It was a three hour boat ride to the nearest town away from Setauket. Ben hated that they had put Elizabeth on a separate boat from his own. It had been two long years and they were separated again. His father saw that his son was fighting some sort of internal battle and he was pretty confident that he knew why.
"Benjamin," he started. Ben snapped out of his thoughts and looked to his father. "There is something that you need to know. You won't take it well."
"I know, father," Ben cut him off. "The redcoats made her do it. I know that."
"That's not it," his father replied sadly. Ben suddenly felt anxious to know his father's news. "You will find her much changed since you left her."
"I didn't-" the Reverend held up a hand to stop his son.
"Mr. Brooks was a cruel man. He intended for Elizabeth to give up any fighting spirit she once had. But he didn't do it slowly. He didn't wait for her to give up gradually. He beat it out of her."
"You mean," Ben didn't want to imagine.
"It was vicious and it did a wonder on her. When she stepped up to take our place yesterday, she didn't do it only to save her father and the rest of us, she did it because she knew they would kill her. And watching her father die like that, I shudder to think of what thoughts she is having." Ben sat down suddenly and put his head in his hands. She was giving up. He remembered her telling him that she would wait for him as long as she could. He never imagined she would reach the point where she couldn't wait any longer.
"But Benjamin," Reverend Tallmadge offered his son a hand. "I didn't tell you this to upset you. I told you because there are only two people on this Earth that can help her now and it will have to be together. Be patient, Benjamin but know that if anyone is going to help her, it's you and Caleb." Ben let the information sink in. He looked to his right at the boat that carried Elizabeth. He could see what his father was saying about her having changed. She looked sad and worn and he didn't dare think about her looking, or being, beat up. He saw Caleb holding one of her delicate hands in his but it didn't seem to be a gesture she reciprocated. Instead she looked at the water.
The rest of the boat ride was agony for Ben. He wanted only to return to Elizabeth but even once they had reached the shore, he had his own duties to attend to first. It wasn't until the evening that he found himself with some free time.
He headed off to find Elizabeth's tent and ran into a morose Caleb. He forgot for a moment his urgency to see Elizabeth to embrace his friend. Lukas had been the only parental figure Caleb had left and now he was gone too. Perhaps it was better, he thought, that Elizabeth and Caleb had ridden to shore together. They had that time to mourn together.
"Something's horridly wrong with Elizabeth," Caleb said after a time.
"My father said something like that to me," Ben replied.
"It can't be her," Caleb added. "She's so sad and quiet. If she ever laughs again, it may be a miracle." Ben nodded.
"I need to see her," he said.
"Be careful with her," Caleb warned. "I'm afraid she may crumble or melt into the floor." Ben embraced his friend once more and rushed off to find Elizabeth.
He entered her tent cautiously but it didn't matter as she sat with her back to the entryway. It reminded him of the day of her mother's funeral but she didn't seem to be crying this time. He suspected that she stopped crying long ago.
Ben didn't know how to proceed so he simply sat next to her as he had all those years ago. But instead of leaning into him, she shrunk away and pulled her knees to her chest.
"I'm sorry about your father," he said softly. He instantly thought about how ridiculous a thing that was to say. Of course he was sorry but that sure wasn't going to bring him back.
"I'm sorry about Samuel," he heard her whisper. He was surprised to hear her speak but silently relished this small victory. It was short lived, however, as the uncomfortable silence returned. They sat in a prolonged state of unease until Ben could no longer take it.
"Please, Elizabeth, say something. Anything. Tell me you hate me if you must but say something." He saw a tear roll down her cheek and he reached up to wipe it away. She shrunk back once again and he cursed himself for being so forward.
"Why," she stammered out. "Why are you being so kind to me? You should hate me." Ben couldn't believe his ears. He should hate her? If anything she should despise him, in fact he feared that on some level she did.
"I could never hate you," he responded hoping she would look up and see the honesty in his eyes. She didn't though, so he continued. "You have been so brave and strong and I was the coward who ran. I should have stayed with you in Setauket and faced what was coming by your side. I should have..." He trailed off when she finally looked up at him.
"Following your heart is not cowardly," she said in a small voice.
"If I had followed my heart, I would have married you a long time ago." She once again returned her gaze to her feet. He noticed that any mention of them together made her uncomfortable. His heart broke as he thought of the possible reasons why. Only one seemed probable in his mind.
"If you no longer love me as I love you," he swallowed tears, "I will understand." Her head shot back up and when he saw, not guilt, but shock in her face, he felt the slightest bit comforted.
"Ben," she whispered fighting to get out the words she wanted to say. "Ben, I could never stop loving you. You have to know that."
"Then what is wrong?" he inquired.
"I don't deserve you," she replied almost inaudibly. "Or Caleb. Or anyone for that matter but least of all you." Ben felt as if he had just been kicked in the gut. How could she think such a thing?
"You deserve so much better than me," Ben said. Elizabeth pulled back into her shell and resumed her gaze at the ground.
"You do yourself an injustice, Major," she replied. He moved to say something in response when their exchange was interrupted.
"General Washington wishes to see you, Major Tallmadge," a younger soldier announced.
"Thank you," he said as he nodded to the young soldier. He looked at Elizabeth but her gaze was away from him and she looked as if her mind was a thousand miles from the camp. He stood up to follow the soldier but stopped a moment and turned to Elizabeth.
"If you are feeling up to it, I would be delighted to have you join me at dinner in the house," he offered and she nodded her acknowledgement. He knew it was a long shot but he wanted to try.