Lost Chapter 17, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

Lost. Chapter 17

A/N: Wow! This is going faster than I thought. Chapters seem empty without an authors note. Sorry if last chapters note sounded mean. I didn't mean for it to sound that way. You guys know I love you! *huggles*

Disclaimer: Hikari does not own or claim to own Hetalia or the song used below.

Drop the ball, watch it fall far below
Suck you in, hold your breath
The undertow creeps in slow
Everyone owns a gun deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide

Help me help you they wont be there
Help me help you they won't see

It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts

Drop the switch, scratch the itch, watch it grow
Inch by inch, the cutting board, watch it swing to and frau
Everyone carries one deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide

Wash it off, take the loss, let it go
Take it in, drink it up, we can just take it slow
Everyone carries one deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide

Help me help you they wont be there
Help me help you they won't see

It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts

And it hurts when you're lonely
And I'm standing right beside you there
And it hurt when you told me
That you told me that you tried this on your own

Hope you never hurt
Hope you never cry
Hope you never lose your way tonight
Hope you never crumble
Hope you never fall
Hope you never throw away the

Drop the ball, watch it fall far below
Suck you in, hold your breath, watch it swing

It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts

And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts

Lyrics to Hurt by Thousand Foot Crutch

England's POV

When a person is murdered their loved ones will want revenge. That much can definitely be said for Arthur even though the person who murdered Alfred was one of his own kind. At the hospital, the Brit had been positive about wanting to avenge Alfred's death. After Francis had forced him to go back to the hotel, Arthur was faced with the slightest hesitation.

Seeing Ludwig so small and injured and yet still in love with Feliciano made guilt prick Arthur's heart. How could he think of killing Feliciano when he had seen how severely his hands had shook and the look of horror in his eyes despite his attempts to hide it?

He felt like a monster. Ludwig only let a few people into his inner circle in his life. He knew of only three; Kiku, Gilbert and Feliciano. How could he think of hurting the person that was arguably the most important person to Ludwig? If they killed Feliciano like they were planning how would that affect Ludwig and Kiku, who also let only a few people in.

Arthur sighed. He watched as Gilbert led Ludwig out of the room after the heated argument. He was going to follow when Elizabetha got up before him. Arthur decided that he would wait until she came back.

He waited patiently, blocking out the others discussion of how they wanted to kill or at least hurt Feliciano. Most had decided he was too far gone to save. Those few who didn't want to hurt Feliciano were slowly being converted to wanting to hurt him. The only few that stood as strong as bricks were Ludwig and most likely Kiku.

When Elizabetha came back, her emerald eyes were glassy as if she was trying not to cry. She sought out Roderick and whispered something too him that Arthur couldn't hear. Arthur took his chance to leave not bothering to see what Roderick's reaction was. .

He let his feet carry himself to the German brother's room. He hardly noticed anything else in the hallway, which in the past Alfred would have teased him for since he was probably thinking about his fairy friends. He knocked on the door quietly. He hoped it would be hearable. He was starting to doubt that anyone heard his knock. He was going to knock again when Gilbert opened the door, scarlet eyes hard and mouth set in a firm line. His features softened seeing Arthur which made the Brit angry. He didn't want others sympathy because of what happened to Alfred and Francis, especially the ex-country.

"Hey Arty." Gilbert said trying to sound normal but it was plain from his tone of voice that even he, the great and 'awesome' Prussia couldn't. Something must have happened that Arthur missed for the usually cocky Prussian to have trouble smiling.

"Um...hey Gilbert." Arthur murmured timidly. He didn't know how to start off. "I...is Ludwig in your room?"

Gilbert glanced in although he knew his bruder was inside, "Ja, he's in but he's asleep. Why?"

Arthur heard the edge in his voice. He tried not to take it personally. Of course Gilbert would be edgy around him. He didn't know what Arthur wanted to see Ludwig for. For all he knew, Arthur could be planning yell at Ludwig and blame him for Alfred's death and Francis' injury.

"C...can I talk to him? It's really important." Arthur asked. Gilbert shifted his weight, leaning against the door. His eyes quickly scanned Arthur's body. He took in the British man's body posture and decided he wouldn't do anything bad. If anything, what he would say could help Ludwig immensely. Deciding the good over ruled the bad, Gilbert decided to let him in.

