Flashback is Lily's POV, about a month before O.W.L.'s.

Chapter 6: Of Poor Lighting and Hospital Fighting

Severus always insisted on sitting in the back corner of the library. Lily wouldn't mind the poor lighting it provided if it weren't for the fact she knew he was hiding from others seeing them together. She sighed loudly as she turned the page in her Arithmancy book.

"What's wrong?" Severus whispered, finally taking her bait. Lily had been sighing dramatically for the past fifteen minutes.

"It's so dark over here. Can't we find somewhere brighter?"

"I like this table, you know that."

"Yes," she said carefully. As insulted as she was that he was trying to hide their friendship, she didn't want to start yet another row. It seemed that every one of their interactions lately led to an argument of some sort. "But it's hard to study when I have to squint to see the text."

"Surely a witch as clever as you can figure out a solution to your problem," he asked dryly. Lily was relieved that he was merely teasing her; there was no harshness in his tone at all. Still, she wasn't ready to back down yet.

"Well, yes but that's not the point."

"What exactly is the point, Lily?"

"I want to sit somewhere else."

"We always sit here."

"I know it's just… never mind. You're right." She turned her attention back to her book, unwilling to ruin their time together.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. Forget I said anything."

He gave her a long, piercing look before returning to his mutterings and scribbles. It was no use though. Lily had to squint to read her book and she always loved watching Severus come up with new spells.

"What spell are you working on now," she asked curiously. She thought he was brilliant for being able to come up with his own spells and admired the fact that he just got magic.

He immediately covered his papers and scowled. "It's none of your business."

"I won't show anyone this time, I promise."

"That's what you said last time and now people are constantly being hung upside down."

"That was a moment of weakness," Lily pleaded. She had overheard Potter and Black trying to figure out what spell it was and Lily couldn't help but show off. Potter was always rubbing in how much he knew, she wanted to get one up on him. She only realized afterward that she revealed the spell to the two worst people possible. "It won't happen again."

"No, it will not," he said without removing his arms.

"Come on, Sev. We're supposed to be best friends," she said, mimicking the words he was always throwing at her. For some reason, the words sat uncomfortably on her tongue but she brushed it off. "Best friends show the cool spells they're working on."

"Drop it, Lily."

"Fine." Lily pretended to go back to reading. She watched from the corner of her eye as Severus relaxed and went back to work. Without pause she reached for the top parchment, grabbing it away before he registered what happened.

Her eyes quickly scanned the parchment, growing wider with every word.

"What the bloody fuck is this?" she asked, all teasing gone from her voice.

Severus went to snatch it back but Lily held it out of his reach.

"Nothing. Give it back."

"Is it what I think it is?"

"No. Just give it to me and I will explain."

"Explain why you're trying to create a spell that cuts people open?"

"Lily just—"

"Get out."

"Lily."

Lily ripped the paper to pieces, glaring at Severus who refused to leave. She took her wand and used it to set the bits on fire.

"I don't want to see you right now."

"If you'd just let me explain…"

"I will start yelling and get both of us kicked out right now."

"Fine. I'll go but promise me you'll let me explain later."

"Whatever. Just get out of my face."

Severus put his materials in his bag and stood up. "Promise me, Lily."

"I promise," Lily said, unsure if she meant those words or not.

Satisfied with her promise, Severus left the library without more ado, leaving a fuming and confused Lily to stir in her thoughts. She took a few deep breaths to calm down and when that didn't work, she folded her arms on the table and buried her head in them.

She stayed like that for quite some time, battling with herself as she tried to make sense of what just occurred. Rationally, Lily knew what it meant. She was smart enough to know that Severus had mostly future death eater friends, took too much pleasure mocking Petunia, and apparently tried to make awful, terrifying spells. If you added those things up, it would lead to the assumption that Severus was not the best person.

And yet.

