6 Alcohol is Actually Poison

In hindsight, letting Lauren persuade Rachel that having a party while her dads were out of town would be cool, was a bad idea. Of course he wasn't too thrilled with Rachel because she'd still been trying out her songs on fucking Finn and not letting her best friend even hear them so maybe he hadn't tried to talk Lauren down too much.

So here he was in Rachel's basement again, only instead of just he and Lauren with Rachel the rest of the gleeks had invaded as well. Rachel had the idea that she needed more life experience in order to write a good song. Lauren had convinced her that a party would provide life experience. And even though he's not thrilled with the idea he helps Rachel get the alcohol for the party. He's well aware that this is not the best idea in the world, in fact he's pretty sure it's one of the worst.

So he's letting Quinn abuse him while he sips at one beer that he keeps moving from hand to hand so no one will guess that he's not really drunk. He did enough drinking for an army the summer after Quinn gave Beth away and about twice that amount before he tried to steal an ATM. He's got a deal with his mom now that he can drink a beer or two on the weekends and one sometimes on a weeknight if his grades stay up. And now that he's not trying to use alcohol to escape thinking about all the shit that's gone wrong with his life and his potentially fucked up future he's not that interested in it anymore. It's just fuckin' easier to not bother with drinking.

Sure he likes a beer now and then and he likes that nice buzzed feeling and relaxing with his mom and beer tastes good. At least it does to him. But getting wasted the way the rest of the club is, with the notable exceptions of Kurt and Finn he notices, just not that interested. Rachel he can understand, she's never been drunk before so she wants to try it out. But he's pretty sure this isn't anything really new for the rest of them because when Artie suggests breaking open the locked liquor cabinet there's a chorus of agreement. So he's stuck with picking the lock because breaking it would pretty much alert Rachel's dads that a) she'd been drinking and b) that she'd had a party because Hiram and LeRoy weren't idiots thank you very much.

Then he hears the conversation Finn is having with Rachel, about the different types of drunks girls are. And Finn calls Rachel needy drunk which is total bullshit because really? Finn was the whiniest bitch when he was drinking and Rachel was only needy when the guy who claimed he loved her was treating her like shit one minute and an angel the next. So yeah, girl was drunk and confused and latching onto the guy who'd been leading her on for a year and a half. That didn't make her needy, it made her confused and who the fuck could blame her for that?

But Rachel isn't having any of Finn's shit and announces that they'll be playing spin the bottle. Puck nearly groaned but everyone else is into it and he makes a mental note to be sure the damn thing doesn't land on him when Rachel spins it or he might lose his mind. Kissing Rachel might be required by game rules but game rules don't take into account Frankenteen and his ever present malice towards anything that couples Rachel and Puck.

But he gets lucky, or unlucky depending on his mood at the time, which changes depending on how horny he is and how much time he's gotten to spend with Rachel that day, and the bottle lands on Blaine when Rachel spins it. And then he can't stop chortling because the look on Kurt's face is hilarious even if Kurt is his boy. And Rachel is grinning smugly like she just won a prize even if the guy she kissed was gay. Although from the drunk and confused look on Blaine's face he's not too sure about that.

Puck sighed, this was a disaster waiting to happen. But he waits until everyone else has cleared out and makes sure that Lauren is okay. She only lives two blocks away so she walks home with Mercedes who lives a few houses down from her and when Puck hangs up with Lauren he gets a call from Mercedes a few minutes later. Everyone has successfully avoided adults and gotten to their rooms even in their inebriated states.

Rachel was trying to stay upright, putting bottles in a garbage bag and he took it out of her hands carefully, "Angel you need to drink a ton of water, take some aspirin and get a lotta sleep." He told her gently. "I'll clean up."

She peered at him owlishly and blinked, "You're not drunk." Her voice was almost accusing and he grinned.

"Nope, last time I got drunk I tried to steal an ATM," He confessed cheerfully. "Figured I didn't wanna find out what I'd do this time, not after alla our hard work in straightenin' me out." He guided her to the couch and pulled a little notepad from his pocket writing down the types of booze her dads had and how much he'd need to get to replace what everyone had drunk. "And you, my hot little Jewish American Princess, are wasted enough for the both of us."

"I like you Noah," She told him with a smile. "Why did we break up?"

