Chapter 15
Sheldon filled his favourite blue mug with boiling hot water from his kettle. He slowly steeped his English breakfast tea, and watched the water turn from clear to a rich amber brown. His thoughts were drifting back to the office, back to Amy, kissing her soft lips, pulling her up on the desk, touching her body…
Leonard walked in and saw Sheldon sitting in the kitchen with a goofy smile on his face.
"You look happy" Leonard said wistfully.
Sheldon looked up at Leonard and smiled. "The sun is shining, I'm on the path to greatness, I have a wonderful girl by my side, there's no reason not to be happy."
"Must be nice" Leonard muttered.
"Have you still not spoke to Penny?" Sheldon looked at Leonard puzzled.
"Not since she went clubbing. I don't know what's going on, she's not picking up her phone."
"Hmmm…." Sheldon replied. He was still upset with Penny for how he treated Amy, and she had really made no attempt to talk to him since their fight the other day. Oh well, he had bigger things to think about. Mainly, Amy was coming over for dinner tonight. She wanted to talk about their relationship. He felt a little apprehensive. What issues was she stewing about? Weren't they in a good place right now? He had never felt closer to Amy than after their session in his office. He looked over at Leonard, perhaps he could provide some insight into what was bothering Amy.
"Leonard, Amy is coming over later, and she wants to discuss our relationship, and issues that she's had with it. Do you have any idea, what issues she might be bringing up? Besides the obvious lack of coitus. I'm well aware of that issue." Sheldon asked.
"Do you have a book to write this all in?" Leonard smiled.
"Leonard, I'm being serious!"
Leonard looked at Sheldon incredulously. "Well you must know how upset she was when you went on your train trip."
"Well yes, but when I came back, she seemed to drop it, and we made up all the missed date nights. I assumed everything was ok."
"I think she had a pretty rough time of it, when you were away." Leonard said.
"You think? You don't know for sure? Didn't you see her?" Sheldon asked
Leonard looked down. He was feeling guilty for not spending too much time with Amy this past summer. He was just caught up in the excitement of Penny and his engagement, and the fact that there was no Sheldon in the apartment to interrupt them. He knew that Amy was having a hard time, but sadly they didn't really seek her out when Sheldon was away. She stopped calling so much, he had just assumed she was ok, and was busy with work.
Sheldon frowned. He hadn't really thought about how his trip had effected Amy. He thought the gang was hanging out as normal, but it seemed like things were not status quo when he was away as he had assumed. Well, there was nothing he could do, until he heard from Amy and heard exactly what she had to say.
Amy felt nervous as she was driving to Sheldon's apartment this evening. On one hand she was super excited; it was the first time they had seen each other since they had their session on Sheldon's desk. That had been everything she had dreamed of. Her boyfriend filled with passion, wanting her, taking control, touching her. Oh God, she wanted to experience that again, and soon! On the other hand, she knew that she couldn't sweep all the issues that she wanted to talk about with Sheldon under the rug. They needed to deal with it, if things were ever to become better between them. She wanted them to get to an honest open place.
Things were going so well, she didn't want to wreck any of the progress that they had recently made. She knew that for the good of the relationship, that she must do something. Amy pulled up to the building, and found great street right parking right outside. Her palms were sweaty, and her fingers were clenched on the steering wheel. She sighed and thought that this could either go really well or really bad. She looked up towards the building. "Well here goes nothing"
Sheldon heard a gentle knock on the door, and leapt up to answer it.
"Hello Sheldon." Amy smiled. He looked down at her. She was wearing a form fitting sweater dress, with a low slung belt, tights and black suede boots. It was quite a different look for her, but she still looked amazing. He liked her new look, because he could see her body better, and he was definitely appreciating all the curves of Amy Farrah Fowler.
"Hello Amy, please come in." Sheldon smiled at her. He leaned over and gave her a light kiss on the lips. She grinned up at him and said "Dr. Cooper it's not even date night."
"Date night be damned" Sheldon whispered into her ear.
They walked over to the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"I'm in the mood for something cold." Amy replied.
"Well you're in luck! I made a pitcher of my MeeMaw's sweet tea last night." Sheldon said excitedly. He got out two glasses, and poured the sweet brown liquid in. Amy took a sip and closed her eyes in pleasure.
"Mmmm…this is so good" Amy said as she sipped the sweet tea.
Sheldon smiled. "My MeeMaw is an excellent cook! I got all her recipes here today. Today I made you Chicken Scampi on angel hair pasta"
"It smells wonderful!" They both sat down at the kitchen island and dug in. Sheldon was not kidding, he was a really good cook.
Sheldon poked at his pasta for a while, and then looked up at Amy. "So Amy, I know that you've been wanting to talk to me. I must admit, I've been quite nervous to hear what you are going to say."
Amy looked at Sheldon. He looked so nervous, and his forehead was beginning to sweat. Maybe she should just drop this? No No…that is not who she wanted to be. She needed to be stronger and tell him what was bothering her. She cleared her throat. "Well Sheldon, it's not exactly easy for me to say all this either. I love where we are right now, but I have to admit, I've been quite upset with a few things in our relationship but I was afraid to tell you."
"I'm listening now." Sheldon said quietly and stared intently into her eyes.
