"How much is it?" I asked, rummaging through my draw for pocket change.
"All together?" Jack asked as he loomed behind me. He hung behind me as if he were a vulture in a way. I couldn't blame him, that was the way I must have looked as I searched the draw.
"Yes, all together."
"35 dollars."
I halted for a moment. How were we supposed to pull that together in the amount of time we had? I sighed as I pulled out what I had.
"I've got one dollar." I murmured.
I felt a twinge of embarrassment at the low amount. I held up the earning.
"One?" Jack hissed. "What the hell have been spe-"
"Well I'm sorry I actually eat. Maybe if I'd been told about you going out and selling late at night I'd have more!" I shouted.
He let out a low snarl.
"That's so mature! I'm trying to help." I rolled my eyes.
"Oh yeah, one dollar helps a lot."
"You could have told me and Faith about this. She's grieving and you-"
"I didn't want to bother you or her."
"Just take the dollar and try to raise it towards the medicine!"
He snatched it from my hand and was out the door with in a fraction of a second. I was left in the room, my arm was still raise, my hand was left clutching the air where the bill had just been. I blinked taking in the moment. At least he hadn't slammed the door, than the world would have known about our little spat. I sighed and let my hand fall from above my head. I knew all I had to do was keep myself composed and collected. It was much easier to do that knowing that this event would most likely blow over with in a day or so. It would just go away. I flattened out my skirt and fixed my sleeves. The event was over now, the show was finished.
The way he loomed over me was a grim reminder of my past and gives me a cold chill. I was unsure of why this "outburst" had even happened. I'd thought Jack might think about what had happened to the both of us in our pasts and that would restrain him. Obviously you can see what I'd thought did not happen.
How loud had we been? Loud enough for the boys to hear? I was unsure. Although I'd tried to push it all out of my mind I was still wringing my boney hands and chewing my lower lips.
By the end of it all, we'd never have what we needed.
The feeling of knowing what you must do sometimes is almost as painful as ripping flesh, but you must. That was a horror as the knowing dawned on me. Momentarily I hung my head and clamped my eyes closed. Yes, I knew what had to be done, yet I stood staling. Wasting precious seconds in hopes that I could calm my now unhealthily small frame. Perhaps in a better state of mind my thinking would be less fogged and more coherent.
The rest of the day is mostly a hazy memory to me. I shall summarize it to my best ability. I recall being a bit scornful on that day out of my poor minds frustration. I can also recall being rather depressed. I swung between these moods like a restless child (does it sound as horrifying to me as it does to you? I must have tortured those poor boys). I found mostly distain or sadness in all things. That day still stood as some black chasm to me.
The night was the most awkward event that had happened to me in the boarding house. Jack had decided that now that I knew about him going out for money to save Spot, he could go out more freely (as if the majority of every night wasn't enough freedom already). So I was alone again, through the night. Alone, I was left to think of that days events. Note that I didn't find what he was doing cruel, he wasn't trying to be cruel what so ever. It was just that I was so... How can words even explain? I was so lost in the mist of it all. It was like a maze; a cold harsh maze of emotions and people. I was more than lost in it. Dead ends and intersecting walls. I can't say I wasn't angry at him though. It was a unless anger, really. I felt a bit betrayed by his actions. I thought he should be home talking to me, comforting me. It's extremely selfish, I know. It was all about me, me, me ,me, me, me. Everyone was under an extreme amount of pressure.