Author's Note: Thanks to padfootsprincess02, northstar61 and calhoun91 for being my sounding boards on this chapter. All of your feedback/thoughts really helped me with this one.
Isla moaned as Jesse slipped his tongue in her mouth, exploring the familiar contours, her tongue caressing his as she pressed closer to him. His hand wandered down her side and came to rest on her hip, kneading the flesh that was exposed. Jesse's heart screamed that this was a betrayal to Rachel, but as Isla moved to straddle him, all coherent thought seemingly went out the window and his body had a mind of its own.
He bucked up into her slightly as he felt her center rub against the hardening erection in his boxers. Her lips leaving his as she pushed his shirt up his chest and began kissing a trail slowly up as she pushed it higher before removing it all the way. When she reached for the waistband of his boxers to begin to pull them off, his hands shot out and stopped her progress. "Is…" he whispered.
They just stared at one another for a moment, both of them panting in the darkness of the bedroom, not saying a word. Finally, she broke the silence as she moved her hips slightly causing her to whimper with desire. Jesse closed his eyes at the pleasant friction the movement caused letting out a low moan of his own. She pulled one of his hands to her body and placed his palm on her breast, the thin material of her nightgown the only thing between their flesh. "Feel me," she said quietly, desperation evident in her voice as she guided his hand down her body. "I need you to feel me, Jesse." Her breathing became shallow as she moved his hand under her baby doll nightgown and into her panties.
Her body trembled above him as his fingers just barely grazed her. "Touch me," she begged, increasing the pressure on his hand that she still had a hold of, effectively pushing one of his fingers into her. "Please." Jesse did as she asked, making her writhe against his hand.
Their lips crashed together as Jesse removed his hand from her panties and pushed them down as far as he could from the position he was in. She tugged at his boxers, pulling them off completely before she leaned over to the nightstand and reached into the drawer to grab a condom. "Just to be safe," Isla told him, breathless, as she ripped the wrapper open using her teeth and slid the condom over him, stroking him a few times before she hovered above and sank down onto him.
Suddenly everything became a blur of lips and tongues and hands and groans as Jesse closed his eyes and let his body take over.
Jesse lay wide awake while his wife slept peacefully next to him, her arm and leg draped possessively over him. He couldn't believe what he had just done. All he could think about what was this was going to do to Rachel and their relationship.
Maybe she would understand. After all, she slept beside Donovan night after night. Surely, they had been intimate in some way over the last few weeks. Perhaps Rachel hadn't wanted to tell him that something had happened because she didn't want to hurt him.
Jesse knew he was reaching though because that wasn't Rachel. She wouldn't keep something like that from him. She had been very open about her relationship with Donovan. He didn't need her to reaffirm to him that nothing physical had happened between them in awhile because she would have already told him if it had.
She was going to hate him. She was going to question the feelings that he had for her and wonder if they were real or if it really was just his unhappiness with Isla that made him believe that he was in love with Rachel. He knew that he loved her but would she know that?
Did she love him?
Every time they were together he felt like he knew the answer to that question by the way she touched him or looked at him, but he had told her over and over again that he loved her and not once had she said those words back. Was she scared to tell him because of the very thing that he had done with Isla just hours before? Did she think he would break her heart again?
How was he going to tell Rachel about this?
He felt trapped all a sudden and knew that he needed to get out of the bed. He slowly lifted the covers and slipped out of Isla's grasp, managing not to wake her. Not knowing what else to do, he walked into the kitchen and filled a glass with water, gulping it down. Looking around the open living area of his apartment he tried to think of something he could do that might help him get some sleep and stop his mind from racing. Finally, his eyes fell on the spare bathroom that was down the hall from their bedroom near the small study.
Walking over to the bedroom door, he shut it quietly before walking over and going into the bathroom then closed the door behind him as well. He hoped that the sound of the water running wouldn't wake his still sleeping wife as he turned the knob. Jesse just stood under the spray of the hot water as it beat down on him, his hands supporting his weight as he leaned towards the shower wall.
Finally, he grabbed the soap and scrubbed every inch of his body as though he could wash away the guilt that he felt.
