Chapter 9

Hello dear beloved reader! Have you been waiting? Well, wait no more! I give to you: the next chapter! Now... This is an emotional one. So deep breathes, and you might want to grab on to a kleenex at some point.

This chapter has two songs attached! Hopefully they will give you a good reason to use the aforementioned kleenex. My que for when to listen to the songs is this:

(***)

Song no. 1: "Lay Me Down - Acoustic version" - by Sam Smith

Song no. 2: "Human" - by Christina Perri

As always, these songs are merely a kind suggestion from me to you. Listen to them, don't listen to them, it's your life :)

As much as it pains me, I own absolutely nothing *sigh*

Once again, I would like to thank Vamplover669 for helping me out. Your comments, thoughts and time is very appreciated. Thank you!

With no further ado: Enjoy!

Sheldon had been lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling, the muffled sound of the television sounding from the living room. Once again he found himself torn – torn between leaving his bedroom and join Leonard and Penny and staying where he was, never leaving the safety of his bed. He decided that for now he was content staying where he was, in his bed listening to the reassuring sound of the running television.

He heard Penny's familiar voice talking – was she on the phone? Another moment went by, and suddenly the sounds from the running movie disappeared as the sound of mumbling voices took over. Sheldon furrowed his brows and sat up. Something was going on. He contemplated a last time, but his curiosity finally got the best of him and Sheldon slowly got on his feet, opening his bedroom door and making his way to the living room. He heard Penny's voice again, louder and clearer this time.

"Oh my god, Amy, that's terrible. I'm so sorry."

Sheldon stopped dead in his tracks. Amy? What had happened to Amy? Unable to move he focused all his energy on listening to the conversation taking place only a few feet away. He could feel his heart rate picking up speed and his hands getting clammy as Penny offered to go over to Amy. He swallowed hard as he heard Penny declare that she didn't like leaving Amy alone after something like this, her voice deeply worried. Something like what? He felt panic slowly arising, taking over his body as one horrible scenario after another presented itself in his mind. He had to know.

With another few steps he found himself standing on the ledge to the living room. He saw Leonard and Penny, both standing with their backs to him, as Penny ended the call and looked at Leonard. He had to know.

"What happened to Amy?"

Leonard and Penny turned around, meeting him with surprised faces. Penny's eyes widened as she looked from Sheldon to her phone and then to Leonard. Sheldon felt his nervousness increase, her silence was only fueling his concern.

"Penny, what happened to Amy?" He asked again, this time more determined.

Penny looked at him, opening and closing her mouth. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to know. Sheldon stepped down from the ledge, a movement that seemed to give Penny back the ability to speak.

"Amy… She's fine, Sheldon." She said, her voice shaking a little. Sheldon squinted his eyes at her.

"You are lying." He stated. "I heard the conversation, clearly something bad happened, and that bad something involves Amy. So what is it?" Sheldon's voice got louder and he could feel his breathing quicken.

Penny took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Look, Sheldon, yes something happened, and yes it involves Amy, but I'm really not sure that she wants me to…" But she was cut short by Sheldon who took a few rapid steps towards her, his hands clutched on his sides and his eyes wide.

"Penny, if any harm has befallen Amy then I must insist that you tell me immediately, this is no time for you to be withholding information from me about my girlfriend!" Sheldon's voice was shaking with anger and panic, and he was breathing heavily. Penny eyed him for another moment before sighing heavily and taking a step forward.

"Okay, sweetie, just calm down." She said, but her words had no effect. There was no way around it, he had to know.

"There's nothing you can do about it, Sheldon, so promise me you won't freak out."

Sheldon looked down at her, clenching his teeth together, before nodding once. Penny nodded back at him and said.

"Okay… Amy's aunt Flora died."

Sheldon felt a wave of relieve wash over him. She was unharmed, nothing bad had happened to her. But his relieve was short lived as reality set in. Amy's Aunt Flora died. And Amy was alone. Sheldon had no idea how to process it, what to do.

That was not entirely true – he knew what he wanted to do but the question remained: Should he? He looked down at the floor, pondering, when he realized that there was nothing to ponder over - He had already made up his mind. Without another word he turned on his heels and headed back to his room, leaving Penny and Leonard behind, confused frowns on their faces.

Leonard turned to face Penny with a worried look on his face.

"So how is she? You sounded very worried when you were talking to her." He asked in a low voice. Penny shot a quick glance towards Sheldon's bedroom before answering.

"Not good, she had definitely been crying, but she didn't want me to come over; said she really just wanted to be alone." Her voice was also low and a worried frown appeared on her face. "I just don't like the idea of her being alone right now, you know?"

Leonard nodded in agreement as his eyes noticed something behind Penny, and his face went from worry to confusion. Penny turned around and saw Sheldon once again standing on the ledge, his jacket on and his messenger back slung over his shoulder. He looked at them with a look of determination as he stepped down from the ledge and approached them.

"Leonard, I need you to drive me to Amy's apartment." He said in a low voice, avoiding their eyes. Leonard looked at Penny who looked back at him with wide eyes.

