Author's Note: So I had hoped to have this posted sooner than today but life has kept me busy the last few days. I didn't actually intend for this chapter to be as long as it is but my fingers just couldn't stop typing. Thank you guys for the amazing response to the last chapter. The reviews and story alerts and favorites seriously make my day, so please let me know what you think about this one.
Rachel nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a knock on her dressing room door. She didn't know how long she had been sitting in that same position after she had asked Jesse to leave but it felt like hours. She looked at herself in the mirror, and satisfied with the showface she was able to plaster on, she walked over to the door and opened it.
She was immediately swept up in a hug by one of her dads while her other dad, Kurt and his boyfriend, Daniel, all cheered excitedly. She looked around for Donovan as Kurt enveloped her in his arms, squeezing her tightly. Then she saw Donovan off to the side, not celebrating with her friends and parents.
"Oh my God, Rachel, that was just…" Kurt exclaimed. "I'm just speechless. It was so amazing. You were so amazing."
She felt the elation that she'd had before she and Jesse had kissed finally start to return as she celebrated with everyone. Donovan approached her with a forced smile on his face, she refused to let him bring down her mood. So she tried to pretend that the smile on his face was genuine.
"Congratulations," he said quietly, before placing a quick kiss on her lips and hugging her briefly.
"Thanks," she replied, forcing a bright smile on her face as she looked at him once they pulled apart. She turned and looked at her daddy who she still had not hugged. He had such a look of pride as he wrapped his arms around Rachel and picked her up in a big hug.
"I'm just so proud and lucky to call you my little girl," he whispered before placing a kiss on her cheek. "You were so wonderful." Rachel felt tears prick the corner of her eyes as she and her daddy held onto each other tightly.
"I love you daddy," she whispered back, kissing him on the cheek as he finally set her back down on the ground. He handed her a large bouquet of flowers before taking his husband's hand in his.
"I was hoping to see Jesse back here so I could congratulate him on such a fantastic performance," her dad said, looking around the hallway for Jesse.
"I'm sure he's getting changed so he can head over to the after-party," Rachel told him nonchalantly, hoping that her voice or face didn't betray her. "Which I actually need to do."
"Of course, honey. We'll wait for you outside," her daddy said before leaning down and kissing her on the cheek one more time. She glanced over at Donovan who she couldn't believe had still only said one word to her this entire time. Anger began to slowly build inside of her as she hugged him and told him she would see him outside in a bit, and the only response she got was a nod.
Rachel walked into her dressing room and leaned against the door as she shut it, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She resolved to not let Donovan and his inability to not make every little thing about him get to her and ruin her night. If he wanted to be juvenile and act like a complete jerk then that was his prerogative.
As for Jesse, she had almost completely forgotten about the after-party. She knew it was going to be hard but she needed to try and forget what had happened in the privacy of her dressing room. At least for tonight. She needed to act normal, like nothing had changed. Like nothing had happened. She hoped that she would be able to pull it off.
Forty-five minutes later, as they walked towards the restaurant where the after-party was being held, Rachel tugged on Donovan's arm as she slowed almost to a halt in order to get out of earshot of her friends and family. "You know you're an actor Donovan, the least you could do is act excited for me," she hissed.
"I am happy for you," he replied. His response was so unconvincing that Rachel thought that maybe his terrible acting skills were the reason he hadn't been cast in a lead role yet. She wanted to feel bad for even having such a thought about her fiancée, but she just couldn't. Especially not after the way he had been acting, not just tonight, but lately.
"Just do me a favor, try to be a little more convincing than that at the party," she said with disgust, and she let go of his arm and rushed up to walk with Kurt and Daniel.
Squeezing in between the two of them, she linked arms with both of them. "Have I told you both how happy I am that you're celebrating this night with me?" she asked, smiling up at them.
"There was no way we were going to miss this one," Daniel said, bumping her lightly.
"Especially with Jesse St. James as your co-star," Kurt teased as he leaned towards her conspiratorially which caused Rachel to shoot him a death glare.
"I still can't believe you used to date him way back in high school," Daniel remarked. Rachel noticed Kurt lightly shaking his head at Daniel as if he should not have said anything. "It's a small world."
"It really is," Rachel agreed.
"What?" Daniel asked, looking at Kurt who was still shaking his head.
Kurt looked behind them to see Donovan was still out of earshot. "Donovan doesn't know anything about Jesse and Rachel pre-Broadway," he explained in a hushed tone.
"How can he not know? I mean surely your dads have slipped up," Daniel said.
"Well, we haven't spent much time with my dads over the years but no, they've never slipped up," she told him.
