Lost. Chapter 32
A/N: I'm really sorry this took so long! I attempted NaNoWriMo and I've gotten so busy with school and RPs and just life in general. I'll try to pick up the pace! The end is in sight!
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Down you fell, deep into your mind
Off to wonderland, leaving what's real behind
You're a riddle I can't seem to read
Your love a fairytale, too hard to believe
Broken and sad as the tarnish on your crown
Nowhere to go but down
Caught up in yourself, nowhere to be found
No other way but down
Down, down, down
Down, down, down
Say your farewell too what's real
Like the pain that you feel
Welcome to Wonderland (It's dead)
Eat me or drink me
Seeing is believing
Wonderland, baby,
It's all in your head
Your cup runs over with emptiness
Chasing the hare of your innocence
Hide behind your cheshire smile
Once was vivid, was gray all the while
Broken and sad as the tarnish on your crown
Nowhere to go but down
Caught up in yourself, nowhere to be found
No other way but down
Down, down, down
Down, down, down
Say your farewell too what's real
Like the pain that you feel
Welcome to Wonderland (It's dead)
Eat me or drink me
Seeing is believing
Wonderland, baby,
It's all in your head
Where's My Wonderland? by Blood on the Dance Floor
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They continued to trek on until it grew dark. By the time it was dark, they had found a shelter to hide in that resembled a small cave. They couldn't light a fire in fear that any Mounties would see the glow or the smoke, so they huddled close together to keep warm.
Ludwig had gently set his fallen friend on the cave floor and arranged his body so he was lying on his back with his hands crossed over his chest. Ludwig stayed crouched by his friend, unwilling to leave. Chewing on his lip to keep himself from crying again, he looked down at his friend's pale face. Even in the dimness of the cave, Kiku's face seemed as it was illuminated by the pale moonlight. He seemed as if he was only sleeping; like he could open his eyes at any moment and smile comfortingly at Ludwig.
Ludwig didn't even notice Mei join him as she crouched beside him. She had been crying the entire time, though her sobs had faded to pitiful whimpers. Yao also joined them. Despite their past, Kiku was still his brother. His face was solemn as he put a hand on Mei's shoulder.
"Get some sleep, Mei. We have another long day tomorrow and you'll need your rest, aru." he murmured quietly. Mei didn't seem to hear him. She bowed her head and touched her forehead to Kiku's chest. Her black hair swept around Kiku, blanketing his chest and stomach.
Ludwig didn't say or look at the two. He felt responsible for his friend's death. If only he had been strong enough to swim across on his own, if only he had trained more. If he had, Kiku might still be alive. He couldn't believe it was real. He couldn't believe he had lost both of his best friends. He had also almost lost his brother. If he had lost his brother he didn't know what he would do. He would have lost everyone he was close to.
His thoughts drifted to Feliciano. He knew there was no chance of them ever reinstating their friendship. He didn't want to be friends with the Italian. He had done too much and caused so much death and destruction. Just thinking of the Italian cast a dark shadow over him. He didn't care about trying to save the Italian anymore. It was his fault all of this was happening; it was his fault that Kiku was trapped in his eternal slumber.
Ludwig clenched his hands into fists, trying to control his anger and grief in vain. Jaw clenching and veins protruding, Ludwig thought of all he could do to the Italian. He no longer saw Feliciano as his friend or even a past friend. Feliciano was simply a monster that must be stopped. Plans began to form in Ludwig's head; plans on how he could rid the world of the dark menace that had taken over.
A hand resting on his shoulder halted his thoughts. Ludwig's head snapped up and looked towards the owner of the hand. Roderick glanced down at him, amethyst eyes round with compassion.
"Why don't you come sleep by Gilbert, Elizabetha and I?" he offered. His hand fell off his shoulder and pointed over to where Elizabetha was checking Gilbert to see if he had any new wounds or if any of his older ones had reopened.
Turning back to Kiku's body, Ludwig hesitated. As if sensing his hesitation, Roderick said, "He'll still be here tomorrow. You, however, need to get some sleep."
Ludwig nodded and stood up. He couldn't hide from the facts. As much as he wanted to stay by Kiku for as long as he could, he had to get some sleep and he wanted to sleep by his other friends and his brother. In times like this, who knew how long they would be around?
Ludwig took one last glance at the Japanese man and stood up with a grunt of effort. He felt years older than he actually was. His knees cracked as he stood and his body ached. Roderick led him over to where the Prussian and Hungarian were seated. Scarlet eyes rose to meet Ludwig's blue orbs.