Amy took a big breath and began. "Sometimes I am afraid that we may not want the same things out of this relationship. Before you left on the train, the things you said to me really hurt me. You hated the thought of us living together. You mocked us getting married, kids, growing old together like it was some kind of joke. To top it off, you just left, and you didn't say a word to me. Not a phone call, not even a text. I felt so destroyed….like I didn't matter. You were so focused on your problems, you never once stopped to think how you leaving would affect me."
Amy watched as Sheldon's face filled with guilt. She could see that he was trying to collect his thoughts, but she continued on.
"I was left asking what am I doing in the relationship, with someone who doesn't want any of the same things I do. I do want to fall in love, express that love physically. I do want to get married, kids, the whole ball of wax one day. I'm not saying I need all that right this minute, but that is what I want some day. If that is totally against what you want in your life, then I need to question, what are we doing together? Do you how it feels to have the person that you love most in the world, just walk out without a words notice? And then be gone for almost two months? There were times when I almost terminated our relationship."
"Term…terminate the relationship?" Sheldon stuttered. His face had now gone completely pale.
"When you were gone, I felt so alone. I tried to talk to Leonard and Penny, but they were always too busy. I felt like all the friends I had gained with you were also suddenly yanked out of my life. I know I could have made more effort to see them, but I was too depressed and felt all alone. The only thing I knew to do in that situation, was to throw myself into my work."
"Amy why didn't you tell me any of this when I called you? Or when I got back?"
"I was scared Sheldon…and upset. I didn't know what to say without sounding like I was being needy. I was so afraid to tell you anything for fear that you would run away again."
"I thought we had a relationship, where we could talk openly about everything Amy. We may not have the same type of relationship physically as others, but I always thought that we communicated well. I'm not a mind reader. If you are upset about something, you need to tell me. You can't just hold everything in, and then get upset that I don't know what's bothering you" Sheldon said tensely.
"Well the last time I openly expressed myself, you just mocked me and freaked out. Is that good communication Sheldon? Do you have any idea how much it hurt me?"
"That's not the same thing, and you know it. I just felt blindsided and was lashing out. I admit that I didn't handle that situation in the best manner, but honestly, can't you cut me a little slack? A lot was happening to me right then, and you know I hate change. I try and try and try, and it is never good enough for you."
"What? Are you kidding me?"
"I wasn't open to having a relationship, but I am having one with you. I don't like people touching me, but I've learned how to let you touch me, I'm not affectionate enough, I'm not romantic enough, I'm selfish, I don't write songs like Wolowitz, I'm not a romance ninja like Leonard. Everything I do seems to fall short. Do you really want to be with me or some idealized version of me that you have in your head?"
"You should be in a relationship because you want to, not because someone is forcing you! We should touch each other because we both want to, not because it's something that I require! I can't believe that you are trying to turn this around and make this about you. I came here today to try to get you to understand how I felt! You haven't even addressed what I said, but are making this conversation about my actions not yours."
Sheldon put his head into his hands and closed his eyes. He sat there thinking for a long time. Finally he looked up at Amy. "Amy, I never meant to hurt you. Please know, that is the honest truth. I was being selfish, and thinking about my own needs. I needed to sort out my own stuff, but I didn't think about how it would affect you. I am truly sorry for that Amy. I do want the same things in life that you do and it scares me to death. I'm scared of being a failure, and hurting you in the process." Sheldon's eyes were red with tears. He walked over to the window and looked out at the night sky.
Amy walked up to him and took his hand. "Sheldon, do you really want to be with me?" Amy asked her voice quivering with sadness.
"I do", Sheldon said quietly, his blue eyes gazing into her green ones.
"I don't expect ballads. I don't want you to be some romance ninja. I want you Sheldon, just the way you are. I don't want to change who you are, I love who you are. I just don't want you to push me away when you are scared. I want to know how you are feeling. I want to know that you desire me, and move our relationship forward. I want to know that all these feelings aren't just on my side….that you feel them too." Amy sniffed.
Sheldon cupped Amy's face between his hands. "Amy, I do. I do….I do desire you. You don't know how much I desire you, I feel overwhelmed with you, and all the emotions. I'm sorry didn't show you, I didn't realize how much it was hurting you. I let my fears get the better of me. I want us to move forward also, staying still isn't helping things." He paused and looked at her. "I need you to promise me something."
"What is it?" Amy said softly.
"You need to be open with me also. I know that you are scared because of my reaction last time. But you need to tell me when you are upset and when something is bothering you. I'm not a mind reader Amy. Much to everyone's disbelief, I am a grown man, and I can handle what you have to say. I may not always agree with you, but I will always respect what you have to say."
"I promise." Amy smiled as she stared into Sheldon's eyes.
Sheldon took her hand and led her to his spot on the couch. He sat down, and then pulled her down, so that she was sitting on his lap.
"Dr. Cooper! I am in your spot" Amy laughed.
"Correction. We are in my spot. My spot is my favourite place in the world, and you are my favourite person in the world, so it makes sense that I incorporate the two." Sheldon smiled. Amy lightly stroked his hair, and then they melted into a kiss. All of the hurt feelings, the tension, and the misunderstandings were washed away; they looked into each other's eyes and saw true love looking back at them.
A/N: Sorry for the very late update. I had a bad fever for a week so was in no mood to write. This chapter is the start of a happier and much hotter Shamy….coming soon!