Puck grinned at her, when Finn wasn't around she wasn't a needy drunk, she was just a little introspective and cheery with it. "'Cause you were in love with Frankenteen and I was out of mind with guilt and scared about Quinn and the baby," He told her with a shrug figuring honesty at this point couldn't hurt him. "I didn't like lyin' to you about that. If we'd kept goin' out I woulda had to have told ya."

"You weren't going to break up with me," Rachel realized. "Why? I mean you said you were going to but you weren't really. Why wouldn't you?"

"Because I liked bein' your boyfriend even if you weren't in love with me," Puck smiled as he tucked the notebook back in his pocket and continued to clean up. "You were nice to me and it was fun to hang out with you. And you're a better kisser than any other girl I've ever been with." He tied off the bag and grabbed another one, snagging a bottle of water from the counter and handing it to her. "Get started drinkin' that so you're not dehydrated tomorrow."

"You told Lauren I was the best kisser, I thought you were teasing," Rachel mused with the solemnity only the truly tipsy could manage.

"I don't lie 'bout stuff like that," Puck shook his head as he threw trash in the bag. "I think this is about it," He looked around and grabbed a few more empty beer bottles and the wine cooler cartons, tossing them in the bag as well. "C'mon up an' I'll put this in the garbage in the garage," He suggested, "You're gonna need to sleep soon."

"Noah, will you stay with me?" Her voice was small but her eyes were huge.

"Angel, that ain't a good idea an' you know it," He took her hand and began guiding her up the stairs, carrying the trash in the other.

"I know," She sounded sad. "I just meant here, not in bed with me, but you know, you could sleep in the guestroom." Rachel shrugged as she watched him from the kitchen door while he tossed the garbage in the big Lima trash container.

"I'll have to check with my mom," Puck cautioned her as he pulled out his phone. "Bekah's too young to stay alone overnight ya know?" She nodded and Puck dialed his mom. The conversation was a little tricky but he managed to explain without really saying that someone from glee had gotten Rachel really drunk and her dads were out of town and he didn't feel right leaving her alone. Luckily his mom was okay with him staying over, provided he call her in the morning and let her know when he'd be home.

When he hung up the phone Rachel was looking at him hopefully, "You can stay?"

"Yeah," Puck nodded, "If I have to take off in the morning I'll leave you a note."

Which was how he ended up sleeping in her guestroom and waking up at the ungodly hour of six in the morning with Rachel being sick in her bathroom. He'd deliberately left her bedroom door open so he'd hear if she had any problems at night and he'd told her to sleep face down. Damned if he was letting Rachel Berry, future star of Broadway, asphyxiate on her own vomit.

Of course her being sick wasn't exactly a pleasure but when she'd gotten done throwing up she'd gotten a glass of water and rinsed her mouth and thanked him for staying. He could tell from her face that her head was killing her and she'd be feeling godawful for the rest of the weekend. "I'm gonna fix you somethin' to eat," He said in his quietest voice. "You'll feel better if you eat." Her moan of protest let him know that even the thought of food wasn't pleasant. "I know how it feels but if you don't eat it'll get worse. You gotta hydrate and eat and then you do your exercises 'cause your body needs to sweat out the poison."

"You're sure?" Rachel's trusting little face looked up at him.

"I ain't gonna lie, you drank way too much and you're gonna feel like shit for a coupla days still, but at least you won't be doin' damage to yourself." Puck put a hand on her forehead, at least she wasn't feverish. He couldn't be sure how much she'd had to drink but she was so damn tiny it wouldn't take much. "You have a shower and put on something else, I'll get started down in the kitchen."

The sun was far too bright, and the reflection of the light on the snow was like needles into her eyes. She'd done everything Puck had said to do and she still wanted to die two days after the party. Her sunglasses were undoubtedly inappropriate for the halls of McKinley but they were the only thing that made the amount of overwhelming brightness bearable.

She wasn't the only one apparently, Artie and Tina and Mercedes and Mike were all in similar states. Artie had a thermos and poured them each a cup. "Only thing that helps is hair of the dog," He said with a groan. Everyone else was sharing horror stories about their weekends, parents thinking they had the flu, that they'd caught it from the others in glee. Puck was the only one besides Finn who didn't look sick, and he was frowning as he saw the cup in her hand.

"Rache, what're you doin'?" He asked softly as she took books out of her locker. "That ain't gonna help."