Wasn't she, Lily Evans, a muggleborn? Surely, if he hated muggleborns as much as his friends did, he wouldn't constantly seek out Lily's companionship. He was the one who originally approached her and told her it didn't matter that her parents were muggles. She refused to believe that someone as caring and thoughtful as Severus could be as evil as all her friends said. There had to be a logical explanation for the spell she caught him working on. She couldn't think of one but that didn't mean it didn't exist.

"Tired, Evans?"

Lily groaned. James Potter was the second to last person Lily wanted to see at that moment.

"Go away Potter," she grumbled, keeping her head safely tucked in her arms.

"Are you okay?" The chair next to her scraped against the floor.

"I said go away," she said, lifting her face. He was a lot closer than she originally thought and it threw her off. His hazel eyes were staring at her with concern and she couldn't handle it. It was not the time for swooning. "What are you doing here?"

"Weren't we supposed to be studying together tonight?"

"Oh. Right, of course. Sorry." She sat up straighter and started to clear her Arithmancy stuff.

"You sure you're alright?"

"Yes. Let's get to work."

He didn't look convinced. Lily prayed that for once in his life Potter would learn how to let things go. He was so damn persistent.

"Why are we here anyway? It's so dark."

"What is this, twenty questions?"

Potter tilted his head in confusion but didn't ask another question. He merely transformed a spare quill into a candle, took his books out, and quietly set to work.

They worked in silence—or rather, Potter worked while Lily continued to brood over Severus—for fifteen minutes before Potter finally snapped. "Okay, tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing wrong, Potter."

"Bollocks," he said. "You haven't turned a single page since I got here and you've got a weird look on your face."

"My face looks fine, thank you very much." She could feel the residual anger from Severus building up again and she knew that poor Potter was going to be the unfortunate recipient of it if she couldn't control herself.

"Not arguing with you on that one, Evans. More than fine, if you ask me. But really, just tell me what's wrong."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Look, clearly something's got you upset, why don't you just—"

"Merlin, Potter! I don't want to talk to you about it, okay? You don't need to know every damn detail of my life!" she tried to keep her voice as low as possible but it was hard when her natural inclination was to scream.

"I'm not asking for every detail," he said. Lily could tell his temper was rising as well but he was much better at reigning it in. "But you're obviously upset about something and I want to help."

"Don't you get it, Potter? I don't want your help." Lily was so tempted to tell him everything—all her thoughts and fears that surrounded her slippery best friend—but she didn't want to see his smug face or hear his 'I told you so.' Because of course he would automatically think the worst of Severus. They hated each other.

"But I want to help you. You're always so closed off, maybe if you—"

"Fuck, Potter." He was never going to let this go. He was going to keep pushing until he got the information out of her and she couldn't have that. "Did it ever occur to you that I'm only closed off to you because I don't want you to know very much about me because I don't trust you?"

"You… don't trust me?"

She did. Maybe not with everything but she certainly trusted him with her life, loyal as he was. "No. I don't. Now, can we please move on and get back to work?"

He watched her cautiously. "Whatever, Evans. I'm not going to fight with you right now. I know you trust me so there's no point lying but if you want to pretend otherwise, go right ahead." He picked up his transfiguration book and continued reading, only speaking to explain harder-to-grasp theories.

o0o0o0o

James sprang out of his bed immediately. "What do you mean they got Evans?" he demanded. "Why wouldn't you mention that earlier?"

"Because I knew you'd react like this, you ponce," Sirius said. "You're completely irrational when it comes to Lily."

"Just because I care about her—"

"You want to race right on down to the Hospital Wing right now even though curfew's already started, don't you?"

"Of course I do! I have to make sure she's okay!" It wasn't like he hadn't broken curfew a million times before.

Remus and Peter were both tactfully pretending they weren't paying attention to the two boys; Peter went back to sorting through his cards and Remus was staring at an open page of a book.

"She's with Madame Pomfrey," he said coolly. "Your presence won't magically heal her, Prongs. And you're not even friends. I know you care about her but going down there is for your own selfish reasons, not some half-assed idea of nobility and chivalry. If you want to check on her, you can do so tomorrow at a normal time."