"Come on, Sheldon, you can't go over to Amy's now?" Leonard said, checking his watch. "I mean, it's almost midnight."

"Of course I can, Leonard, and the time is not relevant. Now, please drive me to Amy's apartment." Sheldon answered, his voice growing a bit louder. He heard Penny sigh next to him as she placed a hand on his arm.

"Look, sweetie, I know you want to help, but Amy told me that she really just want to be alone. Maybe we should just let her be for now. I mean, there's nothing you can do." She said in a calm voice, looking at Leonard.

"Yeah, Sheldon, maybe we should just let her be." Leonard conceded, trying to catch Sheldon's eyes, but he refused to meet his gaze.

"Leonard, need I remind you that you are legally bound to drive me? The Roommate Agreement clearly states…" Sheldon began, but was cut short by Leonard.

"Oh, quit it Sheldon! There is nothing in that stupid agreement that will make me drive you, I won't do it." His voice was determined and defiant. Sheldon kept quiet for a moment before talking again.

"Very well, if you refuse to drive me, then I formally request to loan your car keys."

Leonard sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead in a tired manner.

"Sheldon, I am not lending you my car." He said slowly, his voice exhausted.

"Why not?" Sheldon asked folding his arms over his chest.

Leonard looked at him with an exasperated expression on his face.

"Because you can't drive!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in despair.

"I have a learner's permit that says otherwise." Sheldon answered, his patience was reaching its limits. Leonard opened his mouth to say something but Penny cut him short, holding up her hands.

"Okay, everybody just calm down." She said looking between Sheldon and Leonard. "Whether or not Sheldon can drive is not the point." She turned to look at Sheldon, but he still kept his eyes cast down at the floor.

"Sweetie, even if you could help Amy, don't you think going over to her apartment might just make things more complicated? You know, with everything that has been going on between you?" Her voice was now tender, trying to get the situation under control. Between a heartbroken and grief-stricken Amy and a heartbroken and confused Sheldon she had to at least maintain a basic level of sanity.

Sheldon slowly unwrapped his arms, letting them fall to his sides as he finally met Penny's eyes.

"That is irrelevant for the situation at hand; those two are completely unrelated." He said in a low voice.

Leonard sighed and said.

"Sheldon, it's late, Amy is very sad and needs to be alone and you can't reach her apartment on your own, so please… before you do anything, maybe you should just take some time and think things over before you rush over to her and end up…"

"I'll take you."

Both Sheldon and Leonard looked at Penny in surprise, but she held Sheldon's gaze and ignored Leonard flabbergasted expression.

"Wait, you'll what? You can't take him over there now?" Leonard said, his voice disbelieving. "Noting good is going to come out of it."

Penny kept looking at Sheldon as she answered.

"Maybe not, but that's not the point. Clearly this is something Sheldon has to do, and it is not up to you or me to stand in his way. Because even if we weren't here, he would still find a way to get to Amy's apartment tonight, so we might as well speed things along and just drive him there." She said in a calm voice. She held Sheldon's gaze for another short moment before turning and grabbing her jacket from Leonard's office chair.

"I give up, do what you want." Leonard said in a tired voice, falling into his seat on the couch.

"Ready?" Penny asked Sheldon, who responded with a nod. He walked over and placed his hand on the door knob, his nervousness rapidly increasing. His heart was beating faster and his mouth felt dry. He swallowed hard before opening the door with determination and stepping outside followed by Penny.

Without another word they began descending the stairs.

The drive over to Amy's apartment seemed longer and more tedious like never before; Sheldon felt as if every traffic light in the city had decided to be against him, mocking him with one endless red light after another. He looked at his watch; they had only been driving for 4 minutes and yet each minute felt like an eternity. He let out a deep sigh of impatience. Good lord, was her apartment light years away?

Penny eyed him from the corner of her eye as Sheldon looked straight ahead with clinched jaws.

"We'll be there soon, Sheldon. Calm down." She said in an attempt to make him relax. Another few moments went by in silence.

"So, are you going to tell me why you suddenly decided to rush over to your girlfriend's apartment even though you haven't spoken to her for days?" She asked, stopping the car for yet another red light and eyeing him carefully.

Sheldon looked at her for a short second before turning his head and looking out of the window next to him, shrugging his shoulders slightly. Silence and unanswered questions filled the space between them. The light turned green and Penny turned her look back to the road, accelerating the car with a small sigh.

"Amy never told me much about her aunt Flora, were they close?" She asked in a more light tone of voice.

Sheldon was grateful for the change of subject and with his eyes still fixated on the many lights and people passing him by outside he said.

"Yes, they were very close."

"Poor Amy. I guess she's really sad then." Penny said in a low voice, mostly to herself.

Sheldon eyed her for a moment before nodding his head.

"I can imagine she is." He said, looking back out the window. That last comment made him check his watch once again, his impatience growing.

Penny looked at him shortly, contemplating her options. She wanted to help him, to make sure that he didn't do anything that could possibly make things worse between him and Amy, but on the other hand she had no idea what to tell him, what advice to give. She pondered for another moment.

"Look Sheldon… Have you thought about what you are going to do? What you are going to say when you actually get there?" She asked in a small voice.

