Chapter 19

Amy stood outside of 4A feeling completely flustered. She could still feel Sheldon's lips touching hers. Thinking about him sent tingles all the way to her toes. She put her cream cardigan back on and leaned against the door. She couldn't believe what had happened that night. Sheldon, Sheldon Cooper had slipped his hands under her dress and was touching her panties. What body snatcher had stolen her mysophobic boyfriend and left this man before her? Her face flushed thinking about it. She had pushed Sheldon for this for so long, and now it was coming true. It was coming true at a rapid rate. Amy felt her heart start to race.

Sheldon was going to see her naked. Naked! What if he didn't like what he saw? What if he thought her butt was too big? Or saw that her thighs jiggled a little? He would see that her stomach wasn't perfectly flat. She wasn't perfect, oh why couldn't she have a perfect body? Amy's heart started racing even more. Her thoughts turned towards Sheldon. She was going to see Sheldon naked. Oh boy. It was something she had dreamed about, but now this was all becoming very real. He didn't seem nervous about anything. How did he describe himself? Fully functional and aesthetically pleasing? Oh dear…she was sure he was extremely aesthetically pleasing. Amy could feel her face flush again.

"Oh my God…Oh my God" Amy muttered. She started pacing around the hallway. She didn't know what she was doing! She was going to have sex soon. What if she was bad at it? What if she didn't know how to please him properly? Would she be boring in bed? Sheldon was a tall guy…Oh my god this was going to hurt. If he thought he was hurting her, he would never touch her again. How did he seem more ready for sex than her? Sheldon?! It was probably because he was physically perfect and men's first time's at sex were not painful? Would it be painful? Would it be nice?

"Oh my God!" Amy said louder. She was starting to feel dizzy and very hot. She needed to sit down. She tossed her bag down and it made a clang against the broken elevator door. She sat down on her knees and started to take a few deeps breaths. "Breathe Amy…Breathe" she said aloud as she took some more deep breaths.

"Leonard is that you?" Penny had opened her door. She eyes were red with tears. She saw Amy crouched on the ground near the elevator looking completely flushed. Amy looked a bit different, she was wearing the Prada glasses that she had picked out with her. Her hair was also down and was wavy. She also looked completely dishevelled.

"Amy are you ok? Why are you on the ground? You look all red?" Penny asked with concern in her voice.

Amy looked up at Penny. Oh God, she was the last person that she wanted to talk to right now. "I'm fine, I just need a minute." She continued to try to breathe deeply.

"Are you having a panic attack? Should I go get Sheldon?" Penny crouched down next to her.

"NO! No, don't get Sheldon. I can't see him. I just need a minute, I'll be fine." Amy gasped.

"Amy, at least come in to my place then lie on the couch until you feel better. I'll get you a glass of water." Penny said softly.

Amy was feeling the room start spinning again. She did not want to talk to Penny, but lying on her couch would be better than lying in the hallway. She also didn't want to tell Sheldon, because he would be full of questions that she didn't want to answer. She got up on her feet, and hastily made her way to Penny's couch. As she walked into Penny's apartment, the memories of their fight smacked her in the face like it had just happened. Penny was in the kitchen filling a large glass with water. She brought it over to the table in front of the couch and set it down. She then sat in the chair and stared at Amy. Amy's breathing was starting to go back to normal.

Penny frowned. "Amy, nobody hurt you right? Your clothes seem kind of dishevelled? Sheldon didn't hurt you did he?"

"No, no….Sheldon would never hurt me. He would never hurt anyone, you know that. Quite the opposite actually." Amy said quietly.

Penny's eye's lit up. "Amy, did you and Sheldon?"

"No! Frankly Penny, you are the last person I want to talk about this right now." Amy said flatly.

"Arrgh!" Penny exclaimed as she got off the chair and started pacing around the living room. "My life is completely in the toilet right now. Leonard said he can't be with me anymore, I don't know what that means? Are we broken up? I don't know and he won't answer my texts or calls. I'm in so much trouble at work, I don't know what's happening with my old friends and they might be in danger, and I have to also deal with this fight I had with you and Bernadette…that everyone is sticking their nose into. It's too much!"

"Well you can scratch the fight with me off the list. You've made it quite clear that you are not really my friend, and are not interested in being my friend. Consider us over. "

"Great Amy, Thanks. That makes me feel so much better." Penny rolled her eyes. "You know, you didn't exactly help the situation with me and Leonard."

"Me?! Oh this I have to hear." Amy glared at Penny.

"I know that it was you that posted that status update, and tagged Alex in it. Now those two seem really chummy again all of a sudden. I bet you anything, Leonard's run off to Alex for comfort right now" Penny said angrily.

"God, everything really is about you isn't it? You told me that exact thing I wrote on Facebook. Sheldon would be with someone smart AND hot, not just smart if he didn't have all his issues? What kind of friend says that? You basically told me I have no sex appeal, my boyfriend isn't turned on by me, that he's only with me because he didn't have to worry about having sex. If he were with you, he'd want it all the time? How do you think that made me feel? You made me feel like an ugly troll, that nobody would want." Amy yelled.

Penny stared at Amy. "Why do you look different now then? Why is your hair all different, and your glasses? They are the ones I picked out for you."

"I'm just trying a slightly different look. I haven't bought any new clothes, I'm just trying not to wear as many layers."

"See, you took my advice and started dressing more like a young woman and less like a grandma. And now Sheldon is all over you isn't he?" Penny eyed Amy's wrinkled dress. "That's exactly it isn't it! You look this way tonight, because Sheldon was all over you wasn't he?"