James wanted to argue more. Sirius certainly had a point that his urge to go there was to assuage his own anxiety but he didn't see why he shouldn't be allowed to. If anything, going when Lily was sleeping would be better because she need not even know he cared. Something in Sirius' eyes stopped James, though. There was nothing he could do for Lily at this point but his best friend was still shaken up about the entire affair and James couldn't leave him.

Taking a deep breath, James relaxed back onto his bed. He was glad to see that Sirius seemed to calm down when he realized James wasn't going anywhere.

Now that their argument over visiting Lily was over, though, Sirius went right back to fretting over his brother. James wished he could offer more help but the fact of the matter was, he had no idea what it must be like for Sirius. They would talk about it, occasionally, and usually only when Sirius was inebriated, but he didn't know what it was like having the kind of family Sirius did. So, he did the only thing he knew Sirius asked for when his family was involved and went for distracting him.

"Did you manage to do it," James asked.

"Do what?"

"Charm all the doors in the DADA corridor?"

Remus and Peter looked up from their fake activities, realizing things were finally calming down.

"You know," Sirius said slowly. "I don't think I did. Sad, that. I'll have to try again tomorrow."

"No, you should wait 'til we have her again. Class might get cancelled."

Sirius beamed at him. "Good plan. Then we won't have to fake an illness next time."

"Exactly. How could you overlook such an obvious flaw in your original plan?"

"Eh, you know me. I didn't have a plan. I thought of an idea so I did it, no thinking involved."

James pretended to sigh. "How many times do we have to go over this?" He threw Sirius a pointed look. "This is why you have to come to me with your ideas, Padfoot."

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It was too quiet when James finally woke up the next morning. His alarm clock didn't wake him up, so he assumed it was still early but there was no snoring Peter to confirm his suspicions. He sleepily pushed his curtains open and grabbed his glasses off his nightstand. All the other beds were empty.

James glanced at his watch and jumped out of bed immediately. It was nearly 8; if he rushed, he could grab a quick breakfast before heading to Transfiguration. Skipping his shower, he got dressed in his school robes, brushed his teeth, and sprayed extra cologne.

He showed up a couple minutes late to class and muttered a quick 'Sorry' to Professor McGonagall before taking his seat next to Sirius.

"Why didn't you wake me up, you wanker," James whispered, keeping his eye on McGonagall.

"Thought you could use the extra rest," Sirius muttered back. Mary was at the table in front of them, the seat beside her empty, valiantly trying to stay awake.

"You turned my alarm off."

"Oops?"

"I hate you all."

James took out his parchment and quill and spent the rest of class taking very extensive notes. If Lily couldn't be in class, the least he could do was make sure she got the next best thing. It was double transfiguration, too, which meant she was missing a lot.

"Mr. Potter, would you mind staying behind? I'd like to talk to you about something." Professor McGonagall said after class ended. Figuring it had something to do with his tardiness, James nodded and walked to her desk.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Professor, I—"

"It's quite alright, Potter. I noticed you weren't at breakfast either and assumed you were with Miss Evans at the Hospital Wing."

He wasn't but if that would get him out of a detention, then sure.

"Er, then what did you want to talk about, Professor?"

"Miss Evans has been doing a lot better in my class recently and Professor Flitwick mentioned you were doing better in charms. Have the two of you put away your petty differences and started tutoring each other again?"

"How did you…?"

"Professors aren't as oblivious as students would like to believe, Mr. Potter."

"Right."

"I know it's a bit imprudent, bringing this up when Miss Evans is injured but if you're to start it, it really must be soon. We were hoping to start a tutoring system within Hogwarts and wanted you and Lily to be in charge of it."

James' mouth opened in surprise. "What?"

"You would have to make sign-up sheets for each of the houses; Miss Evans could distribute them to the other houses' prefects. It would be your responsibility to match up tutor and student and figure out a way to ensure everyone is attending their sessions."

