Warning: AU –Second World War
M-Rated!Contains coarse language, violent imaginary related to the context of war, and sex.
I do not own South Park. I do not own anything. I wish I was that f* genius!
Kyle lost track of time.
He counted the days in the beginning, when he still took the trouble of discerning the alternations between light and darkness around the small breach. But he quickly gave up. He simply didn't see the sense of doing it anymore. He didn't see the purpose of keeping track of time in a place where time didn't even exist. In a place where night was all that was.
Sometimes he received food. Kyle ate, not so much because he longed to survive, but because his hungry belly hurt so badly. Sometimes he walked. No so much because he needed the distraction, but because his whole body started aching from being too long in the same position. The floor and walls were cold and hard, so his muscles and bones were quickly sore.
Sometimes he sung or talked alone. Listening to his own voice gave the weak illusion of company and it helped him feel less lonely. Because he needed to break the unsupportable silence. Sometimes he laughed. The strange sound would fill the four walls when he saw the irony and absurdity of reality. Being born only to die. Fighting always to lose. Resisting always to fail. Hoping always to despair. And as he laughed, he could sense he was becoming just a little bit mad.
Sometimes he screamed of anger and frustration. He scolded loudly to an imaginary Herr Cartman. "You saved my life. So what?!" Kyle would yell at the ghost of the fat Nazi. "Did you get me out of this dark cell? Did you give me anything to make my life a little bit easier? Did you help my family? Did you ever do anything to help me, anyway?!" Kyle shouted while he gesticulated his arms wildly in the air. The hazy figure of Herr Cartman would stare back at him blankly never giving him an answer.
Kyle had been first grateful for Herr Cartman's choice in keeping him alive. Now he regretted it immensely. Because he was now sure that being alive in this continuous dark, cold and filthy room was much worse than being dead. Kyle knew he was slowly losing it. He knew he was becoming more depressed day by day. It was like if any happy thought he ever had was swallowed up by the darkness around him. Like if things that once had given him hope had never existed. He felt like he was embracing darkness and merging with it. He could feel himself feed from grief, desire misery, long for gloom.
He banned God from his life. He lost his father. Ike and his mother could as well be dead, he wouldn't even know. He would never see Stan again. He would never see light again. He would never breathe fresh air again. Breathe the scent of wet grass after the rain. He would never know freedom again, what it was to feel safe, what it felt to be happy. Because, after living for an undetermined time in that dark room, Kyle had lost all hope for ever coming out of it again.
But one day the door opened.
Kyle sat on the floor, his back pressed against the wall. He didn't even bother to move. He didn't even bother to look at the person entering the room. He already knew who it was.
"Stand up, Jew. You are free to leave." Herr Cartman coldly spoke, white he stood opposite Kyle. He had decided 6 days was enough penitence for the crime the Jew had committed. Long enough not to raise any suspicions from his fellow Nazi's. At least they didn't seem to judge his choice of torture above death. The fat Nazi furrowed his brow confused at the prisoner's non-reaction. "Don't you want to get out of this forsaken room?"
"What's the sense?" Kyle asked with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why even bother?"
"You make life too difficult for yourself." The fat Nazi said coolly, a hint of disapproval and annoyance present in his voice.
He took a better look at the boy sitting on the floor. This Jew was nothing like the boy he once met at the work field. He looked even less like the boy that once played the violin at his home. He was different. Something had changed. Kyle looked more like a defeated wild animal. One that had fought so strongly and so tiredly for a long time, endlessly. But it had no more energy left to fight back. Kyle was like the tall tree that, for many years, tirelessly resisted the violence of the strong river currents. Until it finally became too weak to hold on any longer and simply broke. "Why don't you go with the flow just like the others?" Herr Cartman sincerely asked. He stared shocked when a bitter mad laughter filled the dark space. The Nazi was silenced. He was too shocked, too horrified with the unfamiliar sound. With the amount of insanity in it. Slowly, Kyle's laughter died out. The he paused and sighed deeply.
"Go with the flow?" Kyle murmured with a bitter amused grin.
He stood up and, for the very first time, dared to look into the Nazi's eyes at free will. A daring action that deserved a bullet in the head. Herr Cartman swallowed dry wondering if that was what Kyle wanted. Because this time his darkened eyes were dull. There lived a scary abysmal void in them. The green orbs were deprived, as usual, of fear but also of hatred, determination and strength. They were empty from the things he was used to see in them. Empty and weary of any kind of emotion. Herr Cartman realized resentfully that all he ever did was try to break Kyle. And now that the redhead was finally broken, he found no kind of satisfaction in it. "Let me tell you what happened when I went with the flow, Herr Cartman."
