9 We Pay a Price in Pain

'We all know how this ends, I get Finn and your heart gets broken,' Quinn's words echoed in her ears as Rachel numbly pulled her pink case along the hallway towards the doors. Her phone was ringing, it was Noah's ringtone. She couldn't ignore Noah, what if he needed her help with something. Taking a shaky breath Rachel hit the button to answer but couldn't force her voice to cooperate completely. "He-llo Noah," She hated how her voice broke.

"Rache? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Puck's voice was immediately concerned.

"Nothing really," Rachel lied and shook her head. He'd know she was lying, he always knew.

"You sound like you're cryin' Rache, that ain't nothin'," Puck contradicted her. "Where are you?"

"I'm getting ready to get on the bus," Rachel was truthful this time. "I'm going home for the day."

"I'll meet you at your house," Puck's voice sounded like iron.

"No," Rachel shook her head as she boarded the bus and took a seat just inside the doors. "No give me some time, come over…around five. I want to work on something." She took a deep breath, "I'll need you when I'm done with it."

"All right Rachel, five o'clock an' if you don't come to the door I'll break it down," Puck warned her.

"I promise," She told him taking a deep breath. "I'll see you at five."

"All right," He was reluctant, she could tell but he let her say good-bye, reiterating his insistence that he would see her that evening. Rachel pulled out a pad of paper and began to write. She almost didn't notice when the bus stopped at her corner. Scrambling to get off the bus took a moment, then she had to walk to her house, fumble with her keys to get in, and drag her things up to her room.

Sitting on the bed she continued to write, cross-legged and bent over the pad of paper, vividly aware of Quinn's words echoing in her head. Tears dripped on the paper and she brushed them away impatiently. When would it be her turn? When would she get all of this right? When would she be over Finn? When would she be brave enough to tell Noah what she thought she was feeling for him? When would she get love right?

Finally she thought she had the words, and the melody was simplistic but it would do for a start. The keyboard would serve as the main melody… Rachel booted up her laptop and tapped the keys impatiently, software searches, music programs, guitar chords, strings, drums. Finally she had something rough, it was...well it would do for now. Pounding…very loud pounding. Rachel looked at the clock and squeaked in dismay, almost quarter after five; Noah would be losing his mind. And her phone was beeping and buzzing with calls and texts.

She almost skidded on the tile entryway in her socks, abusing her grief sore vocal cords by shouting that she was coming. "Noah," She jerked the door open and shivered slightly in the cold. "I—"

He stepped in, guitar strapped over his back, hazel eyes dark with worry, and shut the door behind him, "Past five Rache," He said quietly. "Had me worried."

She nodded and took his hand, sliding one arm around his waist in a half hug, "I'm sorry, I was working on something and didn't even notice the time; I barely heard the door."

His arms came around her in a tight embrace, his lips against the skin below her ear, "Next time I'm gonna just break in." Puck warned her as he lifted her into his embrace, "I don't like bein' scared Rache."

"I know," Rachel sighed, part of her felt so content in his arms. "Come and see what had me so distracted."

Puck had known that whatever upset Rachel hadn't been anything Finn had done directly. He'd lay even money on Quinn being responsible though, since she'd made a point of saying she wanted to work with Rachel. He knew how Quinn's mind worked, she liked to keep an eye on the competition and it was coming up on prom season. He'd been suspicious but it wasn't like he could control Rachel or Quinn. Trying to manipulate either one of those girls generally just got him a lecture from one or a screeching fit from the other. At least Rachel spared his ears the volume if only out of respect for her own voice.

So maybe he'd shown up at Rachel's house and he'd been knocking on the door at five on the dot. And maybe when she didn't answer in her obsessively prompt and hostessingly polite way he'd started to blow up her phone and pound on the door for the next fifteen minutes. So sue him, he didn't like that Rachel had been crying on the phone and he really didn't like that he couldn't go and deck the cause of it. So acting like an idiot at her front door was the only thing he could really do. And when she finally opened the door, tears still streaking her face, the only thing he wanted to do was make her feel better. And then she let him wrap her up in his arms, bury his face in her hair and keep her tight against him so he was between her and whatever came at them.