When he walked back into the bedroom, he saw that Isla had rolled over and was now facing in the other direction. He grabbed a pair of clean boxers from a drawer and slipped under the covers as quietly as he could, his back to his wife on the other side of the bed. Closing his eyes, sleep finally overtook him.
Jesse awoke the next morning to the smell of eggs being cooked wafting in from the kitchen. He glanced over to his nightstand to look at his alarm clock and noticed that it was 8 o'clock. He'd only managed to get a few hours of sleep. He considered going back to sleep, but when he closed his eyes he realized that it just wasn't going to happen. Getting out of bed, Jesse grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and opened the bedroom door to see Isla standing in front of the stove, dressed and ready for work.
She turned her head and smiled at him as he walked into the kitchen. Leaving the eggs to cook a bit, she came over to Jesse and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Good morning," she said with a smile before she placed a lingering kiss on his lips. "Did you sleep well?" she asked, letting go of him and walking back to the stove.
"Yeah, I did," Jesse lied, giving her a small smile.
Turning off the stove, she took the pan off of the burner and dished the scrambled eggs onto two plates for her and Jesse, along with some toast. She placed the two plates on the counter before walking back over to him. "Last night was…" she started, running her hand back and forth on his chest before kissing him again. "Amazing."
Pulling back, she made her way over to the counter and sat down on her bar stool before she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to join her.
Walking over and sitting down beside her, they ate in silence for a moment, Jesse wondering if now was a good time to tell Isla that he was going out of town for a couple of days. Swallowing the bite of eggs he'd just put in his mouth, he figured that this moment was as good as any to bring it up.
"So Thomas and some of the guys all wanted to head down to Atlantic City after the show on Sunday and stay down there for a couple of nights," Jesse lied easily, taking another bite of his eggs and looking at her evenly.
"Guys weekend?" Isla asked, not a note of suspicion coloring her voice. In fact, she turned and smiled at him knowingly. "Maybe I could get some girls together and we could do a spa day or something in the city while you're gone."
"Yeah, you should," Jesse agreed with a nod. He exhaled lightly, releasing the breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding. As he listened to Isla talk about who she might invite to her spa day and where they might go, he started thinking of the perfect place that he wanted to take Rachel. Then it hit him, he knew exactly where they could go and not have to worry about who saw them together. A place where they could be just Jesse and Rachel, a young couple on a romantic getaway.
As soon as their matinee show was over with that following Sunday, Jesse and Rachel each hopped in a different cab bound for the same destination. Jesse was the first to arrive at the rental car center and the car that he had rented was ready and waiting for him by the time Rachel arrived. As she got out of the cab, she saw Jesse leaning comfortably against the side of the convertible sports car, an easy smile in place. He looked like something straight out of a movie scene.
Her first instinct was to rush over to him and press him against the car as she kissed his lips, but they were still trying to be as discreet as possible even though there had been nothing about their affair in the Post since the blind item weeks ago. They didn't want to take any chances though. Not in the city anyway. As she approached the car, Jesse walked over to her and grabbed her bag out of her hand so he could put it in the trunk. "Hi, gorgeous," he told her softly.
Walking over to the passenger side of the car, Rachel reached for the door handle to open it but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard Jesse yell from the rear of the car. "Don't even think about it, Rach!" So she stood next to the door waiting patiently for him to walk to her side of the car and open her door for her.
"Such a gentleman," she teased with a wink, as he opened her door and she got into the car. She beamed up at him as he shut the door for her. She couldn't resist trying to find out where they were going the moment he got in the car. "So are you going to tell me now where it is that we'll be for the next two nights?"
He debated for a moment if he should keep her in the dark about their little getaway or not before he finally said, "Montauk."
"Ooh, I love the Hamptons," Rachel squealed excitedly. As much as she loved the city, it was nice to get away sometimes from the hustle and bustle of every day life.
"I'm not telling you the exact place we're going because I know you and you'll get on your phone and start doing all sorts of research." He leaned over towards her seat so their faces were inches apart. "I just want you to relax and enjoy the drive out there," he whispered before placing a quick kiss on her lips.