Kyle spoke with venom, his voice shaky, his eyes watering, hurt filling them completely. "It led me to hard unbearable work. It led me to dead bodies... It led me to a passionate night I wished had never happened!" He regretfully confessed, his voice tainted by hurt and the Nazi wished he could free himself from that powerful accusing gaze. "Why go with the flow anyway? It only delays the inevitable." Kyle took a step back creating some space between them. "This whole place is one big waiting room!" He raised his voice and stretched his arms, making the point. "A waiting room for death! Because if I don't die here, I will be sent to some camp in Poland and be gassed to death!" Kyle's last words echoed in the dark room and Herr Cartman was glad he had come in the evening and having already sent the remaining sentinels to rest. "It's a really sick plan, Herr Cartman. As sick as this strange idea of a superior race…" He cut his own words and fought back a sob. It was painful. All what he said was painful. Because it was all true.
He turned to face the mute Nazi and gave him a disgusted look. "Tell me, Herr Cartman…" Kyle whispered, his eyes glued on the SS's. "How come the organs inside your body work the same way as mine? How come if you cut yourself, blood will spill out as red as mine? Tell me, will your superior race prevent you from dying?" Kyle asked revolted, while tears simply fell freely from his eyes. He gave up hiding his emotions. He gave up fighting. He gave up pretending not to feel. And all this was revealed by his pained watery eyes. And all this took the air from the Nazi's lungs. All this made the SS's heartbeat stop, the blood in his veins freeze. All this made his soul crack and bleed. But unlike Kyle, Herr Cartman hid it and pretended he didn't feel anything. Kyle looked at him frustrated. Hurt, disappointed, revolted. Because he felt he was crumbling disgracefully in front of a massive unclimbable mountain.
"You are not different than me, Herr Cartman! We are both humans! We are the same! Because when it comes to death you will rotten as much as I will. As anybody else! Because death is equal to everybody!" Kyle screamed as a strange pain pierced his heart. He screamed in the faint hope his words would somehow reach the Nazi's heart. Would somehow make him feel even the faintest hint of the pain he was suffering. But there was no reaction. So he gave up and slowly let himself slip down with his back against the wall until he sat on the floor. Kyle felt absolutely defeated. "All ever I wanted was to have a normal happy life. And you Nazis took it away." Kyle whispered sadly and allowed the sobs to come out freely. He put his hands in front of his face and cried miserably, slowly bending forwards and curling into a ball.
Herr Cartman stood in the same spot since he entered the room. He wore the same cold expression since he came in. He was motionless. He was wordless. It was seldom when Herr Cartman didn't know what to do or say, but so rare was this moment. The Nazi stared regretfully at the weeping Jew. This was what he had dreamed for so long. To see that fearless and strong minded redhead finally break down. To see this creature of an inferior race surrender in defeat. To savor his sad salty tears and the hurtful sound his sobs created. He dreamed about this day for so long and it should give him satisfaction. Instead, the dream transformed itself into a horrible nightmare. It was seldom when Herr Cartman felt bad for the consequences of his own actions. Seldom when somebody's feelings affected his own. But so rare was this moment. And so, Herr Cartman, the prodigy Nazi child, the monster of Dachau, stood helpless in front of a broken Jew. He couldn't do nothing but listen to the sorrowful weeping of this one boy who had become too tired to be strong. Too tired to fight back. And this all was too painful to witness.
Slowly, the tears dried off, the sobs subsided and the painful sadness diminished. Kyle became gradually quieter until he was completely silent. Herr Cartman almost sighed of relieve. He cleared his throat and the Jew was reminded of the Nazi's presence in the room. He had been so immersed in his own sorrow, he actually had forgotten he was not alone. And suddenly he realized he had wept in front of his nemesis. He had behaved in a humiliating manner. So he froze while he felt the blood burn his face. The Nazi had cleared his throat. Any moment now a commando would come. But nothing was said. Herr Cartman opened and closed his mouth several times, having no idea what to say. Kyle slowly lifted his eyes to see what was happening. And the Nazi caught the glimpse of green staring back at him. Kyle's eyes were puffed, red and tired. But also curious, expectant and, strangely, filled with a new life. Like if the weeping was needed to renew his forces.
"Your sentence for causing disorder during the selection has ended." Herr Cartman said with a stern and strong voice, which surprised himself. "You have remained long enough in the Dark Room. Follow me, Jew." This time Kyle obeyed and slowly got up. He stared warily from the door back to the Nazi, not truly believing he was being allowed to leave his cell. "Come on! I don't have all day!" Herr Cartman gestured to the door and the red haired boy again obeyed.