Sheldon slowly turned his head and looked at her. He swallowed nervously and looked straight ahead, his eyes wide.

"I'm just asking, because I don't want you to go over there and then screw things up, you know? You are not planning on talking to her about your problems, right?" Penny asked, her eyes shifting between Sheldon and the road.

Sheldon kept his gaze fixated on the road ahead of them and slowly shook his head.

"Well… what is your plan then?" Penny said, biting her lip.

Sheldon swallowed once more, not answering. What was his plan? Did he even have a plan? Suddenly he felt like the car was driving way too fast and that they were approaching Amy's apartment with alarming speed. Was this a mistake? Should they turn around and drive back? Penny made a turn, they were only a few blocks away now.

Sheldon's nervousness didn't seem to fade, rather it grew with every passing second. He was actually on his way to Amy's apartment, and he was going to be in the same room with her. Just the two of them. And Amy had sent him the Termination Formula. And they haven't spoken since then. Because she was clearly upset and angry with him. Perhaps she wouldn't even open the door? What if she refused to let him in? What if she did let him in? What would he do then? The cluster of uncertainty and unanswered question seemed to assemble in his throat, making it harder to breath and his nervousness to grow. But with that followed a more prominent feeling, the same feeling that had made him decide to make this trip in the first place. Sheldon didn't know what it was or what to call it, but he knew that it somehow seemed to trump his fear and uncertainty; the rest would solve itself. He took a deep breathe, realizing that Penny still needed her answer.

"Penny, rest assured I have no intentions of making the current state of my relationship with Amy any worse. That been said, I find it troubling to think of Amy alone and emotionally distressed in times like these. Admittedly, I haven't planned my actions much further than to this car ride but I… I guess I'll figure something out when I arrive." He said in a small voice, his fingers fumbling with the fabric of his pants, not meeting Penny's eyes.

The car pulled up to the pavement and came to a halt. Penny killed the engine and they stayed like that, in complete silence, for a while.

Penny sighed deeply and turned to face Sheldon more directly, but he was still not meeting her gaze.

"I don't know what to tell you, sweetie. I mean, you're right… If Amy was really that close to her aunt, then she shouldn't be alone right now. I would love nothing more than to go up there and comfort her, but I really don't think she wants me there at this point. I don't know if she wants any of us to be there…" Penny said, her voice fading as she got lost in thoughts. After another short moment she pulled herself together and looked at Sheldon, reaching over and placing a hand on his arm.

"Just… Just promise me you'll do the right thing, Sheldon. Don't make this harder on her than it already is, Amy has been through enough, okay?"

Sheldon looked at her hand on his arm.

"I will." He said, uncertain of what "the right thing" was at this point, but certain that he would do it. After a moment, Penny removed her hand from him and sighed.

"Okay. Go." She said with a determined tone of voice. Sheldon nodded and unbuckling his seatbelt he opened the car door and stepped outside into the chilly Pasadena night. Before he could close the car door he heard Penny's voice calling him back. He lowered his head and looked at her.

"Do you want me to wait here?"

Sheldon pondered over her offer for a short moment.

"No, I don't think so." He answered, deciding that having Penny waiting for him would only increase his nervousness.

"Then how are you going to get home?" Penny's voice sounded worried.

Sheldon looked out at the cars passing by, weighing his options.

"I don't believe the busses go this late, so I guess I'll have to take a cab home." He said looking back at Penny.

"Okay…" She looked like she wanted so something more, as if something was on her mind. She opened her mouth but shot it closed again, shooting him a small smile not capable of hiding the worry in her eyes.

"Uhm… Give Amy my condolence?" She finally said hesitantly. Sheldon nodded his head and stood up, ready to close the door, but he immediately lowered his head, once again leveling with Penny's gaze. She looked back at him expectantly.

"Thank you, Penny." He said before casting his eyes down to the empty seat next to her.

"You're welcome, Sheldon." She said in a warm tone of voice. With that Sheldon stood up, closed the door and took a few steps back from the car. Penny started the car and slowly pulled into traffic, leaving Sheldon on the pavement.

As he watched the car disappear, Sheldon felt his heart thumbing heavily in his chest and his mouth dry out. He took a deep breath before turning around and making his way to Amy's apartment building. Pulling out the emergency key Amy had given him when he had to take of her in her time of illness he opened the door and stepped into dead silent building. He stepped over to the elevator, but hesitated. The thought of stepping into a small enclosed box of steel seemed horrifying at this point, so he decided to take the stairs. With slow but determined steps he slowly made his way up the stairs. With each step he could feel his heart rate and nervousness increase. His palms were getting clammy and in his moment of panic his mind went into overdrive, coming up with one plan after the other of how to handle the situation. But his mind went completely blank as he finally found himself in front of apartment 314. He starred at the door, suddenly feeling the urge to run way, to flee the scene. But he knew that that wasn't an option. With one last spur of determination he swallowed hard and brought his hand up, knocking on the door.

