A big thank you to whenanxietykicksin for being my beta for this chapter. She's my lil' FF Apo and our discussions on chocolate muffins and bacon sandwiches are so insightful they are phenomenal. Seriously, they could change the world.
Thanks again for your support. I hope the seriousness in this chapter doesn't scare you away.
Warning: some end-game spoilers, nothing in-depth.
Lightning searched her dresser drawer for something for Fang to wear to bed, something that would fit the slightly taller woman. She deliberated over a pair of blue shorts and a white t-shirt that may be a little tight on her. Definitely better than nothing, she decided. She certainly didn't want the awkward situation of meeting a naked Fang in her hallway. Grabbing the clothes, she left her bedroom and returned to where she had left the brunette.
She entered the spare bedroom to find Fang standing in the middle of the spare bedroom with her back to the door. The brunette shoulders were hunched and her arms were folded across herself as if she was hugging herself to keep warm. She turned her head curiously, looking around the room from where she stood and Lightning realised that this was the first time Fang had ever been in this room. Everyone had stayed here at one point: Serah, Hope, Vanille, even Sazh but never Fang. Was it because there had never been a reason for Fang to need to stay overnight or was it because she had never invited the huntress to stay? It made her wonder about Fang's words to her tonight. Have I really been treating Fang differently from everyone else? It made her feel guilty again.
In her inebriated state the soldier was able to watch Fang without the huntress being aware of her presence. Something she had never been able to do before and it made Lightning pause to observe her. Watching her like this she looked so different without any pretence. Lightning had always considered Fang to be happy, she was always so cheerful, but tonight had shown another side of Fang's character that was thoughtful and sad. And her behaviour wasn't just the result of drink but the fact that she had got drunk in the first place. It was obvious to the soldier that Fang had her problems—secret ones she'd tried to drink away. Trying to hide her reason for drinking with the rouse of being in love with her had been a distasteful joke but it had been successful. Lightning still didn't know why the huntress had been drinking but their conversation suggested that Fang needed her to be a better friend.
Fang had a small smile of her face as her eyes lingered on the framed photos that covered the right-hand wall. They were photos Lightning had taken of all the Ex-L'Cie during family gathering, holidays and parties. Her smile dropped as Lightning stepped closer and the soldier hid her disappointment passing the clothes to Fang who stopped hugging herself to take them.
"I will let you get changed into those," Lightning explained as the drowsy Pulsian held up the clothes to look at them, "while I get you some more water. You'll probably be thirsty when you wake up." Fang nodded slowly and Lightning made a quick exit as Fang began removing her sari.
Lightning closed the door behind her and checked her watch. She decided to give the drunken woman a little more time to change than she normally would, calculating that fifteen minutes should be enough as the last thing she wanted was to walk in on the woman half dressed. So she followed her usual bedtime rituals: checked that each room was in order, made sure the oven was off and the doors were locked, cleaned the kitchen, brushed her teeth, flossed, and then cleaned, toned and moisturised her face. Then she double checked that the front and back doors were locked, and finally after changing out of her uniform she treated herself to a clean pair of ironed red pyjamas. The soldier retrieved a glass of water and some aspirin for Fang and stood outside the spare room door. She checked her watch and frowned, only twelve minutes since she had left the room. So for a minute she hovered outside the door deliberating over what to do for the remaining three minutes before deciding to check the front door again. Then after exactly fifteen minutes of waiting (to the second) she politely knocked on the spare bedroom's door before entering.
Warily, she poked her head into the room. The huntress had turned off the main light in favour of the bedside lamp and its dull light gently lit the room creating a warm lulling atmosphere and revealed Fang already tucked up into the double bed. Fang was so unusually quiet that Lightning thought she was asleep until she moved further into the room and realised that the woman was silently watching her through half-closed eyes. She placed the water and two aspirin on the bedside table and Fang briefly smiled her thanks but remained silent. It was unnerving how quiet and contemplative the normally jovial and talkative Pulsian was being that it was actually Lightning who filled the silence.
