Interlude - I am...all I am

"So...you came to know about my past through Dust, who's your pet crow that you gave to Death centuries ago. When I confessed my past to Death, you managed to hear it via Dust, whom you have a psychic connection with, huh?" Chris said.

The Crowfather nodded.

The Icy Maiden sighed.

"When Death said that he would see Absalom spared, I would turn the clock back, I would see the Fuschias saved." Chris sighed.

"I doubt so too...Although your parents loved you, Chris, I don't think they will forgive you if they see you do that." the Crowfather replied.

"I don't...get you." Chris wondered.

"You promised to reach solace before finding the answers, your parents are happy that you are willing to take charge. Yet you want to go against yourself and go back to your old ways. Will they be pleased? I think not..." the Crowfather chided.

Chris lowered her head, "But I love my parents, and they loved me too...Same goes for Alito."

"Why do you think they love you?" the Crowfather frowned.

Chris took out her necklace that has a picture - a family portrait of thirty members taken the day after the fall of the Berlin Wall.

"Answer truthfully, Chris. There's no use lying..." the wise sage warned.

"Because I make my decision when I do things. I don't let environment affect me. I let my choice influence things instead." Chris took a deep breath.

Flashback - Chris Fuschia, Four Years Old

"Teehee...Look at that girl, she isn't even a girl at all!"

"Hey Chris, why are you such a spoilsport? There's nothing fun with drawing sand with your sticks! That's lame!"

"You're missing out all the fun, like playing House and Hop-scotch!"

"She's no fun!"

"Don't play with those poor people over here! They will dirty your clothes!"

The rich girls back in the Ingolstadt National Kindergarten snubbed Chris as she was playing with a group of kids wearing ragged cloth.

More specifically, Chris was studying the components of an automobile and having fun with the kids.

Chris clenched her hands but still maintained her calm as she stood up and approached the rich girls. For nearly a year, she had endured it and now she felt that something had to be done.

"Is there a problem as to who I want to play with, and the types of people I can be friends with?" Chris crossed her arms.

"Oooh...Chris over here is getting a little pissy!" one of the five-year old brunette chuckled.

Chris gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Sorry, Priscilla, but if you really think I am going to harp on it, then nope! I'm just gonna see how you're gonna react when I react positively to anyone of your stupid insults!"

Chris then went back to the playgroup mates, who were surprised about why...

"I wanted to get to know more of you, not because I pity you all or because of your statuses as what they called 'peasants'. I want to know you all because I feel happy doing so! I'm not going to turn back just because of some girls thinking they can get high and mighty with me; they aren't worth our time." Chris smiled cutely.

"But you are rich..." one brown hair boy shook his head.

"Aie! I may be rich, but that does not decide whom I should or should not play with, right? If they want to laugh at me, so be it. The decision is mine, and I choose to know more about the world of cars, and get to know more people besides rich ones! I will not turn back!" Chris cheekily smiled as she did a peace sign.

Flashback end...

"My playgroup respected me even more since. The teacher, who just happened to walk by saw me taking charge of my life, praised me. My parents also praised me because I just do what I love to do, and I never succumb to Peer Pressure just to satisfy people." Chris simpered.

"That's why, Chris. Your parents will be disappointed with you if you ever decided to go back and save them. You may think that is heartless if you refuse, but going back against your values that made you in the first place will serve a bigger pain." the Crowfather replied.

"Then again...I loved them. I don't want to let them down." Chris replied.

"If you love them, then prove to them that you can take charge of your life! You cannot just back down now..." the Crowfather chided.

"Once there was a boy that I have seen with one of my crows. He wanted to achieve a doctorate, and his mother placed in all of her efforts for her son's best education. Eventually the boy reached the final examinations. He was just a step away from achieving doctorate when someone rushed over and told him that his mother was hospitalised for a terminal illness. The mother kept her condition away from his son so that he could safely attend the exam, but was severely disappointed when her son barged in to see her one last time. The mother told her son, 'If you have loved me, you should have not given up now!', and died." the Crowfather frowned.

Chris looked at her own hands and sighed.

"Would you want to give it up halfway, only to see your loved ones' disappointed faces that you would have to live with for the rest of your life?" the Crowfather asked.

"I don't want to disappoint them, that's for sure!" Chris shot back.

"Then do as your heart told you to! Your heart told you to seek solace, so do it! Don't disappoint your parents, or it will turn into your parents' biggest disappointment." Crowfather chided.