"How're you doing?" Gilbert asked. His voice sounded strained, like he was trying to sound normal but failing. Ludwig looked back at his brother as he sat down. He could tell Gilbert was making an effort to act normal and strong for Ludwig. It was clear though that they were all hurting.
"I'm fine." Ludwig replied, "Are you hurt?" he asked. His eyes scanned his brother's body, searching for something new. All appeared normal, despite how his clothes were still plastered to his body. Ludwig could tell that his already frail looking brother had lost weight.
"I'm awesome," Gilbert smirked at him. The light didn't quite reach his eyes, "Although my awesome new clothes are ruined!"
Ludwig couldn't help but chuckle at his comment, "Sorry to hear about that." he said. His tone sounded tired, despite how he tried to sound energetic.
Gilbert nodded with a yawn, his mouth gaping. Elizabetha chuckled, "Sounds like you're tired." she said. She looked to Ludwig, "You both look tired."
The two brothers nodded, "Ja." they agreed. Gilbert stretched his arms and laid down on the hard cave floor, tentatively moving his leg. His cast had gotten wet in the water and he was trying to be careful.
"I'm going to hit the hay!" he declared. Ludwig, Elizabetha, and Roderick nodded and also settled down to sleep. Gilbert pulled Elizabetha closer to him and closed his eyes. Ludwig settled on his back, staring up at the ceiling. No matter how much he tried, sleep wouldn't come to him. He found the sound of Gilbert's loud snoring to be both a comfort and a hindrance.
Roderick turned over on his side, facing the German country. "Try to get some sleep, Ludwig. There's nothing you can do now but try to get out of this and you can't unless you get some sleep."
Ludwig sighed lightly and closed his eyes, "Ja...I know..." he murmured. He willed himself to go to sleep. He succeeded after an hour.
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They rose early in the morning. With stomachs growling, they rose to their aching feet and began to get ready to leave. There wasn't much to get ready since they didn't have much to carry. Yao offered to carry Kiku first so Ludwig could get some rest and assist Gilbert.
The band of countries all had dark circles around their eyes and their movements were sluggish. They missed how their life used to be; filled with work but relaxing enough. They had a roof over their heads and didn't have to worry about one of their own trying to kill them.
They set out into the woods. They didn't know where they were going, other than that they were going away from danger. Underbrush and roots reached out towards their sluggish feet, making them stumble. Gilbert struggled the most, wincing as his leg stumbled over a root. Ludwig and Elizabetha both took a hold of one of his arms and helped to guide him through the woods.
By the time the sun was at its highest point, the saw a road through the trees.
Yao glanced down at Kiku in his arms, "We have to do something about him. We can't take him with us; we'll get caught for sure, aru." he said.
"What! No!" Mei cried. Her eyes moistened with tears, "W-We can't just bury him here!"
Yao frowned sympathetically, "Mei, we'll come back for him once this is all over and make sure he gets a proper burial. But we need to bury him for now." he explained patiently. He didn't like the idea either but they couldn't risk anyone else's life because they didn't want to bury their friend. The others nodded, even if it was hesitant.
They found a large boulder to bury him by. They began digging with branches they found and with their hands. Ludwig knelt in the dirt and helped. The ground was hard and the digging was hard but they eventually made a hole deep enough. Yao carefully set him in the hole and arranged him as best as he could.
"Good bye, brother. We'll come back for you, I promise." he whispered. They covered the grave as best as they could.
"We'll just have to look for the boulder when we come back." Yao said solemnly. He put a hand on Mei's shoulder to comfort her.
They resumed their journey. Their footsteps picked up pace at the thought of finding somewhere to rest and the possibility of food. They emerged from the forest to stand on the shoulder of the road. Glancing around for a sign, they continued down the road. Eventually, they found a sign that directed them to a town.
They entered the town and could feel their spirits rising already. They quickly joined the others on the streets. Glancing around, they looked at all the people and shops. It was as if things were normal again. Everyone seems oblivious of all the terror and destruction that had plagued them. It was nice to forget about their problems for a while.
They managed to find a small motel and purchased two rooms, since that was all the money they had. Once in the rooms, they all tried to plop on the beds, two single beds in each room. Their group had shrunken considerable since the start of their journey.
