Chapter 17

Penny walked up to Leonard's lab and stopped outside the door. She could hear voices inside, Leonard's and a woman's voice. She leaned towards the door to listen, she could hear the woman laughing softly. Who was talking to Leonard? What where they laughing about?

She gently knocked on the door. "Leonard?" she called.

The voices stopped abruptly. She could hear shuffling, and then the door opened. Leonard was standing there wearing his eye goggles and lab coat. Alex was sitting at the lab bench that housed his experiment with goggles on.

"Alex, what are you doing here?" Penny asked tensely as she stared at the brunette.

"Oh Leonard was just showing me his latest experiment" she said. Alex turned towards Leonard and smiled. "I think you really have something here, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this." Alex turned towards Penny. "Good seeing you again Penny, I've got to run." Alex got up and left Leonard's lab.

Penny stared at Leonard. He wasn't looking at her, he simply went back to his desk and started typing into his computer. Penny had never seen him behave so coldly, he wasn't even acknowledging her.

"Leonard?" Penny said again, moving towards him.

"What do you want Penny. I have a lot of work to do." Leonard said irritably.

"I'm sorry Leonard. I know I haven't spoken to you in the last couple of days, but I have an explanation. A lot has happened in the last few days, and it's been a lot to process. I was scared of your reaction, so I was avoiding you. I know that wasn't right, but I'm here now and I'd like to talk."

"That's nice." Leonard said, as he continued typing into his computer.

"Leonard I'm trying to talk to you. Could you please look at me?"

"Oh I'm so glad, you found time in your busy schedule to talk to me. I was wondering where I was on your list of priorities."

"Leonard, I'm sorry, I know I've been avoiding you. It's just that a lot has been going on." Penny continued on. "Listen, nothing happened when I was clubbing. I just went out dancing with the girls. That photo wasn't anything, we were just goofing around because that guy was such a jerk. They posted it, and I know that it doesn't look good. "

"Uh-huh" Leonard muttered, he continued typing into his computer. "I saw all the pictures on Facebook and the post from Amy"

"Bernie told me what happened with the Facebook post" Penny said.

"Yeah, well Amy came and talked to me and Alex the other day. At least she was worried about what I thought about it. I didn't see you calling me to check if I had any questions about that."

"Leonard I'm sorry! I am. I just had too much going on."

"Ok what was so life shattering that you couldn't pick up the phone for a minute or two?"

"I'm so embarrassed, I feel bad telling you. I did something really stupid." Penny bit her lip, and looked down at the floor.

"What is it?" Leonard asked.

"Well, you know that night I went clubbing? Well I was supposed to do some doctor visits the next day for our new drug Diaxophedrine. I had the box with the drug samples in my car. The next day, I get a call from my boss in a panic, that they need the samples back because there was a major recall on the drug. So I go to my car, and…" Penny stopped and cleared her throat.

"..and what?" Leonard asked.

"The drug box was torn open, and the drugs were gone. I think one of my friends may have stolen the drugs! I called and texted all of them and none of them have answered my calls. I don't know where they live these days. I've been so worried about them and pissed off at them at the same time."

"How could you leave that kind of stuff in your car when you go clubbing? Don't you have rules about where you can leave this type of thing?"

"Yes, I know, but I forgot it was there! I was going to bring it up to my apartment that night, but I was in a rush to get ready, I forgot that it was in the trunk."

"Well what did your boss Dan say when you told him what happened?"

"Leonard! I couldn't tell Dan what happened! He would fire me right away for losing the drugs!"

"I don't get it, so what happened then?"

"Bernadette helped me."

"What? I thought you two weren't talking?"

"Well I went to tell her off about the Facebook post, I didn't know it was Amy who sent it. But anyways, I told her what happened about the drugs. She decided to help me. She signed out some of the returned samples to herself, and gave them to me. I put it back in my box and returned it."

"I can't believe you let her do that."

"What do you mean? She saved my butt. She was being a good friend for once."

"I mean, what kind of friend are you, that you LET your friend risk her job like that?"

"Bernie was being a good friend. She wanted to help me!" Penny exclaimed.

"But you were NOT being a good friend by letting her help you! You know how hard Bernie worked to get that job. If she gets in trouble for this somehow, her reputation is toast. She'll lose her job, and will have real trouble finding work again."

"So it's ok I lose my job because I am some lowly uneducated sales rep, but not Bernadette because she has a fancy PhD like the rest of you?"

"It's ok that you lose your job, because you are the one that screwed up! Not Bernie! Can't you see that? Why does she have to risk her job because you made a mistake. The real problem here is that you are completely self-absorbed and selfish! If you were a good friend, you would have never let her take that risk."