"I've got you some aspirin and water," she said, narrating the obvious as she placed on the bedside table. Fang nodded. Lightning briefly frowned, displeased by the Pulsian's nonverbal response. She tried to think of something…anything to say. "The bathroom is down the hall on the left and my room is on the right," relaying old information to the huntress who had visited the house many times. She noticed that Fang's sari was flung haphazardly over the back of the bedroom chair next to the bed and saw an opportunity to keep her nervous hands busy. Turning her back to the huntress, she began carefully folding the sari as she talked. "I put a new toothbrush in the bathroom and a clean towel, and feel free to get up and use the kitchen if you get hungry. There's plenty of food in the fridge and—".
"You know that's why I love you," Fang interrupted quietly behind her, "the way you care about people. You pretend to be so stoic and withdrawn but I watch you, Lightning and underneath all the bravado you're very compassionate. I love that about you."
Lightning stopped folding and sighed loudly shaking her head, not this again.
"Still don't believe me, do you?" Fang inquired in a sad tone. "Then there's only one thing for it." And before Lightning had a chance to think about what she meant or could even react, Fang quickly reached around her waist and yanked her onto the bed. Lightning grunted and the sari flew from her hands as her back hit the mattress. Instinctively, she immediately tried to roll away from the huntress but Fang predicted the strategy and jumped on top of the soldier using her arms and legs to pin the soldier to the mattress.
Lightning snarled and struggled for a moment as she tried to pull her arms from the huntress' hands. In contrast Fang was motionless and silent above her searching the soldier's face with an expression the soldier hadn't seen before. Her eyes dropped to her lips and Lightning eyes widened in shock as Fang began to lean towards her. "What are you doing?" Lightning blurted even though she knew exactly what Fang was about to do.
Fang paused with her mouth just above the soldier's. "I've already made a tit of myself yammering on, but you're still not listening to me. I know you're not much of a talker but you're practical," she whispered breathing against Lightning's lips. "I thought I'd try demonstrating so I'm being demmomanonstative," Fang frowned, even in her drunken state she knew that wasn't right. "demomanonanonstrative," she tried again irritated when her tongue still stumbled over the word. Rolling her eyes in exasperation she admitted defeat. "I'm gonna show you," she verbalised simply, closing the distance between them.
As a young child Claire was extremely impatient and obstinate towards her parents and the rest of the world. So after yet another embarrassing tantrum in a local cornerstone (when she was refused any treats) her strict father decided to teach her a valuable lesson—one that she would always remember. He sat her down at the kitchen table and placed a large pink marshmallow directly in front of her. Then he showed her the large bowl he was holding. It was full to the brim with sweets—caramel chocolates, fudge, jelly beans, gumdrops, pastels, lollipops, every one her favourite treat. He told the young Claire that she had a decision to make, she could either have the marshmallow immediately, or if she could sit there for fifteen minutes without eating it she could have the marshmallow plus the entire bowl of sweets. The option was obvious to the child so her father set a timer and left Claire with the marshmallow.
Claire lasted seven minutes and 63 seconds before she gave into temptation and her dad made her watch as he threw away her bowl of sweets.
For Lightning this was a valuable lesson on self-restraint, patience and willpower that formed the basis of her rigid self-discipline.
Claire on the other hand was sick of waiting.
Lightning's eyes closed instinctively as Fang's lips touched hers. It was just a simple brush of lips. At first she was so surprised that she was unsure of how to respond so she just lay there and let the huntress slowly kiss her. But as Fang began to pull away her body made the decision for her. The loss stirred something impatient hidden inside. It roared to the surface and pushed forward chasing the Pulsian's lips. Fang gasped and Lightning used her surprise to pull her hands from the brunette's grip and wrap her arms around the other woman's neck to pull her body closer. The brunette soon recovered and returned her kisses heating Lightning's body and sending violent waves of pleasure through her body that made her shake. It felt like a sort of anxiety, like her nerves were on edge and the only reprieve was through pressure from the Fang's lips and her skin. She wanted it everywhere, at the same time, all at once.