"What are you going to do if some journalist finds out when they're doing a story about the two Tony-nominated leads of the most successful musical Broadway has seen in years?" Kurt asked.
Rachel couldn't help but smile at Kurt's prediction for the show and her and Jesse, but she had also wondered and worried about some journalist digging up her past. "I'd really rather not think about that right at this moment."
"Fair enough," Kurt agreed. "So I talked to Mercedes the other day and she told me to tell you how happy she is for you and that when she can get some time off she's coming to New York to see the show," Kurt said, changing the subject.
"How is Mercedes?" Rachel asked about her old New Directions team mate. For the next block or so, until they reached the restaurant, they chatted about Mercedes and how life was treating her back in Ohio.
The moment they walked into the party, without even realizing what she was doing, Rachel scanned the crowd to find Jesse. When she did find him, he was already looking at her and he smiled as their eyes met. Her heart skipped a beat as she returned his smile.
As she and Jesse continued to stare at one another across the room – not unlike their fictional counterparts had done earlier in the evening – her vision was suddenly filled with the face of the show's director. "Rachel!" he exclaimed happily.
Rachel let go of Kurt and Daniel and greeted the man, air kissing both cheeks. "Is this your family?" he asked, looking around at the men surrounding Rachel.
"It is. Well, family and friends," she replied, smiling proudly. "This is my very best friend from high school, Kurt Hummel," introducing Kurt who was the closest.
"Very nice to meet you, Kurt. Edward Russell," the director said, shaking Kurt's hand. Rachel then proceeded to introduce the director to Daniel, then her dads and finally Donovan.
"Ah, the fiancée," he winked good-naturedly at Donovan who merely managed a thin smile. "You've got one special woman here, Donovan," Edward said, putting his arm around Rachel's shoulders and squeezing lightly. Donovan started to smile genuinely until Edward carried on his praise of Rachel, "She's going to be one of biggest and brightest stars that Broadway has ever seen. Tony awards, accolades, people fighting over casting her in their show. She's going to be an unstoppable force."
Rachel saw the smile start to slip on Donovan's face as he listened to Edward, but he managed to recover and smile even bigger. The smile didn't reach his eyes. Rachel hated him in that moment. She had never realized how much her success had wounded his pride until she saw his reaction to Edward's praise.
Moments later, Edward excused himself and Rachel introduced her friends and family to some of her other cast mates that were nearby. They had been at the party for nearly half an hour when Jesse finally approached the small group. He had wanted to give Rachel her space after his lapse in judgment earlier. He hadn't wanted to do that to her, put her in that position but in that moment, in her dressing room, it had felt… right.
"Sorry to interrupt," Jesse said, standing next to Rachel. "I just wanted to come over and say hi." Rachel looked up at him, her eyes wide with slight panic. He knew that Donovan was unaware of their history so he wouldn't know that Jesse already knew everyone except Kurt's boyfriend, so he played along for Rachel's sake.
"Hi, I'm Jesse St. James," he said, sticking his hand out to her dad in greeting and shaking it. At first her dads both looked at Jesse, puzzled by the reintroduction but quickly recovered when they saw the look on their daughter's face. Rachel seemed to relax a bit as Jesse introduced himself to everyone.
"You know, we're big fans, Jesse," her daddy said.
"Rachel's told me," he replied, looking at Rachel who only smiled at him weakly. He deflated just a bit. This was what he had been afraid of the moment their lips had parted. The awkwardness. He wondered if anyone else noticed.
"I have to say," Kurt chimed in, "that this is my favorite role that you've done. It was like the lead roles were written for you and Rachel to play them."
"Well, Rachel helps make my job very easy," he told the small group.
"Now Jesse's just being modest," Rachel finally piped up, trying to be as natural as possible. "Which I didn't even know he had that in him until now," she teased. Everyone laughed, including Jesse.
"Gee, thanks. See what I have to put up with?" he joked, turning to Rachel's dads. Just then a photographer approached Jesse and Rachel.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but can I borrow you two for a bit? We just wanted to get some shots of you for the paper," the photographer asked.
"Sure," both Jesse and Rachel agreed. Jesse told everyone in Rachel's group how great it was to meet them and how he hoped to see them all again soon before excusing himself to go take some photos with Rachel. As soon as they were standing where the photographer wanted them, Jesse slung his arm around Rachel's shoulder, pulling her into him. He felt her body tense at the contact.
He didn't know about Rachel but it was like an electric current was pulsing through his body where his fingertips brushed against the bare skin of her arm as they both smiled for the photo.
Rachel felt like her skin was fire where Jesse touched her arm. Her body was humming at being in close proximity to his once again. She thought her heart might beat out of her chest it was thumping so hard. She continued to smile for a few more photos before the photographer thanked them and walked away.