"Can we put the top down?" Rachel asked. It was unseasonably warm for early October and they still had a couple hours until sunset.
Without a word, Jesse hit the button and the top lifted off the front windshield, leaving them open to the sky above. Putting his sunglasses on, he looked over at Rachel with a wide grin as he put the car in 'Drive' and they were on their way.
A little while later, as they were driving down the highway, Rachel turned to watch the sun that was now low in the sky, enjoying the beautiful day. She felt Jesse's warm hand on her upper thigh, causing her to turn her head and smile at him. He flipped his hand over, palm up on her leg and she laced her fingers through his. She didn't think she'd ever seen a more beautiful sight than the way he looked at the moment with the wind whipping his perfect curls around. Unable to resist any longer, she leaned over and kissed him softly.
Giving his hand a little squeeze, she turned her gaze back towards the dwindling light from the setting sun, her body humming with anticipation of the nights to come.
Rachel excitedly ran up the path to their little secluded beach cottage after they'd checked in at the front desk of the resort, causing Jesse to laugh as he continued to walk behind her. "Hurry up!" she yelled from the front porch as she stood by the front door.
He jogged up the rest of the path with their bags in his hands and dropped them on the porch as he stopped in front of her. Without warning, his body connected with hers as he buried one hand in her hair and the other wrapped around her waist preventing her from stumbling backwards as he claimed her lips in a hungry, deep kiss. It nearly made Rachel go weak in the knees with the intensity. "I've wanted to do that since we picked up the car," he confessed as they pulled apart.
"Well, for the next two days you can do it all you want," she whispered, grabbing his shirt and pulling him back to her as their mouths found one another again. A soft sigh escaped Rachel's lips as she felt Jesse's hands snake around her to grab her ass and gently squeeze.
"I think we should go inside."
Jesse's husky voice cut through her lust-filled haze for a moment. Rachel nodded her agreement as Jesse unlocked the door before grabbing their bags and opening the door for her. "I love it," Rachel breathed out as she looked around the living room, kitchen and then towards the bedroom that sat just off of it. Jesse followed her into the bedroom where she turned the light on to see the room better. "The window," she gasped, noticing the huge bay window that faced the ocean.
"It's why I booked this place. I wanted to wake up in the morning, just lay in bed with you listening to the sounds of the waves and look out at the ocean," he explained.
Jesse had spent what felt like hours researching places to find the perfect spot for them. There had been some hotels that looked gorgeous but he had decided that he wanted them to have their own space. His search for the perfect beach cottage had proved a difficult one. Most of the rentals hadn't even been on the beach, but then by some miracle he had stumbled across this place. He'd fallen in love with it immediately and now that he was actually standing inside his perfect little beach cottage, he knew that he'd made the right choice.
"God, that sounds like heaven." Rachel wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest as they both stood there in quiet contentment, listening to the waves crashing on the beach just outside the bedroom of the cottage.
The quiet was broken by Rachel's stomach growling. Leaning back she looked at him with a child-like grin on her face. "You wouldn't be hungry, would you," he teased, a twinkle in his eyes. She nodded up at him. "How about we go into town and find some place to eat dinner?" Jesse asked, placing a feather-light kiss on her forehead.
"I was thinking we could order in," she replied, a suggestive tone in her voice.
"You have the best ideas," he told her, placing a chaste kiss on her lips.
An hour later, they both sat on the floor of the living room of the cottage just talking with a nearly empty box of cheese pizza open on the coffee table in front of them, absolutely stuffed from all of the food they had just eaten.
"When you think about life forty years from now, what scares you the most?" Jesse suddenly asked. Rachel looked at him a little puzzled by the sudden and serious change of topic. Jesse shrugged his shoulders in response. "I'm curious."
They sat in silence for a moment as Rachel was unsure of what to say. How honest should she be?
"I can tell you what scares me," Jesse offered, cutting into Rachel's thoughts. She looked at him expectantly waiting to see what he was going to say. "That I'll have a relationship with my children like I have with my parents. Non-existent. I worry that one day I'll make all the same mistakes that they made and my children will resent me and I'll be sitting in a nursing home and no one will visit me."