"Why us? Wouldn't it make more sense to have the Heads do this or something?"

"The Head Boy and Girl have enough responsibilities to worry about. It should be noted, though, that this would help both of your chances at getting the Heads position for next year."

James was at a loss for words. He couldn't tell if she was being serious about the Head Boy thing. "Come off it," he said, forgetting who he was talking to. "I'm never getting Head Boy."

"You are an incredibly strong contender, Mr. Potter. You are exceptionally bright, hard-working, and have proven to be a capable captain. I see no reason why you shouldn't be."

"I'm not even a prefect," James protested. A small smile was forcing its way onto his face; he was convinced she was pulling his leg. "And I've racked up more detentions than every other student combined."

"I will admit, your previous antics work against you but the other professors see potential in you. I certainly think you would be a perfectly apt Head Boy."

James wasn't the blushing type—in fact, he only ever seemed to blush when Lily was involved—but James felt his face heating up at McGonagall's praise. He had a tremendous amount of respect for the witch and to hear her have so much confidence in him made him prouder than he would ever admit.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"I'll let you think about it but I expect a response by the end of the week."

"Yes ma'am," James said, giving her a small salute. He rushed out before she could fluster him even more and headed to the Hospital Wing.

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She was sleeping when he finally arrived. Billy was lazily doing homework in the chair next to her and looked up when he heard James approaching.

"What are you doing here," Billy asked but James paid him no mind. All he could see were her arms, neck, and face but there were cuts all over them. He could only imagine what the rest of her body looked like. He felt sick as he took a seat on the other side of her.

"What happened?" he asked, not bothering to take his eyes off the resting girl. He knew, of course, the basics but he only got a disjointed, angry retelling from Sirius. James needed to know the truth and if the only person who could tell him was 'Goatman' then so be it.

"I'm not sure. I only got to see her for a few minutes before class and she wasn't really up to talking about it. All I know is what's been flying around school."

James nodded. Neither said anything after that. The scratching of the quill indicated Billy went back to his work.

James never liked the smell of the hospital wing. It smelled too clean and had this weird, strong scent he couldn't identify. That never stopped him from visiting though. After Remus mentioned once how lonely it could be, staying in the hospital wing alone, James made sure to visit everyone he knew who landed themselves a bed in the place.

"Madame Pomfrey said earlier that she's healing well," Billy finally said after a few minutes.

"That's…good. I guess."

They lapsed back into silence only this time, James felt incredibly awkward. He could only imagine what Billy must think of him, staring at his girlfriend with so much pain and anger and whatever else he was feeling at the moment. It was hard to believe that just last night he was being so bitter and jealous about them going for a walk together.

"Wait," he said a bit too loudly, causing Billy to jump. He glanced at Pomfrey's office but she didn't come out to scold him. "I thought you were with her. Where the hell were you when they attacked her?"

"She had just dropped me off at Ravenclaw and was probably on her way back from there."

"You let her wander around Hogwarts at night? Are you daft?"

"I didn't have a choice, did I? The bloody woman is too damn stubborn for her own good."

James couldn't argue with that one. He wasn't letting this issue go, though. "So you pretend to be dropped off and follow her until she's safe!"

"What? You're mental, Potter."

"She's a muggleborn! Surely a Ravenclaw like you would be smart enough know what's going on right now."

"The anti-muggleborn movement, you mean?"

"It's not safe for people like her. It should be and one day I know it will be but right now it's not. And letting her traipse through the halls alone is asking for trouble. She likes to pretend nothing bad will ever happen to her but that's not the reality."

"You should lower your voice, Potter," Billy said icily. "Wouldn't want to wake up your little crush."

"Nice try," James said, but his voice was indeed much softer. "But you can't change the subject so easily. You were wrong and you know it."

"Let's get one thing straight. I am Lily's boyfriend. She hasn't said a single thing about you the entire time I've known her so she clearly doesn't think of you very often. You have no right to come in here and boss me around. Lily wanted to walk by herself, so I let her. Maybe you would have done things differently if you were dating her but you're not."