Jesse let go of her and took a small step away from her. "Rachel, listen…" he began.
"Not tonight, Jesse. Okay?" she asked him gently, hoping that he wouldn't persist.
"Yeah, sure," he agreed. "Go hang out with your family." He managed a small smile before he went off to find Thomas. Rachel just stood there and watched as he made his way through the crowd and fought the overwhelming urge to go after him.
Kurt looked over towards where Rachel and Jesse had been taking photos and noticed Rachel standing there all alone. She had been acting strangely all night and he needed to know what was wrong. So he walked over to where she was, and pulled Rachel off to the side so they could have some privacy. "What's going on with you?"
She looked around to make sure that no one was within earshot. "Jesse and I kissed," she confessed.
"Yeah, everyone in the theater saw that Rachel. It was pretty intense," he replied with a smirk.
She looked at him as if to say "really?" which wiped the smirk right off his face. "After the show, we were in my dressing room and he kissed me…and I…kissed him back," she explained, unable to look Kurt in the eyes.
"Rachel, he's married and you're engaged," Kurt said, pointing out the obvious.
"I am aware of that, Kurt," she retorted, irritably.
Kurt held his hands up in surrender. "Just stating the facts." He didn't say anything more in hopes that Rachel would just explain.
"We've been spending a lot time together. Jesse and I," she explained.
"Uh huh," Kurt prodded needing more than that from her.
"And we've grown really close. He's still the boy I knew in so many ways, but… he's just such a wonderful man, Kurt," she gushed, only to blush furiously as she realized how she was talking about a man that was only supposed to be her friend and co-star. Nothing more.
Kurt raised his eyebrows in amusement at Rachel then he placed his hands on her shoulders so she would look at him. "You know I love you and you are my best friend, right?" Rachel nodded as she looked up at him and smiled, unshed tears filling her eyes. "I will always support you no matter what. Just be careful." He kissed her on the cheek before he wrapped his arms around her in a hug, letting Rachel take deep breaths to try and keep herself from crying.
When he felt her relax, he released her from his arms and they went to find the rest of their group.
Having said good-bye to Kurt, Daniel and her dads after they left the party, Rachel noticed Donovan eyeing her suspiciously as they waited on the curb for a taxi. "What?" she asked, exasperated.
"It's interesting," Donovan replied, cryptically.
"What's interesting?" She was so irritated by him right now. He had done everything he could to ruin a fabulous night for her and she'd had to put on a showface to hide the cracks in their relationship from everyone around them at the party.
"You hang out with Jesse for weeks like you two are old drinking buddies from college, yet here tonight you hardly said two words to him," he remarked, a little too casually for Rachel's liking.
She felt the panic rise up in her chest. She was not a cheater. She had never been a cheater. Yet here she was, a cheater. Rachel was about to reply when Donovan suddenly said, "You hate him don't you."
"What?" Slightly taken aback by his statement. "No, I don't hate him," she replied, nearly breathing a sigh of relief that Donovan thought that she just disliked Jesse.
"Rachel, you can be honest with me. It's not like I'll ever tell him. His ego is actually bigger than you thought and it turns out that he's a complete dick, right?" Rachel didn't know whether to be completely pissed off that this was the first time all evening that he was even actively engaged in a conversation or that the conversation that he was so engaged in was about him thinking that Jesse was a complete jerk.
"No, Donovan, that's not it," she sighed in frustration as a taxi pulled up in front of them. She yanked open the door and got inside the taxi, giving the driver the address of their apartment.
"Well, then what's your problem?" Donovan asked as he got into the cab and shut the door.
"Really, Donovan? You want to talk about barely saying two words all night?" she turned to him angrily. "I asked you before we even got to the after-party to please act as though you were happy and excited for me, but you couldn't even do that much."
"Please Rachel, everyone there was singing your praises. Did you really need me to add to it?" he sneered.
"It would just be nice if every once in awhile you would support me rather than resent me for what I'm doing," she retorted.
"I do support you. I was there tonight, wasn't I?" he spat bitterly. "Do you need me to stroke your ego for you now too?"
"You're such a fucking asshole," she hissed. "I don't want you to do anything for me." Turning toward the front of the cab she said, "Excuse me sir, you'll be making two stops." She gave him the address for Kurt's apartment.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me, Rachel," Donovan scoffed as she sat back and turned to look out the window. They sat there in silence for a few moments. "Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?"
"I have nothing to say to you right now," Rachel said in disgust, not bothering to turn around to look at him. Then Rachel ignored him until the cab stopped in front of Kurt's building.