Lightning's kisses were greedy and demanding in their intensity. She bit the huntress' bottom lip with teeth until she moaned opening her mouth wide so Lightning could have more of her to explore. She wanted every inch.
Fang matched the soldier's intensity and pace with her lips, teeth and tongue until she suddenly pulled away with another gasp. And then there was that softness in her expression Lightning couldn't read as she looked down at her. She was confused as to why Fang had stopped, she couldn't have that so she began to sit up, ready to start it all again but Fang stopped her with a gentle touch to her cheek. The huntress stroked her face and it soothed and calmed her shaking body. It was reassuring telling Lightning she wasn't going anywhere. A nonverbal communication of the new easy pace Fang was setting as she slowly leaned back down.
This time Lightning followed and the sensations changed entirely. The pleasure was slow and mounting. Her heart pounded in her chest. Their bodies were so close now with no space between them that she could feel Fang's heart beat hard against her and the mere thought that she was having the same effect on the huntress made another wave of desire wash over her. Fang pulled away again but not for long, as she trailed kisses down her the soldier's neck. Cool air hit the Lightning's heated face and brought with it some clarity.
This is so wrong!
Lightning licked her dry lips and could taste the alcohol Fang had been drinking. Her brain was telling her repeatedly how wrong it was to be kissing her friend when she was drunk but every time she thought about stopping the woman she felt delicate lips on a new area of her skin. The kisses blurred her moral reasoning and made her forget her objections as they moved across her neck and collarbone. The gentleness made the soldier want to do other uncharacteristic things; embarrassing things like curse and beg. So she had to bit her lip to stop herself from encouraging the huntress (that would be a step too far) but she couldn't stop the moans and gasps that escaped the corners of her mouth. Especially when Fang's right hand found an area of skin above her hip bone, revealed when her pyjama top had pulled up during their scuffle. The soft, circles she was tracing on the soldier with her thumb was driving her to distraction.
Fang on the other hand, was being liberal with her vocalisations and noises. And Lightning thought that her soft moans were possibly the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard, that is until Fang started to speak.
"…don't even know. You don't even know how beautiful you are," she whispered between kisses. "I love you. I love you so much."
It was too much for the soldier. She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time – it was all so confusing. She had no idea where these new emotions were coming from and Fang certainly wasn't giving her any time to process them.
The huntress sat up slowly and unsteadily to straddle the woman underneath her. "I wanna make you feel beautiful," she said, drunkenly slurring her words.
This is so wrong, Lightning thought again as Fang looked down at her with half-lidded unfocussed eyes. No matter how Fang felt about her to do this when she wasn't thinking clearly was just unethical. "Fang," Lightning tried, but she was so excited and breathless it sounded like encouragement. Fang smiled lazily and the soldier realised that things were about to get much worse for her resolve as the Pulsian's fingers dropped to the bottom of the white t-shirt she was wearing.
Lightning couldn't trust herself to speak without giving her encouragement or physically try to stop her without caressing the skin that was slowly being revealed to her. So instead she gripped the bed sheet and tried to calm herself to stimulate some coherence. But when the t-shirt being slowly pulled over the Pulsian's head reached just below her chest it became too much for the soldier. She decided to protect the last of her rationale by immediately snapping her eyes shut.
The huntress was testing the soldier's self-discipline as she moved on top of her. She wondered if closing her eyes had been a mistake because the anticipation of what the Pulsian was about to might be about to do was as exciting as actually seeing it. She felt Fang wriggle on top of her. Fang grunted and cursed. Then wriggled, whined, and cursed again. Of all the possibilities that Lightning had in mind this didn't seem the start of any of them. Hesitantly, Lightning opened one eye to see what was happening and sight that greeted her was almost unbelievable.