They had also lost their confidence. Feliciano seemed so much stronger than them. Their own numbers were steadily shrinking. More nations were dying or betraying them and there was nothing they could do to prevent it. The best they could do at the moment was to take a nap and see if they could find a cheap meal and maybe withdrawal money so they wouldn't be limited on what they could get.
Almost everyone instantly fell asleep once on the bed. It was extremely cramped but in their situation, they didn't mind the crowdedness. All they cared about was that the remaining people in their group stayed safe. The crowdedness was a reminder that they still were together, even if it was just for that moment.
They hadn't intended to sleep as long as they did but they needed the sleep. They woke up when it was dinner time. They had skipped lunch, and their stomachs growled loudly. Their bodies felt so hollow, and not just because they were hungry. They felt sucked of energy and of hope. They hoped a meal could at least fill their empty bellies.
The group made its way down the street. They found a subway where they could get a cheap, quick meal. They sat down at the tables and dug into their sandwiches. The food did wonders for them. Their stomachs were filled and the aching emptiness was satisfied for the moment. They rested back in the seats, taking a moment to relax and enjoy the food they had just eaten.
Eventually, they decided to leave and try to locate a bank. They threw their trash away, having eaten every last crumb from their sandwich. They turned to walk down the side walk of the town. It was a pleasant day out. The sun was beginning to set but it was still comfortable outside. A gentle breeze blew through the street, seeming to promise of good fortune. Tense shoulders relaxed and they felt as though things were normal.
In such a peaceful place, it seemed hard to believe all the horrors they had experienced, how much hardship and death and struggle they had faced. They still faced a bumpy road in front of them but they could relax for a little bit.
Strolling down the road, they looked around the calm street, a small smile grazing their tired features. Even Ludwig and Mei allowed themselves to smile and relax. A cool breeze combed their fingers through their dirty hair, seeming to carry their worries and troubles of the moment away. Ludwig glanced up to the darkening sky and smiled. He imagined that Kiku was watching over them somehow and allowing for them to have a moment of peace after everything. Just thinking of the Japanese man caused his chest to clench in pain. His eyes stung with tears. He felt so exhausted and so unlike his usual self. He had lost two of the closest people to him. All he had was Gilbert now and his brother wasn't exactly in the best state either.
Gilbert was a few feet away with Elizabetha. She was staying close to the snowy haired man in case he tripped over something and fell. Both also looked relax and calm, like they were able to forget about their worries and troubles for a while. They wouldn't be able to stay in the town forever. They had to proceed to WashingtonDC and get assistance with their situation. In their state, they wouldn't be able to fight well enough. Certainly not enough to beat their enemies.
The wind seemed to suddenly change direction. Everyone was too lost in their own thoughts to notice that or anything else that was going on. The town streets became less and less crowded as people headed home or went inside shops or restaurants. They were oblivious to everything; too relaxed and content with the peaceful night to notice any of the change.
A pair of boots began to echo behind them, reverberating in the quiet night air. The one pair of boots soon turned into multiple boots. The group continued forward, too lost in their own thoughts and memories to notice as the footsteps steadily grew faster.
"Well, well, well," a familiar voice purred sarcastically. The group immediately froze, all the tension flooding back into their body. Fear, and anger shot up their spines at the voice. Ludwig spun around and saw Feliciano standing behind them. He hadn't seen his former best friend since when he had been kidnapped. Anger swelled in his chest. If it wasn't for the Italian, Kiku would still be alive and all would be well.
"Italy!" Ludwig spat angrily, his blue eyes filling with a fire that hadn't been there in days. His hands clenched, prepared for him to attack, but the Italian looked calm, albeit the smirk ever present on his face.
"I see you haven't forgotten about me, Ludwig." the Italian said casually. His nonchalant attitude angered Ludwig more. He hadn't expected him to look sad, but he would have at least hoped that he wouldn't have acted like it was nothing.
"You-…You're a monster!" Ludwig screeched angrily, his eyes wild with anger, "You killed Kiku!"
For a fraction of a moment, Ludwig thought he saw saddeness in the Italians deep brown eyes. However, as soon as he saw it, it was gone again; replaced by amusement, "Is that so? Well that's a shame. What are you going to do without your friends now? You're all alone." Feliciano smirked in pleasure.
"Why?" Ludwig asked, his anger fading to desperation. He needed to know. So many horrible things had happened; he just wanted to know why. "Why would you do such a thing like this? Kiku never hurt you! He never made fun of you! He was your friend, Italy. He never left you! If you have a problem with me, don't take it out on others. Talk to me and handle it like a man!"