Arthur grew nervous under Gilberts gaze, even though it was Gilbert who was looking at him and not Russia. He looked away nervously.

Gilbert widened the door and stepped aside. "Ja, you can see him real quick." Gilbert said. Soundlessly, Arthur came in. He quickly found Ludwig lying on the bed, sleeping soundly. He sure did fall asleep quickly.

Arthur's confident boosted a little seeing the German asleep and so vulnerable on the bed. It was a sad sight, the bandaged and thin Ludwig, but it further convinced Arthur that what he would say would help him. He approached the bed cautiously, still unsure on how to go about this. He could either make or break Ludwig depending on how he said it.

He could feel Gilberts eyes boring into his back, watching his every step. He pushed his thoughts back and set to the task at hand.

Arthur's pale hand gently shook Ludwig's shoulders. He was almost afraid to touch him too much in fear that he'd hurt him. Ludwig's tired opaque blue eyes crack open. He looked to the sides but then finally rested and focused on Arthur in front of him.

"Ludwig," Arthur said quietly, "I'd like to talk to you."

Ludwig sat up with some effort. Arthur could tell his wounds were bothering him yet healing. Ludwig looked at Arthur and noticed that he was wearing Alfred's bomber jacket. He couldn't hold back the wince seeing how ripped and stained the precious jacket was. Nether the less, Arthur wore it anyway even though it pained him to see how beat up the jacket was.

"I'm sorry." Ludwig whispered. He looked away Arthur, not able to bear the sight of the man whose loved ones were hurt because of him. Arthur's scowled slightly, though his eyes remained gentle, almost as insurance. He was certain now that Ludwig needed to hear what he had to say.

"I didn't come here for an apology, you git, even though I appreciate it," Arthur said. He quickly added, "Not that I need sympathy."

Ludwig couldn't help but smile. Arthur realized how alike they were. Both of them had lost a very important person to them and neither wanted sympathy. Neither could help with their fragile positions. They didn't like sympathy and always tried to make themselves seem stronger but that was just to hide their fragility. Now that both were stripped of the people that helped to make them seem strong, they were left with just a shell of their former 'strength'. Ludwig might be in more pain than Arthur, not because of the physical pain, but because he would have to kill or help the others kill Feliciano and he wouldn't gain the support of another person like Arthur had with Francis.

"I," Arthur paused, unsure of how to continue. He hadn't planned too far ahead of what he was going to say and he was acutely aware of how much each word would count, "I wanted to...to tell you that I don't blame you."

Ludwig was silent. He was looking at the Brit with a mix of confusion, joy and sadness. He just blinked, waiting for Arthur to explain.

Arthur coughed nervously, "Well, what I mean is that I don't blame you for," he paused feeling a lump growing in his throat, "for Alfred or Francis. You suffered enough from Feliciano."

Ludwig cringed at the mention of the Italy but was grateful that Arthur called Feliciano by his human name instead of a country. It reminded him of how some still might consider Feliciano one of them still even though he knew Arthur probably wasn't one of them. It was clear by the look in Ludwig's eyes that he could see the Italians cruel smirk or his death at Ludwig's hands.

Arthur sat down on the bed beside him. "And I don't blame you for not wanting to harm Feliciano!" he said. His confidence was growing in confidence like how a snowball gains size as it rolls down a hill.

Ludwig swallowed, chapped lips slowly forming words, "He's a monster. He needs to be stopped or someone else will get hurt." he whispered in a monotone voice.

"Yes," Arthur said sympathetically, "but I know you love him. If I was in your position and Feliciano was Alfred, I wouldn't want to hurt Alfred." Arthur said firmly. He was determined to help the German. Not for Ludwig but so then he wouldn't feel guilty when Feliciano is killed. He wanted to be the one to slowly make him bleed out and make him cry in pain for all the pain he caused Alfred and Francis.

"I don't want to loose him," Ludwig said. "He can still come back; he's not gone just left! I don't want to give up on him!"

"Ludwig," Arthur said gently. He knew how stubborn the German was.