Amy hugged her pillow a bit tighter, breathing heavily with a tissue in her hand. She had crumbled it together in her fist, since there were no tears to dry of her face. She had cried and cried, and now it would seem that her tear ducts were all dried out; yet the feeling of wanting to cry lingered. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of her couch, trying to take a couple of relaxing breathes, finding it hard to do so, since she was feeling completely and utterly clogged. She sniffed loudly and sighed. She opened her eyes as a knock sounded on the door.

Knock knock knock

Amy huffed and got up, slowly making her way to the door. She was in no mood to talk to Penny, hadn't she made that very clear?

"Amy."

Amy stopped dead in her path as she recognized the soft voice from the other side of the door. She didn't move a muscle, waiting for what she knew would come next, just to verify her suspicion. It couldn't be?

Knock knock knock

Impossible. Simply not possible.

"Amy."

Her heartbeat quickened and she swallowed hard, her legs now moving on their own accord, taking the last few steps towards the door.

Knock knock knock

There was no doubt. Who else would it be?

"Amy."

But why?

She slowly placed her hand on the door knob, her disbelieve and curiosity taking over, and opened the door.

And there he was. His unmistakable tall and slender frame standing outside her door dressed in black plaid pants, one of his flash t-shirts and his windbreaker. His dark hair was slightly muzzled and he had a worried look on his face and in his eyes. His eyes. Amy swallowed hard as she finally met his blue eyes, her chest constricting at the worry they held.

Sheldon felt his heart beating with long heavy thuds as the door had swung open in front of him, revealing Amy's small and familiar posture wrapped in her characteristic night gown. Her brown hair was held loosely away from one side of her face by a hair clip, a rather confused and puzzled frown on her face. He swallowed hard as her eyes met his, feeling his mouth grow dry and his mind go blank. He noticed the slight puffiness in the rim of her eyes and the light redness that surrounded her nose. She had definitely been crying. That seemed to jolt Sheldon back, as he remembered his reason for coming. He held her gaze, opening his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He cleared his throat, trying to formulate a coherent sentence in his head.

"Amy… I… I came to offer my sincerest condolences." He finally said, his voice barely a whisper, never letting go of her gaze.

Amy starred at him, still not believing what was happening. The shock of finding Sheldon standing outside her door late at night without warning had rendered her completely speechless. She heard the words leaving his lips and she saw the concern in his eyes, holding her gaze in a dead grip. It was not only her voice that was brought out of order, her entire body seemed to be paralyzed by the sight of him. Her brain ordered her to let him in, then changing and ordering her to slam the door in his face, finally turning back to letting him in. She did neither.

Sheldon could see the absolute confusion in Amy's eyes, he could see her uncertainty. But more importantly, he could tell that behind her confusion she was truly sad and upset. And he needed to take care of her. He contemplated for another short moment before tentatively taking a step forward. That brought Amy back to her senses, as she mimicked his movement and taking a step back she cast her eyes down, allowing Sheldon to enter. She let go of the door knob and made her way back to the couch taking a seat. Sheldon closed the door behind him, following her with his eyes. He slowly pulled of his messenger back and wind breaker and made his way to the kitchen.

Amy could hear Sheldon pottering in the kitchen but found herself unable to turn around to see what he was doing. Shortly after she heard a kettle whistle, which caused her to jump slightly in surprise. Another moment went by and she found Sheldon taking a seat on the other side of the couch, placing a cup of tea in front of her.

"I made you some chamomile tea. To comfort you in your time of distress." He said, his voice still very low and soft.

Amy looked at the cup of tea, watching the steam lazily drift up and slowly disappearing. She shot a sideway glance in Sheldon's direction, waiting for him to say something more, but he sat silently with his hands folded in his lap. She slowly reached out and took the warm mug in her hands, tentatively blowing air at it in order to cool it.

"Leonard and Penny send you their condolences as well." Sheldon said in an uncertain tone of voice.

Amy swallowed and nodded ever so slightly, feeling a lump grow in her throat. She took a small sip of the tea, relishing the comforting feeling of the hot beverage warming her entire chest. She took another sip, this one a bit bigger, and closed her eyes. Another sip and this time she felt tears burning behind her eyes. She muffled a sniff and placed the tea back down on the coffee table, her hand suddenly shaking. She placed her hands in her lap, fumbling with the piece of tissue still in her hand in an attempt to veil the tears that were threatening to fall. She closed her eyes tightly together, stooping her head.

Sheldon watched Amy as her breathing quickened and noticed the nervous fumbling of her hands, and he knew that she was about to cry. Thinking back he knew what moments like this called for; he remembered how Amy had offered him a consoling hug in his time of distress and the relaxing effect it had had on him.

(***)

Amy felt Sheldon stir on the other side of the couch, and her breath got caught in her throat as she felt his hand grab on to hers. She opened her eyes and looked down at her hand covered by Sheldon's much bigger one. His palm was warm and made her relax a little. She closed her eyes once again, tears burning behind her eyelids, dangerously close to be shed.