"Artie said it would, and everyone else is drinking it too," Rachel shrugged knowing that wasn't a good enough reason. "I feel awful Noah, and if this helps then I'm willing to try anything."

"Okay," He sounded doubtful and he probably had good reason, "Just…lemme give you a ride home. I don't want you on the bus like this."

"I'll be fine," Rachel promised and forced her smile into place. "You don't have to look after me Noah, the others are in the same state and they're all doing well enough."

"Yeah," Puck was looking at her with a frown still. "Just try not to drink anymore a that stuff. Who knows what it'll do to your voice."

"I have no intention of overindulging as I did at the party," Rachel assured him. "This was only so I could function today. It would be irresponsible of me to not do everything I can to fulfill my responsibilities."

"Well that's good to hear I guess," Puck nodded slowly and began walking with her to class. "Did Kurt call you out over kissing his boyfriend?"

"He did point out to me that Blaine is gay and that the spark felt might have had to do with the alcohol and not an attraction," Rachel shrugged and winced as it moved her head too much. "Since I've never kissed Blaine sober I have no basis for comparison."

"Well that'll be an interesting day won't it," Puck grinned. "See ya in history." Rachel watched him stride away, easy movement as he slipped through the halls full of people as easily as a cat walked through grass. He was more graceful than anyone would think, more intelligent than he liked anyone to guess. She's lucky he let her in, but if she screws up, if she hurts him, she'll be shut out again, lost in the cold and dark and so will he. They need each other. And with a painful flash of insight Rachel realized that was part of their problem. They did need each other, and neither of them wanted to, neither of then wanted that weakness, the chink in the armor.

Rachel sighed and entered the classroom, thinking about this made her head hurt worse. Maybe the droning of Mrs. Wilson would ease her headache.

Puck was getting pissed with the whole situation. It was the middle of the week and they were performing the assembly number, or what they hoped would be the assembly number for Mr. Schuester and every single member of glee was drunk except him and maybe Finn. And Schuester was clueless as usual. Acting skills Puck's finely sculpted ass, the football player snorted.

And now Rachel of all people was saying that there was nothing long with drinking as long as someone sober was designated to drive. "Actually that ain't right," He said after the conversation had lulled.

"What isn't right," Rachel peered at him curiously.

"That alcohol ain't dangerous," Puck shrugged. "Bon Scott died in his sleep. He drank too much, and asphyxiated on his own vomit." At the blank looks of the girls and he elaborated, "He was the singer for AC/DC."

"But that's because he drank too much," Artie argued. "He drank so much he passed out."

"Yeah but he wasn't a kid either," Puck shot back. "Drinking actually helps kill brain cells. It's a depressant, slows your heart and erodes your liver because technically, alcohol is a poison."

"Poison?" Brittany was looking scared.

"Yeah," Puck looked at Mr. Schuester hoping for some backup but just got a blank look. Great, no help there, per the usual. "That's why you feel so awful after you drink, your body's tryin' to get rid of the junk you put in it. You drink alcohol instead of water and you get dehydrated. You sweat and throw up and you get even more dehydrated."

"But if you drink water to counteract the effects—" Mike was trying to argue now.

"You know our brains are still developing?" Puck interrupted him, "It's almost as bad for teenagers to drink as it is for pregnant women. Alcohol kills brain cells man, it destroys your personality, makes it hard to develop mental skills." He shook his head at how obtuse they were all being, another Rachel word, he nearly grinned, girl had a serious influence on him.

"How do you know all this shit anyway?" Santana demanded to know, "I've seen you get wasted for weeks at a time."

"Yeah, and I was blitzed out of my mind when I tried to steal an ATM, which is a cautionary tale if I've ever heard one," Puck snorted. "I used to drink a whole lot. Maybe that's part of why I'm screwed up. I dunno, but they made me talk about this shit in Juvie you know. That's what Juvie is, the last chance to rehabilitate screw-ups like me before we turn into adults that are worse."

"Oh," Mercedes blinked, "You never said."

"Yeah an' none a you except Rachel ever asked," Puck shrugged. "I mean I get it, I'm an ass. And ya'll probably figured Juvie was just the first step in a long screwed up career as a criminal for me so why not just ignore the whole thing. Didn't affect your lives since you got Sammy here to join Glee so why not just cut me off."

