Lost. Chapter 3

A/N: I got a good part of the story planned now and I'm super excited! BTW, this chapter includes a big of history accuracy and inaccuracy. I wanted to try and include some history but I also wanted to add some things pertaining Gilbert so I put some stuff that I'm not sure is accurate or not. Ok, anyways, onward and upward!

Disclaimer: Hikari does not own or claim to own Hetalia or its characters.

Ludwig's POV


Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Maybe years. Ludwig couldn't tell how much time had passed. Everything seemed to pass in a daze. He had been stuck in the room with his hands tied to the post for what seems like forever. His wrists were just about rubbed raw, his back and neck hurt and he was numb in some places he didn't want to think about. He barely was aware of the pain he felt physically.

His chest hurt more then anything. He had often felt this feeling before whenever Italy came down with a cold or whenever he would get hurt. Back then it had been a dull pain. Now it was sharp and constantly there. No matter how much he tried to think about something else his thoughts returned to Italy. He felt so guilty for hurting Feliciano for all those years. He was sure that Feliciano would have noticed if something was wrong with him even if he tried to hide it. Feliciano had always been so considerate for other people. Or at least Ludwig thought he had been.

Now he wondered how much of his life had been a lie. Back in World War II, Hitler had told him that he would create a better, stronger and cleaner Germany. Germany and his people had believed him. They were a broken country, having already lost World War I. Hitler promised change and prosperity. Then he changed. Things starting turning from bad to worse. Millions of German citizens were taken from their homes and killed.

Feliciano had been with Ludwig for most of the war. Feliciano had left him to join the allies but if Ludwig had been Feliciano he would have left himself too. When the war had been over Feliciano came back eventually. He had helped Ludwig get over the loss of the war and when Gilbert had ceased to exist as a country. Luckily, the older German brother was still alive but he wasn't a country.

Ludwig's thoughts drifted to his bruder. Gilbert enjoyed bugging Ludwig, Roderick and Elizabetha. Now that he wasn't a country he had even more time to bug them. Ludwig and Gilbert were a lot closer then they appeared. Most of Ludwig's childhood memories included the older albino. Whether it was Gilbert playing with Ludwig, getting drunk, or protecting Ludwig from other countries, Gilbert was around almost all the time. Gilberts loud laugh and proclaims of being awesome appeared to annoy Ludwig but ever since Prussia's dissolution, Ludwig would enjoy to hear his bruder. It reminded him of how lucky he was that the Prussian was still around.

Even as Ludwig thought of Gilbert, Feliciano wandered his way into Ludwig's thoughts. The ache in his chest that had lessened when thinking of his bruder, increased sharply when the image of the smiling Italian flashed into his mind.

Ludwig was like a zombie. He just stared at the floor in shock, his cyan eyes dull and unfocused. He wanted his Feli, the old Feli. This thing wasn't Feliciano. It was just a monster that had destroyed his Feliciano, morphing his sweet mind into a dangerous weapon. All Ludwig had to do was find Feli deep inside him and bring him out. It couldn't be too hard...right?

It might not be hard if Feliciano actually came to see him but he only came around once a week and during those times he would beat Ludwig.

Ludwig anticipated and dreaded his visits. Just a look at Feliciano comforted Ludwig's nerves but also chilled him, making him feel cold and empty. Feliciano changed so much in a short bit of time that Ludwig struggled to grasp it. Those warm, sparkling chocolate eyes he used love were now cold and furious. Just the sight of Ludwig seemed to anger the Italian, sending him into a fury of punches, kicks and screams.

"How dare you? How dare you treat me so badly! I hate you! I hate you! I want to kill you!" Feliciano screamed as he kicked Ludwig's chest with the tip of his boot, driving all the breath from Ludwig's battered body. He punched Ludwig's face and stomach with leather gloved hands.

Ludwig's head was hanging down, his now messy and bloody blond hair hanging in his face like a mop. His body was slumped against the pole, weak from pain and deprivement of food. He moaned weakly, lifting his head to look up at Feliciano with sad, bruised blue eyes. One of his eyes was almost swollen shut. Blood leaked from deep lacerations on his cheek and forehead, mixing with dirt and running down his face and neck. His breathing came as a shallow wheeze as he struggled to focus on Feliciano. Feliciano stared down at him with a look of pure hatred and disgust.

"Heh, look how pathetic you are! Where's the strong Germany you always brag about? Who's weak now?" Feliciano demanded, obviously not expecting or wanting an answer. When Ludwig coughed harshly, spitting a few drops of scarlet blood Feliciano chuckled coldly. "Look how far you fell. How pathetic." he said. He spit to his side, his face twisting in disgust as he stared at Ludwig.

Ludwig blinked his eyes, keeping his eyes shut for a couple long moments. He looked back up at Feliciano. "Fe...li..." he groaned weakly and grimaced in pain. "Please...stop. I want the old Feli back."

Feliciano's eyes quickly filled in cold anger. He slapped Ludwig across his bruised and bloodied face. "Don't lie to me! I know what you said bout me behind my back! I know what you really feel and I'm tired of your lies. Your Feli is dead, long dead. This is me, has been me. You're all just too blind to notice anything!" Feliciano fumed.

