Title: Jennifer Scout Duffy O'Malley

Summary: Ryan recounts some memories of Jenny on their wedding anniversary. Takes place four years after Ryan and Alexis got married.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Ryan

When the alarm began to blare Alexis instantly rolled over and quieted the object before chancing a glance at her still slumbering husband and climbing out of bed carefully. After showering and having a quick bite to eat she kissed Ryan's forehead and let him continue to sleep before grabbing Devlin and Erin and slipping out of the apartment to take him to school, Erin to her dad's apartment, and get herself to work on time at the New York Times. She knew today was a hard day for him, it was every year. Today was his and Jenny's anniversary. It was never her birthday, or the day she died that got to him the most it was always the day they got married. Everyone knew this fact and the Captain was gracious enough to always give him the day off, his phone eerily silent while no one bothered him for a single twenty-four hour period.

Since they had gotten together she tried to be there for him on this day but this year she just couldn't stay home with him. Instead of letting him sit alone with his thoughts all day, which she knew could be dangerous, she pulled out her phone and called on the two people that had been there for them both for the past six years. Paige and Taylor had been a constant in their lives since the time they had both spent the night many years ago. While both had always been there for Alexis they latched onto Ryan tightly and never let go, even when he tried to get them to. They were there for holidays and babysat Dev and Erin to give the couple a night out, they took care of Alexis when she was sick and hung out with Ryan to keep away the boredom when he broke his ankle two years ago. The friendship worked both ways and Ryan and Alexis both had been in Taylor's wedding a few months ago when she married Scott, the man she had been dating on and off for the past three years, and both had attended Paige's graduation when she finally finished her bachelor's degree that was now hanging proudly on her bedroom wall collecting dust and not being used even in the slightest. According to Paige it was the principle of the thing and in true Paige fashion she explained that real men loved an educated woman and she was going to exploit that fact to the fullest.

After a quick knock the pair waited patiently for the door to open and smiled cheerily when it opened to reveal Ryan in jeans and an old t-shirt. He arched a brow but politely greeted them. "Hey girls, Lex isn't here."

"We know, she called us to come over," Paige said bluntly.

He sagged a little at the fact he seemed pathetic enough to need a babysitter and forced a tight smile, "Well I appreciate the gesture but I just want to be alone today."

Taylor slipped past him into the entryway and shook her head, "Sorry, doesn't work like that. We promised Alexis we wouldn't let you chase us away. We'll be on our best behavior." Knowing it was pointless to argue Ryan just nodded dejectedly and walked to the couch before dropping down heavily. Albums were spread out in front of him and the girls sat down on either side of him, Paige carefully grabbing an open one and smiling at the wedding picture. Ryan looked so happy and young. He looked great for thirty-six, hardly any signs of aging visible but when comparing him to his much younger self you could see the small differences. His face had thinned and his laugh lines were slightly deeper but all in all he really didn't look that much different. "She's beautiful," she finally said out loud when her attention shifted to the woman standing next to him.

He just nodded.

A small laugh escaped her when she saw a picture of him and Esposito sometime before the ceremony, the former looking wrecked with nerves while the latter looked mildly amused. "You look like you're going to be sick."

"I felt like it," he said with a small smile as memories filled his mind.

September 16th, 2007

Ryan stared into the mirror and fiddled with his navy bow tie trying to tie it, his shaking hands making the task more difficult than it should be. It had been tied and re-tied so many times that the motion was beginning to drive Esposito crazy. "Ry, it's fine. Leave it."

He ignored him until a hand on his shoulder forced him away and turned him away from his reflection. "Bro, what are you freaking out for? You're not having second thoughts right?"

"What? No!" he replied instantly. "I just… I don't know if I'm ready for this Javi. I mean I'm only twenty-five. This is such a big step and a big responsibility and I'm not the best with that sort of thing. And Jenny, God she's so great. What if I'm being selfish? She deserves better," he finished sadly.

Esposito just stared before understanding dawned on him. "Don't think like that. You're doing great bro. You're clean and doing great in homicide and you and Jenny are like soul mates. You told her about everything didn't you?" he asked carefully.