Finally though she recalled enough of her brain to remember why she'd said he could come over. She would need his help she'd told him on the phone. Following her up to her room Puck couldn't help wondering, "So I'm guessin' the help you're gonna want ain't a ride on the Puckerman train?"

Her giggle at his deliberately salacious tone was like a balm, "As lovely as your offer is Noah, I need your musical abilities." She pushed open the door to her room and he blinked at the mess.

"Babe, it legit looks like a music shop exploded in here," He bent to pick up a page. "Whatcha been doin'?"

"Writing a song," Rachel took a deep breath before she turned to face him. "And I need you to help me with the music."

Puck blinked, "But music is like, your wheelhouse Rache." He was confused. It wasn't a new feeling and confused around Rachel definitely was nothing novel but it wasn't normally about music.

"Well I've got the basic tune," Rachel took the page from his hand, wrinkled her nose at it and tossed it aside leading him towards the computer. "It's building around it that I have trouble with."

"Okay let's hear it," Puck sat when she pushed him gently into the chair, setting his guitar against the desk.

"I think the lyrics are fairly solid but want your opinion over all," Rachel was twisting her hands the way she did when she was nervous as hell and didn't want anyone to know. Puck watched as she stood behind her little electronic keyboard and put her hands on the ivory keys. A simple tune emerged from beneath her fingers and then her voice joined in.

Puck couldn't help it, he knew he was staring, but what he was hearing was beyond anything he'd ever be able to write. The words were simple but heartfelt and fraught with meaning, the ache everyone feels when life goes wrong resounding through the music. Regret and pain filled her words and echoed through her voice. Finally she was done and looking at him expectantly. He had to take a deep breath and clear his throat before he trusted himself to speak.

"That was...fuckin' amazin' Rache," He told her. "I love it. Knew you could do it. Always knew you had something amazin' inside you," Puck looked at the computer and then at the keyboard she was still standing behind. "What got you started?"

"A few home truths courtesy of Quinn Fabray," Rachel sighed, "Basically she told me that she'd get Finn and I'd get my heart broken and I should just give up now." She shrugged, "It wasn't anything I hadn't already figured out, it was more that she... well she said it as if I wasn't..."

"She said it as if that's how it always would be, as if you never had a chance, as if he never loved you," Puck said shrewdly. "Quinn's real good at finding the soft spot and stickin' a needle right in the heart of it. She told me when I was tryin' to step up and help with Beth that I was a Lima Loser and she'd go to her grave swearing Finn was the father even if the baby came out with a mohawk."

"I..." Rachel shook her head, "Sometimes I really don't like her." She said finally, "And I hate that anytime I was with him he was always comparing me to her."

"There ain't any comparison," Puck shook his head and pushed up from the chair, moving to wrap his arms around her again. "You're my hot little Jewish American Princess and you're worth ten of that icy bitch."

"And you're worth twelve of Finn," Rachel told him from within his embrace. "You've been such a good friend to me Noah, I don't know what I would have done without you these past few months."

"You'd a survived, you always do," Puck grinned down at her. "And it ain't like I'm sufferin' in your company ya know. You help me a lot, keep me from doin' stupid shit and you an' Artie are huge with helpin' me keep my grades up."

"Well I think we're just good for each other," Rachel told him and Puck could feel his grin spread wider. "But I still need your help with the other instruments," She let go of him and moved towards the computer. "I want guitar and I was thinking maybe cello but I'm not sure."

"Can you simulate instruments on that thing?" Puck nodded at her laptop as he grabbed his guitar. When she nodded Puck shrugged, "So let's mess around with some stuff. We got a coupla hours until your dads come home right?"

"They'll be here by seven for certain," Rachel nodded. "Can you stay for dinner? We could work some more on the song afterwards if you have time."

"Yeah," Puck nodded studying the musical notes she'd put up on the laptop screen. "If your dad's don't mind, I'll have to call ma though."

