Title: Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral

Summary: Ryan takes care of his daughter in the middle of the night and takes time to reflect on the time since her birth.

Genre: Family

Characters: Ryan, Alexis

Ryan heard her first, which really wasn't surprising because after being on call seven days a week for ten years he slept pretty lightly. Sitting up and rubbing his hands up and down his face and through his hair he yawned and turned when a small hand touched his back and tugged on the hem of his green boxers. "You want me to get her?"

He turned and placed a kiss to her cheek before climbing out of the bed and pulling the comforter back up, "I've got it, you go back to bed." The only response he got was a sleepy hum.

After turning down the volume on the monitor he grabbed his sweats from the floor and slid them on before wandering across the dimly lit living room, thank God for nightlights, and into his daughter's room. A smile appeared on his sleepy face as he repeated the word in his head, daughter. It still sounded so new and almost foreign and when his eyes fell upon his beautiful child he sighed happily. No matter how much she cried, no matter how much she pooped, she was still the most adorable person on the planet.

His large hands grabbed her tiny frame out of the crib and the blanket she was still swaddled in and carried her to the kitchen where he quietly made her a bottle with one hand. He was getting pretty good at this whole ambidextrous thing. After the bottle was warmed slightly he returned to her room and dropped down into the chair in the corner and stuck the nipple between her pouty lips.

While some might dread middle of the night feedings Ryan treasured them. Here in the dead of night he could sit in silence with his daughter and count her ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. He could run his fingers over her tiny ears and across her barely there eyebrows. Small puffs of air made him notice she had fallen asleep again and he gently tickled her chin to wake her back up to eat.

It was hard to comprehend that a mere two weeks ago she hadn't existed on this earth, that she was just an unseen kicking being inside his wife. Alexis of course had her water break when he wasn't there which in itself was pretty amazing considering only about ten percent of women had their water break naturally. He had arrived home and was amazed at how absolutely calm Devlin was as he grabbed her belongings and stuck them by the door before sitting next to her and talking about how excited he was to finally meet his sister. The entire thing had been calm and relaxed and for that he was thankful because his life had enough stress in it. Only after they got to the hospital and fully settled did they realize Alexis's contractions weren't regular so after a dose of Pitocin the real fun began.

Ryan could tell when they started to worsen not only from the monitor attached to her stomach but also from the brutal bone crushing grip on his hand that was getting worse and worse. Just when both thought it couldn't get any more painful Erin was there, alive and screaming and pink and cradled against Alexis and Ryan couldn't help but grin like an idiot. After getting her checked and cleaned up the nurses had handed her to him and it had been one of the single most awe inspiring moments of his life. She was so tiny, only seven and a half pounds, and new and a part of him. Her entire existence had only happened because of how much he loved Alexis and how much Alexis loved him. This little tiny human with the big green eyes exactly her mothers and the shock of dark hair exactly like his upon her petite head was a product of love in it's purest form.

He had of course experienced all of this with Jenny and Devlin but it wasn't the same, it wasn't more or less important or special it was just different. Devlin's birth had been hectic because of all the tests they had to administer and he and Jenny both had been robbed of the extraordinary time immediately after his birth so everything he got to experience with Erin was new. Having a second child wasn't just a repeat of the first it was entirely new and he felt elated that Devlin was old enough to truly appreciate his brand new sister.

A small coo alerted him that Erin was finished eating and he sat down the bottle on the table next to him and repositioned her to lie on his chest so they would both be more comfortable. His eyes drifted to the bottle, the dreaded bottle that had caused so much stress, and he shook his head at how silly it all was. Alexis had wanted to breastfeed, plain and simple but you can't always have what you want. The nurses had pressured her, she had pressured herself but it just wasn't happening. Ryan personally had been glad when she said they needed to formula feed because it meant he could actually help and bond more with her but he hated how upset his wife was with herself. She had treated it like she was a giant failure as a mother, like she had already let Erin down in her first week of life. Many tears later he had finally convinced her that Erin would grow up just fine and that her ability to breastfeed had absolutely nothing to do with her capacity to love and mother Erin.

It was surprising to him how much his normally confident wife was frightened and insecure about Erin. Babies were scary, plain and simple, and he knew that from personal experience. When you're in the hospital and there's nurses filtering in and out and taking care of the baby it's fine but then they just send you home, alone, and suddenly it's all too real. Your mind tries to grasp that this is a person that you're in charge of and that people trust you with this tiny person even though you have absolutely no idea what you're doing and the thought is terrifying. Then after a very short time you come to find out that you've got this, that diapers aren't as complicated as you initially anticipated and that hysterical crying doesn't mean your child is dying but that they're alive and testing out those brand new lungs. It had only been two weeks and Alexis wasn't to the point she wanted be alone with Erin yet and that was alright, that's why he was there to help and when he was forced to return to work he knew Castle would be there to step in. Even Javi had already stopped by a few times and fed and changed Erin, his time spent with his nieces really paying off and while Beckett wasn't fully comfortable around the baby she was learning. They had a large support group and for that he was thankful.

His eyes snapped to the doorway when he heard movement and Devlin peered in and whispered, "Is she ok?"

Ryan nodded and watched him walk in and stare at his little sister. "I tried to get to her before she woke you up buddy."

"It's ok," Devlin whispered and peered at the small space between his dad and the armrest of the chair. Ryan smiled softly and scooted a little before Dev squeezed into the spot and laid his head on his dad's shoulder. "I love you dad."

"I love you too buddy."

It was silent for a few minutes until Devlin whispered, "Will you sing to me?"

"Of course," he replied softly and in a low voice he began to sing the lullaby that Jenny had sung every night, the song that he had taken over when she had been called home by the angels. "Over in Killarney, many years ago..."

Alexis woke feeling more rested and refreshed than she had since Erin was born and just laid in the large bed with a smile for a while enjoying the quiet solitude. Her hands reached for the baby monitor but the screen just showed an empty crib so with a yawn she climbed from the tall bed and slipped on her robe. After crossing the living room she peeked into Erin's room and couldn't decide if she should smile or cry at the adorable sight in front of her. Kevin was fast asleep with Devlin squeezed into the chair next to him and Erin breathing softly on his chest, Ryan's hand firmly holding her safely to him even in sleep. This was her family, her own little family that she loved more than she ever thought she could love anyone or anything.

She watched her husband suck in a deep breath and look around to see what had woken him and returned his sleepy smile when their eyes met. The way he looked at her always took her breath away, his eyes shone with so much love and adoration that she almost felt unworthy under his gaze. This moment, this exact moment, was perfect in every possible way.

And then Ryan sneezed and Erin began to cry and Devlin fell out of the chair and the wonderful out-of-control circus that was now her life started up again.