airy cardigan and put it on. Baby steps right? She was going to CalTech after all today, she couldn't look too like she was going out on the town.

She turned on her hot rollers, and pulled out her makeup. She applied a very light layer of makeup, soft pink lips and light brown eye shadow that brought out the green of her eyes. She loosely curled her hair and then brushed it so that it had soft waves but was not overly curly. She pulled out a low pair of heels that she had bought. She then opened her drawer and pulled out a pair her new pair of Prada glasses. Penny had convinced her to buy them, and she did admit that they looked really good. They were so much more stylish than her normal pair. It gave her a smart geek-chic look. She put on some body lotion that was scented of jasmine. There, she was all ready.

She gave herself a look in the mirror and smiled. She still looked like herself, but she looked like a happier more confident Amy. She grabbed her purse and rushed out the door to CalTech.

Leonard was pacing around his lab. He had gotten to work, and checked Facebook to see a million pictures of Penny partying with her old friends. Why was Penny sitting on some guys lap? Who were all the girls she was partying with? How drunk was she? Was she having second thoughts about them? And what was with Bernadette's post? What was that all about?

Leonard put his head down on the table and sighed. How did they get there? He thought Penny and him had worked through all these issues. The insecurity issues, the trust issues, the love issues. Why did one fight with the girls send her into a tailspin? It seemed like everything was going well for Penny, they were engaged, she was in a new job that she was excelling in, they had started to move in together. What was the reason for all this unhappiness all of a sudden?

"Leonard?"

Leonard looked up and saw Alex standing at the entrance of his lab door. Oh God, he thought, she must have seen the Facebook post from Bernadette.

"Uhh..Hi Alex."

"Is everything ok?" she asked. She frowned looking worriedly over at Leonard.

Leonard sighed and looked away from her. "Why, cause there are drunk pictures of my fiancé all over Facebook, or was it Bernadette's stupid post that gave it away?"

Alex walked over and sat near his desk. "I don't understand what that post was about? Why was I tagged in the post? I wasn't even with Bernadette or Amy. What were they talking about you dating someone hot and smart? I just don't get it."

"I really don't know what they were talking about. All I know is Penny and the girls got into a big fight with each other a few nights ago. I knew that none of them were talking to each other. It sounds like Amy and Bernadette are talking again. The post sounds like they were trying to get back at Penny, but I really don't know exactly what they are referring to, and why they mentioned you." Leonard had starting pacing around his lab again. He knew a little more than he was letting on. He knew that that the girls knew that Alex had had a crush on him, and they were probably using that fact to get back at Penny.

"Umm..Ok, but why is Penny hanging out with other guys?" Alex asked softly.

Leonard just stared at her. He didn't know what to say. He really didn't have a good answer to that question. Why was Penny hanging out with other guys? Just then they heard a soft knocking coming from the door.

"Leonard, it's Amy can I talk to you?" Leonard and Alex looked at each other awkwardly.

"Come in" Leonard called out.

Amy walked into the room. She didn't look like the Amy that they were used to seeing. She was more dressed up, her hair was filled with soft waves. She wasn't covered up in layers of cardigans, but was just wearing a light dress and a sheer cover. She was looking quite pretty, it was not the way he was used to seeing his roommate's girlfriend.

Amy gave a surprised look when she saw Alex standing there, and then started looking nervously at both of them.

"I'm really glad that you are both here. I wanted to talk to both of you." Amy said quietly. "I wanted to explain that Facebook post you got from Bernadette yesterday tagging you both."

"I'm listening" Leonard said curtly. Alex was looking up at them curiously.

"First of all, I posted that message from Bernadette's phone. It wasn't her."

"What?" Alex looked up surprised at Amy. It seemed so out of character for Amy to write anything negatively, especially against Penny, who she completely adored.

"Listen, it had to do with the fight that I had with Penny and Bernadette and something she said. I don't want to get into specifics, because it really was between the three of us. I did it, because I was upset with her and I wanted her to feel bad. I was using you Alex to try to make her feel jealous."

Amy looked up at both of them. "I'm really very sorry for dragging the two of you into my argument with Penny. I don't want to be that person, and it won't happen again."

Leonard still felt quite upset, but he realized that it had more to do with his confusion with Penny and less to do with Amy and Bernadette.

"Have you and Penny talked?" Leonard asked.

Amy looked down. "No, we haven't. I'm not really ready to talk to her just yet."

"Well…thanks for coming to talk to us Amy. I had no idea what was going on with that post, but I appreciate you apologizing" Leonard replied.

Amy smiled at them. "Hey, I was wondering have you seen Sheldon today? Do you know if he's in his office now?"

"In the office? He hasn't left his office in three days!" Alex exclaimed.

"Three days! I thought that he was still coming home at night and working from home?" Amy asked.

"I'm getting really worried about him. This sleep schedule thing isn't really working, I mean how can you suddenly go to sleep for two hours in the middle of the day, multiple times a day. Basically, I think he's not really sleeping. He's starting to seem really a bit off lately." Alex said.

"Off?" Leonard scoffed. "That man is always off his head"

"He's doing strange things like tying strings to an electric fan and staring at it for hours. Yesterday he got a pan of water and put it in front of the fan and started watching it. I know he's brilliant, but I really have no idea what he's thinking about. I really think this lack of sleep is making him go a bit crazy…or a bit more crazy" Alex said as she smiled at Leonard.

"Well, one's brain cannot rest and recuperate with only two hours of sleep at a time. You need a much longer period of sleep to do that. Sheldon knows this, I wonder why he's ignoring that fact. Alex, can you make sure that he doesn't go anywhere this evening? I need to run and get a few things, but I want to go and see him. But don't tell him I'm coming ok?"

"Sure, no problem. I know he was planning on staying at work this evening also. He asked me to go get him a cymbal." Alex shuddered.

"Great! Thanks Alex. And thank you both for being so understanding. I'll see you guys later." Amy said, and then left the lab.

Leonard and Alex looked at each other and Alex thought that he looked so tired and sad. She cared deeply for Leonard and didn't like to see him looking so hurt.

"Leonard?" Alex said softly.

"Yeah?"

"You know you can always talk to me about anything. I'm here if you need a friend." Alex smiled at him softly. She got up from the chair and quietly left the room.

Leonard stared at the door after she left. Alex has always been so caring and sweet. She never seemed to think that he was a geek or make fun of his interests. Penny was the love of his life, but why hadn't he heard from her today? He picked up there prom picture from his desk and looked at it. They looked so happy and in love. Why was she so unhappy all of a sudden? Why did he feel so empty and alone…

A/N: Thanks you for reading. It means a lot, and I love reading your reviews. Up next, Sheldon and Amy reunite for the first time. What do you think he'll think of her hot new look? Can she help her neurotic physicist?