"I'll call her and let her know," Rachel smiled. "Daddy loves having you here, and Dad will be overjoyed that he'll have someone to eat eggrolls with."

"Don't know how LeRoy can't stand eggrolls," Puck rolled his eyes. "He don't know what he's missin'." He turned to watch as she set up the recorder so nothing would be lost. "Hey Rachel?"

"Yes," She was busy loading more paper into her printer now and didn't look at him.

"Just wanted to tell ya," Puck offered her a smile when she looked at him, "I'm proud a what you're doin'. I'm real proud a you." She was amazing to him; he still couldn't believe how powerful her song was. He couldn't wait to hear her sing it in front of all those haters in glee who'd said she couldn't write. "You're gonna make sure we win with this song."

"I couldn't do this without you," Rachel smiled. "If you didn't believe in me Noah, I would never have had the courage to do this."

Puck picked up his guitar and pulled up the little hassock she used for her vanity, "Well then let's get this party started." Her giggle as she took a seat and began to work on her laptop was like music. Taking a deep breath and Puck let himself have one last thought of waking up with Rachel in his arms before he got down to business.

He'd been right, the rest of the group had been stunned by Rachel's song. Even Mr. Schuester had to concede that Rachel had written something that was sure to help them win. Now they just had to write something else for the group. Puck grinned, he'd already written a completely insane rock ballad for Lauren, totally inappropriate for the competition but it had been funny as hell. Santana had nearly given Sam a heart attack he'd been so embarrassed by her song. And Mercedes had written something that was pretty powerful but it wasn't an anthem so much as a personal theme. They needed something better.

Then everyone started talking about Sue Sylvester and all the things she'd done to them. She'd filled Brittany and Santana's lockers with dirt. She'd thrown twigs at Mercedes and Tina and she was constantly telling all of they were losers. Rachel shook her head as she played around at the piano, "When we're all stars the only time Sue will ever see us is when we pass her on the street," She remarked. "I mean really, when you think about it, every musician has been through this. Pink wasn't popular at her high school. Gwen Stefani wrote one of her biggest hits after her boyfriend dumped her and they were still in the same band. And look at Bruno Mars, he was busking, singing on street corners before he got a break."

"So even though we're zeros now..." Puck began to scribble something and looked at Rachel and then at Mercedes and Santana. "We're gonna be somebody someday." He motioned for the other two girls to come over to the piano where he was still writing. "How about this?"

"Good start," Mercedes nodded and Puck grinned and the black diva sang the line, "Yeah you may think that I'm a zero, but hey everyone you wanna be probably started out like me."

Rachel squeaked and hurriedly hit the button on her recorder before she scribbled down the melody Mercedes had sung, "You may say that I'm a freak show," She added a bit breathlessly.

Santana nearly laughed, "I don't care." She sang.

Puck nodded his agreement and began to write some more. "Gimme just a little time, betcha gonna change your mind." He muttered and frowned down at the words. "Uh...little help here?"

"Oh, she throws dirt at us," Rachel grinned and sang to Santana, "All of the dirt you been throwing my way..."

"It ain't so hard to take," Santana chuckled. "Cause I know one day you'll be screamin' my name.

"And I'll just look away." Mercedes added.

Puck grinned and like a smack to the back of his head got the chorus in one flash. Holding up his hand to shut everyone up he scribbled it down. "Okay," He took a deep breath. "Got the chorus I think," He pulled out some more paper. "Rache you're still recordin' this?"

"Yes Noah," Rachel nodded seriously. "When we're all famous this will be very valuable," She grinned at the other two girls. "Next verse?"

"Hmm..." Mercedes tilted her head, "No I got nothin'." She admitted.

"Oh," Rachel tilted her head and sang almost shyly, "Push me up against a locker, all I do is shake it off. I'll get you back when I'm your boss." She looked at them hopefully.

"Yes," Santana grinned, "I'm not thinkin' 'bout you haters. 'Cause I could be a superstar."

