Away Mission Log Stardate 19899.11
I now know who is out to bump Ariel off and have Saraphine take her place in history...a TimeSplitter named Kosovo! It also seems that this scum bastard escaped from the genocide to set a "feasibility trap" of sorts. But what kind of Feasibility Trap? I hadn't the foggiest. On an additional note: I think I...I...oh, what the hell, I'm just gonna say it: I think I've fallen for Saraphine Wittle like a blind roofer! So, to prove my indire love for her, I'm taking her on a tour of Glowerhaven Island and hopefully settle our feelings for each other in the process. As far as finding Kosovo on dry land is concerned, I've had no luck in finding him (just yet!). Hopefully, everything will fall into place...
Now it's Day 3 of Operation Mermaid Paradox, and I'm still trying to find Kosovo while dealing with my feelings for Saraphine. I got up at 5:00 AM as Rosy-fingered Dawn cupped Glowerhaven Island to thumb open a new day's crack and took a hot shower to prepare to take Saraphine on a tour of Glowerhaven Island to settle our feelings for each other once and for all. First, we went window shopping nearby the Glowerhaven Boardwalk, then we took dancing lessons at the Glowerhaven Disco (even though I thought that Disco went out of style in 1979!). Then we went on a horseback ride while Scuttle and Flounder checked to see if we kissed yet (kinda corny, don't ya think?):
Scuttle: Haven't they kissed yet?
Flounder [shakes his head]: Nope.
Scuttle: Well, damn, they'd better get crackin' soon, or otherwise they're pretty much S.O.L.!
Then after the horseback ride, we then went to the amphitheater to listen to Morris Day and The Time perform their impromptu musical act. One of their songs was, of course, Jungle Love:
Amphitheater P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen, Morris Day and The Time!
[The Time's "Jungle Love" begins to play throughout the amphitheater]
Capt. Wex: Say, uh, Saraphine?
Saraphine [writes down what she wants to say]: Yes, Wonderboy?
Capt. Wex: I was thinkin' that if you weren't doin' anything else tonight, I thought I'd take ya out on a boat ride out in the swampy lagoon...you know...the kind that goes out to the ocean waterfront, what do ya say? Sounds cool?
Then she smiles at me and gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, thus accepting my offer. Now, we flash forward to 8:00 PM, it's dark out and it's a full moon with a bunch of stars out tonight. I rented a speedboat from a local marina not too far from Glowerhaven Beach. It's got an Evinrude engine in it, but speed wasn't really the thing that mattered, what mattered was the romantic time I was about to spend with her. But so far, nothing special for us was happening, yet!
Scuttle [worried as hell]: Oh, God, why aren't they kissing yet?! [then he has a epiphany] Oh, I got it! This calls for a little romantic stimulation. Just stand back, and let a star do this!
Then he flies over to a branch of a tree (shooing the other birds away in the process) and starts squawking to the rhythm of R.E.M.'s "Star Me Kitten", and it was so fucking annoying! Why? Well, for one, he was squawking off-key, and two, that certain way he was squawking is what made him sound so annoying! I had my two cents in this matter:
Capt. Wex [surprised, sort of]: Damn, somebody's got a squawking problem out here tonight?
Then Saraphine looks at Scuttle (whose still squawking his life away!) as he gives an A-OK sign (but it wasn't A-O-fucking-K!), but then Saraphine looks down with absolute disgust and finally, Sebastian had enough (thank God!):
Sebastian [pissed off]: Oh, dear God, I'm surrounded by friggin' amateurs! [jumps into the water, cuts off a piece of sea grass to use as a maestro stick] Sometimes, when you want things done, you've got to do it yourself! [his expression changes from being pissed off to trigger happy now that he can perform this musical number] The first thing we gotta do is to create...the mood! [then a group of swamp animals join in] Now, percussion...
Now the percussion sounded familiar (somewhat), but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Until...
Sebastian: Strings...[crickets join in, sounding like a rockabilly guitar]
Then when the crickets joined in, that rockabilly sound came back to me...IT WAS "WICKED GAME" BY CHRIS ISSAK [upon which I call it The Chris Issak Kumbaya because it was his biggest hit he ever had]!
Sebastian: Words...
Then he started to sound exactly like Chris Issak, thus bringing me back to the movie Wild At Heart:
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: My world's on fire no one can save me but you...
[Saraphine notices Sebastian]
Capt. Wex: Did you hear something?
[Saraphine looks at the Captain with a "I don't know"]
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: Strange what desire would make foolish people do...
Then the music grows more deeper...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you...
I was about to kiss her, but, once again, I missed my shot...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you...
Then some other swamp animals join in on this musical number:
Sebastian [lures in more swamp animals, including the Budweiser Frogs]: Sing with me now... [a la Chris Issak] NO, IIIIIIII wanna fall in love...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: NO, IIIIIIII wanna fall in love...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: With you...
Capt. Wex: You know, Saraphine, I do kinda feel bad that I didn't know what we wanted to do after our mission is over. So, do you wanna go deep-sea fishing?
[Saraphine shakes her head in disgust]
Capt. Wex: Ah, OK, no! [chuckles a little bit] Um, OK, uh, how about we go bar-hopping all over L.A. for awhile?