Chris closed her eyes, and slowly gave a small simper. "Thanks...Crowfather. Talking to a wise person like you is just like talking to Elder Eidard. I felt so much better...I always felt as if I could speak with people who ain't of the human race because...I just don't want to show the 'me' right now." the Icy Maiden replied.

"Still, it's better to talk it out with anyone, or else it will manifest inside and soon enough, hatred will form. When hatred welled up in you, Corruption will spread, killing you from inside as you lose yourself for who you are. If that's what you become, imagine your loved ones' disappointment and grief." the Crowfather explained.

"Thanks...Crowfather. I'm surprised, though, you have just met me for a few hours. That's not even discounting our brief meeting at the Icy Veil. So..." Chris wondered.

"You are just like Death, only more respectable. You are cold but polite, sarcastic but truthful, brutal yet graceful. You don't take anything with heartless peoples, yet you cared about people whom you are concerned about." the Crowfather chuckled.

He continued, "Although I suspect there's more to it then what you said. Go on, Chris, ask it."

"Since you know about my past through you eavesdropping my past confession to Death...all I want to ask is, is it my fault that the Fuschias died?" Chris wondered.

"You are the one who will answer that question yourself, Chris. For what you are, for what you will become. All I can say is...you must be in a clear state of mind to find out the meaning of humanity. Once you know this, you will know if it is your fault." the Crowfather replied.

"But like what I questioned Elder Eidard, I want your thoughts on it. I don't care if it is the brutal, cold, hard truth!" Chris asked.

The Crowfather nodded.

"I might be from the this dimension, but I am the only one who can read people's past and mind due to my intense mastery of arcane magic; not even Samael and Lucifer can beat me." the Crowfather boasted.

"How?" Chris wondered.

"I am not the Keeper of Secrets for nothing." the Crowfather chuckled as he tapped on Chris's forehead.

After the Crowfather's green aura faded, he nodded softly once more.

"I will say this now. I can only tell you the verdict, because I do not want you to detract from your aim of seeking solace." the Crowfather said.

Chris nodded.

"It is not your fault." the Crowfather frowned.

Chris looked at the crooked yet sagely Old One with a concerned look upon her eyes.

"Don't make it your concern, though. Knowing the meaning of humanity will allow you to realize the answer with more meaning. Finding the answer with like-minded people will help you in the long run, believe me..." the Crowfather frowned.

"And to find humanity, I must not lose track in finding solace..." Chris replied.

"Neither should you be too engrossed with it. The world is all about balance - don't do it just for your parents, do it for you as well; don't lose yourself, for you have someone who can keep you grounded." the Crowfather nodded.

"A..." Chris replied, but was interrupted.

"Don't say it. You know who that person is." the Crowfather nodded.

"Finding solace, finding humanity, knowing if it's my fault...It won't be easy, that's for sure." Chris followed.

"That's for sure; the future is something that even I cannot keep." the Crowfather nodded.

Minutes later

"If I give up now...I will disappoint my parents, my relatives...everyone. I don't want to disappoint them, not even myself and not even..." Chris looked at Alito, who was sleeping sweetly beside the Icy Maiden.

The crisp, soft wind blew across the Dead Plains as it caressed Alito's hair ever so gently.

The distant cries of souls in torment and for help echoed across the dark, distant skies.

Chris frowned; the Crowfather was right.

The Fuschias loved her because she could stand up for herself, she could make her own decision.

She made her choices, and did not let the environment control her.

Just like Death, she did not wait for things to happen. Rather, she made it happen.

That, and she could tell when she had gone too far with herself; she knew when to seek help from others.

To go back now, to deny what she was initially in the beginning, to deny what she promised herself and her loved ones, would be to lose any sense of honor the family had held over the years.

If there was one thing that Chris could never tolerate...it was dishonor.

She would still be a Lady of Ice nonetheless, but she knew that her parents had died...

Forgiven, unforgiven, whether she could let herself go from the drastic past of hers remained unknown, or whether it was her fault, the Fuschias were gone.

Nothing could change that...

The only way now was forward. A little step back could sometimes help, but not a complete 180, only something that could help move forward but with better efficiency.

The future remains unknown even after seeking solace but regardless of such, it was too late to back off now - might as well get good at finding the meaning then.

Chris looked at her right palm with the symbol of Ice - the Logo for project Tundra - as she saw an afterimage of Kako's smile.

When Chris chose to become a Warrior of Justice, she knew a price had to be paid - her childhood. She made her decision, and she would not turn back now - both Alito and her will seek solace...at all cost.

"I am...WHO I AM..."