"Jesse…" She scooted closer to him on the floor before brushing her hand across his forehead. "Why would you think that?"
"Because some of us are doomed to repeat history." He looked up at her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. She'd had no idea that this was something that he truly worried about. Something that actually scared him. "I haven't had the best examples of how to parent, Rach."
"You will be nothing like them. You are a kind and loving man who will make such a wonderful father one day." She cupped his face in her hands so that he couldn't look away. "You aren't doomed to repeat their same mistakes, you've learned from their mistakes and you will do everything in your power to make sure that you are the kind of parent that they couldn't be."
"But I can be just as selfish and self-centered as they've always been. I don't want to be that kind of parent, but what if it's who I am."
"It's not who you are. This conversation right now just proves that you'll never be like that. Do you know why?"
He shook his head no in response.
"Because it shows that you care enough to want to be different than your parents and that you won't be anything like them. Your children are going to love you. If you have a girl, she's going to think you walk on water and are the most perfect man ever and she'll think that no man will ever be able to live up to her daddy. If you have a boy, he's going to love you because you'll support him in whatever he does whether it's playing sports or music or just simply being a bookworm. He'll be proud that you're his dad. He'll be proud to be a St. James because of you. Your children will love you completely." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to try and stop the tears that had started to pool in her eyes during her speech to Jesse. "How could they not love you?"
Jesse reached up and wiped away a tear that had fallen with the pad of his thumb. She looked at him with a sheepish smile on her face. He smiled at her, a wordless thanks for all of the wonderful things she had just said about him.
"Regrets," she stated. "That's my fear. That I'll regret the things that I did or didn't do with my life because I was too scared."
Now it was his turn to try and assuage her fears. "Rach, you are the strongest person I know. You're fearless. You don't let anything stand in the way of something you want. You knew that you wanted to win a National championship at McKinley with New Directions and you did. You put off your Broadway dreams for four years to go to a college that you really loved because it was what you wanted. You knew you wanted to be a Broadway star and now you are one." He knew this was going to sound a little arrogant, but it was how he felt. "You're here with me."
She looked up at him and nodded slightly. "I am."
"Just keep following your heart and you'll never be wrong," he told her before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
Looking into his eyes, Rachel felt closer to Jesse in that moment than she ever had which was saying something. "I love you." She said the words softly but with so much conviction that there could be no doubt that she meant those three words with every fiber of her being. She watched as a huge grin spread across Jesse's face as her words sunk in.
She loved him. He didn't fully realize how much he had needed her to say those words and what hearing her finally say aloud that she reciprocated his feelings for her would feel like until that moment.
Rachel scooted as close to him as she could without sitting in his lap, draping her legs across both of his outstretched ones. "I love you, Jesse," she said again.
"God, I love hearing you say that," he told her, running his hand up her arm and across her collarbone coming to rest on the side of her neck, the pad of his thumb caressing her cheek. "I love you too." Then he closed the space between them, kissing her lips softly a couple of times before his mouth covered hers and their tongues tangled in a passionate kiss.
Rachel pulled Jesse down on top of her as she slowly lay back on the floor behind her. She moaned softly as their tongues continued their dance and the hand that had found its way under her shirt fondled her breast gently. As he reached inside her bra and rubbed her taut peak in between is thumb and forefinger, she arched up into his skilled hands.
"How about we try out that bed," he asked huskily against the skin of her neck, stopping what his hands were doing to her breasts. As he pulled back and stood up, he grabbed Rachel's hands to pull her up with him before shutting off the living room light and leading her to the bedroom.
Standing at the end of the bed in the moonlit bedroom, they just stared at one another for a moment before Rachel reached for the hem of Jesse's t-shirt and pulled it off of him. She ran her hands up his toned chest, her lips following in their wake in silent worship until she placed a sweet kiss just above his heart. When she finally looked up at him, Jesse felt his heart skip a beat by the amount of love and devotion he saw in her eyes.
Needing her to be just as naked as he currently was, Jesse pulled Rachel's shirt over her head, unceremoniously discarding it as he made short work of her bra. Rachel laced her fingers through his hair as his mouth latched on to her breast and he grazed her hardened nipple with his teeth playfully before his tongue swirled around it languidly.