Ryan nodded, "She knows everything good and bad and she's just so good about it all and I just feel so unworthy." When a large palm landed on his shoulder he looked at his partner with wide eyes, the expression oddly childlike.

"Kevin, you're my partner. I know we haven't known each other a really long time but I'd like to think I know you pretty well. Now I'm only going to say this once and then we're getting away from all this emo chick stuff. Jenny is a lucky woman; you're a great guy Kev. I know you still see the you from a couple years ago in the mirror but you've changed, for the better. Now you are going to march out there and get married because the sooner you do the sooner I can get out of this damn monkey suit," he finished with a small grin.

Ryan's chest heaved as he sucked in a let out a deep breath and finally smiled. "Yeah, ok. Thanks bro."

The trio continued to flip through pictures and albums and Taylor giggled at a picture of an even younger Ryan. "Is this right after you two met? Speaking of how did you two meet?"

Ryan felt tears spring to his eyes, even ten years later he still missed her dearly. Seeing his rising emotions Paige hugged him and Taylor backtracked. "You don't have to tell us."

"No, it's alright," he said as he cleared his throat to try to force down the emotions. "It's still hard to talk about her but I like to. I don't ever want to forget her."

Taylor grabbed his arm, "I don't think that's possible."

He offered a weak smile, "We met in a book store, I was buying comics."

January 23rd, 2006

Ryan dropped the comics down on the counter not really paying attention and leaned back a little to look at the sweets under the counter before selecting a candy bar and tossing it down too. When he finally looked across the counter he was startled by how beautiful the young blonde cashier was. She smiled politely and looked over the comics with a small smile. He expected her to tease him, to make some joke about him being too old for them but when she opened her mouth something completely unexpected came out.

"I love graphic novels."

Never one that was smooth around the ladies he could only nod and smile goofily.

Her tiny hand picked up The Amazing Spider-Man #526 and pointed to it with her other hand. "I won't give anything away but this is a good one. Rough but good. Have you read the first five parts?" He could only offer another stunned nod.

Never in his wildest dreams did he think this woman would be an avid comic reader yet here she was with a knowledge that rivaled his own. When she gave him his total he paid and grabbed them before leaving somewhat dazed. He was almost out of the store when he finally got the courage to turn around and jog back to the woman. "We should go out sometime. I mean, if you wanted. Unless you're with someone. In which case, sorry," he rambled.

She quirked her head a little and smiled the most brilliant smile he had ever seen. "You don't talk to me at all then want to go on a date?"

He blushed and withdrew a little until his head snapped up when she laughed. "Why not. I'm Jenny."

Unable to hide his excitement his entire face lit up as he stuck out his hand, "Ry... uh, Kevin."

"Were you working as a detective then?" Paige wondered.

"Yeah, I had just started at the 12th," he answered before everyone looked over when the door opened revealing an anxious looking Alexis. She seemed to relax when she saw all three on the couch and after dropping her bag on the counter she walked over and slid in next to her husband. "Good day at work?"

"No such animal," she smirked before kissing him gently.

Knowing their job was done and that Ryan was once again in Alexis's capable hands Paige and Taylor stood and smiled at the detective. "This was nice, we need to hang out more often." After a hug from Taylor and a kiss to his cheek from Paige the pair left the apartment with a soft click of the closing door.

Finally alone Ryan dropped his head onto his wife's lap and curled around her, his emotions unable to be suppressed any longer. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too," she said softly as she ran her fingers through his short hair. "So you guys looked at pictures?"

He nodded, "Yeah. Thanks for not letting me be here alone." She shifted slightly until they were both laying down and with her head on his chest she dropped her hand under his shirt and rubbed her fingers lightly over his smooth skin. "Lex, does this… bother you?"

She frowned in confusion, "You mean does it bother me that you still miss Jenny this much?" At his small nod she shook her head and hugged him tightly. "Not at all. I know she was a big part of your life and came at a really important turning point for you. I know you still love her but I know you love me too and I'm glad that you can talk about her with me. Nothing you do bothers me, especially not important things like this. I've never felt jealous or threatened by your affections for her."

No more words were needed and no more were spoken, the only thing breaking the silence the occasional sniffle.