"What the hell is your problem Leonard? You are my fiancée you are supposed to support me and be on my side. You are like the world's worst cheerleader, you just put me down and criticize me. At least when I quit the Cheesecake Factory, Sheldon supported me."

"I don't know if Sheldon really supported you, or was just indifferent to your situation. All I asked was it really wise to quit your job before you have a plan for the future. How were you planning on paying your rent, bills, food? I know you didn't like your job, and hell you don't have to stay there forever, but to quit with no plan is just immature. Did you just expect that I would pay your way as always? It's called being an adult and having a plan."

"Man, after I spoke with Sheldon, I thought I could talk to you about anything. Clearly I was wrong."

"And what sage advice did Sheldon give you?"

"At least I feel like I can open up to him. I was telling him that I was upset about giving up on my dream of being an actress. That everyone thinks that I should be so happy being a pharmaceutical sales rep, but it wasn't my dream. This job was like something that I fell into. I mean it's ok, and I am good at it. But it's not my dream. I feel like a failure sometimes for not being a famous actress. And with the way that you and Amy are, it's hard to feel like a failure in front of you." Penny wiped the tears away from her eyes with her hands.

"What do you mean 'with the way me and Amy are?' " Leonard said puzzled.

"I feel like you and Amy put me on a pedestal sometimes, and you expect me to be this perfect person. It's hard to be the person that someone idolizes all the time. It's a lot of pressure. When I fail, I feel like I am letting both of you down."

"Good Lord…" Leonard muttered. "It's like your arrogance knows no bounds."

"I'm not being arrogant! It's true. I feel like sometimes I'm just fulfilling your dream of having the dream girlfriend that you never got to have growing up. And for Amy, having a cool and popular best friend that she never had. I'm a person too. I have feelings, dreams and thoughts. I'm not just here to fulfill that popular girl role in your lives."

Leonard shook his head and started laughing to himself. "Unbelievable…". He got up out of his chair, took off his goggles, and stood right in front of Penny. "Penny, why did you finally want to get married? After all this time, after you quit your job, why at THAT point did you decide that yes you want to get married?"

Penny looked at Leonard nervously. He was not acting like himself; he was behaving so odd, so coldly.

"It's like I told you then, it was time to start acting smart. I know that you love me. I know in my head and heart that this was right, and that I would never find another person that would love me as much as you do."

"It's true Penny. I do love you, more than anything in this world. But what about reciprocation? Do you love me more than any person in the world would love me? Because that's what I would want my future wife to feel about me. Do you love me as much as I love you? Do you Penny?"

"I think so." Penny said softly.

"I think so? I think so? Nooooo….that is not good enough!" Leonard snapped.

"Leonard, calm down! I love you!"

"I never measure up do I? Am I not your dream guy cause I'm not some "movie star"? Dammit Penny. This is the story of my life. I was never good enough for my own damn mother. My brothers and sisters were always better than me. It doesn't matter that I accomplished so much on my own. Nope, not good enough. And why should I have to have academic success for my own mother to love me? She should love me regardless because she is my mother! Now you, I don't meet your expectations either do I? I have been nothing but a great boyfriend and fiancé to you. I've always been there for you, I've loved you unconditionally. You treat me like I'm pathetic, like I idolize you on your pedestal. That's the problem isn't it. You see my love as pathetic. And you decided that it's "good enough", cause you had no better offers from the movie stars in your life!" Leonard threw his notebook across the table.

"Leonard! It's not like that. I do love you. I don't see your love as pathetic." Penny cried.

"You know what? I'm done. I can't take this anymore. I want you to be with me because you love me, because you can't imagine your life without me, because you want to start each day together, because we love each other. I don't want to be your "good enough", I don't want my lover to see my affection as pathetic."

"Leonard, it's not like that…not at all." Penny tried to touch Leonard's hand, but he flinched away.

"We are clearly not supposed to get married. We are supposed to be in a balanced relationship but there is no balance here at all."

"Leonard, you don't know what you are saying, you're upset right now." Penny sobbed.

"I think we need to be apart for a while. I don't know what I'm doing in this relationship anymore." Leonard wiped the tears from his eyes and looked directly at Penny. She was standing there with tears streaming down her face.

"I need to get out of here." Leonard grabbed his coat and ran out of the room.

Penny stood there in the centre of his lab, tears streaming down her face. What had just happened? Did she really just lose Leonard? She felt like her whole world was crashing around her.

A/N: Not a happy chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it. I really appreciate your reviews, and feedback.