"I'll see you when you wash my car," Mercedes added with a laugh. And they were off again.

Puck grinned as Artie rolled up to them and looked at the music Puck was writing on the bench next to Rachel and up at the two girls. "You know you guys have been here for a couple of hours now?" He said as he read the lyrics. "But damn, this is good."

"We're stuck for a bridge," Puck admitted. "We need something to break the song up a bit but I got nothin'."

Santana and Mercedes nodded, "Rachel and Puck have been working the music and lyrics, gettin' 'em smoother." Mercedes explained. "Me and San aren't gettin' anywhere with the bridge."

"Santana, you and Mercedes have both done cheers," Rachel said slowly, "What about something with...an almost violent rhythm, a call to arms or something." She tilted her head and looked at Artie thoughtfully. "Remember when we were at the coffee shop and those hockey people spilled coffee all over my sweater and skirt? The girl behind the counter put her hand up like an L on her forehead."

"Something with the L for loser?" Santana was mulling that one over and Puck grinned, get Santana to think of a cheer and they were set, "That could work," The Latina said slowly. "Make it like a cross between a cheer and rap."

"You'll need to change up the tempo some but it could work," Puck nodded and watched as Santana grabbed a sheet of paper and began scribbling out lines almost too fast to write them down finally handing the pages to he and Rachel.

Artie nodded and Puck looked at him, "You're our resident rapper, whadda ya think?"

"Little... long for bridge, but break it down to basics," Artie nodded, "The idea is there, it's just gettin'..."

"Too many words," Rachel interrupted them crisply. "Santana is a great writer, her papers are so interesting to read," She was talking as she crossed out words, compressed lines, "But you're used to having pages to express your ideas." She looked up at the ex-Cheerio for a moment as she worked. "This is more like poetry, you have to work within a frame...use words sparingly and chose them carefully. In songs you don't have the luxury of space." Puck watched Rachel grin as she broke down the long verse Santana had written and found the essentials of the idea.

"When have you read my papers?" Santana wanted to know, "I know you don't cheat off me."

"Of course not," Rachel shook her head and began to write out the bridge again on a clean page, "Sometimes I get bored during English lit so Mr. Benoit gives me papers and I look for grammatical errors. I don't grade them or anything, I just circle things in red for him so he can decide if there's really anything wrong. Good writing doesn't always follow grammatical rules."

"He pay you at all?" Santana wanted to know, "'Cause he's got you doin' his job for him."

"I get five percent of my grade as extra credit," Rachel shrugged and handed the page back. "See how that works," She suggested and Puck had to hide his grin. Only Rachel could simultaneously impress, irritate and please Santana.

"This...is good," Santana nodded. "It's what I was trying to say...I just couldn't..."

"You're not used to writing songs," Rachel shrugged. "Eventually you'll get used to it."

"Well let's hear it," Artie demanded excitedly.

"Still needs some work," Puck shook his head. "But I think by tomorrow," He looked at the girls. "We're gonna need more than just the bare bones. Gotta put in other instruments and shit like me an' Rache did for hers."

"I can help with that," Artie offered, "The AV room has plenty of equipment."

"Or you could all come to my house," Rachel offered. "That's where Noah and I worked on mine," She smiled teasingly at Artie and Puck. "Daddy has stew in the crock pot," She tempted them. "And Dad is making cornbread to go with it."

"Hell for LeRoy's stew I'll drive to Cincinnati," Puck grinned. "If I drive you home can I stay?" He looked at the girls, "No lie, LeRoy makes the best stew. An' you haven't lived 'til you've tasted Hiram's cornbread."

Artie nodded, "I'm in for sure." He agreed, with a look of greed on his thin face. "Better call your daddy and tell him to add a few more cups of water to the stew Rache."

Puck watched as Rachel laughed and shook her head, "He always makes too much anyway." She protested.

"I'm in," Santana nodded suddenly. Puck cast a slightly wary eye at her and was relieved to see the ex-Cheerio didn't have a calculating look on her face.