His hands moved down to her waist and his fingers felt blindly for the buttons of her jeans. Rachel stepped out of her jeans as his mouth left her breast and he pushed them, along with her panties, down her legs. Reaching for the buttons of his own jeans, Jesse started to undo them before Rachel's hands stopped him. She locked her gaze on his as she undid the buttons and knelt down to slide the jeans down his legs.
Looking up at Jesse through her lashes from her position on the floor, she reached for the waistband of his boxers and let her hands graze over his ass as she pulled them down. She pushed him backwards so that he flopped down on the bed and positioned herself between his legs. Jesse leaned up on his elbow to watch her as she reached out and stroked his extremely erect and hardened shaft.
The smile that played on Rachel's lips as she leaned forward was one of the sexiest things Jesse had ever seen. She placed a soft kiss on the tip of him before her lips closed around him and he felt the warm wetness of her tongue and mouth, causing him to throw his head back and let out a loud groan. His fingers threaded through her hair lightly as her head bobbed up and down doing wonderful things to him with her mouth. It took every ounce of control in him not to come undone quickly at the feel of her swirling and licking him with her tongue and squeezing him ever so slightly with the hand that still gripped him.
Looking up, her eyes locked with his as he managed to open his own eyes and watch what she was currently doing to him. "Come here," Jesse rasped out, wanting to be buried deep inside of her. Doing as he asked, Rachel released him and crawled onto the bed with him.
Flipping them over so she was pinned underneath him, Jesse bent his head down and captured her lips in a demanding kiss. "I love you," she told him for the third time that night as they broke apart and Jesse positioned himself at her entrance.
She brushed back some of his curls that had fallen on his forehead and leaned up kissing his lips fervently. Her tongue explored his mouth as he pushed into her deeply, causing her to gasp into his mouth. The feel of her was almost too much for him at first, but he managed to control of himself so he could make their coupling last as long as possible. Her grip on him tightened as their tongues matched the feverish and rapid movements of their bodies.
Jesse rested his forehead lightly against Rachel's as he finally broke off their kiss, both of them panting roughly as they thrust against each other over and over, so close to release. His head fell to the crook of her neck as he thrust in and out of her, changing his angle ever so slightly and feeling the effect that it was having on her. It wasn't long before a cry of pleasure escaped her lips which only caused Jesse to hasten his movements and pound against Rachel. The feel of her release was too much for him and soon he was letting out a cry of his own as he joined her in ecstasy.
For the second time in the last week, Jesse lay wide awake in bed with his thoughts consuming him. Just like his last sleepless night, his thoughts were about Rachel and how he was going to tell her about what happened with Isla. Especially now that she had finally told him that she loved him.
She had finally trusted him enough and trusted in them enough to allow herself to admit out loud just how deep her feelings were for him. Would she hate him for his betrayal?
Or worse, would she question her feelings for him? Would she regret having told him that she loved him?
Unlike the other night with Isla, he didn't want to escape from Rachel's embrace. Being wrapped in her arms didn't make him feel like he was suffocating. It comforted him. It felt right.
He looked down at the beautiful woman sleeping peacefully in his arms and his heart ached at the thought of her breaking things off because he had hurt her. He wrapped his arms a little more tightly around her as he thought about the possibility of them not being together once he told her the truth.
Jesse resolved to tell Rachel everything the next day. He wasn't sure when or how he was going to do it, but she had to know. He didn't want to keep anything from her.
"I love you," he whispered. Placing a ghost of a kiss on her forehead, he lay his head on the pillow next to hers and closed his eyes, letting the sounds of her soft snores lull him to sleep.
Author's Note: I hope you guys don't hate me too much for the beginning. I thought about it quite a bit, but I decided that I didn't want to just gloss over Jesse and Isla having sex. It was always going to happen and now it finally has happened. I thought this was also a good time for Rachel to finally tell Jesse that she loves him. He needed to hear it. I thought I might try to make up for the beginning by St. Berry having a little sexy time too. ;) Reviews keep my creative juices flowing so please review and let me know what you guys thought.