Sheldon could feel Amy's hand shiver a little, and noticed that she was still very tense. After another short moment he felt a warm teardrop fall on top of his hand. He saw Amy's closed eyes as she turned her head slightly away from him. It wasn't enough, he knew it wasn't. He had feared that he would be too nervous to provide Amy with the support through physical contact that she needed, that he would recoil. But now sitting next to her and holding her hand, he felt enveloped by a complete calmness. He knew what he had to do, what he wanted to do. If that night on the train had taught him anything, then it was to trust his instinct to take him where he needed to be in times like these. It was still scary, that feeling of not being in control, but this moment did not call for strict adherence to routine or control. It called for action.

Amy saw the tear hit Sheldon's palm and turned her head away from him. She liked the feeling of his hand holding hers in a tight grip, but her emotions were still running through her in one big blur, making it very hard to fight back the tears. She wanted him to hold her hand, it comforted her, but she feared his reaction if she started really crying; not to mention that a part of her didn't want to cry in front of him. Was it because she was still mad at him? Was it because she never really cried in front of anyone? Was it because it would make her seem weak? She had no idea. Perhaps all of it at the same time. She looked back down at her hand as she felt Sheldon slowly retracting his hand away from her; so much for comfort, she thought to herself.

Sheldon moved his hand away from Amy and observed her for a short second. She didn't seem surprised that he had removed his hand, and neither did she ask him to continue holding it. He feared her reaction to what he was about to do next, but remembering that deep down in the depths of his biological layers, his human nature knew exactly what it was doing, he took a deep breath and scooted closer to Amy. He slowly brought his arm up and around her, tentatively placing it around her shoulders. He felt her tense up at his touch, but something told him so give it a minute.

Amy felt Sheldon's arm around her and was rendered completely immobile. She didn't know what to make of anything anymore; all she knew was that she could feel her heart beat faster and the lump in her throat grew bigger, threatening to choke her, demanding her to cry. After a short moment she closed her eyes and slowly placed her head on Sheldon's chest, tentatively bringing her arm around his middle. She felt his arm pressing her lightly against him, as he leaned back into the couch, bringing her with him and as by reflex she brought her feet up to her side, tugging them under her.

Sheldon felt Amy relax a bit and took a deep breath. He heard her muffle a quiet sob, but he was unable to see her face. All he could see was her brown hair, and as he slowly inhaled, the aroma of her shampoo hit him with all its familiarity.

Amy felt Sheldon's chest expand in a deep breath before his breathing settled back into a calm and steady rhythm. It relaxed her a bit and she could know feel tears falling down her cheeks. She muffled a couple of sobs, but her resistance only seemed to make her tears fall heavier and more sobs to occur in her already constricted throat. She closed her eyes more tightly together, listening to the steady rhythm of Sheldon's heartbeat beneath her ear.

Sheldon could feel Amy's tears create a wet spot on his t-shirt and he could sense that she was trying to hold back her crying. With a slow movement he brought his other arm around her, now truly holding her. As Sheldon's arms enveloped her, Amy felt dangerously close to breaking completely down in tears. The comforting warmth of his body next to hers and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and breathing soothed her immensely and before she knew it she felt his arms squeeze her closer to him, tightening the embrace with which he was holding her. In that moment Amy felt something secede inside of her; it felt like something opened and a myriad of emotions erupted out of there, desperate to escape the captivity of her chest, and she knew that no matter what she did, there was no holding back her tears. She finally let go, sobbing once, twice as hot tears streamed down her face. She tightened her grip around Sheldon, burying her face in his shirt, breathing in the familiar and soothing scent of talc and his fabric softener.

Sheldon furrowed his brows in a concerned manner as Amy broke down in his arms. Remarkable. It was beyond him how such a simple gesture as holding someone while they cried seemed to pass on a part of their sadness to himself. He felt his heart get heavier as Amy's sobs grew louder, and his eyes began burning ever so slightly. He felt Amy's heavy breathing and sobbing leave his shirt wet and damp as she finally let out whatever had been trapped inside. The nagging feeling in his chest suddenly grew more prominent and he winched internally. He hugged Amy a bit closer, feeling her shaking, and slowly placed his cheek on top of her head.

He stayed like that for a while, it could've been an hour, could've been a week, he had no idea. But at some point Amy's sobs grew smaller and her tears dried. He held her as her crying subsided and her breathing became more regular, only interrupted by small hiccups and sniffs. After a while he noticed the steady rhythm with which she was breathing, and slowly bringing his head back up he twisted himself in order to get a better view of Amy's face. She was sleeping.

Sheldon held her for another short while, before he slowly retracted himself from her, laying her down on the couch, careful not to wake her. He took the blanket that was draped on the back of her couch and covered her with it, gently tugging her in. He watched her breathing rhythmically and deeply for a moment before slowly removing her glasses from her nose. He placed them on the coffee table and turned to grab his belongings. He had left them beside the couch, right next to the now sleeping Amy. He bend down slowly, his eyes never leaving Amy's face as he got closer to it, his hands trying to grab hold of his jacket and messenger bag. A deep sigh from Amy made him stop his movement immediately, holding his breath. He watched her as she furrowed her brows a little, her mouth slightly open, but not waking up.

