This is a sad one, guys... The song just cuts deep and then what I wrote didn't help really. Painful painful painful, at least I thought so. And this is the chapter I end today with...

Rating: M-rated

Warnings: light NSFW, hints of illness

...

With his head against the pillow, sheets barely covering his form, because it was simply far too warm, Itachi watched Deidara slip into bed. There were dark bags under his bright blue eyes, and his cheeks had gotten hollow over the years. Even his blond hair was not as vibrant as it once was. The frail body moved up to him, pressing himself against Itachi's warm body. Itachi could feel bones poking him in places, fat long gone from Deidara's body. Drained from energy Deidara let himself be hugged close by Itachi. Let his body heat warm him up, because nothing else would anymore.

Life was not filled with dreams other could achieve anymore. Itachi felt no need to wish for golden sights or of being on top. The pictures people had once created for him, futures that would be bright, had long perished. It was not as colourful as he had once seen it, but there was still a lot there.

It's not what you painted in my head

Cold hands slithered down Itachi's body, touching places to arouse him. With a little help Deidara climbed on top, legs propped beside Itachi's sides. These moments were no longer easy, but Deidara never gave in. Trying to maintain the relationship they once had, Deidara seduced him as often as he had done before, making sure Itachi didn't feel the need to get his lusts from somewhere else. Never had Itachi glanced to someone else in the first place. It all made it worse. Seeing Deidara on top, struggling to even move sometimes. It was heart breaking and yet there was nothing Itachi could do about it. There was no need to break Deidara down and take his pride away. It was all he had left.

Everything's a mess

So Itachi went along with it, and lifted Deidara up by his fragile hips, careful not to squeeze too hard. There was no need to make bruises on the delicate skin. Slowly he slipped into Deidara, a soft pleased sigh escaping Itachi's lips as he watched Deidara's face. He always tried to hide it, but Itachi knew it hurt.

The lights around them were dimmed, candles lit here and there to give the room a nice fragrance. Deidara's movements were slow, but he did his best. Itachi would keep his hips still and let Deidara do the work, as his lover wanted to, and Itachi was not one to take that away from him. This was not about pleasure anymore. It was about love, painstaking love, and it burned badly, making tears well up in Itachi's eyes. But this was there moment together and he would not let his pain destroy it now. Shouts coming from outside were ignored, annoying children not on their mind as Deidara lifted his hips again.

We have the curtains drawn and closed

Trying to achieve a faster pace Deidara moved up higher and let himself snap down. The sound coming from his body couldn't be good, but he did not let it stop him. Itachi could only watch as Deidara made love to him, pleasure slowly creeping through his body. It always took longer now, making it even worse for his lover, but he could never comment. The only thing he was allowed to do was grab Deidara's erection in turn, and make him forget about the pain he was currently feeling. Make him feel pleasure just for a split second, so not everything was bad. In those moments Itachi liked to believe that everything was alright, a simple dream he could not release.

Life ain't what it seems

When Deidara was finally asleep, the moment they had shared gone, his body bruised, Itachi sat on the edge of the bed. His heart ached too much to ignore it any longer. Seeing the pain every time they were together had finally broken down the wall. And Itachi understood why Deidara had tried to keep up this façade. Had done his best to make everything seem as if they had never changed. But no matter how Itachi now looked at it, everything was truly a mess. Nothing had worked so far. Nothing had actually changed anything about this situation, no matter how hopeful everyone had spoken about it. So what was the point in lying to himself. In being optimistic. Every second of the day it hurt, knowing there was nothing he could do to prevent this from happening. But now he was leaving this dream.

All of us were only dreaming

As tears had started coming, and sobs had left his lips, Deidara woke again. Cold hands found Itachi's shoulders, holding him so delicately as if he was the one about to break. It was not the first time Deidara had found him there, nor would it be the last. Itachi's body shook under Deidara's hold, the pain making his breathing become heavy and far too quick. They had never deserved to be here, but life had pushed them on this road anyway, and this was all they had.

The blond wig had slipped to the floor, revealing a head that no longer possessed hair. Eyes were not as lit up anymore as Itachi finally looked up at his lover through teary eyes. The soft smile on his pale lips cut right through Itachi's heart, the painful truth so obvious in front of him.

"You know you need to have faith, Itachi. This chemo will work and then I will really be cancer free. We only need to believe, because there is nothing else we can do. I need you to be strong. If you're not strong for me, how can I be? You just need to believe with me, okay?"

Leave me to dream