James stared at the boy incredulously. He found it hard to believe that Goatman was being so weirdly protective and jealous when James was only concerned for the girl's safety. It had nothing to do with his feelings toward her and everything to do with the fact that she was unconscious in the hospital wing with cuts everywhere.

"I never said she was anything but your girlfriend," James said. "But your way of boyfriend-ing has landed her here."

"This was not my fault. It wasn't Lily's either. It was the people who attacked her."

"I know but I can't yell at them, can I?"

Billy sighed and slumped further into his chair. "No," he admitted. "And neither can I. I'm sorry I got so angry, I know you and Lily are just mates."

James blinked in surprise. "And I'm sorry I blamed you," James said, though he wasn't entirely sorry. "I bet Lily would have broken up with you if you tried to follow her."

"Yeah," Billy laughed. "She would."

They fell into a forced conversation about classes and quidditch, both of them trying their best to ignore the injured girl laying between them. James wasn't sure how he felt getting all chummy with Lily's boyfriend. On the one hand, it was nice to know that he actually was a decent guy and James trusted him well enough to treat her right. On the other hand, James hated that Billy was a decent guy and wished he could find something overbearingly wrong him so Lily would dump him.

Eventually, lunch time ended and Billy needed to get to his class.

"I have free now," James responded to Billy's questioning look. "I'll probably give her another ten minutes to wake and then I'll head out of here too."

Billy nodded and headed toward the door. "Thanks for keeping me company. You missed all of lunch…"

"So did you," James pointed out. "Besides, I have other ways of getting lunch in."

"Ah, right. Marauder, and all that."

James grinned and gave a final nod before bringing his attention back to Lily. Now that Billy was gone there was nothing to distract him from staring at all the markings on her skin. It unnerved him, yet he couldn't look away.

He glanced at his watch—only five minutes had passed. He wanted to stick to word and wait another five minutes before leaving but he couldn't take it any longer. Gathering his things, he rose and started to the door.

"Potter?"

James spun around and locked eyes with Lily.

"Evans." He floated toward her and sat back down.

"I was wondering when you would visit," she said. "All your friends visited this morning."

"They did?" he asked. So, not only did they not wake him up, but they must have visited her before breakfast.

"Yeah. What time is it now? Shouldn't you be in class?"

"It's a free for me."

"Ah. Well, thanks for being here. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was all alone. It wasn't enjoyable."

"How are you feeling?" he asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest. He knew he should have snuck down there last night.

"Weird. I'm in pain but Pomfrey has me on some kind of potion so it's sort of numbed down. Anyway, do you know who's bringing me my notes and homework? I haven't—"

"I have them. I made sure to pay extra attention for you."

"Oh." She looked surprised. "You didn't have to do that. I thought Marlene or Mary would…"

"I know but we're study buddies and Mary was sleeping in transfiguration so I figured it'd be best if I do it."

"Oh. Well, thanks." James passed her Lily's books he got from her friends and the notes he took in class.

"Also, McGonagall tracked me down after class and asked if we would be interested in starting a tutoring club. We don't have to talk about it now but I thought I'd let you know."

"Wait, really?" she asked excitedly.

"Would I lie?"

"No, but that's good isn't it? Did she tell you why? Tell me everything."

James was taken aback by how happy the news made her; he saw the task as another thing he would have to worry about. He went over the entire conversation, loving the way she was absorbing his every word.

"She really thinks I have a shot at head girl?"

"You're joking."

"I mean, I knew I must be in the running at the very least but still…"

"Lily, the position is practically yours. I don't see what you're stressing about."

"I'm not stressing."

"Definitely stressing."

"Shut up. I'm injured. You should be nice to me."

James rolled his eyes at how immature she could be. "Speaking of injuries, what exactly happened?"