Sheldon took a small step back and slowly stood up straight, unsure of what to do. As Amy's facial expression turned back to a more relaxed state, Sheldon silently let out the breath he had been holding. Still watching her, he took another few steps back, until he felt his legs hit the chair next to the couch. Tentatively taking a seat, Sheldon swallowed and watched Amy closely, expecting her to wake up from her slumber any second. She stirred a little, burying her face deeper into the fabric of the couch before resuming her calm rest.

Sheldon pondered for a moment, contemplating his next move. There was no doubt. He could not leave her quite yet. He leaned back into the chair, feeling his heartbeat calm down. He watched Amy closely, seemingly unable to remove his eyes from her. A part of him felt a bit awkward sitting there just looking at her; it felt like he was imposing on a very private moment, that he should look away. And yet his gaze never left her.

Amy's breathing caused her chest to rise and fall in a slow and rhythmic pattern. If he had not been present he would never have thought that not too long ago she had been crying. She seemed so relaxed and calm in that moment, as if she didn't have a single care in the world, something Sheldon knew not to be true. As if to emphasize that thought Amy suddenly uttered a small hiccup, followed by a deep sigh before she once again grew silent. Sheldon was no stranger to those hiccups, he remembered spending many a nights silently crying growing up. Especially following the deaths of his father and his Pop-pop. Not that he would ever admit to that. Yes, he was most definitely no stranger to the pain the loss of a loved one could cause. But he knew the loss of her Aunt Flora was not the only reason Amy had felt sad and in the need for comfort. Of course it wasn't.

Watching Amy stir a little in her sleeps, Sheldon let his mind wander. He thought back on all the events leading up to the exact moment in time he was in. Right from his talk with Kripke about his relationship with Amy, to the night Amy had given him the ultimatum and all the way to him receiving the Termination formula. He let out a sigh as the unpleasant memory made its way to his mind, replaying over and over again. He furrowed his brows and placed a hand over his chest as that dreadful nagging feeling increased. Sheldon stayed like that, pondering, contemplating and going over everything several times again in an attempt to reach any sort of conclusion. He stayed like that for hours, even though it only felt like minutes to him.

It was only when he looked away from Amy's face for a short second that he noticed the way the lighting in the room had changed. It was now illuminated by vague rays of sun letting him know that morning had sneaked up on him. Sheldon looked down at his watch, it was almost 6.30. He sat up a bit straighter, his eyes once again resting on Amy.

She was still very much asleep, but now Sheldon knew it was time for him to leave. Something told him that staying until she woke up would only cause more harm than good. What would he even say to her? Still a bit marveled over the fact that he had managed to sit there the entire night, Sheldon couldn't help but feeling a bit disappointed. After everything that had transpired that night, he had yet to find a solution, he was still stuck. Once again he found himself completely lost for actions. The only thing that seemed to change was the nagging feeling in his chest; that was taking a turn for the worse, all though he was still unsure why. With another sigh he rose from his seat, making his way to his messenger back. He drew out a notepad and a pencil, determined to leave behind some sort of message before he left. He pondered for a second before writing, wanting to set the record straight.

Amy

Once again I would like to extend my condolences; I am truly sorry for your loss. I hope you feel less distressed upon waking. Please know that I am very well aware of the fact that I am not yet forgiven and that actions must be made in order for that to happen. I will ask Penny to come by later to check up on you.

Sheldon

He read it over, unsure why he had chosen to write that part about forgiveness. Pondering for a short moment, Sheldon reached the conclusion that his sleep-deprived mind apparently knew what is was talking about; he was still not forgiven and nothing he did that night was an attempt to resolve any problems between himself and Amy. Deciding that he was satisfied with his message he got up and placed it beneath her glasses where he knew she would find it. Grabbing his jacket and messenger back he slowly made his way to the door. But before opening it, Sheldon hesitated and turned around. After a night of crying Amy would probably be in need of fluids. He let go of the door knob and stepped into the kitchen, filling a glass of water as silently as possible. Then he reached for Amy's medicine cabin and pulled down the glass of Aspirin. Bringing them with him back to the living room he placed both items on the coffee table, close to the note. He took one last look at the sleeping Amy completely lost in tranquility, before slowly making his way to the door. He opened it and stepped out, closing it as silently as possible before reaching for the spare key she had given him and locking the door. And with that he made his way down the stairs, his mind still racing and his heart heavy.

By the time Sheldon stepped outside into the early morning of Glendale his head was swirling with a million incoherent thoughts. He inhaled deeply, relishing the fresh feeling provided by the crisp air around him, contemplating his next move. Nothing. His mind refused to work with him. He looked around, very few people were roaming the streets this early in the morning and the world seemed oddly quiet. Without any further contemplation, Sheldon turned and began walking. He kept his eyes on his feet and the piece of pavement immediately in front of him. And he kept walking. And his head kept spinning. Memories, thoughts, feelings, questions to whom he had no answers. He kept starring ahead, watching as seemingly endless amounts of concrete disappeared beneath his feet. His eidetic memory and familiarity with the area allowed him not to worry about where he was walking, his legs moved on their own accord, turning and directing him closer to his destination.

