A/n: I totally forgot to mention this, but each prompt for this collection, is from "The If You Dare Challenge".

Warning: This piece turned out a little darker than expected. So I think this piece should be rated M, though there are no graphic descriptions. Some implied, past dub-con.

Prompt: It Will Be Years (#81)

Characters: Snape, Harry Potter

"I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f***ing special
I wish I was special."

(Radiohead, Creep)

It was strange standing inside the castle again. Strange to feel the peace and quiet. Even the air was stagnant and still, the heat of summer barely held at bay by the cool stones of the castle.

If she closed her eyes for just a moment, it was like she was back in that long night that didn't ever seem to end. She could remember the exhaustion of her body, as the sun finally made it's presence known after a short reprieve in battle in which they had gathered the dead and injured.

There had been so much loss, so much destruction.

The Great Hall... that was where the bodies had been laid.

Staring at the wall, with names etched into it for those who'd died protecting the castle, the light... fighting to protect whatever was left that was good and decent... she wondered if she'd been one of those who'd died, if anyone would have known to add her name to this memorial. Or if like so many others, it'd be assumed because of her House, that she'd been fighting alongside the Death Eaters.

She could feel her eyes prickling as she raised a finger, and touched one of the names etched there.

There had been so much controversy surrounding this figure... so much debate about whether or not he should be honored.

Tracey wasn't sure herself how she felt. Her head was still such a mess, even these ten years after that fateful year when all the world had gone through hell. And at twenty-seven, she was no closer to figuring out whether or not what she felt was right or wrong.

He saved her.

She'd been a half-blood on the run because she couldn't trace her lineage... her father was a muggle, her mother was a muggle-born witch.

She'd been traveling, trying to make her way out of the UK after her parents had been murdered and Tracey had barely been able to make it out of the house. She was on the move, with nothing but the clothes on her back and her wand. She wasn't even sure how she'd made it those first four months, only that it took a lot of theft and manipulating of muggles.

Even all these years later, she felt guilty and sick and the thought of turning her wand on muggles. Using tactics not unalike the very people she was running from. Sure she didn't hurt or kill anyone, but she'd used a lot of confunding charms, not to mention memory charms. And she stole money, not to mention transports.

She'd been so close to getting off the bloody Island, when she'd been caught by snatchers.

She wasn't sure why, she thought perhaps it was because she was a Slytherin, but instead of being taken to the Ministry she'd been taken to Malfoy Manor.

Seeing the Dark Lord, was not something she'd ever anticipated in her entire life, and it was one of the most frightening experiences in her young life. At the time, she was badly dehydrated, and for that she was grateful, as she had nothing in her bladder to embarrass her.

The pain she felt that evening, was not unlike anything she'd ever felt before. It was something that she would never forget.

Death would have been a reprieve.

But he'd been there. He'd saved her, claiming her as a pet, and he took her away.

Tracey hadn't been sure what she'd expected, but even then, even after the rumors she'd heard, she'd had faith in her ex- Head of House. Because since her first year, he'd always looked after every single one of his Slytherins. And she was one of his.

He took her to Hogwarts, and though life in Hogwarts was hell, it was better than the alternative. And Snape... Snape kept her safe from the Carrows.

He never touched her... not until she let him. Tracey wasn't quite sure why she let him in. Perhaps it was gratitude. Perhaps it was simply because as a Slytherin, one learned that no favor was given for free... and she didn't like being in anyone's debt.

Somehow, giving her body to a man who, though much older than her, had protected her... didn't seem to steep a price for his saving her life. And Snape... she'd grown to care for him, and she thought sometimes she saw a man threatened to be crippled by his loneliness.

He was in her heart now. And no matter how much time, she could not forget him. She obsessed about him quietly, in the secret recesses of her solitude and mind.

The mind Healer she was forced into seeing told her that she was simply suffering from what muggles termed Stockholm Syndrome. But somehow, she couldn't believe it.

Footsteps, brought her out of her thoughts. It was with a start that she realized that her cheeks were wet.

Back still turned to who was approaching, she hastily retracted her hand and wiped at her cheeks, hoping he hadn't seen.