Fang had become stuck in the t-shirt. The tight t-shirt that Fang had been sensually removing had become stuck halfway over her head. It covered Fang's face, muffling her colourful cussing and trapping her arms above her head. The already bewildered and intoxicated woman seemed to be having some difficulty working out exactly how to untangle herself as she twisted and turned while pushing her arms outwards to try and break through her fabric confinement. And as Lightning was thanking Etro for both Fang's passion-killing predicament and that the Pulsian was still wearing her bra, the blinkered huntress lost her balance and fell onto the Cocoonian below her.
Lightning grunted as the huntress' weight fell on top of her. Lightning lay in stunned silence with Fang motionless on top of her. Curiosity overcame her sudden shyness and Lightning moved Fang onto her side so she could reach up and pull down the t-shirt to uncover Fang's tired, sad and apologetic face.
"Sorry," Fang whimpered as she unsuccessfully tried to keep her eyes wide open, but each time she opened them they slowly began to close again. "Sleepy," she explained with a yawn and finally allowed her eyes to close. "Stay?" she asked as she snuggled closer to the Lightning, draping an arm over Lightning's waist and resting her head on the Cocoonian's shoulder.
Lightning wasn't going to lie; she was relieved, a little disappointed but she wasn't going anywhere because at this moment all she wanted to do was watch Fang fall asleep on her shoulder. Lightning reached out and moved the hair covering Fang's face. She was so beautiful, she thought as she gently stroked Fang's cheek and jaw. Button nose, high cheek bones, pointed chin, full pink lips.
Was she always this beautiful? How could it be that I had only just noticed? She wasn't just beautiful, she was funny, intelligent, and strong, and she was in love with obstinate, grumpy Lightning Farron—me.
Lightning couldn't stop grinning. That's why Fang had got drunk tonight, that's why she'd been talking to the people in the bar about her - Fang was madly in love her. She felt like boasting and telling everyone that she had succeeded where they had failed. She was so happy and feeling so possessive of the huntress that she couldn't stop herself from lifting Fang's chin to claim a brief kiss.
Fang lips twitched and she hummed contentedly in her sleep. "Love you, Lightning," she murmured, snuggling into Lightning's neck.
She believed her finally. How could she not when Fang had showed her with her tender, gentle and loving kisses. The huntress loved her and it was amazing, astounding, thrilling and completely terrifying.
Am I in love with Fang? She was definitely attracted to her but was it anything more than lust? All those emotions and sensations the huntress had aroused had been a complete surprise. Her heart was still racing from the exhilarating experience. She had no idea where it had all come from.
She searched her memories. When she had met the Pulsian in Palumpolum she had been intrigued and curious about the beautiful huntress but at the time she had her sister to save and didn't have time for another one of her silly crushes so she just ignored it. It was as easy as that. Her training and her father had prepared her for this situation and so disengaging was easy.
Then she lost Vanille and Fang and she was devastated but it was easier to repress her feelings of loss. Until the Pulsians returned but too late for the solider - she was already too terrified of losing her again. So she repressed herself further and went out of her way to ignore her and keep her at a safe distance. The ultimate state of repression. Lightning shook her head at her warped tenacity for protecting herself.
Am I in love with Fang?
Her thoughts were racing and she wished Fang was awake so she didn't have to be alone with them. How did she feel about Fang? She wasn't sure, but what was certain was that tonight she wasn't going to get a wink of sleep worrying about it.
Rather pushing T-rating borders there. If anyone has any qualms I'll change the rating.
Some of you may argue that Fang falling asleep in such a situation is ludicrous, but my response to that is when you're extremely drunk nothing can stop you from falling asleep when you assume the vertical, not even the allures of Lightning Farron.
Lightning's sweet test is actually a modified version of the Stanford marshmallow test of deferred gratification; an experiment which according to my mother I would have failed as a child. That just says everything you need to know about me.
Hope you liked it. One chapter left and it's from Fang's hung-over perspective. And in my perspective being hung-over is the worst perspective, a perspective I like to avoid.