"Unbelievable," Donovan huffed as she opened the door to get out. Without saying a word to him, Rachel slammed the cab door and walked towards the entrance to the building. She breathed a sigh of relief and let the tears fall as she heard the cab pull away just before she walked into the lobby.
The concierge recognized her and told her that she could go on up to Kurt's apartment. Once she was upstairs, she knocked on Kurt's door softly. "Rachel," he said in surprise as he opened the door to find her standing there.
He took in her tear-stained cheeks as she looked up at him with tears continuing to fall from her eyes. "Can I stay here for a few days?" she asked pitifully.
"Do you even have to ask," he responded before pulling her into his apartment and wrapping his arms around her tightly, letting her cry.
For the next couple of days, the only words that Rachel and Jesse spoke to each other were the words of their characters. They had become an integral part of each other's lives again in such a short span of time, and now the virtual lack of communication between them was killing them both, especially Rachel. Ever since her fight with Donovan she'd been staying with Kurt and every time she saw Jesse she wanted to tell him everything but she just couldn't. Not with the way things were between them.
Rachel finally decided that she and Jesse needed to talk. They needed to get over the awkwardness since their kiss. As she was walking down the hall backstage towards his dressing room, she ran into him.
"Hey, I was just coming to find you," he said with an unsure smile.
"Yeah, we need to talk," she replied, then looked around the backstage area nervously. "But not here."
"We can go to my dressing room," he told her. So she followed him to his dressing room and once inside, closed the door behind her gingerly. "You first," he said, sitting down on the couch.
She wasn't sure if she should sit down as well or stay where she was. "You can sit down, you know," Jesse said, interrupting her thoughts. "I won't bite." Then with a bemused expression he added, "Or kiss you, if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm so glad you find this all so amusing," she exclaimed dramatically as she sat down on the other end of the couch. She was glad when he looked at her contritely. "I want things between us to go back to the way they were before opening night."
She expected him to at least think about what she had said. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that," he replied almost immediately, much to her dismay.
"Why?" She felt herself begin to panic.
"Because I can't pretend to just be your friend anymore," Jesse explained. "I can't." When she didn't say anything he continued. "I've done a lot of thinking over the last few days and I asked myself if I would take it back if I could. Go back to pretending like we both don't feel something much more than friendship, and I won't do it. I don't want to."
"Jesse," she began, mulling over his words a bit. "Are you telling me that you want to have an affair with me?"
"Rachel, that's not–" he started, before Rachel cut him off as she shot up off the couch and started pacing.
"You can't ask me that," she cut him off, not sure if she wanted him to finish whatever it was that he had been about to say. "What am I supposed to say to that?"
"I don't expect you to say anything." He looked up at her with a pained expression on his face.
"Don't look at me like that," she admonished before turning away from him.
He got up off of the couch and went to stand behind her. Rachel could feel his body heat. He was so close but he wasn't touching her. "I'm just telling you how I feel. But I promise, when we're not onstage, I won't touch you like that again until you ask me to."
She wanted to tell him in her usual dramatic fashion that she would never ask him to, but she knew that wasn't true and she knew that he knew that. So she merely nodded without turning around to look at him and walked out of his dressing room, leaving Jesse unsure of where they were supposed to go from there.
Once Rachel got to Kurt's after the show, instead of going inside she decided she needed to go for a walk and do some thinking. Her feet had a mind of their own as she walked down the street. She thought about Donovan and how she hadn't talked to him in days. He had called her a few times, but she had ignored his calls. He knew better than to text message her when they had a fight as big as the one they were currently having.
Her mind wandered to Jesse and what he had said to her earlier in the evening about not wanting to pretend to be her friend anymore. She knew that he was right. It had been getting harder and harder to ignore the growing feelings she had for him. She wanted to be with him so desperately it hurt. But could she cheat on Donovan? Could she live with herself for having an affair with a married man?
Rachel knew that it was semantics at this point because really, she and Jesse had been having an affair from the first night they had hung out together. Granted, no real line had been crossed physically but it was a different story emotionally. As she continued to contemplate all things Jesse St. James, she suddenly came to a halt and looked up at the building she was standing in front of.
She had arrived at her moment of truth without even realizing that was where she had been headed. Rachel took a deep breath and walked toward the entrance of the building. She smiled at the doorman that she had met just a few days before as he let her inside. Her feet carried her to the elevator and she pressed the button to take her to the right floor.
Finally, Rachel stood in front of his door, her hand hovering in front of it. Then she knocked.
Author's Note: I am so sorry about the cliffhanger. I will try and post the next chapter as quickly as possible. I promise that I'll make it worth the wait. ;)