"I know!" Ludwig said exasperated. "He's gone. I have to face the facts like I always told him to do."

Arthur gently touched his shoulder. "Ludwig, I understand that you must feel guilt but we all need to get over our guilt before we can take the next steps." Arthur said. He felt truth in his own words and he hoped Ludwig would too. They both needed to exile all guilt they felt over the fate of their loved ones. He felt a lump rise in his own throat. He had blamed himself on Alfred's death when the real person to be blamed was Feliciano. In Ludwig's case, Ludwig blamed himself for Feliciano's murderous nature when it was also Feliciano's fault.

"But those next steps will kill him!" Ludwig suddenly shouted furiously. His hands started to tremble again. Just as he had seen Gilbert do, he enclosed his hands around Ludwig's.

"Ludwig," he said gently. "Do you want Feliciano to kill anyone else? What if Gilbert got hurt?"

Ludwig winced. "I don't want that." he whispered, "Please, don't even say that."

"I know you don't. That's why you have to choose; Feliciano or everyone else like Gilbert and Kiku." Arthur said gently messaging Ludwig's hand gently with his thumb. He knew he was being cruel in making him choose but he needed to get the point across.

"I don't want to choose! This isn't right!" Ludwig exclaimed.

"I know it isn't but we can't stop him so we're forced to prioritize." Arthur said gently. Ludwig's breathing quickened trying to control his emotions. Arthur stood up quietly deciding to let Ludwig sort out his emotions.

"I'll talk to you later." Arthur said turning away.

"Arthur?" Ludwig spoke up. Arthur paused and looked back at the German. "Thank you"

Arthur smiled gently. "Your welcome, lad, your welcome."

There was a quick almost frantic knock on the door. Gilbert growled from the kitchen area and went to answer the door.

"Pack up! We're leaving now, aru!" Yao exclaimed from the doorway.

"Vas? Why?" Gilbert asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Because we received a note from Romano, aru! He sent us the address to Feliciano's new hideout!" Yao said.

Romano's POV

A few days had passed since arriving at the building. Romano had avoided Feliciano ever since he found out Alfred was killed and France had been bombed. The Feliciano he knew would never harm others the way he had. He had completely changed and Romano feared he had changed too much to go back to the way he was.

Obviously things would never be the same. Alfred was dead. The others would hold too much hostility towards the Italian to ever let things go back to normal. It was too late to turn back now.

The others would want revenge for all the pain Feliciano caused but what would they do? Romano feared for Feliciano's punishment. No one ever had power for long. Eventually he would have to come down and as the saying goes, 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall.'

Romano hoped Feliciano wouldn't notice he was avoiding him. He still needed to gain his trust in order to try to convince him out of his reign of power. The younger Italian probably did notice. He wasn't as dumb and oblivious as he had made himself out to be making him a dangerous enemy.

Romano felt as though he didn't know his brother anymore. Everything about him had changed. His eyes held a darker look to them, his mouth now in a constant frown or straight line, and his laugh deeper. He no longer smiled his classic close-eyed smile. If he ever smiled, his mouth curved slightly around the edges. He only laughed if it was bad news on the other countries.

Things weren't looking too brightly for the other countries. Their leaders were all arguing about how they should deal with the situation and no one seemed to be taking charge. Somehow, Feliciano found this funny and would laugh like it was the funniest joke he ever heard.

Romano, more than ever, missed his fratello. Even though he saw him every day he felt as though he was living with a stranger. His Feliciano was gone, replaced by this heartless, soulless creature. He lived in constant fear that Feliciano would deem him a traitor or a fake and would finally kill him. Visions of his bloody corpse by a smiling Feliciano haunted his dreams. He didn't want to die. He couldn't stand the thought of not being able to eat another table or sitting under a tree while Antonio picked tomatoes near him. He wanted things to go back to the way things were.

Like a cornered animal, Romano didn't know what to do. He couldn't run or Feliciano would certainly hurt or kill him. He couldn't fight for he knew he could never hurt his brother. He could only try to pretend like he was loyal to Feliciano and that he was just as hungry for power as he was.

Of course Romano wasn't. He was content with being South Italy. He was who he was and he gas grown to accept it, though he didn't like it.