Feliciano's eyes flashed in anger, but he did not move toward his weapon. Ludwig glanced at his felt and withheld a shudder at the vast amounts of knives and guns that adorned his belt. He might not be making a move now, but Ludwig knew he wasn't here for nothing.
"You're a coward, Feliciano! You hide behind your allies and allow them to do all the hard work!" Ludwig yelled, his grief fueling his anger. Images flashed through his head; Alfred's mangled body, Russia's bloody corpse, Japan's pale face, and all the tears and struggle that had resulted from their friends' death, "You say you want your revenge, but you let others get it for you! You may think you're strong, but you're still nothing but a spineless coward!"
"Shut up!" Feliciano screamed at him. His body tensed and his hand slowly inched toward his weapon. Ludwig realized with dread that they hadn't brought his weapons with him. If they had to run, Gilbert wouldn't be able to do it. They had been refreshed but they were still weak. Feliciano and his allies had an advantage over them. They weren't tired and they had weapons.
This wasn't going to end well.
Ludwig forced himself to stand a little straighter. He wasn't going to show his fear to Feliciano; he wasn't going to give him satisfaction anymore. Feliciano's chocolate eyes were dark in rage. Ludwig could see his slim chest sharply rising and falling as Feliciano struggled to stay calm. He knew as well as Ludwig did that if he was too angry, he wouldn't be able to fight as effectively.
"You're going to pay for that, Ludwig! You forget, you're running from me, remember? I control your fate!" Feliciano snapped, his words as sharp as his eyes.
Ludwig frowned, finding himself calming down as he realized that Feliciano was getting angrier and angrier, "You don't control my fate. You don't control anyone's fate. And what are you going to do? You don't think that your 'allies' have already caused us enough pain. Does that make you happy? To know you caused us pain? Just let this be over. You've had your revenge; you've caused enough pain." Ludwig's voice dropped lower. He looked dear straight into the eyes of the man who used to be his best friend and used to hold his heart, "You know you can't win this. Good always triumphs over evil."
Feliciano's face was bright red, "That's where you're wrong!" he snapped loudly. His irate words seemed to bounce off the buildings, "You have not suffered enough pain! You have not suffered the years of bullying and torment that I had to endure! I am strong and I will win!"
Ludwig frowned simply, "Feli," he started out slowly. He noticed the slight change in Feliciano's eyes as he addressed him by his nickname, "You know you can't win this. You saw how it was for me during WWII. You saw how it was for your Grandfather. You can't win this. You can cause damage, but you cannot win this. Do yourself a favor, surrender now. Take your punishment; we're not as cruel as you. You can save yourself from more pain."
"What do you think I'm doing? I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for you! This is all your fault! Not just you, Germany, but everyone! You deserve everything you got and everything coming to you!" Feliciano screeched. His chocolate brown eyes looked like those of a mad man; wide and wild.
"Feliciano, this has gone far enough. Do you know how many others have endured the same thing? Do you know how many countries are discriminated and beaten? Do you know how many are treated way worse than you ever were? If everyone acted as you have, everyone would be trying to seek revenge, because everyone experiences this in their life. You were just too weak to deal with it; too cowardly to tell us so we could fix it. None of us tried to hurt you, yet you act like we did!" Ludwig told him calmly. He noticed the change in Feliciano's eyes. Something in his words caused him to snap. Feliciano yanked a gun from his belt.
"Shut up!" he yelled. He smirked as Ludwig and several others took a few steps back. "You've tried my temper for too long, Ludwig! You don't understand and I knew you wouldn't! But I'll be generous today to give you a 15 second head start before I start shooting."
Ludwig's eyes widened, "Feliciano, stop! Don't d-"
"One!" Feliciano began. The other countries instantly began scrambling.
"Two!" Ludwig scooped Gilbert into his arms and the group took off towards buildings.
"Three!" They weaved in between the dark, thin alleys, their breaths already coming out as pants.
"Four!" They made it to the edge of the woods and plunged inside.
"Five!" The group weaved between trees, searching for a place to hide or an object to use as a weapon.
Feliciano continued to count down. He smirked to himself, enjoying seeing them run like animals. He signaled to his allies to draw their weapons.
"Thirteen, fourteen...fifteen." he smirked. At his last count, Feliciano and his allies raced after their old friends and allies.
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A/N: Thanks for reading and please review! Thank you again to my amazing beta reader! I'm still considering a sequel so thoughts on that?