"Are you okay?" his tone was soothing, and quiet, but carried that tone of worry that made her heart ache.

She'd been dating Harry now, going on three years. And as much as she loved him, she couldn't help thinking that it was his fault that she sometimes hated herself so much. That it was his kindness, and utter perfection, that made her feel like she was crawling inside her skin. Made her feel vile for the things she'd had to do.

By comparison, she was so tainted, and she wasn't even the one that carried a piece of Voldemort's soul inside her.

To make matters worse, it was Harry's mother who help up all the space that existed in Snape's heart. That cold, dark, small and broken thing in his chest, hadn't had room for anyone else. And Tracey, Tracey had absorbed his frustrations, his crushing loneliness... all in his bed. For months.

Turning to look at the boy who's emerald green eyes, out-shined her own jade-green eyes, she couldn't help smiling. It had to be one of those ironies of life.

She'd pined for Snape's love, but she'd never been special enough to even graze his reclusive heart. And now... she had the wizarding worlds most eligible bachelor at her side. And still... this boy with the golden heart couldn't crack the hard, surface of her own twisted heart.

But... there were some days when she felt better. And only ever around Harry.

"I don't know how you convinced me to come here," Tracey replied offering Harry a crooked smile before slithering her arms around his waist and burying her face in the crook of his neck. Immediately she felt a strong pair of arms wrap protectively around her.

Tracey felt her heart clench, knowing how much Harry wanted to protect her. How much he wanted to heal every part of her.

"The healer said it might help," Harry merely stated, before pressing a kiss on top of her wavy, auburn locks.

For a while, Tracey said nothing. Merely inhaled Harry's comforting scent, her eyes looking in askance at the memorial.

"He saved me..." she finally whispered, weaving her fingers into the front of Harry's robes.

It was hard to talk about this chapter in her life, especially with Harry. Harry felt that Snape had abused his power over her, and it conflicted so with his remorse towards a man who, though he'd hated him, had spent his life trying so damn hard to save him; sacrificed so much for him. "If he hadn't... Voldemort would have killed me the night I was captured."

Harry didn't say anything, merely tightened his arms around her.

Everyone kept trying to tell her that she was merely rationalizing a difficult period in her life, and the choices she'd been forced to make. That she was in a sense, protecting herself by making excuses... by lying to herself that it was her choice, but she was the one that lived through it.

"I thought, I could save him too... I owed him that," Tracey whispered, feeling her throat tightening as she recalled how utterly she had failed.

She'd been there when they'd brought his body in. Seen how pale he was in death, saw the garish opening in his neck where Voldemort's damn snake had bitten him.

"You didn't owe him anything," Harry stated with conviction, his hold on her tightening.

"I had a crush on him... since first year," Tracey admitted to Harry out loud causing the man holding her to stiffen. "I didn't grow out of it as I expected... I liked other people, dated other boys... but he was always there. It never really faded."

Pulling away so she could look into Harry's eyes, she stared at the Gryffindor she'd somehow allowed into her life. She needed to look him in the eyes when she made her confession.

"I seduced him," Tracey stated, watching at the hurt that flashed behind rounded glass. "He was so lonely... he was bound to cave."

Silence reigned between the couple for a few moments and Tracey could feel fear rear up inside her. For a moment, she wanted to close her eyes, but couldn't because she was afraid what she'd see when they were shut.

She felt that this was the moment she was waiting so long for. For Harry to realize how far beneath him she was. When he realized he could do so much better, perhaps even get back to his ex-Gryffindor, his very own red-head lion.

"Do you hate me?" Tracey whispered, her voice small and almost childish.

Harry shook his head, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"That doesn't change anything, Trace. Much less how I feel about you. I love you, and I'll stand by you as long as you'll have me," Harry told her, his voice strong with conviction.

Melting once more into his embrace, letting the feeling of love wash over her, Tracey couldn't help the tears that sprouted in her eyes.

"You're too good for me, Harry," Tracey mumbled, curling into his chest. Shutting her eyes as she allowed herself to be surrounded by him, be soothed by his warmth. "I love you..." she whispered, thinking that for the time being, at least some of the weight had lifted.

~FIN~

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