Lost. Chapter 15.
A/N: I forgot to post this on FF. Two chapters ago a couple records were beaten. We reached the 5000 views mark and went past 70 reviews. Even more records were beat the last chapter. Over 6000 views, the most reviews for one chapter (10 reviews!) and we reached the 80 reviews marks! I love you all soo much! Seriously, even if you don't review and you're reading this I LOVE YOU!
Disclaimer: Hikari does not own or claim to own any of the characters in Hetalia or the sound used below.
Have I been blind?
For the first time in my life I feel I've opened up my eyes
Since you've arrived like an angel from the sky
I'm on a spiritual high
So don't you ever go away
I could never face
Losing you would kill my faith
In a higher place
What kind of world
Would it be without you
I couldn't breathe without you here
What kind of world
Would I see without you
I can't dream without you here
Yeah woah yeah
Beautiful boy
How on earth did I do something worth deserving you?
My better half
How I cherish through and through every part of you
I do
Loving you's made me whole
Now I belong
I found my heart
Promise me we'll always stay
The way we are today
What kind of world
Would it be without you
I couldn't breathe without you here
What kind of world
Would I see without you
I can't dream without you here
Hey-yeah
I can't ever imagine
If this never would happened
I thank God everyday
Almost lost you forever
But I always remember (remember)
That you're my saving grace
What kind of world
(what kind of world)
Would it be without you
(oh without you)
I couldn't breathe without you here
(ohh here)
What kind of world
(what kind of world)
Would I see without you
(oh see without you)
I can't dream without you here
(dream without you here)
Without You by Christina Aguilera
Germanys POV
Ludwig's dreams were filled with nothing but blackness. He was not aware of anything but sleep. No dreams, no sounds. Just nothing.
Though he might have wanted to see happier moments with Feliciano, he was partly glad of the nothingness. He wouldn't have to be teased of times that will never again happen.
His sleep refreshed his tired body. When he woke up he realized that he was alone in what looked to be a hotel room. His mind tried to recall the last moments before he passed out. With much difficulty, he was able to remember escaping from his prison along with Kiku.
He sat up weakly, only to have pain shoot through his chest. He quickly sank back down to lessen the pain but it was for naught.
He wondered if maybe Feliciano had recaptured him and put him into the hotel. He looked around in hopes of seeing Japan. Instead, he saw a note in the desk beside his bed.
He forced himself to sit up and ignore the pain in his chest as he reached out and snagged the note from the desk. He quickly read over the note hastily written by his brother telling him that he was going out to get some things from a convenient store.
Ludwig narrowed his eyes. What was his brother doing here? He didn't remember seeing anyone albeit the swarm of guards that were beating him up. He then remembered the previous night when he woke up and talked with Gilbert who had hugged him despite how 'unawesome' and 'nonmanly' hugs were. He always was very protective of him though the former country would never admit it.
Ludwig couldn't help but smile. He was very happy to finally be out of that building. He wasn't sure how many more of those weekly beatings he would be able to take. He could already feel how much his body had weakened and he could see plainly by looking down at the small mount of covers that was his body that he had lost much weight and muscle since he came into Feliciano's 'care'.
He would miss seeing Feliciano though. Even though he had hurt him in so many ways he still loved the Italian. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help but fall in love with him after all the times they spent together. He might not be perfect or his ideal person but he was who he loved and who he was attracted to and no one could ever make him stop loving Feliciano.
A light laugh escaped Ludwig's split lips thinking of happy memories with said Italian. He remembered back many years ago when it was his birthday. At the time, he was being punished for his deeds in World War II and was being held in a jail cell until his fate was decided.
Feliciano hadn't been allowed to see him but he had somehow snuck in. He went up to Ludwig's cell with a huge grin plastered on his face; a smile that lighted up the entire dark room.
"Happy birthday, Ludwig!" Feliciano exclaimed happily.
Ludwig had looked up glumly. He had lost the war that he had believed so much in. Even though Feliciano had betrayed him (and not that Ludwig could blame him) he had came to visit him in a place that he was obviously uncomfortable in. Despite the cheerful features, he could see an edgy look in his chocolate eyes if he didn't cover it up with happiness quick enough.
"Why are you here, Italy?" Ludwig asked in a monotone voice. He didn't feel there was any reason to try and be happy when he was to be divided and his bruder dissolved.
"I snuck in to see you!" Feliciano exclaimed tilting his head slightly in a way that made the Germans heart thump against his ribcage.
"You snuck in?" Ludwig asked curiously.
"Si! I wanted to see you so I asked to see you but they said no so I snuck in!" Feliciano exclaimed.
Never before had Ludwig ever felt so touched. Even after all of the horrible things he did, Feliciano still wanted to be with him. Even enough so to sneak in. Ludwig kept his face expressionless.
"That's nice of you, Italy." Ludwig said.