"Is that why you let Rachel drag you around your first day back?" Mike asked, "I remember thinkin' that was weird but I was a little…"

"She'd been sending me notes and assignments and tryin' to help me keep up with school," Puck shrugged. "Point is, I done the whole drinking as a career thing an' it don't do shit for you except screw up your life. An' sooner or later, having a designated driver won't be as important as getting drunk. Sooner or later nothin's as important as getting drunk, as forgettin' whatever it is that you want to get away from." He looked at Mr. Schuester and part of him wondered why their teacher wasn't the one sayin' all this. Why didn't Mr. Schue step up and explain just how far away from good life could get if you drank too much. "I stopped drinkin' to get drunk the day I realized I just might turn into my old man if I kept on." He looked at his friends and shook his head, "I gotta hit the books. Rache? You need a ride home? Lauren?"

"Please," Rachel nodded and looked at Lauren who echoed her movements, "Just let me grab my case."

"Meet ya at your locker," Lauren agreed and Puck watched them hurry out. He'd done his best but this wasn't going to end well, he could feel it.

"I'm never drinking again," Rachel said for the fourth time as she rinsed shampoo out of her hair yet again. She could hear Puck chuckling in her room and knew it was because she, typically, had to have something disturbing happen before she really understood why something wasn't a good idea. Case in point, Brittany and Santana projectile vomiting onto her, on stage at the assembly, in front of the entire school.

The only good thing to come out of the entire mess was Figgins didn't realize they were all drunk, he'd complimented them on their acting skills and given them coupons. "I'm serious about this, I'm never drinking again."

"I hear ya Rache," Puck's voice was amused. "But I'm pretty sure that havin' a glass a wine with your dads won't hurtle you into the throes of teenage alcoholism."

Rachel groaned as her stomach tilted at the very thought of drinking anything that was fermented, "Just the thought makes me feel ill." She told him as she turned off the shower and began to wrap her hair up in the towel. "Hopefully I'll get over that sooner or later," She said dryly.

"So ain't this the day you're gonna meet Blaine and kiss him while you're both sober?" Puck asked loudly. Rachel was glad he'd changed the subject but maybe he could have picked something less embarrassing for the new topic.

"Yes, I'm meeting him for coffee, would you like to come witness the encounter?" She threw her second towel in the hamper and pulled on her clothes, finally unwrapping her hair and pulling a comb through it.

"Huh, play Call of Duty with Mike and Artie or watch you kiss another guy," Puck was musing as she opened the door. "Gee… lemme think…"

"Ha ha," Rachel rolled her eyes. "While it would be nice to be found attractive by another male I think Kurt would kill me if Blaine actually found me attractive."

"Male Diva really is a little scary sometimes," Puck grinned from his position sprawled on her bed. "You need a ride there?"

"No, Daddy left me his car," Rachel shook her head. "He always does that but I don't dare drive it to school."

"Why not? It's a kickass car," Puck frowned.

"Exactly, and if everyone at school found out I was driving it they'd trash it in a second," Rachel shook her head. She loved driving her Daddy's car. It was a gorgeous restored sixty-eight Impala and it was as Puck said, completely kickass. "I love that car, more importantly, Daddy loves that car and I won't have something happen to it."

"That sucks," Puck scowled, "But sometimes I like that you don't drive it. Makes me feel useful that I can take you home."

"Well until I'm suddenly popular enough for it to be safe you'll be useful for quite a while yet," Rachel shrugged. "I've got to study this weekend, do you think you and Artie will want to work on Algebra?"

"Yeah, test next week so we gotta hit the books pretty hard," Puck agreed. "I'd better get goin', still gotta pick up Bekah."

Rachel nodded her understanding, telling him to give his family her love, watched him get into his truck and drive away. "I have got to get over this idiotic thing with Finn," She scowled, aware that talking to herself was not an indication of mental stability. "I'm halfway in love with my best friend and he's…perfect and not and if I don't get my head straight I'm going to screw this up."

Shaking her head over her own idiocy she began to plan out her outfit to wear for coffee.

TBC

Author's Note: I know this is a very short chapter. Sorry about that folks. I wrote this story sort of backwards and now I'm trying to fix some timing issues with the later chapters because the timeline I originally wrote doesn't work. Some things need to be rearranged and wording changed, that sort of thing. We're still on track but I spent a lot of time on that this week and not a lot of time getting the first part of the story divided up. Hopefully another chapter before Christmas.