Kyle followed Herr Cartman along the white walls of the building's corridor. There was nobody else to be seen. No words were switched so the only sound to be heard in the lonely building were the heavy steps of the Nazi and the sloppy ones of the Jew. They stepped outside and Kyle was greeted by darkness again. But this time, it was a darkness he was familiar with. He smiled involuntarily when he saw the shiny stars against a black background and a crescent moon hanging in the dark abode. They walked a long while in silence until the Jew could discern small lights in the barracks area. His heartbeat grew faster at the hope he would see his little brother again. They reached D34 barrack and Herr Cartman greeted the guard standing in front of it. He gave him a paper and Kyle was almost forcefully pushed inside the wooden construction. He glanced subtly in the fat Nazi's direction and Herr Cartman couldn't quite make out what this look meant. Hatred, gratitude, regret? He turned his back and walked away. Away of those haunting eyes.
…
Everybody grew silent the moment the young Jew entered the common room. Most of them from pure surprise, because they had deduced the boy had been killed days ago. Many shocked to see his paler face and darkened eye socks. Some felt compassion. Some stared with despise. Like if he was some contagious disease that would infect them.
"You're back!" A dark haired child happily chirped when Kyle entered the common room and jumped to hug him. Kyle laughed genuinely happy and held his brother tight.
"Kyle?" The red haired boy lifted his eyes wide with surprise and unbelief. That voice. It could not be. It was simply impossible. But then, there he stood, Gerald Broflovski, his father. In flesh and bone, alive, safe and sound.
"Dad?" Kyle asked with tears in the corner of his eyes. His heart wanted to burst from crude joy. "Dad, how?" Kyle murmured confused, a wondering smile on his lips, his green eyes glinting from the jubilant emotion. But Mr. Broflovski didn't answer. Instead he gently cupped his son's face, smiled and kissed him tenderly in both cheeks. He carefully put his arms around his son's back, like if he was afraid of breaking him and Kyle started laughing and crying at the same time. "I thought you were dead!" He managed to say between his sobs.
"I thought I had lost you too, my boy. My dear precious son." His father said, pressing his check against the red curls. "I thought that horrible Nazi had killed you." Kyle's eyes shot open at his father's confession and suddenly realized. Herr Cartman. Had it all been a play? Had the Nazi for some strange reason saved both their lives?
"I-I was imprisoned…But dad, how did you escape?" Kyle asked, looking even paler than he already was. His heart was beating in a furious pace, a strange tingling spreading through his body. His father's eyes searched the faces in the room and then he looked gravely at his son.
"You look tired, Kyle. Come. You too Ike." He said and Kyle instantly knew his father wanted to talk in a more private place. Even though the dormitory was shared by all men from D34, it was the most private place they could find. Gerald Broflovski gestured his sons to lay down. Ike wrapped his arms around his brother's body and Kyle smiled, having forgotten how great it felt to feel this kind of warmth, this amount of unconditional love. His father sat on the bed's side and leaned a bit over, so he could whisper small secrets. "After you were taken, Herr Cartman entered the pitch to reorganize the divided groups. In the middle of the confusion, he pulled me out of the line I was in and pushed into the other one… I'm not sure, Kyle. But I'm almost certain it was a purposed mistake, if you know what I mean."
"H-He…saved you?" Kyle's voice was almost inaudible, filled with shock.
"Just like he saved you." His father said with a knowing look. "Mind telling me why?" Kyle felt all the blood leave his face and then rush back to it immediately. The steamy erotic images of his intimate moments with the Nazi instantly popped in his mind. He hoped his father didn't notice the fire on his cheeks. Just like he hoped he didn't notice his nervousness.
"I wouldn't know." Kyle lied and his words tasted like ash in his mouth.
"Of course not." His father said after a second of hesitation and Kyle swallowed dry. Mr. Broflovski knew his son had lied. And Kyle swallowed dryly knowing, sooner or later, his father would confront him and force the truth out of him. Kyle knew his dad this well. "You must be tired. Tomorrow will be another day of hard work. Better get some sleep now." Gerald Broflovski said while he caressed his boys' hair and planted a kiss on their foreheads.
Kyle closed his eyes and smiled wearily. Maybe there was a God after all. Maybe He had listened to his pleas. Maybe Herr Cartman was not such a monster after all. Maybe there was a human being living under that cold gaze. And maybe, just maybe, what happened that night had been a little bit more than just a physical thing.
A/N
Broken Inside is a song from the band Broken Iris