In truth, he was never called Italy. He was just Romano. No one but Antonio, who couldn't remember him, and Feliciano, who wasn't really Feliciano anymore, liked him. Everyone disliked him for being a rude, loud, foul mouthed want to be country. Now that both of the people who cared about him the most were gone in a sense, Romano truly felt alone now. If he were to die here, who would grieve for him?

He was able to avoid Feliciano for a few days after the bombing with
ease but soon he began to feel something he had felt many times as a
kid.

Until he went to Antonio, he had been moved from place to place because he wouldn't do his chores. Antonio loved him anyway despite this and his temper. Besides Antonio, he had never been wanted by anyone. Everyone had wanted to trade him or sell him, even Antonio but that was in the past. Romano had simply accepted that he was sour and that people didn't like him. Now he wished he would have been at least a little nicer so at least someone would be sad at his death.

He had often felt a burning desire to be loved or at least wanted, though he wouldn't tell anyone. Whenever Antonio complimented or cooed over Feliciano, Romano would feel jealousy knawl at his stomach. He had learned to stay detached so that when his boss would give him up he wouldn't be disappointed. That was how he developed his perpetual frown and bad temper.

It worked in driving off others around him accept Antonio and Feliciano. Somehow they still loved him and cared about him and Romano loved them back, though he hardly ever said so.

So when Antonio and Feliciano both changed, Romano felt that familiar hollowness and jealousness. Hollowness that he was alone again; jealousy that it wasn't him who had lost his memory.

The loneliness became too unbearable for him that he gave up on avoiding Feliciano. Besides that, it was depleting his original purpose for coming; trying to stop Feliciano.

Summoning whatever confidence he had, Romano made his way to Feliciano's room, hoping he hadn't noticed that Romano was avoiding him or thought that he was just leaving him alone so Feliciano could work on his vast mountain of paperwork.

Finally reaching the solid mahogany door to Feliciano's office, Romano knocked on the door, inwardly cursing at how timid he sounded.

"Come in." Feliciano said. His voice was void of emotion; something Romano wasn't used to hearing from his fratello usual jovial, almost bell like voice.

Romano opened the door and walked in, forcing his shoulders to relax. He tried to give out a comfortable aura but even Romano could sense how uncomfortable it was and how nervous he felt.

"Lovino?" Feliciano said, happy and yet half amused too see him. "It's good to see you."

Romano tried to act like he normally did so he just frowned, crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, "Yeah yeah yeah." he muttered.

Feliciano smiled, intrigued by his fratello's actions, "I had been beginning to think you were hiding from me."

"Pfft! That's dumb!" Romano scoffed.

Feliciano shrugged. "I don't know; your not denying it." he said. His once warm chocolate eyes bore into Romano making him feel over exposed and vulnerable. His instincts screamed at him to run the other way but he kept his feet firmly planted in the ground.

"You're just as stupid as ever, Feli." Romano said. If the statement had come from anyone else, they would have to be carried out of Feliciano's office in a coffin. However since it was Romano speaking and it was how Romano usually talked, Feliciano allowed it.

Instead, Feliciano just laughed, "And you're just as bad as a liar." he said. He smiled at Romano, though the friendly demeanor was fake, "If I think that you're avoiding me again, you'll be finding yourself with a few new scars at least."

Romano gulped and nodded stiffly.

Feliciano smiled again as if he hadn't just threatened Romano, "So why'd you come here?" he asked.

"Uh..." Romano said scrambling to gather whatever wits he had, "I came to you because I wanted to help you but so far I haven't done anything and I don't even know our allies."

Feliciano smirked, "All in good time, fratello. I have a task for you shortly. Call it a test if you will. Actually, more like a pre-test." Feliciano explained. He leaned forward on the desk, propping his head on his hands.

"A pre-test?" Romano echoed, "Of what?"

"We'll be seeing our little friends soon. Then is when you will finally meet our allies." Feliciano said smirking in a way that made Romano feel uncomfortable. It was as if all of Feliciano's dark, twisted thoughts had tainted Feliciano's facial expression as well.

"What are we planning to do?" Romano asked, trying to sound excited or at least happy.

"I want to see how well you fight. You will lead our allies to go fight our friends. Trust me; we have enough that we should be strong." Feliciano smirks.