[Saraphine shakes her head no again]
Capt. Wex: Uh, alright, then what ab- -
Sebastian [whispering in Wex's ear]: Hitched, she want's to get hitched with ya!
Capt. Wex [puzzled]: Get hitched?
[Saraphine nods like crazy with a smile on her ever so beautiful face]
Capt. Wex: Oh, so that's what you wanna do? Alright, after the mission, we'll find a priest to wed us!
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Then we float over to a blue lagoon, thus the music grows more deeper and sweeter as if I feel like we would kiss each other and- - Say, we kinda haven't changed a bit, have we, Cats?
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way... What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you... [the boat goes into the lagoon as the whooping cranes open the "tree curtain"] What a wicked thing to say, you've never felt this way...[little tadpoles jump from the swamp water and sing a little bit] What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and IIIIIIII wanna fall in love...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: No, IIIIIIII wanna fall in love...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Then things in the lagoon got sweeter as more swamp animals joined in along with fireflies, ducks, turtles, dolphins, and finally, various fishes (including large mouth and small mouth bass and walleye)! I felt like this was a starry Heaven on Earth kind-of deal, with all the animals, Sebastian singing "Wicked Game" at the top of his lungs, and...stuff...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: My world's on fire no one can save me but you...[Wex and Saraphine looks into each other's eyes] Strange what desire would make foolish people do...[Then the boat stops in the center of the lagoon and rotates clockwise] I'd never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you... I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you...[the fish, including Flounder, circle the boat and start spouting out streams of fountainous water] NO, IIIIIIII wanna fall in love...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: NO, IIIIIIII wanna fall in love...
Scuttle [a la Chris Issak background singers, off-key]: This girl is only gonna break your hear- -[his mouth gets covered by two flamingoes]
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: With you...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: With you...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: NO, IIIIIIIIIII [holds the note]
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Then in that singular moment, we locked eyes, the swamp animals making smooching sounds and saying "Kiss her, you dufus!", and Sebastian holding that near-to-last note before the song ends...
Swamp Animals [a la Chris Issak background singers]: This girl is only gonna break your heart...
Scuttle: Go on, Wex! Kiss her you dufus!
Sebastian [a la Chris Issak]: Nobody loves no one...
And when the song was just about to end with us nearly smooching, our romantic time was cut abruptly short when our speedboat was tipped over and we fell into the swamp water:
Capt. Wex: Whoa, hang on! Hang on, Saraphine, are ya OK?
Unbeknownst to us, our boat was tipped over by those two damn eels, Flotsam and Jetsam, shaking their tails as if they were shaking hands saying job well done (even though something was still telling me that they weren't eels at all...).
Kosovo [in the form of Ursula]: Nicely done, boys! That was a close one, too damn close! Ah, the little sumbitch, he must be better than I thought. Going at this rate, SHE'LL BE KISSING HIM BY SUNSET FOR SURE! [he opens up Ursula's Spell Cabinet and knocks down a few bottles and grabs another bottle and a spell containing a butterfly inside] Well, it's time Kosovo puts matters in his own hands [throws the bottle into the cauldron]! Wex Major [places the butterfly container in the cauldron] will be mine. I'll make him writhe! [a spell gets casted out surrounding him with magical orbs of transformation] Soon, the universe will be wriggling like a worm on a hook!
Then the spell that he just casted turns him from his Ursula disguise into a Human woman. What kind of woman, you ask? Beats me! But one thing I could definitely tell you is that we went back to the Overlook Hotel to regather our composure and for me to think about my past flames while thinking of the possibility that Saraphine could be Voyager in Human Form that Space Coyote Nacene Caretaker prohesied for me back those many years ago when I first entered the Delta Quadrant. For now, I'm playing (and singing) The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go" on my Gibson acoustic guitar to take my mind off of certain things:
Capt. Wex [a la The Calling]: So lately, been wondering. Who will be there to take my place? When I'm gone you'll need love... To Light the shadows on your face...
Then Stan shows up:
Stan: Hey, Cap', what up? I thought I'd just drop by to tell you...
Capt. Wex: Tell me what?
Stan: That when I was in the Delta Flyer this evening, I detected a chronometric signature not far from here, quite possibly on the beachfront. So, Cap', I'd be careful if I were you!
Capt. Wex: Ah, don't you worry about that, Stan! I've got all that covered!
Stan: And, you know, Cap', if I may say, what's far better than any Dream Girl, it's one of flesh and blood. One warm and caring, and right before your eyes!
And so, for the final time (but it probably ain't the final time), I opened myself up to the possibility that Saraphine could be "the One" for me...if only I wasn't thinking about my other past flames. So then I played one last note before I threw my guitar out to the ocean. I was about to go back up to our room at the hotel, but then I heard a familiar song being sung by a somewhat Heavenly voice. It was kinda weird that I at first I thought nothing of it, because I should have, the song that she was singing in the distance was Jewel's "Standing Still"! And then I noticed that she came from the beachfront (just like how Stan said someone or something would), and she sorta looked like Taylor Swift. Although she was singing, but her lips weren't moving and then at that moment (according to Homer's and Stan's testimonies), I saw a hypnotizing light flash before my eyes and I was in a trance-like state and I wanted to marry her right then and there...