Lily's face fell. "A bunch of Slytherins ganged up on me. I must have sent at least two of them to the hospital wing as well and probably would have beaten them but then… well, it doesn't matter because Black got me here and Madame Pomfrey says there shouldn't be any scarring so it all works out, right?"

"What the hell did they hit you with? I've never even heard of a spell that does this."

"I don't know," she said, shifting uncomfortably in her bed. James immediately shot out of his chair and reached a hand over to help her. "I'm fine," she muttered.

"You didn't hear what they said?"

"No, alright? Just drop it."

"Do you at least know which one did it?"

"I'm not really sure, probably Avery. It wasn't Regulus, if that's what you were getting at. I already told Sirius not to worry."

James relaxed at that. It stung, again, hearing that his friends visited without him but he pushed that aside. "And you're absolutely sure you don't know the spell? Did Pomfrey recognize it at least?"

"No, she didn't."

"I'm assuming you already told Dumbledore what happened, right? Did he seem like he knew?"

"Potter, just stop. No one knows what the damn spell was."

"Why are you getting so defensive?"

"I'm not! You're being difficult."

"I'm just concerned about you."

"Well, stop. No one asked you to be. I don't even know why you're here, it's not like we're friends."

"Oh, cut the crap, Evans," James said, trying not to get too angry with her. He figured it had something to do with the curse, or maybe even the potions she mentioned earlier but she was being especially unreasonable. "You can't keep using that same line with me. We see each other every day."

"We study together, Potter. Don't mistake that as willingness to see you. You're just a frustratingly good teacher."

"So, if the spots were reversed, you wouldn't visit me in the hospital wing?" James raised an eyebrow at her, sure he had caught her.

She looked him straight in the eye and said, "I probably wouldn't, no."

James searched her face, trying to find any hint that she was lying or joking or something but she looked genuinely serious. "I guess I'm not as heartless as you are then."

"Just because we're not friends doesn't mean I'm heartless. Merlin, you're just as conceited as you used to be."

There were very few times when James ever got angry with Lily. Frustrated? Yes. Annoyed? Absolutely. But angry? The only other time he could recall being mad at her was when she ignored him during O.W.L.'s week, but even then, he came up with excuses for her. He was done with excuses.

"I may be conceited but at least I have friends. You refuse to let people in and then mope around when there's no one to talk to! You're nice and all Evans, but you're an absolute shit friend. I feel bad for Marlene and Mary. Even Billy."

"How dare you! I don't let people in? No Potter, I don't let you in. It's just you because we are not, never were and never will be, friends!" She took a calming breath before continuing in a cold voice, "we are just two people who need to work together to get top grades."

James glared at her. He thought back to all the previous times she said they weren't friends. Funny, how it hurt so much more now even though she'd mention it on numerous occasion. If James really thought about it, he didn't consider her a friend until he realized he fancied her. After that, he spent every moment that they talked trying to charm her. But that didn't mean that he didn't consider her a friend. He told her plenty of stuff about his life, so long as it didn't incriminate him or his friends, and joked with her and wanted her happiness. That's what friends did. But he'd been so busy trying to be her friend he never really thought about her own feelings toward him. She basically admitted to hating him last year; how could he have forgotten that so easily?

"Fine," he said, getting ready to walk away. He had no idea why Madame Pomfrey hadn't shooed him away by now but he wasn't going to risk being there any longer. "If that's really how you feel then I won't bother you again. Sorry."

"Potter—"

"Don't worry about it, Evans. I get it. We're not friends and we don't have to be. We just tutor each other, it's not a big deal."

James stalked out of the room, determined to stop thinking about Lily Evans once and for all.

A/N: Sorry this took so long. My only defense is I hate angst and this chapter was basically only angst. Ugh. Next chapter will be much happier, promise! As usual, thanks for all the reviews and love. You guys are the best.

ALSO, because I don't want anyone getting angry about it, Snape was NOT the one who attacked her. He wasn't even there. I might not like him very much, but even I can admit he'd never do that to Lily…