Romano tries to mimic the smirk, "Hopefully it is soon; I am too excited to wait much longer."

Feliciano chuckled, a dark sinister sound, "Yes. Very soon, fratello. Our time of revenge is coming soon."

Saving Romano from a reply, a man walked behind Romano knocked on the open door.

"Mr. Vargas, I have very important news." the man said. What was his name again? Cosco? Disco?

"Yes, what is it?" Feliciano asked, his smirk taking on a curious edge. The man glanced at Romano causing his heart to beat erratically. He smoothed his face so neither Felixiano nor the man would suspect anything.

The man quickly crossed the floor and whispered in Feliciano's ear. Feliciano's smile disappeared like a boat being dragged into the watery depths of an ocean. Feliciano whispered something in the mans ear.

At this point, Romano's mind is spinning so fast that he can barely think. He hardly noticed the man shut and lock the door and Feliciano get up from his chair and stroll to the front of the desk.

"So fratello?" Feliciano asked in a voice often used on a parent to a disobedient child, "Is this true?"

"I-Is w-w-what t-true!" Romano mentally curses himself for stammering like a coward.

Feliciano kept calm. "I think you know what I mean." he said. Romano stayed silent. Feliciano looked at him. The more he stared at Romano, the edgier the older brother got. He knew he know and Feliciano knew Romano knew he knew.

Before Romano would even grasp what was happening, Feliciano had stalked up to Romano in lightening speed and shoved him roughly into a corner. He grabbed a fist full of Romano's shirt, using his arm to pin Romano to the wall. His free hand formed a fist and smashed itself into Romano's face. Romano groaned and sagged into Feliciano's arm.

Feliciano looked in disgust and threw him to the ground. Blood leaked from a cut on Romano's cheek.

"How dare you,?" Feliciano snapped, "How could you lie to me and give me away like that?"

"I-I didn't." Romano said desperately. Feliciano sent his foot flying into Romano's stomach. Romano doubled over with a sharp cry. Feliciano crouched and grabbed a fistful of his brothers auburn hair and thrust his head against the wall.

"You worthless piece of crap! If you lie to me one more time I'll kill you!" Feliciano spat. Romano only had the energy to groan. "I will be generous and give you a second chance but do not blow it!"

Feliciano let go if Romano and stood up. He looked down at his impudent brother in disgust. He snorted.

"Get your filth out of my office now! I have worked to do!" Feliciano snapped. Romano struggled to his feet, using the wall as support. He waited a few seconds until his legs were strong enough to hold his weight and went to the door as quick as he could. He could feel Feliciano's eyes following him the entire time. The guard opened it for him and he quickly fled to his own room.

Once in his room, he shut the door quietly in fear of upsetting Feliciano if it was too loud and flung himself down on the bed. He struggled to control his breathing. The events replayed in his brain, images of Feliciano's cruel eyes and barbaric smirk replayed in his head as the sound of his sadistic laugh reverberated in his head.

He began to doubt he could help his brother. Feliciano had never shown hostility towards Romano and he knew Romano had a special place in his heart for Feliciano even though Romano would never say so.

If Feliciano could hurt Romano as he did, what else could he do? He had already hurt Antonio (though Feliciano said he didn't, Romano didn't believe him), Kiku and Ludwig, killed Alfred and bombed France. If his goal was to kill all the country like he perceived then he did have the means to do it.

Fear took over nearly all of Romano's emotions. Not fear for himself but for Feliciano. He was Feliciano's only chance at changing his mind. He had to save Feliciano from himself in order to make things right but Feliciano was making it hard.

But if situations were reversed, Feliciano wouldn't have given up on Romano so Romano would do the same. Romano would fight until he was killed, may it be by Feliciano's hands or someone else, in order to save Feliciano.

He just prayed that Feliciano hadn't changed too much that he couldn't be saved.

A/N: Review please! This chapter was going to be MUCH longer but I divided it in half. I know the last few chapters have been boring so the action starts the next chapter. I was curious bout something that I was hoping you guys could answer for me. I can't tell you my age (sorry.) but based on how I write the story, how old do you think I am? Thankies! Review please!