"Damn it Penny, you are NOT taking credit for this. No! Bernadette was the one that suggested I dress to show off my body a little more. Not you! All you did was make me feel ugly and unwanted. I thought you were my friend. I trusted you, and the way you are talking to me right now, shows that you never really cared about me. Sheldon and I are closer now, because we had a lot of tough conversations, but now we are on the same page. We are being more honest about what we want from each other. If I went back to dressing like a "grandma" as you put it, he would still want me. He wanted me all along, he was just scared. He's getting over that right now, and believe me, he is not having much trouble expressing it!"

Penny walked to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. "He told me he'd rather be castrated than sleep with me." Amy started laughing.

"It's not funny." Penny said tensely.

"Sorry, but that is really funny. I can't even imagine him saying that." Amy smiled. "Listen Penny, Sheldon told me what you said about how you were uncomfortable with how Leonard and I put you up on a pedestal. I was upset when I heard it, but you were right. I have done that. I never had a best friend before. You seemed like the sweetest person, so fun, exciting, and beautiful. I was so excited to be your friend. Was I using you to have a popular best friend I always wanted? I don't think so, but I admit, maybe in the beginning of our friendship I was doing that. But as I got to know you, I really did like you. I genuinely cared about you as a person. You really were that fun, caring person that I dreamed of having as a best friend. I thought you felt the same way, but I guess I was wrong." Amy said sadly.

Penny sat back down in her chair and stared at Amy. Amy really had been a good friend to her over the years. She was there for her when Leonard was dating Priya, she had listened to all her fears about marriage and her relationship with Leonard. If she ever needed her, she was there. Why had she been so cruel to Amy? Was it simply because she didn't fit the image of what Penny had in her head of what her best friend would be like. Her old friends wouldn't even answer her phone calls. Amy and Bernadette always would. She knew what it was…she was jealous. She put her head between her hands and started crying.

"Amy, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for the way I treated you." Penny sobbed.

Amy stared at her, she didn't know what to say. Penny's apology just was not enough…not now.

"Amy, you were right. I was cruel to you. You didn't deserve that . Not at all. I just am…I feel…I feel"

"You feel what?" Amy asked.

"I think I am jealous of you." Penny gasped.

"Me? What? Nobody is jealous of me. I'm the girl everyone ignored and mocked my whole life. There is no way you are jealous of me." Amy sputtered.

Penny looked directly at Amy. "You are so smart, and have a successful career. You can cook, play musical instruments, you can write, you do crafts. You and Sheldon have a much stronger relationship than Leonard and I have ever had. It's hard for me to say this. You and Sheldon have a lot in common, where sometimes I feel that Leonard and I don't. You two communicate better than we do, we tend to hold our issues in until they explode. I feel like a failure most of the time. It really bothered me that I failed as an actress. I come home to you guys who are all so accomplished in your careers. And you, always so happy, treating me like I was this super special person, when I felt I was not. I just wanted to lash out at you. I wanted you to feel as low as I was feeling. I knew you were insecure about your physical relationship with Sheldon, I knew that you had been mocked over your looks…so that's what I went after." Penny started crying again.

"I'm so sorry Amy, you deserve a better friend than me. I'm so sorry. I'm incredibly sorry." Penny sobbed.

Amy got off the couch and approached Penny. She gently took Penny's hand and brought her over to the couch. "Penny, sometimes we don't see ourselves clearly. I don't understand why you see yourself as a failure? It is almost impossible to be a successful actress. Less than 1% of people that try make it. Those are impossible odds. But if it's your dream to be an actress, then don't give up on it. I would strongly suggest having a plan B, but a plan B that you enjoy and love. If being a pharmaceutical rep isn't making you happy, then figure out what job would make you happy. Do that, and apply for acting jobs at the same time. If you get your breakthrough role, then you can always quit your other job. Don't give up on your dream, I always thought you were a good actress." Amy said.

"My life is such a mess. I can't believe Leonard walked away from me. I love him Amy, I do. But I am scared that we don't have much in common sometimes. He thinks I see him as pathetic, but I don't Amy, I don't."

"I really think you and Leonard need to think about what you both really want. Sometimes it seems like you are with him because he was a safe option. Other times, it seems that you are with each other because you truly love each other. Leonard seems very damaged by his mother's treatment of him growing up, he's very insecure about himself. Sometimes he does seem he is with you because you were the ideal girl in his head, but other times because he truly loves you. I don't know, but you two definitely need to sort things out."

"What if it's too late? What if he's run off to Alex?" Penny sobbed.

"He's not with Alex. He's with Howard right now" Amy replied. "Things are all a bit raw right now, why don't you try speaking with him tomorrow?" Penny nodded and gave a sigh of relief.

"And what about us?" Penny looked up at Amy.

Amy looked back at Penny. She truly did miss Penny as a friend, but things could not be the same as they were before.

"We didn't have a very healthy friendship Penny. I was adoring you, you were jealous of me. I ignored my needs to go with whatever you wanted. You wanted me to feel your pain when you were unhappy. We were never equals. You felt like you were forced into a friendship with me. I don't want you to feel like that. If we are friends, I want it to be because we both truly want to be friends and be there for each other. Not because our boyfriends are best friends."

"Maybe we could do a friendship reset?" Penny said softly.

Amy smiled. "Ok, I promise to not put you on a pedestal, to treat you like a normal friend that has her good points and her faults. You promise to be honest with me, and tell me when things are bothering you and to be a supportive friend. Let's both not lash out at each other when we are down, but support each other."

Penny had tears streaming down her face. She grabbed Amy, and they embraced in a hug.

"I promise. Besties?" Penny whispered into Amy's hair

"Forever." Amy smiled.

A/N: Thank you for all your reviews, I really enjoy reading them. This was another turn of events that kind of came unplanned. I was planning on Amy and Penny making up much later, but I think Penny needs a supportive friend right now. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for the reviews!