"I'm s...sorry, Fe...li! I love you, I always have. Please le-" Ludwig was cut off by a furious Feliciano.

"Shut up! Do you ever listen to me? I said I'm tired of your lies so..." he paused to kick Ludwig. "...stop..." he kicked him again. "...lying..." and again. "...to..." and again. "...me!" and again. Ludwig was left feeling winded. He trembled, spitting out more blood. He closed his eyes, struggling to hang onto consciousness. His body was now thin and broken. He was only fed once every two days and was given a small pale of water once a day. On top of that, some of the deep scratches on his face were probably infected. Everything was taking it's tole on his body. He found himself hallucinating things at random times of the day.

He looked up, his vision doubling and blurring. Italy's form blurred to a dark navy blob as Ludwig's head bobbed up and down, unable to summon the strength to keep his head steady. When he looked back up he saw Feliciano's kind brown eyes, the kind brown eyes he remembered. Ludwig's mouth lolled open and his eyes wavered, threatening to close.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano said tenderly, his voice the same as Ludwig remembered. He knelt down in front of him, his facial expression morphing into worry. His eyes sparkled in tears. "Oh God! What happened to you?" he asked in a whisper.

Ludwig opened his mouth; a small trickle of blood ran down to his chin. "Fe...li!" he said weakly. Feliciano gently cupped Ludwig's cut and bruised face with a warm hand. Ludwig leaned slightly into his warm touch. He couldn't remember when he last felt something warm and gentle.

"Shh. It's ok." Feliciano said. A couple tears ran down his face. "I...I'm so sorry!" he gently wrapped his arms around Ludwig's thin, broken frame. Ludwig stayed silent, unable to say or do anything. Feliciano hugging him filled his entire being with peace. All the stress and guilt vanished, all his physical pain drifted away.

Ludwig could feel Feliciano's warm breath ticking his neck. The small Italian buried his face into Ludwig's neck.

Ludwig let his eyes rest close. He was used to these hallucinations now. He knew he shouldn't get too attached to them. He knew that they would disappear after a few seconds or if he was lucky, minutes. When he had his first hallucination, he thought Feliciano had finally come to his senses. He had been so happy. He had hugged Feliciano back, half laughing, half sobbing in joy. Then Feliciano had disappeared like mist in the morning and the real Feliciano returned to beat him. Ludwig had been so confused. The kind Feliciano had felt so real. He was solid and warm and he could feel breath on his skin but that was just cruel tricks of his mind.

The real Feliciano snorted and shook his head in disappointment. "Such a shame. I thought you were stronger then that. I was hoping you would at least be some fun." Feliciano said turning to leave the room. Ludwig looked up, his hallucination disappearing.

"No." he said weakly. He didn't want Feliciano to leave. He needed Feliciano to calm his nerves even if he was furious with him. Feliciano grabbed the doorknob and opened the door slowly. It was like he knew what Ludwig was thinking and only wanted to torture him more. "Wait!" he said hoarsely, struggling to get the words out of his abused throat. Feliciano didn't look back as he walked out of the small cell leaving Ludwig broken and in pain.

Ludwig screamed into the empty room. The scream was hoarse and weak. It made Ludwig wince from the burning in his throat but it felt too good to stop. He had not cried the entire time he had been held, despite his fried nerves. He felt abandoned, forgotten and betrayed. Had no one noticed his absense? Did anyone even care about him? Feliciano, the person he loved to most had caused all his misery and didn't even have the decency to clean his wounds or feed him.

Yet he could not bring himself to hate the Italian. Italy had been his ally in both World Wars. He had been his best friend since then. Ludwig had come to secretly adore the Italian; his laugh, his smile his cute voice with the adorable accent.

Even through all the beatings each weak and Feliciano telling him how much he hated Ludwig, Ludwig could not hate or blame the Italian for the things he did. It had been Ludwig and the other countries who made Feliciano feel so worthless and weak. Ludwig could honestly say he thought the Italian had been perfectly ok. Apparently, the Italian had feelings he had hidden well or Ludwig had been too wrapped up in his own problems to notice anyone else's.

Seeing Feli like this was worse then seeing Feliciano die. The Feliciano he knew was dead but his body still taunted Ludwig. This monster looked and sounded just like his Feliciano that sometimes when Feliciano came to beat him Ludwig would forget it wasn't his Feli and would think it was all just a horrible dream and his Feliciano had finally come to free him. Each time his hopes rose and then his disappointment would crash down harder and harder.

Ludwig could feel the stress and deprivement taking it's tole on his body. He was starting to loose muscle and he was getting thinner and thinner each week. His body was weak and weary from the constant pain, strain and neglect. He knew his evident death was just ahead, looming over him, taunting him. He had given up on hopes of escaping or getting rescued. He resigned himself to waiting in his dark cell for death to come relieve him from the abuse and confusion. Maybe then, would Feliciano finally have his peace and justice.

A/N: I must say, this is the most fun I've had writing a story. I was actually really happy with this chapter. OMG! Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! I LOVE YOU ALL! I wanted to thank my anonymous reviewers for taking the time to review. Thank you soo much guys! The actions coming ahead so look for the next chapter and please review!