"Ve~ I brought you some presents too!" Feliciano said. He handed Ludwig a wrapped gift with a card through the bars. Ludwig took them gently and opened the card. Inside, Feliciano had drawn a picture of the two of them. The artwork took his breath away. It was such a beautiful picture; exquisitely detailed with Feliciano's talent and style. Ludwig folded the card gently.
"Danke Feliciano." he said softly. Feliciano giggled.
"Silly, you need to open your present next!" Feliciano exclaimed.
Ludwig set the card aside and opened his present. Inside was a small stack of dirty magazines as well as some food, mainly some liverwurst and some sweets. Ludwig quickly scarfed down the food and blushed at the magazine.
"T-thank you, Italy." Ludwig said.
Feliciano grinned, "Ve, I'm glad you liked it!"
"Ja. I loved it." Ludwig said. He blushed and turned his head getting embarrassed. Feliciano giggled. He had to leave afterwards before anyone realized he had been down in the cell but after he left, part of his light stayed behind making the cell not seem as scary as it had been.
Ludwig sighed and smiled at the memory. He missed the old days greatly. He never realized how much he loved the Italian until after he had lost him in a sense.
He knew there was no way of getting the old Italy back. To much hate had consumed him and too many countries would have grudges on him. Ludwig squeezed his eyes tightly and blink the memories away from his vision.
He needed to get out of the bed and take his mind off of Italy. Nothing good will happen from sitting in bed feeling sorry for himself. No doubt Kiku was hurting as well. It wouldn't be a bad idea to look around and see if he could find Kiku or someone else.
Ludwig pushed the blankets to the side. Pain shot up his leg when he tried to put his legs to the side. Ludwig's hand shot to his leg with a surprised gasp.
Almost on cue, a noise sounded from the door. Ludwig froze, instinct taking over. His brain shouted at him that it was Feliciano who had come back to kill him.
Footsteps walked down the small hallway that led into the hotel room. Ludwig couldn't see the person from the angle he was at. Just a few more steps.
A bag rustled as the door was closed. Ludwig's breath caught in his throat, his heartbeat thumped hard against his aching chest.
Gilbert came into view. He looked at Ludwig and grinned, "Hey Luddy!" he exclaimed. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Ludwig forced himself to swallow his heart, "I-I'm fine, bruder." Ludwig said.
Gilbert sat down on the bed beside Ludwig. He sat the bag beside him.
"Liz and I went to a pharmacy. I'm going to tend to your wounds now." Gilbert said rooting through the bag.
Ludwig was silent.
Gilbert opened up a roll of bandages. "You can't fool me. You're not alright and I wouldn't expect you to be after all that you've been through. I don't want you to hold things in but I also don't want to force you to talk to me. Just know you can talk to me alright?" Gilbert said.
Gilberts skilled fingers wrapped the bandages around his deep cuts that still needed to heal. He wrapped his chest to help the broken bone as well as his leg.
"I know bruder." Ludwig said quietly.
Gilbert put medicine on the wounds that weren't deep enough for bandages. When he finished he grinned at Ludwig.
"I bought you some crutches but since you'll heal quickly your bone should be nearly healed in a day or two." Gilbert said.
"Can I see them bruder? I'd like to go see Kiku." Ludwig said.
"Ja. Last I know Kiku was still sleeping but we could always go talk to the others first and then go see Kiku." Gilbert said.
"Sounds good." Ludwig said. Gilbert got up, setting the bag on a table opposite the bed. He disappeared down the hallway where the coat hanger was and where he had rested the crutches against the wall.
Gilbert handed the crutches to Ludwig and gripped his shoulders in a firm yet gentle grip. He helped Ludwig sit up and position the crutches under his pits.
Ludwig stood up. Gilbert stayed to his side in case he fell.
The two of them walked down the hallway to the room where the others were still meeting in. Gilbert was surprisingly patient and helpful with his little brother. He seemed to know when Ludwig would stumble and would steady him on his feet again.
Gilbert knocked on the door. After a few moments, Roderick answered the door. The volume from inside the room grew as the door opened. The countries constant arguing was deafening in Ludwig's sensitive ears.
Roderick held the door open for Ludwig and Gilbert.
Once the door was closed Gilbert shouted, "Will everyone just be quiet!"
Somehow, he gained their attention. A couple of them stared at the Prussian. Ludwig sat down on a chair and watched as his brother sauntered in.
"I'm hoping there is a good reason for all of this yelling?" Gilbert said. "You guys are yelling so loud I think you made my ears bleed!"
"Gilbert," someone began. Immediately, Ludwig's heart sank. The tone of which they spoke to his bruder warned him that something horrible had happened, "Italy bombed France."
The room was silent for a few moments. Ludwig could hardly believe it. He couldn't grasp himself around the idea that his sweet, peace-loving Italy would bomb another country.
"V-vas?" Gilbert asked. Ludwig winced at how shattered his voice seemed. Gilbert was close friends with Francis. The two of them, along with Antonio, had formed the Bad Touch or the Bad Friends Trio. With Antonio being hurt, and now Francis being bombed Gilbert was practically the only one left. Ludwig didn't know about Spain at the moment though. "Where was he bombed?"
