"Guys eh! Guys eh! Guys eh! So I know we're in the middle of a musical or some alien battle or something, and I know we still have Sergeant Dillon somewhere in our ship (we should really do something about that), but I have some wonderful news eh!"
"What's going on?" Captain America asked.
"It's…wait for it…pause for the dramatic effect…it's…it's…"
"Just tell us what's going on." Tony demanded.
"IT'S CANADA DAYYYY!" Nick Maple shouted.
"Canada Day? What's that?" Natasha asked.
"Is this some human tradition?" Thor questioned.
"Hulk smash?"
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CANADA DAY IS!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CANADA DAY WAS UNTIL THIS MORNING, BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT IT IS BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER AND I DON'T KNOW WHY NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT!"
"Calm down Maple, just tell us what this Canada Day thing is." Captain America said.
"Canada Day is a glorious day in which Canadians everywhere celebrate the glorious birth of the glory of our glorious nation of glory, moose, maple syrup, and hockey eh."
"Does he remember he's not actually from Canada?" Tony whispered to Steve.
"Just let him have his fun."
"The tradition of Canada Day began when Canada itself was born eh. The settlers who would go on to become the first people of our glorious nation discovered Canada on a Tuesday eh. It was a nice Tuesday filled with lots of moose eh. These moose led the settlers to the mysterious land of Canada, where they discovered even more moose eh. The other moose were moose, so the settlers loved them eh. They discovered to settle in Canada so they could live among the moose eh. This is why the moose are our brothers eh. They taught the settlers the way of 'eh' eh. For in legends, the moose are the creators of the word 'eh' eh. These moose trusted the first Canadians with the knowledge of 'eh', in hopes that they would never abuse its power eh."
"What is this story?" Natasha asked.
"On Wednesday, just one day after the nation of Canada was found and the moose taught us the ways of 'eh', one of the settlers discovered a tree eh. This tree was a special tree eh. It was a maple syrup tree eh. Instead of leaves, maple syrup itself grew from the branches of this sacred tree eh."
"Does he know that's not how maple syrup works?" Tony asked.
"Probably not." Sergeant Dillon said.
"Oh, you are still here. We can use you in the musical." Tony said.
"Why me." Dillon added.
"The settler decided to keep the tree hidden from the others, in fear that they would tell the moose about the tree and then the moose would get mad at him eh. The moose would never get mad, because they are Canadian and Canadians are never mad, but the settler did not know this eh. He used the power of eh to destroy the maple syrup tree, so no one would ever find it eh. The moose gods knew what he had done as soon as he destroyed the tree, so they started apologizing to him. Instead of apologizing to them, he shouted 'eh' at them eh. The gods stopped apologizing and decided that the settler did not belong in the holy land of Canada eh. So they sent him to Alaska with the penguins eh. He lived in peace with them eh."
"Do penguins live in Alaska?" Dillon asked.
"No clue." Tony replied.
"And this is how the great land of Canada was born eh!"
"Maple, that story didn't really make much sense." Captain America said. "And it's nowhere near as great as the history of America."
"Canada is so much better than America eh! Sorry for getting mad but it is eh!"
"No."
"Yes."
"America."
"Canada."
"USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!"
"Hey, this chapter is way too long, let's go back to the musical." Captain Tennessee said.
"But it's Canada Day, we needed to do a Canada Day special." Said Captain Maryland.
"This chapter is 700 words though. That's way too many words for this story."
"True. Let's just say America is better."
"Aw." Said Captain Maple.
"VICTORY!" Captain America yelled.