"I can't," Mercedes sighed. "I promised Kurt I'd have dinner with him and Blaine."

"We'll run everything by you tomorrow then," Puck suggested. "Let's all get here early and we can go over it one last time before we give it to the group."

Rachel watched a bit warily as Santana looked around the living room of her house, "Would you like something to drink?" She asked finally, "Daddy keeps soda for Noah and Artie."

"Just water is good," Santana was examining the wall of photos, pictures of Rachel at various ages with one or both of her dads. "Where'd Puck an' Artie disappear to?"

"Noah is usually hungry when he gets here, so he's probably in the kitchen raiding the fridge," Rachel smiled a bit at how at home Puck was in her house. "Artie's probably with him." She twisted her fingers together nervously and tried to stop fidgeting. "The pictures aren't that interesting Santana," She pointed out finally.

"I guess I just don't remember you ever bein' little," Santana pointed at a school picture with about twenty other students, "I don't remember you from grade school."

Rachel shrugged, "I was always busy with voice and dance and classes after school. And in school..." She shook her head. "You were busy with your life. I was busy with mine. That's how it's always been."

"Huh," Santana was clearly thinking about something, "Puckerman's sitting right next to you in this picture."

"Yes," Rachel couldn't help smiling. "Noah and I always stuck together because apart from Jacob Ben Israel we were the only two Jewish children in the class and Jacob would never leave me alone. Noah would hold my hand and sit next to me so Jacob would think Noah was my boyfriend. I'd give him half of my cookie each day because sometimes the other boys made fun of him for being friends with a girl."

"Yeah, I remember Puck had a rep for being a ladies man goin' into junior high," Santana chuckled.

"Well deserved," Puck said carelessly as he and Artie entered the living room. "Problem is Rache spoiled me for all other girls," He remarked teasingly. "Only official girlfriend I've ever had."

"Rache is a tough act to follow," Artie chuckled and Rachel could feel herself blushing. Thankfully Artie didn't continue that line of conversation, "So let's get goin' on this."

Rachel nodded, "I'll go get my laptop," She hurried out of the room. Santana was just...unsettling, she decided as she picked up the computer, the recorder and made sure the cord was wrapped up. The last thing she needed was to trip over the power cord as she walked down the stairs.

By the time she'd returned Santana had lost interest in the pictures and had removed the violin from its case on the shelf. "Hey Berry, who plays?" The Latina asked curiously.

Rachel shook her head, "Oh," She shrugged, "I took lessons for a while."

"Yeah?" Artie grinned, "That's cool."

Rachel shrugged and began to set up the laptop, there was no way she was going to tell them why she played the violin or what music she favored when she did play. Noah wouldn't laugh but the other two, she wasn't sure. "So since this is more... bouncy I was thinking definitely drums, a bass and guitar, like a traditional rock band."

"I think that's a good start," Artie nodded his agreement. "When'll your dads be home?"

"We've got a couple of hours," Rachel looked at the clock. "Daddy was in federal court today so he has a longer drive. Dad will probably make it home a half hour before him."

"We can do this," Puck told her with a grin that made her stomach twist in pleasure. "Hardest part's done."

"Yeah," Santana grinned suddenly. "We're gonna blow them away at Regionals."

TBC

Author's Note: So I never heard specifically who wrote Loser Like Me but I thought the people who actually wrote their own original songs for the episode would be appropriate song writers. Trouty Mouth, Big Ass Heart and Hell To the No weren't great but they were attempts which was more than the rest of the club made.

I hope you guys like this chapter, it took me a while to write it because I really wasn't sure how far to go. But I also wanted to introduce Santana to Rachel's home life, for her to see just how much more there is to Rachel than the 'diva'. So we have a start of that here. I'd love to hear what you guys think.

The title of the chapter comes from something I wrote which can be found on my Deviant art page if you're interested. And please take a moment to look at/take the poll on my profile page. I'd love to get feed back from all of you. You've been hugely supportive of this story and others and I really appreciate all the reviews and support.