Sheldon furrowed his brows slightly, as the nagging pain in his chest seemed to increase with every step, not to mention the stab-like sensation he felt whenever his mind would settle on Amy – which was a lot. At the memory of her crying the pain intensified tenfold, causing him to winch. He brought up his hand and placed it on his chest, taking a deep breathe. His steps got heavier alongside his head and his heart; he felt miserable. After a while he began noticing how the amount of people began increasing and with that new and louder sounds began increasing. A car horn, people talking to each other loudly, cyclists swooshing by in high speed, someone shouting loudly from a distance.

By the time he reached his apartment building, Sheldon was about to burst, overwhelmed by all the impressions surrounding him. He quickly opened the door and stepped into the lobby, relishing the complete silence that enveloped him. He let out a deep sigh, making his way over to the stairs and slowly taking a seat at the bottom step. Closing his eyes he took a few deep breathes, trying to calm down and catch his breath. This is exactly why he preferred to drive. After another few moments he opened his eyes and checked his watch. He had been walking for more than two hours, normally he would be preparing himself to leave for work with Leonard at this time. With another sigh he stood up and began making his way up the stairs. Reaching the fourth floor he grabbed his keys and hesitating for a short moment in front of his apartment door he prepared himself for the questions that surely were waiting on the other side. With a deep breath he inserted the key and turned the doorknob, slowly opening the door.

He found Leonard already dressed and ready standing in the kitchen pouring coffee into his travel mug. He almost dropped the hot pot of coffee when he looked up and met Sheldon's eyes. With a concerned look in his eyes he put down everything he was holding and quickly made his way around the kitchen counter.

"Sheldon, were have you been?" He asked in a confused tone of voice.

Sheldon closed the door behind him and dropped his keys into the bowl beside him before finally looking back at Leonard.

"I was with Amy." He answered quietly.

Leonard's confused frown deepened.

"Wait, are you telling me that you just came home from Amy's? Penny told me you were going to grab a cab home?"

Sheldon nodded his head and sighed.

"I was. But then I walked instead."

Leonard's eyes looked like they were going to make their way out of his skull any minute.

"Wait… You.. But… you walked? You walked all the way from Amy's apartment home?" He asked in a disbelieving tone of voice.

Sheldon met Leonard's worried eyes with his own heavy and tired ones.

"Yes." Was his simple answer.

Leonard placed a hand on his forehead, exhaling quickly.

"Sheldon! That's like 6 miles!" He exclaimed, searching Sheldon's face for any signs of an answer. Sheldon shot his eyes down, slowly making his way past Leonard to his desk.

"But I thought you came home last night? All this time I thought you were sleeping in your bed? I figured you needed some time to sleep and get some rest, I was planning on leaving you a note, maybe pick you up around lunch if you really wanted to go to work, and now I find out that you haven't even been home, no, you have been roaming the streets at an ungodly hour doing god knows what instead of just…" Leonard's ramble was cut short as the apartment door opened for the second time that morning, this time revealing Penny.

"Hey Leonard, you got any milk, I just ran…" Penny stopped talking, her eyes widening as she saw Sheldon standing there still dressed in the same clothes from yesterday, his eyes heavy and his hair muzzled. She quickly stepped into the apartment and made her way over to him.

"What happened? Are you coming home from Amy's now?!" She asked trying to catch his eyes, but Sheldon refused to meet her gaze.

"Yes, and check this: he walked the entire way home." Leonard piped in, now nervously fumbling his fingers.

Penny took a few steps towards Sheldon, slowly approaching him.

"Oh, sweetie! Why didn't you call me? I would've picked you up." She said in an exasperated tone of voice.

Sheldon slowly removed his messenger bag from his shoulders and placed it next to his desk before taking of his jacket, still not meeting their questioning eyes. He swallowed and took a minute before answering.

"I needed to think." He said, his voice barely a whisper.

Leonard and Penny shared a saying and concerned look. None of them spoke for a moment, until Penny cleared her throat and said.

"So… How did it go?"

Sheldon sighed and rubbed his left eye with his left hand, looking very much like a toddler in that moment. He was eager to go to bed, he was exhausted and the pain in his chest was still tearing at him. But he did not answer the question.

Now it was Leonard's turn to clear his throat.

"What about Amy? How is she doing?" He asked tentatively.

Sheldon stopped rubbing his eye and let his hand fall down to his side. He swallowed before answering.

"She was, as one could expect, very upset. I should hope that she is feeling better when she wakes up. Which reminds me…" He turned to Penny, now meeting her eyes.

"Penny. Would you check up on Amy later today? Just to make sure that she is doing better. I promised you would." He said with a hint of plead in his voice.

Penny shot him a faint smile.

"Of course I will, sweetie." She said in a warm tone. She paused for a short second before speaking again.

"And Sheldon? There were no… problems… between you two?" She asked hesitantly, shooting a quick glance towards Leonard who looked back at her with concern, before she returned her gaze to Sheldon. He was now looking at his feet again, not answering her question. Moments of silence went by before Penny broke it once again.

"Come on, talk to us, Sheldon. We really want to help you." She said, her voice both warm and concerned.

Sheldon felt his chest constrict, somehow increasing the nagging pain further. He inhaled slowly through his nose, feeling a lump forming in his throat. He needed space, he needed to be alone.