"Paris." someone said solemnly. Gilbert just stood there, his face not betraying what he must be thinking. Even Ludwig who could read Prussia like a book couldn't see what he was thinking.
Elizabetha walked over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Sit down. You look pale." she said. Gilbert was usually pale but that was besides the point.
Gilbert shook his head defiantly. "N-nein! I'm too awesome to sit." he said.
"If you insist..." Elizabetha said.
Ludwig looked around the room observing everyone in it.
"Ludwig," Gilbert said softly. Ludwig turned his attention back to his brother who was having a hard time thinking of how to word what he was going to say next, "Since you've been gone, Feliciano has pushed Spain into a pool and caused him to lose his memory. He also," Gilbert paused. He didn't want to be the one to tell Ludwig that the person he loved was a murderer. Elizabetha thankfully stepped in.
"Feliciano killed Alfred when we went to rescue you and Kiku." she said in a serious tone that was rarely heard spoken from any of the countries other than Ludwig.
Ludwig- he was shocked. He stood as still as a statue unable to comprehend what he had been told.
"Feliciano is insane!" Mattie exclaimed from the back. His voice was laced in pain. Feliciano had taken his brother away from him and had hurt his Papa.
"He isn't Feliciano anymore! Our Feliciano wouldn't do this, aru!" Yao interjected.
"He should be stopped before he hurts anyone else, da?" Ivan said sweetly.
This caused an uproar again, this time Gilbert took part in it. Some said that Italy needed to be stopped immediately but others still denied that it was Feliciano's doing.
Ludwig stayed silent, still comprehending Alfred's death. Feliciano wouldn't kill anyone; he didn't have the guts for it. But what about Antonio and Francis? Why would he hurt his brothers? They might not be brothers like Romano and him but they were his brothers nonetheless.
Was Feliciano really savable? Could he go back to the way he was or had the need for revenge poisoned his heart and turned it to stone?
"...wig? ...udwig? Ludwig?" Gilbert exclaimed loudly. Ludwig blinked away the distant look in his eyes and looked at his bruder's scarlet eyes.
"Ja?" he said, monotone.
"What are your thoughts?" Gilbert asked.
"On what?" Ludwig asked.
"O for Jesus Christ... what are your thoughts for how we should deal with Feliciano?" Gilbert repeated. Ludwig quickly scanned the room, realizing that everyone was watching him.
"I don't know, Gil." Ludwig said quietly. "Maybe now he's gotten all of his hateful feelings out and just needs some time to cool down."
"Luddy," Gilbert said sympathetically. "You and I should know better than anyone that peoples hate doesn't deter with one kill. If anything, it grows and their lust for blood intensifies."
"And even if he has calmed down, he can't go unpunished." Roderick said. "He's hurt far too many people to do so."
Ludwig stated silent. Gilbert put a hand in his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"You don't have to take part in any of this. We all understand how you're feeling so you don't have to harm Feliciano in any way." Gilbert said.
"Bruder?" Ludwig asked.
"Ja?"
"You said you wouldn't hurt him remember?" Ludwig asked.
Gilbert blinked but nodded, "Ja." he said softly. "I remember and I will not touch a hair on his pretty little head."
Gilbert ruffled Ludwig's blond hair gently, staying aware of the scratches on Ludwig's scalp.
Ludwig stayed silent as the other countries finished the conversation. Gilbert offered to walk him back to their room so Ludwig wouldn't have to hear how the other countries planned to hurt his sweet little Italy but Ludwig shook his head.
It was finally decided that they first needed to focus on getting out of Italy and on getting Francis help and proper care for Ludwig's and Kiku's wounds. Once they got to Austria, where they had decided to go when they escaped, they would make official plans to deal with the Italian. They also had to take Romano into consideration since he wasn't on Feliciano's side even though they were two halves of a whole.
Ludwig felt so cold and empty inside his chest. It felt as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest and had been replaces by a cold stone weighing down on his chest. He carried his burdens silently, though everyone knew he was having inner turmoil. No one wanted to pressure the German into a subject that would obviously be very painful for him to talk about so they let him go.
They let his thoughts go to wander and drift to happier times and happy memories that could have happened if they had noticed something was wrong with Italy.
They were all monsters. Monsters for turning their head away from the Italian. Monsters for turning Feliciano into a cold blooded killer. Monsters for wanting to harm and potentially kill their creation.
It all made Ludwig sick. His belly kept doing flips and his hands kept twitching involuntarily. He wanted nothing more than to wake up and realize this was all a horrible dreams but if he had a penny for every impossible thing that he wanted, he would be a rich man.
A/N: Ludwig will go see Kiku in the next chapter. Or I might just leave that out. I need to double check what plans I had made. Thanks for the reviews and please R&R for this chapter. Reviewers will have my undying love!