"Seeing that you are leaving for work, would you please lock the door behind you? And please let Professor Siebert know that I am taking a day off." He said, his voice shaking slightly. Without waiting for a response he turned on his heels and walked quickly towards his bedroom.

"Sheldon, wait." Leonard exclaimed, but it was too late, seconds later they heard Sheldon's bedroom door slam loudly, leaving Leonard and Penny in awkward silence. They shared a nervous look, before Leonard slowly made his way over to his desk, grabbing his jacket and Penny's hand he lead her out the door. Letting go of her hand for a brief moment to lock the door, he grabbed it once more and lead her the rest of the way across the hall into her apartment. Entering her apartment Penny made a beeline for her couch, taking a seat and looking at Leonard with wide eyes. He responded her look with a concerned and determined one.

"Okay. Can we please call his mother now? This is getting out of control." He said, furrowing his brows in a nervous manner. Penny stared at him for a moment before slowly nodding her head.

(***)

Sheldon slammed the door behind him and made his way over to his bed taking a seat. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes, trying to calm down but it didn't help. The nagging pain in his chest coupled with the suffocating lump in his throat and the swirling vortex of entropy that now was his mind was threatening to completely drown him. He placed a hand on his chest, once again trying to take a deep breath but failing.

If only he could find a solution, if only he could think of a way to fix everything then perhaps he would stop feeling so miserable. Perhaps then he would stop feeling so… so…

Sheldon opened his eyes as something suddenly dawned on him.

He knew now. That was it. That was what that relentlessly nagging feeling in his chest was. It wasn't hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, it wasn't a mystery.

Rather simply it was… Guilt.

Sheldon furrowed his brows, feeling both slightly relieved and yet more miserable than he had ever felt in his entire life.

Guilty. He felt guilty.

He felt his heartbeat quicken and breathing became even harder, as the lump in his throat felt like a rock at this point. If he felt guilty then that could only mean one thing: He had done something wrong.

Of course he had. Deep down he knew, he had known all this time. Admitting it caused an intense pain to penetrate his chest and Sheldon inhaled sharply, feeling the first tear finding its way down his cheek, escaping every attempt he was making to keep his tears a bay.

He muffled a sob, desperately trying not to break down. But remembering the hurt look on Amy's face as he told her that he would never admit anything to Kripke or meet her demands, he couldn't stop the sobs escaping his lips. It felt as if his chest was threatening to combust and implode at any given second, the pain almost unbearable. A few more sobs left his chest and Sheldon desperately tried to wipe off the tears from his face, but as soon as he removed them, new ones quickly filled their place.

He had had the answer. It had been right there. Amy had made it very clear to him, she had quite literally outlined all he had to do in order to fix the situation. And yet he had refused. She had given him 48 hours, she had given him time. And yet he had decided to do nothing. She had waited patiently and yet he had kept her waiting in vain.

Guilt and shame hit Sheldon hard, and he closed his eyes in embarrassment. He tried to inhale deeply, but his lungs refused to work with him. He slowly lay down on top of his bed on his side and pulling his legs up to his chest he pressed his lips tightly together, his eyes still firmly closed, trying to avert the unavertable. Tears demanded to be shred, sobs commanded to leave his throat and before he could do anything to stop it he felt the first wave hit him. Hot tears fell and he sobbed loudly, hugging his legs tighter to his chest. Taking a few shallow breathes another wave hit him. Sheldon pressed his face deeper into his pillow, crying as sob after sob from somewhere deep within made their way out into the soft fabric beneath his chin, so intense that he could feel his throat hurt. His head was hurting, his throat was hurting, his heart was hurting, everything was hurting.

He was almost out of breath, feeling his nose and sinuses get clogged, and he made one last desperate attempt to take a deep breath. But as the memory of receiving that dreadful Termination Formula made its way to Sheldon's mind, replaying over and over again, he abandoned any and all attempts to hold back and he surrendered completely, unable to sustain any control, now truly and utterly weeping.

He stayed like that, laying on his side in the fetus position, his knees firmly pressed towards his chest and his face buried halfway into his now wet and damp pillow, until the last tear had been shred, until the last sob has left his lips, until the lump in his throat had been cried out. As tears subsided, he slowly opened his eyes, starring into the air, the silence only being interrupted by his post-crying hiccups over which he had no control. He took a few deep breathes, feeling his heartbeat slowing down a bit. Before long Sheldon felt his eyelids getting heavy as an immense exhaustion took over his body. Something had to be done. He had to set the record straight, he had to do the right thing. Those where some of the last thoughts going through his mind before his body finally let go and surrendered to the sweet embrace of sleep.

*Fade to black*

So? What do you think? As it has always been, I live and feed off of your reviews. And I'm starving, dear reader! Well... I'm so vain, huh?

OFFICIAL STATEMENT: I won't be writing for the next couple of weeks. Why, you ask? One word, my friend: FINALS! *DUN DUN DUUUUUN*

But don't worry, I'll be back soon! This story will continue as soon as I taste the sweet nectar of summer freedom, be sure of that!

Until next time:

Live long and ship hard! :)